Ok, over the last few days Abby has been Mrs. Temper! If I give Abby into trouble for something she will try to hit me. I was at the play group the other day and she was disobeying me a few times so I spanked her and sat her down while she cried it out. So when she was done I picked her up to take her back thru to the play area and she hit me in the face twice and ripped my glasses off my face. Since then, if I tell her no for something she tries to hit me. Yesterday, she tried to hit me so I held her arms and then she tried to bite me :shock: She is only 16 months old! She isn't talking much so I know that she's just trying to express her emotions. But that behavior is still unacceptable. Any advice on what to do? When she hits me, I give her a spanking and tell her that you don't hit mommy, and she cries so she knows it's wrong. But I kind of feel like a hypocrite for telling her not to hit me and then I spank her, kwim? What would you guys do in this situation? Oh, and I think she gets the temper from me :oops: I was horrible as a kid. Anyway, help!!!

you could try this:
if she hits you, put her on your lap facing outward and hold her arms across her chest (think straight jacket arm position). Calmly tell her that the rule is 'no hitting'. Tell her you love her and you want to help her calm herself down. Tell her she can go when she's calm and ready to follow the rules. When she's calm you can slowly let her go. You'll be able to tell she's calm from her breathing patterns, and when she sits still and relaxes - muscles won't be tense anymore.


I think spanking is spanking and hitting is something completely different, but I have definitely felt the way you are feeling now! *hug* and good luck!

you could try this:
if she hits you, put her on your lap facing outward and hold her arms across her chest (think straight jacket arm position). Calmly tell her that the rule is 'no hitting'. Tell her you love her and you want to help her calm herself down. Tell her she can go when she's calm and ready to follow the rules. When she's calm you can slowly let her go. You'll be able to tell she's calm from her breathing patterns, and when she sits still and relaxes - muscles won't be tense anymore.


I think spanking is spanking and hitting is something completely different, but I have definitely felt the way you are feeling now! *hug* and good luck!

Thanks Rach! That makes me feel better! I will definately try your suggestion. I have tried to hold her arms like that until she calms down but I've never put her on my lap facing outward so I will give that a try. Thanks again!

yes, never have them face you with this position...from my work in mental health and it transfers to parenting from experience! LOL...since you are the person they're lashing out at...not having you in thier view can help difuse the situation quicker and make it physically easier for you to maintain control! Good luck....we're in the same boat....feeling that 3 year old will for the first time...ahhhhhh! :wink:

But I kind of feel like a hypocrite for telling her not to hit me and then I spank her, kwim? What would you guys do in this situation? Oh, and I think she gets the temper from me :oops: I was horrible as a kid. Anyway, help!!!

We felt this way also - dh decided that we would try to only use time outs from now on to see if that alone can be effective. Sometimes I do have to use a hold similar to what Rach mentioned when he will not stay in time out on his own, but I have to say that does not happen often now that he is used to it.

Well my Abby, who is 3. Has tried a couple times recently, but with hesitation. Even still, she got a bad spanking for attempting to hit me.

But with a 16month old. If she was to act like that at the park, I'd take her to the car and put her in the car seat and let her sit there while you explained what she did was wrong. If at home. When Abby use to get mad at me I would pick her up and put her in her room and shut the door for a short period of time. She didn't like the separation. Then I would go in and talk to her.

But what Rach suggest sounds like a great idea. Whatever you do, be consisitent with it. Hugs to you my friend. Parenting is a trial and error journey.

Hi Guys
IMHO as a behaviour specailist and a mother of a strong willed two year old and also a four year old.....First I have to say I am claustophobic and the thought of holding somone "staightjacket style" UNTIL they calm down makes me not be able to breathe properly. How scary that must feel to a sixteen month old who might not fully understand what's going on. You have to remember their thought processes are just begining to develop. Next, does it seem logical to teach a child not to hit by hitting them??? I know some parents claim this "works" but all it does is stop the behaviour temporarily. They need to gain self control, this is not done by inflicting fear. Time out - IF done properly- does work (meaning it helps them gain self control over non acceptable behaviours) Proper time out is done with out emotion and if the child doesn't stay he/she is placed there repeatedly until they do stay. My two year old needed a mat to help show him "the spot" and then he would stay. He is very strong willed but also caught on very quickly, if you behave in these ways you will sit in time out. this is My Humble Opinion :lol:

Eva I think you're doing everything right. Different things work at different ages. Grounding works for my son right now and taking things away from my daughter works with her for the time being. Of course there are times that a nice firm swat on the bottom is what it takes too :wink: .

Hang in there my friend and just be consistent with your discipline.