age difference in kids

[puppytoes]

My son will be 12 in Oct. I am pregnant and due in December.

I am so worried that the kids wont be close b/c of age. We tried for years and years to get pregnant with no success. We didnt want to raise two "only children" lol

I just want them to be close and have good memories together, but my son will be 18 and leaving for college when this child is just six years old. :( I have many health problems so I dont forsee us giving this baby a brother or sister. This will be my last pregnancy and we cannot afford adoption.

[JoyLynn]

There's only a seven yr difference between my oldest and youngest, so I'm not exactly in the same boat. However, a six and thirteen yr old don't have much in common, either.

I only have one suggestion... I set up special occasions for just my oldest and youngest. Like, rent a movie and buy a pizza just for them. I explain to the middle ones that Chloe needs a little special time with her brother because they don't play together, and then I plan something different for them.

I've already told my son that in the next year I will start paying for him to take his little sister to the movies or dinner. They won't have much in common but I want them to have fun together. I explain to my son how much his little sister looks up to him and I praise him way over the top for helping her with things and really being the big brother.

For us, the key is not to make our son feel like he needs to relate to his little sister. He can't. But he does know how to be the oldest, and he is cool, and he is super nice. So, he does have a lot to offer. I've made it my job to bridge the gap between them until Chloe's older. Those seven years will someday melt away to nothing. Key is keeping them close until then. So far, it's going great.

That's all I have on this one. I could use more suggestions, as well.

Joy [welcomewave]

[momto3j*s]

We have major age spans in my family. My youngest brother was born when I was 17 and we are VERY close. Always have been. The same is said with my sister who is 10 yrs. younger then me.

Your kids can definitely be close. Speaking from experience, it's super special to have a sibling born when you are older. It's a really neat kind of bond...on both ends. :)

The best of luck to you and congratulations! :)

[Jx2]

My older brother was 17 when my little brother was born. James (the little one) is graduating from high school and turning 29 this month and the two of them are still close. John calls James "the little man".

[Rach]

I was 13 when my little brother was born. I went to college when he went to Kindergarten. We have a more like mom/son relationship, but we are very, very close! There's plenty of hope. My dh is the baby of his family and he's closest to his oldest brother, with quite an age gap.

I think they will be just fine [heartbeat]

[Aalena]

My brother is 10 years older than I am and we're close in a way and not close in others. It was like being an only child. When he was in his teen years, he was hardly there - out with friends and such. Then once he was about 16-18 or so he didn't go out with our family for dinners, outings, vacations and such. He had his own life going on by then. So a lot of my memories are of just my parents and me.

My mom hardly ever made him do things with me because it wouldn't be fair to him if he wanted to go out with his friends. It never bothered me. But he would take care of me and helped me. He drove me to work and picked me up before I had my license.

We email now and keep in touch. Sometimes, my dh and I will go out to an event with him. Sometimes I feel it's hard though because he's in a different place in his life. I'm 29 and trying to start a family. He's 39 and past that stage. I think it's hard to relate sometimes. But when we're together we get along great. Sometimes we disagree, but I love to see him.

My siblings were 16,11, & 9 when I was born. I got along great with all of them...we've just recently lost touch as adults...The only one that didn't like me was the 9yr old and now she's my best friend! My bro used me as a chick magnet :wink: and my other sis treated me like her own personal baby doll :P

[emilyrosejewel]

My sister and I are 12 years apart too and we could not have been closer growing up. It was so fun because she would drive me places. I would often crawl in bed with her at night as well. We had such fun together. You will have a great blessing with your children and congratulations on this new baby! God has a great plan for him/her!

[tracy]

I have 4 siblings, 12, 15, 16, & 19yrs older. My bro was 12 when I was born. Before I was born, he was a little jealous, but once he held me that went out the window. Growing up I was very close to him and my sis (16yrs older). My parents never made anyone do anything w/me, though my sister was so proud she made me their h.s. cheerleading mascot. :lol: As I got older my bro & sis would ask if they could take me out with them. After my sis got married I spent a lot of time w/her and would stay over for days in the summer. And my bro sometimes took me out to places w/him and his girlfriends. They wanted to do this and I had a great time. :D Only recently have we started to drift apart.
I think you will be suprisingly happy with the age gap. :D

[TIREDMOM]

I can relate to this one. My boys are 7 and 13. The little one screams because he wants to play with the older one and his friends. but they don't want to play with him. (no kids my little ones age anywhere in the neighborhood) We have a huge conflicts every night. The only time they play nicely together is when we go to the park or when they go to church. The big age difference just means more fights in the house. :roll: see why I'm TIREDMOM? :D

[tracy]

I have to admit, my sil complains about her kids arguing a lot, 9yrs & 17yrs. I think the bigger age gap will help you.

[meg]

I was so happy to read all of this :)

I've been thinking I'd love another baby, but worry the age gap between a new baby and our boys would be too much. The boys are 5 and 7, and that doesn't seem so bad any more :)

Hmmmm, got some thinking to do - and some convincing :lol:

[luvmy4sons]

I think the key is to remember that God has planend each life down to the moment of birth and the moment of death. He has designed this child's destiny before the foundation of the world. His will is good acceptable and perfect. Praise God for His perfect timing. It is never too late or too early despite what our flesh may tell us. It is good. Always good. Congratulations. I am sure God will handle the rest. What a blessing.

[PianoMama]

Even though this is a semi-old thread, it was so encouraging to me to read all the responses to puppytoes. My siblings and I are each exactly 4 years apart - there are 4 of us. As the oldest, I did feel separated from my 2 youngest sisters when I left for college. Therefore I was worried when my dh said we needed to wait before we tried for our 2nd baby... our children may end up years apart like my sibs and me are. Just nice to know that there is hope for my kids, however far apart they are in age, to still be close. Thanks!!

[breezykc2]

There is 10 years differnce between my little brother and myself.....the older child gets put into a "parenting" role many times with type of age gap since the parents rely totally on the older sibling for babysitting and extra help....yes, the older one should help, but a lot of extra help only widens the gap of resentment many times for the older child and they look down on their younger sibling and correct them and never see them as an equal. My brother is now 18 and I am 28 and we are not close and never have been. Too much of an age gap to ever have anything in common....and then once you get to an age that you can start to have some things to share, too much has passed so you may get along fine and all and love each other out of family necessity, but never truly close. Good luck, it's a rough road to haul.

[PianoMama]

There is 10 years differnce between my little brother and myself.....

I understand - my youngest sis and I are 11 years apart!