To all you moms of adults/older teens...

How in the world did you handle the roller coaster ride?????
One minute you are the greatest, and then the next..."you suck and are ruining my life!" :roll:

I am finding the ride a bit tiring lately. I am an emotional/sensitive person and I think my biggest trial with my teen right now is how do you not take the things they say personally? I am trying to make my dd realize that, the things she says DO matter and have a power to hurt people. She always claims..."I didn't mean it, I was just mad"... I tell her it's wrong, no matter how you are feeling. She gets disciplined, but she doesn't seem to care. We are on a one way street here because, she can do it, but the world ends if anyone says anything "mean" to her. Frankly she is just plain selfish, and I am not sure if our teachings are sinking in.
Help for the mom of a 15 year old "brat"!!!!

Well Traci, I can't give advice, but I can tell you I'm right there with you!!
My 14yr old dd, is very selfish at times, and says some very hateful things too. It seems to be par for the course. We can go for days and get along great, then I tell her no about something and it's all over with.
Don't give up though, they eventually get it!! I have faith in that!! We have to stand firm in what we believe in!!!!!! Someday they will realize how right Mom was!! I'll be praying for you my sister!!!!!

Big hug dear sister. :) You can take courage that more of what you tell them is getting in than your realize. They have to find their own way of making their faith real to them. It has to become their faith.

I, too, struggle at times trying not to take personally comments made by my teens. I now have three(almost 18, 16, 13) and the fourth will be 12 in October...so he's close. It takes awhile getting used to them voicing their opinions more assertively. The article Madre posted is very helpful. You do have to let go of a few things, but you have to also realize that you can't let go completely. Teens still need you. They need boundaries etc...They need a lot of extra space though, and for me that has been the hardest. We have been such a close knit family. Our own emotions as mothers often get all entertwined with what is going on with them.

Keep on keeping on. My favorite verse changed when I started into the teens years 5 years back. It has been my yearly verse and is on the front of my lesson plan book:

"Do not weary in well doing for you shall reap a harvest in due season if you faint not."

Amen! :D

Don't let it get you down, Traci. [hug] I've been at loggerheads with every one of my kids at one time or another. Some of them start the angst business earlier than the others. :roll: This phase likely will pass, but you're right to insist on respectful behavior from your daughter.

To all you moms of adults/older teens...

How in the world did you handle the roller coaster ride?????
One minute you are the greatest, and then the next..."you suck and are ruining my life!" :roll:

I am finding the ride a bit tiring lately. I am an emotional/sensitive person and I think my biggest trial with my teen right now is how do you not take the things they say personally? I am trying to make my dd realize that, the things she says DO matter and have a power to hurt people. She always claims..."I didn't mean it, I was just mad"... I tell her it's wrong, no matter how you are feeling. She gets disciplined, but she doesn't seem to care. We are on a one way street here because, she can do it, but the world ends if anyone says anything "mean" to her. Frankly she is just plain selfish, and I am not sure if our teachings are sinking in.
Help for the mom of a 15 year old "brat"!!!!

Yes, I too would like to know how to handle the emotional roller coaster my preteens have put me on. Any more suggestions fellow preteen/teen parents?

Traci, I'm right there with you. Lots and lots of hugs for you. My oldest dd is 18, has moved out, but it is incredibly hard for me to not give her advice. I know she wants her space, wants to make her own decisions . . . but, wow, she's my firstborn, so much like me and I love her so much. My second dd is 15 and has gone from a chatterbox to locking herself in her bedroom and not saying more than a few words to me throughout the day. I don't seem to know anything and my opinions don't count. My next ds is 12 and is getting into those argumentative years. And my youngest is 6 so I have a few more years before he gets there. All four are really great kids. The two oldest, in particular have said things to me that have really hurt. In those times, I wish I could call my mom up and tell her how sorry I am for all the times that I hurt her. But the other posts are right. It is a phase, they will grow out of it, and the closeness will hopefully return. I've seen progress with my oldest, although I'm certainly not "there" yet. But she is beginning to recognize that things she says do hurt me and she will apologize. Sometimes I feel like such a failure as a mom. Values that I thought I was instilling in them as young children suddenly don't seem important to them at all. All I can do is pray and pray and pray some more and know that God loves them even more than I do and that He has a plan and a purpose for their lives. He will complete His work in them in His time. Oh, it's so hard to be patient.

Valorie has always been the one to test me [whatwacko] I can say from the age of 9 to 17, she's way better now [OK] She's 19
I had my days of tears [cry] with her, HURTFUL & PAINFUL TIMES [sadashamed] She was like Mom I love you [heart] I don't know what comes over me :( I charted her mood from forever, always at her cycle time....poor thing. I CAN SAY THINGS ARE JUST FINE NOW....PRAISE THE LORD [crossheld] Prayer got me through my times [amen]