Playdates/playgroups and house rules....

[Faith1]

Just curious....How do you deal with situations when your parenting rules are a bit mroe strict than those of the other children you invite into your home for playdates/playgroups? For example we do not allow dd to jump/stand on the furniture but others apparently let their children do that. Do you tell the child directly that you do not allow it or tell the other mom in hopes that she will take care of the situation? I know I am a bit more strict with dd and we have talked about it among the moms, but frankly most all of our "rules" are for safety reasons - like not jumping/standing ont he furniture.

[mamallama]

I am up front with other moms about "the rules of our house". I haven't had a problem with it yet. I expect the same when my children are at other people's homes. My kids know that different people have different rules and what might be acceptable at one place might not be at another. And vice versa. It's all about respect.

[mama bronc]

My Dd is expected to tell her friends the rules of our house. Things like leaving the cat alone when she is in her place, not standing on furniture, no food in the LR, etc. If Mattie forgets to tell the child who is playing at our house, I just meniton it to them myself. "We don't stand on the furniture here, you could fall and get hurt!" Sometimes they say something like "We are allowed to do it at my house." To which I reply, "Well the rule here is that you may not." The kids are usually pretty respectful of it.

I agree, kids learn pretty quickly that there are different rules at different houses. I don't have any problem at all with laying out the rules for visitors. I hope others do the same for my kids when they are visiting.

[savedbygrace]

my dd is 3 and so when her friends come over to play, some of them do not know how to behave very well. If the kid jumps on my coach and the mom does not say something then I will say something the second time he does it. I say something to the kid like " (name) we don't jump on the furniture in our house" If the child continues to do it and the parent does not speak up, then I tell all the kids to go outside and play or go play in the room. If that kid is still disobeying, and the mom is not saying anything about it, I then become strict an stern when telling the child. And I don't invite them over again.

[EvaS]

I usually give the parent the opportunity to tell their child not to jump on furniture if their parent is present. Surely there should be some universal law saying that you shouldn't jump on other peoples furniture. It's fine if you let your kid do it at your house, but it's just plain disrespectful to go into someone else's house and allow them to trample the furniture :D However, if their parent is not present or doesn't respond to their kid jumping on my furniture, then I will say "Furniture is for sitting on, not jumping on or sliding down." The kids usually obey and if they don't then I just take them outside and make them wash the car 5 times :lol: Totally kidding :D

[Faith1]

Surely there should be some universal law saying that you shouldn't jump on other peoples furniture.

I like that! I tend to so the same as most everyone has been saying in that I let the other mom have a chance to do the correcting first. My dd is almost 3 like SavedbyGrace, so the behavior can be sketchy for some of the tots. I just don't understand why some "very good parents" (parents taht really should know this) do not enforce the respect for their own homes/furniture let alone someone else's. Thank you all for the input and I feel better knowing that I am not the only one that would step in and ask the child to stop if the other mom didn't. I felt like a bruit when I said "we don't do that here", but at least dd saw that not even guests are allowed to do things like that.

Thanks!!

[MommaBear]

How about posting "House Rules" so parents know what is acceptable at your home and what is not? Just a thought. ~Kerri

[Faith1]

How about posting "House Rules" so parents know what is acceptable at your home and what is not? Just a thought. ~Kerri

I thouhgt about that, but really can you write down every rule that you have, do you just stick to major ones, etc? And with this age group things come up like we only play with playdough at this table, we can throw balls in the playroom, but not any other toys, etc. I guess I also felt that it would be a bit overbearing for the small playgroups, kind of like pointing out the problem mom to everyone else. I want to be welcoming, and most of the time the parents are very good, the furniture thing just threw me for a loop when I felt bad that I had to correct another preson's child in front of her.

[MommaBear]

You'd just have to post rules that you expect your kids to follow. 1. No hitting or biting of any kind 2. No cussing 3. No playing on, jumping on or removal of cushions from the furniture. 4. No one may be near the pool without Mommy or Daddy...ecetera As YOUR children grow up these rules can change. Good to have when your child says: "You never said..." Also leave a spot for discipline policy ie: 1st offense: is a warning 2nd offense: time-out 3rd offense: loss of priviledge of toy or activity for the day...ecetera. Point out your rules to Moms attending your playdate. Let them know these are the rules of your home and you and DH have instilled them for the children's safety as well as all your guest's. Silly I know but...I remember growing up the house rules at all my friend's homes...still. Especially love the one that said "No toys will be flushed down the toilet" :wink: Again, best of luck to you! ~Kerri