Hi,
My name is Amy, and I have two living children, a boy and girl. I also have two children in heaven(m/c in July 06 and ectopic in November 06). My dh and I are praying for a third child. Every month after the second loss has been so much harder, I find myself getting in a bad mood the week before my cycle(I just know it is gonna start, a BFP seems so far away), and the week thereof. I kinda level out the other two weeks of the month because there is hope and a new chance.
I am so tired of riding out this emotional roller coaster. It doesn't help that my bf is now 13 weeks pregnant, and everything is good with it. She had a struggle with her first one(took 4 1/2 years), and this one was a surprise(only tried for 7 months). I am so happy for her, but I can't help but feel sad for what I don't have.
I keep hoping that maybe this will be our month, because we got pregnant this time last year with the first one we lost. But I don't want to get my hopes up, they get dashed every month anyway. I should start next Saturday.
Anyway, please forgive my vent and questions. I just wonder if anyone else ever feels this way. I am praying that everyone receives their little miracle.
Amy

Amy, so many of us feel that way. We all have our lower than low moments. I feel like sometimes God is asking me, How much do you trust me? Of course I say 100% and in the back of my mind I question myself, Because I want to concieve now!!! In my time and not in Gods. I want things to happen when I think I'm ready. But I have also realized that if I am ever going to conceive again I need to fully trust God and let His timing work. It is a on going struggle. I get discouraged and disappointed. But it's okay, because I know in the depths of my heart that God's will is the best way for me. I don't know what the future holds so I have no choice but to trust my Heavenly Father.

And to praise Him for the one beautiful dd that I have now at this time. Because I don't know how long I will have with her. For nobody is promised tomorrow.
Keep trying and keep trusting God. Have faith and Keep asking.
Praying for you, and welcome to the board. Hopefully you won't be here in this forum long. Sending babydust and prayers your way!

You are totally normal! I lost my first 2 weeks before my sister made the announcement she was pg. It was SO hard while she was pg and then even after my nephew was born because my baby would have only been 1 month older, so I would look at him and think about my baby in heaven. TTC can get so rough and discouraging. The only thing that kept me sane was knowing it was in Gods hands, and that His will is best.

Thanks for the kind replies ladies. I am so sorry about AF, savedbygrace. It is so hard not to get excited when you are a day or two late. I wish I just didn't care so much about a new baby. Then I wouldn't try and it would happen when it is time. How do you let it go and not let it eat you up? I am a Christian, although you can't really tell it lately. I have let my losses suck the live out of me. Just this past few months, I had tried coming back to reality out of my funk. But I am blessed with 2 lovely children: 7 and 3.
Have a great day, ladies.
Praying for our little miracles.
Amy

Praying God's loving arms wrapped around you as you wait upon His calling and timing.

Amy,

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time right now. I just want to encourage you a bit. I personally know of loss, I had two miscarriages before I got pg with our Dd, then we lost our sweet baby Noah just under 4 weeks ago at 2 days of age. We knew he was very sick from 13w3d pg, but we had hope that the Lord would sustain him here on earth. Although our specific prayers of Noah living on earth were not answered, we were given so much grace, and so much mercy from the Lord. He answered so many of our prayers. We were able to meet our son alive, we had 54 amazing hours with him, I was able to deliver him vaginally and have him put on my tummy while his cord was being cut before they whisked him away. Yes, it's so very hard to want something so physically it hurts, but the Lord knows. You may not get the answers you were hoping for, but your prayers are not going unheard.
I pray your heart's burdens are lifted. There is nothing worse than feeling far from our Lord's embrace. Please just remember that he is holding you, and he is hurting with you, and he loves you and knows what your family needs!

If you want to read Noah's story, you can look on the pregnancy site for the "well that wasn't the news we expected" post, or I could give you Noah's memorial web-site's address.

I hope if you read our story, that you are encouraged by what our Lord did for us, and how amazing he was and is to us. Without him, losing our son would have killed me, but as the song goes.......it's Amazing grace!!

Blessings my sister, and I hope your little sticky baby blessing is right around the corner!

Amber

Actually, I have been lurking on the pregnancy board for a while, just praying that I will be on that side once again one day. I have read your story, and was amazed by your strength. I cannot imagine losing a child after delivery, my heart goes out to you. I am amazed by your strength and positive attitude, what is your secret?
Praying for little miracles
Amy

No secret, just the Lord. Without his comforting hands I would be goo!!

Maybe we will get to share in pregnancy together! That would be a blast!

Blessings,
Amber