My uncle passed away this week and I have been at my grandmothers for family gatherings. My cousin was sitting at the table with her 2 yr old son when some of the women began to put the food on the table. She got up very quickly even though the baby was reaching for food. My uncle told her to let the baby have some food and she replied that they did not eat until the men in the home had ate first. She stated that it was the belief at her church that the children ate last.

Do you feed the child or the dh first?

I always feed my son first!

Alicia

I feel that if the children have eaten or are eating then the adults will have a better time eating!! I know some religions say that the men always eat first. BUT, I feel that the men should love their wives to want to put them first. Or the children. Just my 2 cents!

This was a recent topic discussed with some of our friends. In my family and dh family we did things the same way. The women cooked the food and the kids and men ate first. Not that this was a showing of disrespect for the women but it all started many many years ago when the men were working out in the fields and the women cooked all day. Afterwards they didn't feel like sitting down right away and eating but wanted to rest and visit while the men and children ate. It is still that way in both of our families when we get together for large gatherings only difference is no more working in the fields...lol. My sil had a hard time understanding this when she first got into the family and raised a big stink over it but now she "acts" like she is ok with it.

We have always eaten altogether, even when the kids were babies. I can see where it might be a good idea, though, to at least get some food into baby, for contentment purposes. :wink:

When we have big gatherings the oldest members go first, but usually I'll grab a roll or something to keep the kids happy. Then I get their food and then my own. Dh gets his when he wants too. At home we eat together at the table so we are all eating at once. BTW we usually have a buffet style at family get togethers.

At our church potlucks the elderly go first followed by women with small children and then the rest. Our Pastor always is last. For familiy gatherings we have allowed smaller children, toddlers etc...to have their plates full and be busy so mom could get her plate. The rest just ate together! At our house, being vegan, I often have already eaten mine. I serve the boys and hubby together. But hubby says to let them eat if he is going to be late! They get hungry. I think it is a matter of family preference and tradition. I like the order that it is done at our church though. :D

we eat as a family, but I always have my kid's plates ready to go and while they start we dish up...saves a LOT of fidgeting and awnriness if they are preoccupied with dinner! :shock:

I serve everyones plates and then dh puts the baby in his high chair then I give dh his plate and then the baby's plate to him..It helps when ds is eating while we are eating so we dont have to deal w/him fussing..I do like to serve dh before anyone else though since he is the head of the house hold. And I give him the most food as well. But I think thats just my way of showing him that I appreciate him for going to work and all. I dont really think he cares..If he's running late, he;ll let me know for us to eat ahead. Everyone has their different way of doing things.

At our church potlucks the elderly go first followed by women with small children and then the rest. Our Pastor always is last. For familiy gatherings we have allowed smaller children, toddlers etc...to have their plates full and be busy so mom could get her plate. The rest just ate together! At our house, being vegan, I often have already eaten mine. I serve the boys and hubby together. But hubby says to let them eat if he is going to be late! They get hungry. I think it is a matter of family preference and tradition. I like the order that it is done at our church though. :D

That's the way it is at our church too! (except I think the Pastor manages to squeeze in there somewhere after the elders and mommies with kids :wink: ) At home, my dd sets the table and I *try* to get DH fed first although it doesn't always work out that way if he is late (from work) or needs to use the restroom, what have ya..

Bill and I agree that Maddy gets fed first...and when it's just Maddy and I here, I eat with her. It's kinda hard with Maddy not quite feeding herself all the time yet, so I kinda alternate...bite for her, bite for me...but we make sure that she's fed and then go onto us.

When our eldest son was a baby, I'd feed him before dh got home, then dh and I would eat after ds went to bed for the night.

Now that the boys are older, we all eat together, as a family. The only exception to that would be if dh is going to be really late for some reason, or if the boys have something on and so eat earlier. I always sit with the boys while they eat if they are eating at a different time to us, but I eat my meal with dh.

Ok, I'll shut up now.............(and I've not even had any caffeine this morning)

Uh oh! :lol: [teafortwo]

We eat as a family TOGETHER! We usually make Ian's plate first, but we wait to eat together.

