Sibling Rivalry

[BlessedMom]

Hello all...

I'm relatively new here, but would like to get your opinions. I have a son who is 5 1/2 years old and a daughter who just turned 4. I also have a baby who is 13 months old. But my problem is with my older two. They fight constantly and over every little thing. I see them purposefully trying to do something mean to the other just to start a fight. School just let out and I just don't know how to deal with them fighting 24/7 all summer long, ya know. My son is kind of the bully and my daughter is the whiner, but she does things mean to him as well. Also, I just don't know the best way to punish them as it seems what I'm doing is not working all that well. I don't expect them to play perfectly all day long, but right now I feel like such a failure as a mom. I would be so thankful for any advice that anyone has. Be Blessed!

[stephwhiz]

First of all, you ARE NOT a failure! You sound like a very good mom but like any mom sometimes our kids can start to drive us crazy :shock: . I mean sometimes I could just scream. The best thing I have found with mine is to warn them if they are doing bad behavior and tell them what the punishment will be if it happens again i.e. timeout or favorite toy taken away and then follow through, follow through and follow through.

I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old and my 8 year old likes to pick on the 4 year old and the 4 year old likes to follow the 8 year old around which drives him nuts! I try to occupy her and let her help me so he can have some peace and quiet. With the 8 year old taking things away like a day without riding his 4-wheeler or taking the phone away for a day is what is working best with him right now. With the 4 year old taking things away and also timeout is working well with her.

Best of luck and remember that at different ages different punishments work.

Stephanie

[BlessedMom]

Thanks for the encouragement! I think that's part of my problem. I warn them, but I never follow through. I really like Supernanny's techniques and think I may try using some of them. thanks again, Stephanie

[Reneemomto5]

I second the notion, you are NOT a failure. Raising children I think has to be one of the hardest jobs out there. I have many days as you describe and my only advice is consistancy and follow through. My children work best with time in their beds that fit the age and crime.

My younger sons spend much less time in their beds than my older sons. And there is nothing in their rooms but their beds and dressers. I found this very helpful in my trials of disciplining. All their toys are in a play room down stairs. Its not easy, and many days I could pull my hair out, but they do know when I mean business and if not its amazing the difference in the child after some time alone in their bed. It seems every time an entirely different disposition emerges from their room, though sometimes very short lived, but I enjoy it while it lasts.

Hang in there, you'll soon find something that works for you and your children.

[love2mom]

My boys seem to be snowballing towards the not sharing/MINE stage, and it gets so tiresome. At 2 and almost 4, they are at the perfect age to test out these illusive concepts, and I find myself wondering what happened to wanting to be a mom who doesn't yell? Whoa. Pray, pray, then pray again, right?

Hmm.... bullying and whining... these are tough. I remind my older son that I can not hear or understand him if he is whining. I have told him this for as long as (he) can remember, so he is learning to stop and change his tone of voice if he is serious about needing me for something.

Another thing that may trigger some change is the natural consequences. I have a hard time remembering this one or thinking of what they would be, but it does work. If they are not being kind, they can be separated from one another, or given tasks that show kindness. For lying, my son gets a teeny dab of tabasco on his tongue (with a glass of water to follow). For snitching raisins, he had his favorite stuffed monkey taken away for the night. These have been painful to enforce, but very effective and memorable. Psychologists may tell my sons down the road that these scenarios caused them repressed memories and emotional scarring, but I'm willing to risk it if it works and changes disobedient or wrong behaviors.

I hope these are some ideas that spark some of your own.

ps. another good tool is a timer... (eg. 3 minutes with the "coveted" toy for child#1, then 3 minutes for child #2) Audible ringer reminds both parties, and they can see you are being fair. We do this the most with the tricycle right now.

[BlessedMom]

Thanks for the suggestions!