Supermarket horrors

Ladies

I just had the worst time in the supermarket EVER... I read the twins the riot act before we left as they do tend to play up a bit in the store.
One of my instructions was that they were NOT to pull things off the shelves or run away.

Anyway, things were fine for a while but then they started being really silly and running around grabbing everything and so I would make the offending twin hold my hand and walk beside me and then say I would release their hand when they decided not to continue to behave badly.

This worked for a while until they decided to get onto one of the shelves and not come down when I was calling them. My son eventually followed but my daughter sat on the shelf until we walked quite some distance from her and she ran back to us.

We got everything done, with them constantly being told they were not to take things off the shelves.

Anyway I went to the CD store for 10 mins to buy my husband a birthday gift, I turned my back for less then a minute looking for a CD and the shop assistant approached me and said "You're daughter is not allowed under the shelves", so I told her to get out and stand next to me.
She did, while my son was dancing to the music in the store.
She then asked the shop keeper for a sticker and I said "NO you may not have a sticker as you were playing under the shelves"
so then she goes over to dance with my son, and I was paying for the CD and I note the assistant is glowering over my shoulder again and I look to see BOTH the twins under the shelves AGAIN.
I got the CD and walked over to them and I said "COme out! You have been told you are not to play under the shelves" so they don't come, so I ask again. Then I told them when they got home they would be punished.
So we go to the car and I ask them nicely to climb into their seats, well Paris decides this means "climb out of your seat and into the wagon" all the while with a grin on her face like she is deliberately taunting me. I went around to the car and I said to her "You know what get in your seat means" so she sits in the middle of the car and won't move. By this time I had well and truly had enough so I held her arm firmly and said "When we get home, you are going straight to your bedroom" and pulled her into her seat.

We got home and they got busted, with me recounting every detail as to why, I put them in bed with their sandwhiches and drinks and told them they were to eat, place the food on the floor then lay down and sleep and NOT to come out.

My sister said what I have done is completely right, but I still feel like a complete failure. It almost seems like it doesn't matter what I say to them, or the methods for punishment I use they just continue to do this all the time.

They used to be semi okay up until a few months ago when they started being vile in the shops. DH usually comes home from work and gives them the "Daddy" talk too. When will they LEARN? EVER?

They are 3 1/2. and I am 5 and a half months pregnant and finding this bad behaviour is really taking it's tole on me more so because I am pregnant.

MORE STRATEGIES???? Is this normal?

[love2mom]

How awful for you! It's not as if the solution is to stop shopping with them... groceries happen to be vital! My son is just over three and a half, so I empathize with the repeating of directions and instructions over and over and OVER!!!

I've never actually left a full cart to privately discipline my child though I've read it should be done, but I can recall the last trip to superstore left me feeling like I was raising oranguatans not children... waiting for prescriptions to be filled in a major chain store is killer...but when it's for birth control, the reminder is present!!! :)

Even if it means juggling groceries around, I have my older ds sit IN the cart when he is not listening.... thank you Jesus for shopping carts with two seats!!!

I can't imagine the frustration and fatigue that pregnancy adds on top of twins! Just remember, God gives enough strength for each day.... it's HIS strength you can rely on, not your own.

Thank you... please just pray for me because I feel so bad about myself today, it could be hormones too..

BTW I did have mine in the trolley also but it is difficult to push it with a load of groceries, two kids and a pregnant belly.

[harmony5]

Bless your heart! I hope things get better for you. I'll say a prayer for you and your family. I am sure it is very hard to be pg and have the added stress! The Lord won't give you more than you can handle though. Just try to keep that in mind. Trust me, I know it can be hard to remember!! :wink:
Lori :D

[jamma]

Oooo, doesn't it just burn you when they behave that way??

You know what I would have done? I would have left. Just left the grocery cart there, gone home, put them to bed, and gone out after dh got home. Inconvenient, yes, but I think that they get the point when it's that dramatic.

I'm mean though. :lol:

[KansasMom]

A friend of mine told me a story of a lady who was having a VERY difficult time at going anywhere with her children and she got so desperate that she decided that she was going to take one whole day and TEACH them to behave. This is what she did:

She loaded everyone up and went to the store. Before they got out, she would tell them what she expected of them and that they would get say a spanking when they got home if they didn't behave. Then they went into the store and the FIRST TIME one of them misbehavied (against what she told them she expected) she stopped, left the cart by the door and took all the children home and disciplined them. (which actually surprised the kids they thought it would happen after they were done and mom would forget by then to discipline them) Then she loaded everyone back up and went back to the store and repeated the process. She made 10 trips that day but by the end of the day they were behaving, she had her shopping done, and they knew mom meant business!

By the way, this lady has alot of patience and actually, her children are very well behaved in public! That's why my friend was talking to her...she wanted to know how she got her kids to behave. The lady told her...I TEACH them and I follow through with discipline if they don't! This lady also sets up mock situations at home and walks her children through them to TEACH them how to behave! Talk about ideal mom, huh! :wink:

Just food for thought!

