I was curious if anyone here has adopted? If you did adopt, how old was the child/children?

I have always wanted to adopt, along with having about 20 kids of my own. LOL

Since the birth and death of Noah, I have seen my daughter be a sister without a sibling, and although I so want to give birth to more children, it almost seems like the Lord is prompting me to look into adopting again now. I of course am talking to my Dh about it, and asked him to start praying with me about it. In my perfect world, I would love to adopt a sibling group of two or three, but I am a bit anxious about the special behavioral needs of an older child who has been abused or in foster care a long time. I think of my daughter and how behavioral issues with another child would affect her.

And this may seem stupid, but I think about discipline also. In Oregon you cannot spank a foster child, and you have to foster a child for 6 months before you can adopt. We believe spanking is a command from the Lord (not looking for opinions on this... :wink: ) and I was thinking about what it would be like for the child to not have spanks from us for 6 months, then start getting them. Of course I know that some children should not be spanked if there is abuse in the past, stuff like that, so we would have to pray about this for sure, but it was just a thought.

Horse before carriage, I know! LOL

Blessings,
Amber

We adopted our son about 3 years ago. It was sort of a quick adoption. He was raised by his grandma and we watched him in my daycare home since he was about 11/2 years old. One day she came to us and asked if we would like to adopt him. Lots of things to think about then.....Our daughters were jr and senior high age. Well, after lots of prayer and talking we did adopt him. It was not as detailed as alot of adoptions are since we knew her. It was only a couple of months and we went b4 a judge and signed papers.
Will be praying for you as you decide what to do.

Okay....take this in the manner it is intended and not as ridicule, just my opinion as a child who was adopted......
I would NOT spank any adopted child....you have enough to deal with in an adopted relationship--trust/new life/fitting in/questioning your background/"new" parents and family and lifestyles...etc.....spanking only iginites problems in my opinion. There are plenty of healthy alternatives for disciplining an adopted child--time out, redirection, loss of privileges, etc.....
I think you just need to tell your children by birth up front that due to the past, their new sibling will have alternative forms of discipline...which isn't too abnormal from most homes even with all birth children...you use the discipline that fits that child's needs and what works best for them. It is not the same for all of them many times.
As a social service worker by profession who spent time working in special need adoption for the state, also, if you are honest and tell the adoption workers you plan to utilize spanking in the future after your 6 month period...you have just given yourself a big black X on your file that will make it much harder to place a child in your home many times....
TOTALLY not trying to get into the "should you spank" debate...just giving you tips about the subject looking at it from an adopted kid and an adoption worker and how it's viewed so you can weigh options, not debate whether spanking is or is not appropriate....just addressing this specific area!! Please don't take offense! :wink:

I don't have any experience in adoption, however I just want you to know that I still think of you often and I wish for you the very best in whatever method the Lord blesses. I hope you will be able to find the understanding and peace you long for. God Bless!!!

Love and Prayers,
Cheri :)

praying for you in this=) If you are really concerned about older kids and discipline I'd say stick to adoption of an infant. -ren

we adopted. We were able to bring our son home the day after he was born. Sometimes pregnant mothers go directly to their doctor to see if they know anyone who is looking to adopt. You might consider putting your name on a waiting list with your doctor and see how it goes. We agreed to pay all of her medical and lawyer fees. We also paid her wages as she healed. It went very smoothly and we are able to raise him like we want, because he was so little.

I am praying the Lord brings the right child/children for your home.

Thank you for ALL your posts. :D [loveyou]

Of course I would love another baby, but I think I would only adopt a truly small baby if they had special needs. I guess my "preferable" age gap would be like 1-3, but I know the Lord already knows our family and who will be in it. I feel this way because I know that so many babies are wanted for adoption, but the older ones, and sibling groups are the ones who are the hardest to place. But then you get the harder issues to deal with too. Guess it's all one big circle. [whatheadagainstthewall]

I do rest in the fact that the Lord would never give me what I can't handle. I know that very well.

Any other ideas/opinions/thoughts are so welcome!

