Toddler In Church...Help

[x0shelia0x]

Ok....I am new around here and I dont know if this has already been posted...sorry if I am repeating something here. I need advice on what to do with my toddler during church. We go to a very small church without a nursery. My DD knows everyone there because she has been there since 6 days old. Only thing is she is the only child under 6yrs old. She is 19 months and is getting to the point where she is disrupting the service and I dont know what to do. We have toys, food, and drink where we sit and she doesnt seem to want anything because she knows that we are trying to confine her to one pew...yes...we have the entire pew and she is still being a booger! I need advice..is she too young to expect her to sit through sunday school and church? Should I try new toys every week, like alternate them? I am so lost!!!
Thanks
Sheila

[Cheeseburger]

We already expect our girl to sit through bible study quietly and she is only 12 months. She knows what "be quiet" means. She is allowed to sit quietly or sleep in mommy's or daddy's lap, have a drink or breastfeed, or have a quiet toy to play with or book to look at. She is not allowed to make much noise and if she does start yelling or whatever we tap her on the mouth (not very hard, just to let her know to be quiet.) She does okay although she is still pretty young so we do give her a bit more slack than we would an older child. I guess one factor would be how long is your service, because our bible study runs about an hour to an hour and a half and usually a toy or two along with cuddling with mom/breastfeeding will keep her entertained that long. I certainly wouldn't expect her to sit for like 3 hours LOL

[savedbygrace]

Well Abby is now 3 and although she does better, she still doesn't sit quiet. We are a small church and we don't have a nursery either, but our nursery does have a speaker in there to hear the pastor preaching (my dh is the pastor, so yes the PK does not sit still in church) The way I see it is kids are kids, and though I believe they should learn to sit quiet in church, they will act up especially if they are hungry or tired. Then what do you do when they have to pee every 15 min's? See if your church will get a speaker in the nursery. If your child is causing too much noise take her out. It is distracting for the Pastor and for others around you. If you don't want to do that, then sit in the back so she won't be as much of a distraction.

When Abby was 2years old I started training her to sit quiet or play quietly during church. I would take her out and spank her every time with a spoon in the furthest room down the hall. And now she is a lot better but she will hear something her daddy is preaching about and she'll repeat him or elaborate on what he is saying. She's not trying to be bad or disobiedient, she simply is a talkative child (like daddy) :) It takes time and it takes patience. Be consistent and if she is being a distraction take her out. Talk to her before you go to church and remind her to be a good girl. But she is only 19months, I wouldn't be too harsh on her, she still just a baby.

[jen1981]

Ditto what Cheeseburger said. We start training tham to be quiet in church from the time they are born. :wink: Tap on the mouth for loud noises and a finger to the lips. Our littlest one is almost a year. We bring quiet toys or books, but I have found that the more things I bring the more restless and discontent the kids are. If they know they only have a few things they will play with them longer. As the kids got older we would take them out and spank them for screaming or repeating something noisy that was not an accident. For the age of your dd we were out frequently until they learned. At that age we didn't do hard spankings but more a couple swats on the leg or a snip along with a "quiet in church" in a firm voice. It is really important at that age to do immediate inforcement of the rules. Our kids knew thaty were to be quiet. If they started making loud noise they immediately in church got a snip(flick with a finger on the leg along with a finger to the lips. Then we took them out if neccesary. Anyway hope that helps some. :wink:

[justmeNmine]

I simply can't imagine going to a church that didn't do kids' church during service, but that's just me. I always had my kids come to worship and then go to their designated classes. I think of it as a learning time for me, not so different from my college classes, and I wouldn't bring my kids to one of those... I remember church being fun when I was little, somewhere I wanted to go and I think being made to sit quietly beyond a toddler's attention span may sort of ruin the experience. That said, I do know that some families prefer to keep the family together during church and I would guess that the techniques described on other posts would be the way to accomplish that.

