Jealousy??Timidity??Fear??What is going on??

[KansasMom]

Okay, so we had this big surprise birthday party and lots of family around. Well Abigail's behavior has left much to be desired! The biggest thing that baffles me is that her cousin Ben (mom_n_luv's son) is staying with us and they always played well together at past gatherings but this time around, if Ben screams or tries to play with her she runs away and screams and throws a fit. We took them to town the other day and I have NEVER had Abigail behave so poorly! Granted, Ben was in her carseat and she was in a different spot but she would just scream "No Ben". But later on, she was saying "No Nathan" and she kept saying she had to go potty but wouldn't go and then she let out a HUGE toot and everything seemed to get better...but when we got home she wanted nothing to do with Ben. There are times when she would play with him if I was holding her or she was sitting right next to me.

She used to be this standoffish with her other cousin who was very agressive. Ben has gotten more comfortable here and he is more out going since he is used to playing with another kid that Karla watches. he isn't mean to her but he does pursue playing with her.

To through another kink in the mess, she started coughing again and is back on antibiatic. I don't want to blame her behavior on not feeling well, because she still knows how to behave and she very much sways from being good and being bad which if she wasn't feel well I would think it would be more consistant...

Has anyone else had their child behave this way around cousins? Right now, she is being very good...a little clingy which I attribute to not feeling well, but she is playing and not throwing fits??? How do I teach her to play with others and to be nice???

[e&m'sirishmum]

You know I can't help ypu with the cousin part as Ethan doesn't live close to his but to-day we went to the park for playgroup and it was a little different today in that the head start and kindergarten kids were there for a planting day, Ethan refused to get out of the car and just clung to his dad. He didn't want anything to do with it, I don't know if he was scared or just wanted to stay with dad?
Anyway I know it can be a little overwhelming when our normally playful and friendly, easy going toddlers act like this! Sometimes I think we try to over analyse and think about what is worng when maybe it is just something as simple as not feeling good or they just don't want to be there. As adults we too have bad days and don't always want to be social. Anyway I am not sure if this helps, it seems like your dd is doing so well with potty training and there are new changes in her life so maybe that is all it is!?
I hope she feels better soon.

[KansasMom]

THanks Jayne, it did help.

She is still having her moments but I feel better about it not just being Ben today because after he left this morning, Nathan was crying and she was acting the same way as she did with Ben. So I think it must be a "I'm not feeling well" type of thing and maybe a little jealousy that someone else is getting attention.

I would still love to hear from anyone else who has cousin issues...how do you teach your child to play with their cousins when they come around?

[justmeNmine]

Up until my neice had her son, my son was the youngest and only boy cousin- There were my brothers two girls, my neices daughter and his fathers neices that came around on a regular basis. (5 of them were at my house for childcare)

In all three cases the parenting style is much different than my own so there were ALWAYS issues. I have told my son since he was very little that he is MY boy and will behave as I expect... I also made it clear to the other kids that when in my house, it was my rules... I even made a book "The Rules at Auntie's House" and let one of my older neices illustrate it.

As far as interaction amongst themselves, they all seemed to like to "get each other going", so I provided lots of structured activity and also made sure that my son has some toys and space set aside that he didn't have to share... and also that each child felt they had a special place in my home- they all had things there that belonged to them- a cup, a blanket, etc.