I just wanted to second Kana's opinion. I agree with everything you said. I just edited b/c I wanted to add something that I had written in a blog recently and has to do with what Kana and Supermanslady had to say


I have been reading and studying and praying alot lately on the role of a wife and mother. I often wonder what my true calling is, what is it that God wants me to do. Recently I have been given the revelation. I am first to be a wife and mother. These are the people God has placed in my life to pour into. You must first do the work at home it will then spread out to others. It makes so much sense and has lifted a burden off my shoulders. I no longer need to go about searching for what God wants from me, it is right here at home and when my time is ready I will be given other fields to work in!

I have to say I am a lot like Eva. My dd and I share an apartment that is big enough for the two of us but not big enough for a dining room table. Sadly we end up eating at the coffee table or Rhyanne has a booster seat that I put on the floor. She enjoys it and it works out great for us.

Normally I feed her first and then serve myself. Only because I am afraid that while my back is turned dishing up her plate she will begin picking off mine.

Sara

I'm not sure that this topic is necessarily an issue of putting your children above your husband. It seems that it's more of a "what works best in your home" type of thing. For example, a husband may want his wife to serve the kids first or he may not. Because a husband gets his own plate at a fellowship or gathering, that doesn't necessarily reflect that his wife doesn't want to serve him. On the other hand, if his wife gets his plate, why should anyone there have to comment on it?

We always preferred to sit down together, but, obviously that doesn't work in some households due to work situations, activities, possibly ages of children, etc. I would tend to think that any wife on this forum would want to put her husband first, but that will not always look the same for everyone. :)

We all eat together...that's the way my DH likes it.

I'm not sure that this topic is necessarily an issue of putting your children above your husband. It seems that it's more of a "what works best in your home" type of thing. For example, a husband may want his wife to serve the kids first or he may not. Because a husband gets his own plate at a fellowship or gathering, that doesn't necessarily reflect that his wife doesn't want to serve him. On the other hand, if his wife gets his plate, why should anyone there have to comment on it?

We always preferred to sit down together, but, obviously that doesn't work in some households due to work situations, activities, possibly ages of children, etc. I would tend to think that any wife on this forum would want to put her husband first, but that will not always look the same for everyone. :)

I agree totally. :D Each family will be run differently.



Supeman'sLady wrote:

"It goes both ways, doesn't it? Sometimes we as the so called ultra submissive women, get caught up in that and judge our not as submissive counterparts unduly. So glad you brought that example up of the pastor and his wife. I needed that to remind me not to be so judgemental of those women who don't feel the same as me in this area".



I also agree. It is VERY important to remember where God has taken us and remember when we were not enlightened to the views we now hold. :) Grace for others! [girlsmiley] And because of different personalities and weaknesses and strengths not everyone will EVER lead the same kind of walk as we do. The only walk we can control is ours, and it is the most important thing to be concerned over. [OK] [/quote]

I think Christian wives, in general, want to be/try to be submissive to their husbands because, ultimately, they want to obey the Lord. However, I also honestly think you would be hard-put to find a wife that is flawlessly submissive at all times and in every situation. :wink:

I think it depends on the kids age. Obviously a baby has a different feeding schedule then us so they usually eat before we do. However, when they are toddlers we eat our meals together. I serve my husband, then my kids, then myself. We sit pray and eat at the same time. And if anybody needs anything i'll get up and get it for my family. I enjoy serving my family and do it out of love.

Oh, Eva!!! [rofl] [hug] [heart]

I think Christian wives, in general, want to be/try to be submissive to their husbands because, ultimately, they want to obey the Lord. However, I also honestly think you would be hard-put to find a wife that is flawlessly submissive at all times and in every situation. :wink:

Once again I say Amen to Madre! :D

I'm kind of surprised at some of the answers I'm seeing! I've never met *anyone* who serves her husband first. In every family I've ever seen, things happen much like they do at our house.