[x0shelia0x]

I really appreciate all of your opinions and Ideas. I guess where I havent done too well on my part is teaching DD about quiet time. We live so far out from places that all we do is go to the grocery store, then back to church 3 times a week. Sunday morning 2hrs, evening 1r, and wednesday 1hr evening. So pretty much during the week she is used to doing what she wants and she does well with quiet time on our own, its just never been inforced anywhere else. My DH has recently started to swat her on her bottom during church but the kid that runs away lauging at home throws a monster fit at church when you just look at her wrong. Church usually falls during nap time but since she was born she will not take a nap in public she has to be in the car alone (with me or DH...anyone else and she is too interested in what they are doing) or at home in her crib. She has only fallen alseep in church one time and we had a substitute pastor and he just had one of those soothing voices. Lately my nephews have been comming to church and they are young enough to go to childrens church when our pastor gets up to preach, but that has only been here recently. We have a baby monitor set up backward so we can hear him preaching in the back and I usually just leave but now DH doesnt want me to because he wants her to learn to sit still....So if they offer to do childrens church, ok she can go, if not he doesnt like me to get up until she has already been a big disruption. Nobody says anything but I know they are all there to learn and I dont want to stop that from happening. We are having baby #2 and the pastors older daughter is going to do a nursery. SO I guess we have 10 weeks to go! I may have to try to spoon thing in the back of the church though because she could care less when I swat her on her bottom with my hand!

[~Tara~]

This has been a difficult stage with all of my children. Around 16 months they start testing things and getting rowdy and just don't sit well in church...
We start training from the beginning. Our children are expected to sit quietly during church.
I believe in spanking, but I prefer the use of a 'paddle' of some sort, as opposed to open hand. I have, in the past, brought a small wooden spoon, tucked in my bag, to deal with these instances.
I will tell them 'it's church time now, we need to be quiet and listen' as soon as they begin to make noise, I correct them, verbally. If it goes beyond that simple level of noise I tell them they need to stop or they'll get a spanking. And as soon as they DO get loud again, I take them out, spank their bottom and have a little talk with them. Give them a moment to settle down and regroup, then we head back into the service.
Yes, I do this even at 16 months.

As for toys...don't bring much. Have a small selection of quiet things that are reserved ONLY for church. Soft Bible story books or a doll, something of that nature. Don't play their games of "let's see how many times I can drop this on the floor and mommy will pick it up for me" Once is an accident, twice is...catching on...anymore than that and it's just a game. Do.not.play! Just say "oops, sorry, they're gone now, we'll have to wait until after church" They may very well get mad. Take 'em out and spank 'em.

Consistency is what is going to bring you through this.

You can also practice at home. Listen to the Bible online or something like that and expect the child to sit quietly with you for X period of time. And treat it just as you would at church "no, shh, let's be quiet so we can listen. sit and listen with me."

Gotta run, critter needs me...

But I think I covered pretty well all I was going to.

[jen1981]

quote from justmenmine:
I think of it as a learning time for me, not so different from my college classes, and I wouldn't bring my kids to one of those... I remember church being fun when I was little, somewhere I wanted to go and I think being made to sit quietly beyond a toddler's attention span may sort of ruin the experience. That said, I do know that some families prefer to keep the family together during church and I would guess that the techniques described on other posts would be the way to accomplish that.

Our church does not have a nursery or children's church. They have 1/2 hr. Sunday School class Sun. morning and that is all. My kiddos go to church 2 hrs. Sun. morning, 1 hr. Sun. night, 1 hr. Tues and 1 hr. Thurs. They have to sit still, but they are still excited to go. We aren't torturing them or dragging them to a horrible place. :wink: We don't take them to church for an "experience" but so that they can learn about the Lord Jesus and the Bible. It is impossible for them to listen and learn if they are jumping around and being noisy. You would be amazed at how young they understand and know what is going on. The insights our 5 yr old has amaze me sometimes. :D It is also very good training in self control for the rest of their lives. They are learning to sit and listen een when they don't want to, something they will need in school as well. They also learn not to be disruptive while someone is speaking. Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that it isn't just about wanting to have the family together or having church be a place for them to be entertained. :D

[Blessed 2 B Zoey]

Hey I am lucky because I go to a church that has children and sunday school type activitys but on family services it is hard to keep them still. What I say is let them be children, people should be able to respect that you have a child and that child does have a voice. Take some things for her to do while in the service, colouring in, reading, that sort of thing.

I know your plight I do not think that always children are provided for in church's and so I am setting up a service for mum and children under 5 to encourage more people into the church. Without looking I think there is a bit in the bible that says Jesus welcomes people like children, sorry I am not sure if that is correct I do not have a bible to hand.

Any way the best advice that I could give is do not panic, explain to your DD that church is for quite and calm to recive the lord and give her something to do and if she makes a noise then don't stress that what children do.