Blessings,
Amber

We have friends who adopted a infant from Taiwan last year. They will Lord willing be getting a 15 yr. old girl this year. Out of country adoptions are considerably easier than ones in the US. They went through Bethany Christian services and some Christians we know who run a Christian orphanage in Taiwan. One thing to think about is that it is quite expensive to adopt. Much more so than having a baby. When you acopt out of the country you also don't have Social Services involved. They had a home study done by Bethany but the DHS wasn't invovled as far as I know. Also I would be somewhat concerned about adopting children that have behavioural problems, esp. with you having a young daughter. She is your first priority and it would be wrong to put her in harms way or make ti so that she didn't have her mommy anymore. Anyway, just some thoughts! :wink:

I haven't adopted but have looked into it. Here in alberta, if you are willing to adopt a special needs/older child/sibling group, they pay all expenses and move your papers to the front of the line. The states also has something similar, the adoption assistance program, which helps with financial barriers etc to placing these children, but there are different requirements in each state.

http://www.oregon.gov/DHS/children/adoption/adopt_child.shtml

if you click on "adoption assistance handbook" it will tell you about oregon's policy/requirements on that... considering the cost of adoption i'd say it would be a big help to those who don't have $40,000 just lying around. :)

I have not adopted, but I have lived across the street from neighbors, whom we are close to, for 17 years that have adopted 7 and foster one now. They have 4 biological children of their own who are now adults-one still lives at home but is supposed to get married next spring. :shock:

I have a lot of concerns about the foster/adopt system. :? I know that these children need loving homes. I don't have any other answer for them, but there are a lot of problems to consider. The first one they adopted had been in 8 different foster homes before he was one yr old. They got him at the age of one. He ended up with attachment disorder. He is now in prison. He is 15...he went to prison at 14 for molesting one of their younger adopted children. :(

I don't say that to scare you...but many of these children come with some very serious problems at a VERY young age! I personally think this family has adopted too many children and couldn't keep it all together. They have adopted 2 biracial children and two siblings groups that have the same mother but different fathers. They have had many, many challenges. It is a challenging road to walk. I think it is a calling to be sure, and something I could never handle myself.

Abused children, and children who have never been properly cared for, have emotional and pyschological scarring that should be well considered before taking the plunge. I thank God that people do, as these children need someone to love them. No course of action though comes without some cost. My neighbors quickly lowered their age from 2 and under to 6 months or less. Only the first one was over the age of 6 months. All the rest have been as young as 6 weeks to 4 months of age when they first took them in. Despite that, these children come from different spiritual histories and have had mothers who did drugs and alcohol while pregnant. There is a mix of different genetic tendencies far different from their own and consequences from the chemical abuse that doesn't go away, making it quite challenging. :?

I know it sounds like I am trying to convince you not to foster/adopt. I am not. But as Jesus said no one goes to build a house without first counting the cost, I have seen this family greatly struggle with their family. There is a lot of joy and love and rewarding times involved as well. I am sure God will lead you. That is just the experience I have had with it since you were asking for information. Love and hugs. :)

Thank you for ALL your posts. :D [loveyou]

Of course I would love another baby, but I think I would only adopt a truly small baby if they had special needs. I guess my "preferable" age gap would be like 1-3, but I know the Lord already knows our family and who will be in it. I feel this way because I know that so many babies are wanted for adoption, but the older ones, and sibling groups are the ones who are the hardest to place. But then you get the harder issues to deal with too. Guess it's all one big circle. [whatheadagainstthewall]

I do rest in the fact that the Lord would never give me what I can't handle. I know that very well.

Any other ideas/opinions/thoughts are so welcome!

Blessings,
Amber

I'm excited to see where this journey will take you, Amber!!! Praying for you guys!!

I haven't adopted, but my best friend has adopted three children and she gave birth to one. The got all three children when they were under one year. They are all bi-racial. They are all healthy, happy, and doing awesome. Our whole community just adores this family and they are a true witness to everyone they meet. She does spank all of her children combined with other forms of discipline. They are all very well-behaved. It's been a wonderful experience for them, and for all who know them.

I haven't adopted (was blessed with being a very fertile lady!), but I know a couple of women who have. One was involved with a Christian agency that found homes for babies before they were born, and that's how they got their first son. Their second came when the birth mom got pregnant again. So, they were doubly blessed by her mistakes, and it was just like raising their own.

The second woman I know intended to adopt an older child, like 5 or 6 years old, and got involved with a Christian agency. She had so many false starts that she finally asked her case worker not to contact her again until she had prayed and felt directed by the Lord. About six months later, they called her with a 2 year old. She prayed and thought about it, and she finally decided to meet him. And then she fell for him.

Jeremy is in my Sunday School class, so I know a bit about his background. My friend wanted to prepare me for any problems that might come up with him. He'd been passed around quite a bit before being put up for adoption, so he's still learning to trust. When my friend first started dropping him off, you could see the panic on his little face. He didn't know if she'd be back, and it was just heartbreaking. Luckily, during that time, my husband would stay in class with me and comfort him while I taught the other kids. I think now, though, he's settled in, and everyone seems very happy.

I would advise that you prayerfully consider this until you feel sure exactly what God is leading you to do. And just follow the doors He's opening for you. When you follow God's lead, it may not be easy at times, but you'll know that what you're doing is right and that you've got the best support in the universe. Just trust Him to guide you and take care of you as you do what He asks.