I get dinner prepared, get the plates dished out for everyone. We say grace (which is good, since the food needs to cool for the kids), DH and I each grab a plate for our kids, then we grab plates for ourselves. Our eating isn't always with the kids, sometimes it's around them, lol. With a 2-1/2 yo and an 11 mo, sometimes they need your help, if you KWIM. :lol: Anyway, my husband and I have never discussed it, but I think we would have by now if he had a problem with it. I don't think either of us see mealtime as a time when we are called to observe a stringent pecking order of which member of the family is more important.

I think that we all need to keep in mind that as women, we are called to submit to our husbands and care for our children as God does us, but, while husbands are not to submit to us, they are charged with caring for our needs. Ephesians 5:33 "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." I don't think that it does anyone any good to get all legalistic about things. Just do what works for your family! Because, if our husbands are to care for us as they would themselves, it doesn't follow that you would let half your body go hungry while the other half was nourished, if that makes sense.

I've seen moms distribute plates to everyone before herself, which is what DH and I both do. In our church, we generally let guests serve themselves first, then we all get in line. Parent generally get their younger children's plates with their own, and older kids are in line behind mom and dad. It's easier to make sure they're behaving themselves that way. ;) We individually chose whether we'll allow elderly people to step in front of us if they happen to get in line behind us, but there haven't been any complaints thus far. I have noticed that a lot of people are like me. I run to the end of the table for a couple of rolls for the kids at the very beginning, then wait until the crowd's died down. You don't get first pick that way, but that's not really what it's all about, anyway. So, I don't mind.

as a side question, do any of you feel like you failed the day if you haven't done something to truly serve your dh? I do. I'm gonna step on some toes here, but are we not serving our husbands every day by caring for their homes and children? I feel like God calls me to be my husband's helpmate (and can I stress this enough) advisor. I'm allowed to have an opinion, and I'm allowed to speak it to my husband. He is to make the final judgement, but I'll not mindlessly submit to his wishes without allowing him to consider possibilities that might not have occurred to him. If man and wife are one, does the man not have the obligation to consider what's important to his wife? I am not a Stepford wife, and I can never be. I've never read a passage in the Bible telling me that that is my role. God gave me a brain to help me become a good wife and mother, and I fully intend to use the tools he equipped me with.

Well said Bev. I agree completely.

Sara

Quote:
as a side question, do any of you feel like you failed the day if you haven't done something to truly serve your dh? I do.
I'm gonna step on some toes here, but are we not serving our husbands every day by caring for their homes and children? I feel like God calls me to be my husband's helpmate (and can I stress this enough) advisor. I'm allowed to have an opinion, and I'm allowed to speak it to my husband. He is to make the final judgement, but I'll not mindlessly submit to his wishes without allowing him to consider possibilities that might not have occurred to him. If man and wife are one, does the man not have the obligation to consider what's important to his wife? I am not a Stepford wife, and I can never be. I've never read a passage in the Bible telling me that that is my role. God gave me a brain to help me become a good wife and mother, and I fully intend to use the tools he equipped me with.

I think this is a heart attitude here. And each marriage goes through phases and each wife is called to serve her husband in a different way than another. I don't think anyone here means that you are to be a mindless stepford wife. :) Each marriage is so different from another. There is no way to account for personalities and preferences and likes and dislikes. :? What one husband would consider serving, another might call manipulation and irritating! :) We must all do as the Lord directs in our own marriage and realize that the Lord IS directing other wives as well. It may not look like our way of serving our husbands, but that is okay. Their marriage isn't ours, and their walk with the Lord isn't ours, and their spiritual growth isn't ours either! Their way of doing things might look totally different, but that is their business with the Lord. And I, for one, after realizing how much I have learned in 23 years and how much I still have to learn, would never presume to know what is best for another woman's marriage as far as how she best serves him. :D You know? :)

we make it a point to eat together as a family :wink:

I apologize if I offended anyone. Hey, if it works for you and your family, great. I just don't think that it's biblically ordained that we are obligated to do things for our husbands that they are totally capable of doing for themselves. And, as a vegan married to a meat lover, I know that my husband would rather not have me pick what he's going to eat. ;)

I do believe that we need to take care of our kids' needs before our own. God gave them to us--husbands and wives both--to care for, and I don't think that means that we should put either of our needs in front of theirs. Our babies depend on us for everything. We have an obligation to God to make sure that their needs are met. Sometimes, a conflict might occur between meeting their needs and meeting my husband's or my own. DH and I discuss it and come up with a solution that works for all of us.