[stephwhiz]

I like that idea Kansasmom. My kids have acted up in the grocery store before but after a few spankings because of it, they stopped that behavior. If they even as much as complain about having to go with me then they do not get a pack of candy when we check out. If my son, who is 8 and likes to wonder off, wonders off then he has to hold onto the buggy the rest of the way through the store just like a toddler would have to do. That one really embarrasses him! If my 4 year old acts up she has to do the same thing and she doesn't like to do that she likes to ride in the top of the buggy. Anyway I still give them "the talk" before we get out of the car and 99% of the time it works. Stephanie :D

[Gracie]

oh my heavens!!...I have the same problem. I mean its like IMPOSSIBLE to go anywhere with her. I tihnk a lot has to do that she simply does not have any friends and usually only gets to play outside like 1 or 2 times a week in addition to 2 hours during the nursery at church. Its just too much for me to take her anywhere alone. I have vowed many a time to never take her anywhere again...lol
Im so wow'ed by your ability to handle multiple children all while pregnant! I know I could not.

[Gracie]

Oooo, doesn't it just burn you when they behave that way??

You know what I would have done? I would have left. Just left the grocery cart there, gone home, put them to bed, and gone out after dh got home. Inconvenient, yes, but I think that they get the point when it's that dramatic.

I'm mean though. :lol:

That sounds good!

Poor you! Aussiemum you handled it all well though. I probably would have sent them to bed without any lunch. Is that mean or what?! LOL :oops: But yeah... then we'd have CYFS on our back for child neglect. So anyway...

I have found myself yelling at Abby a bit over the last few days. She really gets to me and I know she's just a toddler and her behaviour is normal... I just overreact to it. When I tidy up the lounge and she goes and pulls a whole lot of toys out all over the floor again I get mad instead of thinking "well she has to play" because I have to pick things up constantly so I'm not tripping over them. After the wooden block incident where I cut my foot I'm not taking any chances. It doesn't help that I'm pregnant and hormonal and balling my eyes out over something as stupid as spilled milk (ok not over spilled milk but you get what I mean). Paul had to go and tell me that his car has a leak and could cost up to $2000 to fix. :cry: So I'm a bit stressed out right now. Might as well be suffering depression ... these pregnancy hormones really screw me up.

I am feeling a lot better today thanks everyone!!

We had another trip to the supermarket and DD had already been spanked for stealing a chocolate out of the drawer and then lying about it - they were okay but DD did start up BUT the behaviour didn't warrant a spank this time around so she missed out on her special ginger bread biscuit and was sent to bed with just a sandwhich and no treat.

The only reason why I wouldn't leave the shop if they acted out is because I feel they would learn to control the situation by deliberately playing up because it means "we will go home" and if the trip doesn't suit them they learn this will get them home, and therefore their own way.

I am glad I am not the only one who still spanks! The bible doesn't say "Spare the rod, spoil the child" for no reason! or "He who fails to discipline his son HATES him" for no reason.

And NO :shock: ... I am not here to get into a debate about spanking either, just saying I am glad I am not the only one, because sometimes people even in Christendom try and make you feel guilty about it !!!

PS I am checking into enrolling them into childcare for ONE day only so I can get my bits and bobs done... it depends on the cost tho

[Madre]

oh my heavens!!...I have the same problem. I mean its like IMPOSSIBLE to go anywhere with her. I tihnk a lot has to do that she simply does not have any friends and usually only gets to play outside like 1 or 2 times a week in addition to 2 hours during the nursery at church. Its just too much for me to take her anywhere alone. I have vowed many a time to never take her anywhere again...lol
Im so wow'ed by your ability to handle multiple children all while pregnant! I know I could not.

Gracie, I think your capacity grows with each child, thankfully. :)

ITA Aussiemum. You know they are trying to change the law here (will find out if it's going to happen at the end of October, early November I guess) so that it's against the law to spank your kids. But they say that they would not charge you if it was a light spank and the police would use their discretion. Yeah whatever. It's still going to stop a whole heap of us from even dareing to spank just in case. KWIM? So I guess it's Timeout or something else from then on....

It's not the end of the world if they do change the law... but I really hate how they think they can tell us how we can raise our kids. Our PM doesn't even have kids. :roll:

[Gracie]

oh my heavens!!...I have the same problem. I mean its like IMPOSSIBLE to go anywhere with her. I tihnk a lot has to do that she simply does not have any friends and usually only gets to play outside like 1 or 2 times a week in addition to 2 hours during the nursery at church. Its just too much for me to take her anywhere alone. I have vowed many a time to never take her anywhere again...lol
Im so wow'ed by your ability to handle multiple children all while pregnant! I know I could not.