[Iwantmycrown]

I am having the same problem with DD. Since my DH has went to weekends we never get to attend Sunday services anymore...due to having one car. So Wednesdays are the only time we get to go. My little one can get very testy to. So far she has been staying longer and longer in church. Our church has a nursery...but, does not offer services on Wednesday nights. They do have a speaker system...but, I still do not get to hear all the message. So, this go around I packed some things for her to do that make no noise. Two ziploc bags. One filled with clothes pins and the other with a deck of cards. My little one likes to take stuff out and then put it back in. She also likes the printing on each card. So this week I thought of something great. What if everytime I had to get up and take her to the nursery she got to play with none of the toys? DD was bored out of her mind and spent the time running her fingers around the wall to feel the texture. I am not sure this will work. But, nothing I have tried seems to have worked so far. So I figured if I show her there will be no fun to be had in the nursery...maybe she would like to stay with everyone else for the service.

[momtomadelyn]

It sounds like we're in the same boat. My daughter is 18 months old and my church does not have a nursery either. It can be very frustrating at times. I bring a pack of those magic markers that only show up on the magic drawing pad that comes with it. I also bring a pack of stickers and let her place stickers on the writing pad (I find a pack of 1000 stickers for $1 at AC Moore). When all else fails, I pull out a bag of marshmellows because those are her fave. Even with all this entertainment, I still have to take her out frequently. When I do take her out, I do not make it fun for her. She has to sit on my lap...she usually fights me the whole time. I don't want her to think that if she acts up, she'll be taken out to play. The good news is my husband and I take turns taking her out, so I don't have to miss every sermon.

[savedbygrace]

Try giving her just 1 sour patch kids candy. just 1. I read somewhere (i think parent magazine) that it makes them calm down. I've been trying it with dd, who is 3. And it help some. The last couple of times, she sat next to me, and was pretty good.

[mumof2boyz]

I definitely agree that too many toys/distractions don't help, and they certainly don't help the kid learn anything from church. We don't have a nursery to drop the kids off at; they start Sunday School at age 4 (next month for DS #1 - Yay!!) but there is a parents' room that has a speaker in it, so if they are tired or hungry you can still listen. I've found that by 18 months or so it works best to only bring one book along into church; toys and lots of food only make the kid more wound up & mom gets more frustrated! Just my $0.02...

[SoapLady]

This is a toughie! Ds seems to go through phases. Our services are a minimum of 90 minutes so it's a long stretch for a little one. He can be an angel for several weeks, then just the opposite for a few weeks. Making sure he's well rested and fed are big keys. If he skips his nap or is hungry, it's surely a disaster.

Like Tara said, we have toys just for church. This makes a huge difference! We keep a small bag of quiet toys in the car and that's what he gets to play with (has been a lifesaver at restaurants a few times too!). We also have a small roll-up blanket/mat that I put on the floor in front of us (in some churches, it's too tight to do this between the pews). He gets to play with his toys on that blanket and is not to run off. You can train him to do this by practicing on the floor at home (praising him for staying on the mat, saying "no" when he tries to leave it). We use hand signals to remind him to be quiet if he starts talking.

[Sharon]

I have been reading a book called "Becoming Toddler Wise". There is a section for just this and last night I was thinking to myself that I am going to start working on this.

In the book they say to have Couch Quiet Time each day. To sit with your child on the couch, give them a couple of books for a small toy. YOU )mommy) read a book also. You explain them how this is quiet time and they should sit next to you. The first day is only 10 min. Each time they try to talk you "hush" them and encourage them to look the book ect. After a few days you increase it a couple of min. You keep doing that until you hit 45 min.

I saw this work, my sister in law did it with my nephew and it was amazing to see how well he acted in church.

I truly believe we cannot expect our child to behave and be quiet in church if we do not train them at home first, ya know?

those are just my two cents. :lol: I plan on starting this on Monday with my 2 year old.

[RachelinLA]

I second everyone else who said train at home first. I think it's a good idea to work at it at home, then they know exactly what to expect when you're out.

We role play too... when I am teaching DD to respond to bullies for instance, then she is herself and I am the bully. I throw her curve balls and say things that I never "taught" her how to answer - keeps her on her toes ;).

[kalihi76]

I bring quiet toys with me for ds (20mo) , but honestly, he's an active guy & well he's 20 months so I do not expect him to sit there quietly for 1.5hrs. So if he gets ansy, we go outside, I go for a walk with him while hubby sits in church, or vice-versa.
I think it's good to practice quiet time, but realistically, some kids are more active than others & have shorter attention spans & we need to be mindful of their age.