Sometimes, it means giving up something I want to do or buying something I want. But, when you're charged with nurturing a child's spiritual growth, private preschool tuition at a local church wins hands down over buying a new video game for DH. (That's never happened, but I'm trying to think of something out of thin air, lol.) It means I shop at Goodwill for all of us, rather than buying retail for any of us.

I think of the Proverbs 31 wife as a model, like a lot of women. She was trustworthy, loving, organized and industrious. She was wise with her words. And she was capable of making decisions about running her household on her own. "She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard". She's a spunky gal, not absolutely dependant on her husband's judgement about matters that concern running the household.

I think that sometimes people confuse the husband being in the role of being the spiritual leader with him having the role of controlling every little thing in the household. Some men probably enjoy the role of Pinochet, but I think it'd be exhausting to have to micromanage things like that.

Just my opinion, but I think that being too legalistic about the roles of men and women is much too akin to the legalism of the Pharisees. And we all know how Jesus felt about that.

I apologize if I offended anyone. .

I think that sometimes people confuse the husband being in the role of being the spiritual leader with him having the role of controlling every little thing in the household. Some men probably enjoy the role of Pinochet, but I think it'd be exhausting to have to micromanage things like that.

Just my opinion, but I think that being too legalistic about the roles of men and women is much too akin to the legalism of the Pharisees. And we all know how Jesus felt about that.

Yes, the Proverbs 31 woman looks very different in each household! :) And many many do get legalistic about it! :? Grace and understanding is key here. I wasn't offended in the least Bev! :D Funny I am a vegan too and have to serve my meat eaters! LOL! :lol:

Looks like I didn't give enough details with my previous post :lol: :lol:

When it comes to the serving part of the meal, I dish up all our plates in the kitchen, then carry them into the dining room. Quite often dh will carry two, and I will carry two. I make it quite clear to him that I'd like him to sit down and I'll carry them in, and he makes it quite clear to me that he wants to help, because, according to him, I'm his "princess", and his "delicate flower" :lol: :lol: :lol:

If we are out, then all our meals are served at the same time - if the restaurant staff know how to time their cooking, that is :lol:

I guess, as some of the other ladies have said, it's going to look different in each home. As long as you are doing it the way your dh prefers, then you are submitting, right? I know how important it is for me to feel that I'm serving dh, but I've also learnt over the years how important it is for him to feel he's "being my hero" :wink: Whatever works, ladies :D :D

It's so interesting to read about everyone's traditions and habits! :D

At my house, the kids get their plates fixed first so the food can start cooling down and I fix hubby's plate and then mine. We all sit together at the table and eat together. Now at my grandma's house it another story...

The women cook and the kids get their plates fixed so it can cool off enough to eat. We usually have a separate table for the kiddo's too. Then the men sit down at the table and the wives fix their hubsands plates. They eat while the women make sure the kids are doing ok and then the women eat last. My mom says it's because if the men had to wait on us to get up from the table they would starve!!! We like to TALK while we eat!! So there's a lot of talking and a little eating going on. It takes us forever to get done with dinner. :D

That's just the way it's always been at her house. It took my DH a while to get used to it. My cousin married a man that was from a very "liberated" family. He still has a hard time understanding why the women eat last...he thinks we are crazy!!! [whatwacko]

I don't feel that we are putting the men before the children, because they eat at basically the same time, it's just that our immediate family is large and everyone can not possible eat at the same table at the same time!! It would have to be a banquet table, kwim!! I feel that my grandma did just what her mother and grandmother did because as someone else said. the men worked all day and the women cooked all day. It was just the way it got done and I think the women respected the men and understood how hard they worked. I know I especially like to make sure DH knows I appreciate and respect all the hard work he does for us. Ok...I've rambled enough!!!