Gracie, I think your capacity grows with each child, thankfully. :)
oh, Lord..Lets hope so! :D

Renee

There is always debate over making it illegal over here to and in Darwin it is... however it IS illegal in some places in Europe so what the Christian parents do there is arm their children with education, that if they spank and the child is being coaxed into dobbing in spanking parents at school or anywhere else, and they DO, they will be removed to a far worse place than a home where they get the odd spanking and they may not see Mummy ever again. My friend who was a NZ missionary over there says it works.

There are some forms of spanking I DO NOT agree with however, such as using a whip or belt, AND I do not agree with hitting around the head.

I know someone who used a leather throng with knots on the end to discipline her children, now that IS child abuse.

I used to get a leather strap and that IS wrong.

[love2mom]

I, too, am a spanker. I was raised in a loving Christian family with many a wooden spoon used in times of disobedience. Never was it child abuse, and I don't use the spoon, just the hand.

In my area, spanking is still allowed, though the rules are: open hand, not under 2yrs., not on the head... not sure if there are more.

I find the fear to repeat the offense (so to speak) is worse if I tell ds we need to wait until we get home. He has an amazing memory and he will even bring it up if I have forgotten. (I guess he hasn't learned that he could get away with it if he was silent!!)

Be encouraged, Aussie_Mom, you are doing a great job with your twins. I agree about staying in the store as opposed to going home... my kids would view that as a win on their team too! You do whatever works with your kids, right? Amazing how they can all be so different.

Keep it up!

Chris

[Timmys mom]

Man all this makes me very happy I only have one kid! lol. I just put him in the grocery cart, and thats that. He's usually a perfect little angel. I think he likes the ride, and we'll make faces at each other and laugh and stuff. Plus a lot of times I go with my mom, so it makes him happy to see grandma too. Hey heres an Idea, go shopping with your mom, have her push one in a cart and you push the other. Well, I don't even know if you live close to your mom, but if they're anything like Timmy, he loves seeing his grandparents and he's especially god when they're around.

[love2mom]

don't get me wrong... some days are great in the stores. Particularly Costco, where the aisles are so wide we race down the aisles (literally... I push really fast and jump on so we all get a ride!) I even had a race with a dad and his sons once! :) Sometimes we play games or sing silly songs. And food sample tables make the time more enjoyable too.

[momohnc]

I can remember being in a store when dd was 2 or 3, and she was Screaming about wanting her blanket, which I had asked her if she wanted before we went in and she said "no," and I know people hated me! When I checked out, I said to the cashier, "I'll bet you're glad we're leaving," and she said, "you said it, I didn't." I was determined not to give in. I'm right there with you when you talk about feeling like a failure. I'm afraid people look at her behvior and think I don't even try, but I know how hard I do try! Hang in there, though!
Hollie

Renee

There is always debate over making it illegal over here to and in Darwin it is... however it IS illegal in some places in Europe so what the Christian parents do there is arm their children with education, that if they spank and the child is being coaxed into dobbing in spanking parents at school or anywhere else, and they DO, they will be removed to a far worse place than a home where they get the odd spanking and they may not see Mummy ever again. My friend who was a NZ missionary over there says it works.

There are some forms of spanking I DO NOT agree with however, such as using a whip or belt, AND I do not agree with hitting around the head.

I know someone who used a leather throng with knots on the end to discipline her children, now that IS child abuse.

I used to get a leather strap and that IS wrong.

I don't know... I don't think I'd even want to try to tell my kids that. I would still be too scared that they'd tell someone.
I don't agree with using anything but the hand. And also I don't agree with hitting on the head or in the face. I have seen two instances of this when I worked at the supermarket... a lady hit her son in the face. And a man hit his son on the head. It's people like that that make things the way they are now for us... I would NEVER hit Abby on the head or face. I only spank on the bottom or hand.
My parents used a big wooden spoon and my mothers father used a belt. I don't agree with that. However, the wooden spoon did me no harm IMO but some people just go OTT. Two words ... reasonable force! Obviously if you are leaving bruises or marks then you need to stop and think. My mother and her siblings were belted and had welts on their backs. :cry:

That's terrible Renee, about the welts! I can't stand of actually doing a thing which harms or physically marks a child like that...

But I am pleased to say, we had a supermarket trip today and aside from them getting a bit niggly with each other, they were GOOD.

Has someone been praying for us? That's how I felt, that someone is praying for us.

Definately "family connections" You have to parent in the way you feel is right and acceptable :D I might spank my children but I am also about showing support and love to other mothers who choose NOT TOO!!!

I am certainly NOT a dogmatic type of person and the Bible doesn't say "Blessed are the peace makers" for no reason !!!

I believe as Mothers we need to stand together !!

[justmeNmine]

The grocery store is where I have used the "little pinch." I have only had to do it a couple times, a little pinch on the inside of his thigh- this worked well when he still rode in the seat part of the cart... nowadays if he sees me make a pinching gesture with my fingers, he knows what it means and will straighten right out- we actually have a really good time shopping together.