This is sort of a spinoff of the speech therapy thread going here.

My 4 year old stepson, has what I believe to be a speech delay. My husband and I have discussed this in the past, and at times, he agreed but now he thinks it's just his son being stubborn. His mother thinks I am just picking on him because he isn't as "smart" as my son. That is definitely not the problem here. She has had his hearing tested, and there was a small problem there, but now she won't even take him to the therapist or to treatment because she feels he's not a "special" child and doesn't need that.

Here is why I believe there is a problem. He is 4 1/2 years old, and most of the time, we (DH & I) have a VERY difficult time communicating with him.

Example of a conversation:

Me, "Braiden would you like a Pop Tart or scrambled eggs for breakfast?"

Braiden, "Op Art."

DH, "Son, you need to put your toys away."

Braiden, "I pway now. No clean up."

Those are just two common conversations we have with him every time he is at our house. On the first, no matter how many times we enunciate particular words, he never seems to be able to say them properly. And at the age of 4, I would think he could say a "proper" sentence, or is that me expecting too much? I just know so many other kids his age that I can carry on a conversation with....and we have such a hard time getting across simple commands to him and rarely can decipher what he is trying to say back to us.

Other examples of words that despite our efforts are not pronounced correctly.

Croke instead of Broke
Bankie instead of Blankie
Nack instead of Snack

As you can see, he doesn't want to "complete" words, leaves letters, sound out or substitutes something easier.

Maybe this is just me, I pray that it is. I am truly concerned that in a year, when he starts kindergarten, he will be placed into a special education class because he cannot be understood by his teacher, or at the least, he will be made fun of by other children and will suffer because of that. I would like to see this corrected if possible before then, but don't know how to do so without creating a big issue between myself, my DH and his ex.

So...do you think I am overreacting? I just really thought that at 4 years old we would be hearing complete sentences out of him...frankly, his 2 year old little brother talks MUCH better than he does. Maybe that is part of my concern...

Any thoughts???

If he had hearing issues, they may have progressed, and he's saying what he hears.
If that's the case, can harold take him? or you? I know it would be hard, but maybe that's what it'll take.

It sounds like he has the tools there for talking, so maybe he just needs that little extra help that a sppech therpaist would be able to give him! I know it is difficult for you b/c he is your stepson and you don't have the final word on getting him help.
It also sounds like there may need to be a follow up with his hearing since you said there was an issue there!

My husband doesn't want to make her mad, because when she gets mad at us....she won't let him see the boys. (There is no formal custody agreement since they only lived together and never married).

I feel like it would simply take a little extra time working with him and it would change, but there is only so much I can do in the every other weekend routine we have.

Thanks for listening though. I'll keep trying.

My husband doesn't want to make her mad, because when she gets mad at us....she won't let him see the boys. (There is no formal custody agreement since they only lived together and never married).

I feel like it would simply take a little extra time working with him and it would change, but there is only so much I can do in the every other weekend routine we have.

Thanks for listening though. I'll keep trying.

He can get a formal custody agreement though right? Isn't that something the courts can do at any time?

Also yeah, it may be a hearing problem. however I TOTALLY know, that my 3 year old nephew, whines and talks baby talk to his mom for the sake of... well, I have no idea, maybe manipulation. He does it to his mom a LOT. One day he will whine and mumble and baby talk to his mom because he wants juice, and you can barely understand what he is asking for, and as soon as she leaves the room he is like "So, Auntie Nichole, would you like to see my new truck? It's red and shiny!" Or whatever. The first time he did that my jaw dropped. It may be he just talks that way just to certain people. Have you observed how he interacts with strangers etc? I have seen more than one kid use this tactic as manipulation w/ adults they are familiar with (parents, babysitter, etc) and then talk to others normally because they know the others won't go to great lengths to understand them and appease them.

This is from a guide we use here in KY for Early Intervention
A 4 yo should
-Understand adjectives, adverbs, and prepositions
-Easly asks and answers all wh questions. (who, what, where etc)
-Produce 3 to 5 word sentences
-Understand and describe the use of objects
-Can easily relate experiences, tell a story
-Uses consonants sh, ch, j, L

There are several guides available on the web. Does your stepson attend school? The school should be screening for speech delays and offering any needed services. HTH

kymommy--those look familiar ;)

Katie: At age 4, speech such as you have mentioned does signify some sort of problem. One of my friends has a little boy that is almost 5, and is barely understandable. His 2 year old little sister clearly outspeaks him. He will be starting Kindergarten this fall, but has already started speech therapy.

Another boy I'm thinking of is 4 1/2. While most of the time he is understandable, he has trouble with many sounds. One of those being his own name--Chris. He pronounces it Tis. That is my hubby's name as well, so he hears Chris pronounced properly while at church. I've tried to help him in the past but he doesn't seem to be able to hear it correctly. Even when he repeats what I've said, how I've said it, he has a very hard time. He has started speech therapy as well.

Cheese -
Yes, we have discussed formal custody agreements, but we currently don't have the finances to have this done. Locally, you have to have a lawyer draw up the paperwork and intercede...finances won't allow for that at this time, but we hope to be able to by the first of next year. It would be a HUGE relief to know we didn't have to watch our "p's & q's" so much to keep being able to see them. Also...he does this around everyone. I don't think this is a manipulitve action with him.


Kymommy - thanks for the list...yep...he fails most of those. He can use a 3 to 5 word sentence, but the words themselves are often VERY difficult to distinguish. He has a really hard time understanding the difference between the wh's. He is pretty good with the use of objects, but again the describing thing throws him off because his communication is so bad. And tell us a story about anything? Nope! He rattles in gibberish as most would call it all the time, but we only catch a word here and there, and often those words are, "momma, bubba, daddy".

One of the things that really concerned me the last time we had them and made me want to post something about this: I got out a big picture book that was Matthews to work with his 2 year old brother on colors. (Strangely...the 4 year old knows his colors when you ask him to point to red, blue, etc....but can't tell you what color when you ask him to say it back to you.) Back to my point - while we were looking at things like trucks, cars, balls... you know the type I'm talking about? Okay..his brother is repeating after me and doing really well, but he keeps looking at me confused and can't seem to distinguish between shapes, numbers, colors and what really worried me...I showed them a truck and a car. His brother pointed to the truck when I said truck, but he said, "no, bubba. tere's tuck." and pointed to the car.

Overall, I think he has a lot of developmental issues in this area and I really wish I could have him with me for a solid week just to see if daily attention to these areas would improve it.

As far as schooling goes: he and his brother both attend daycare. It isn't a very educational environment, but is clean and is staffed by mostly Christians. With one exception being - their mom just started working there last month, and now she is one of the "teachers" in his class. If her skills in that area carry over to her work...I worry about ALL the kids in that class learning ANYTHING. (Sorry...she just really irritates me!)