My daughter, our middle child whines and cries constantly. I am at my wits end. She is almost 3. She does ask for things in a normal voice occasionally, so I know she has one. Ususally when we ask her to say something in her 'nice voice' or her not whiny voice it ends up with her in her room and me wondering what I should be doing. If anyone has ANY advice to help my stop this please let me know. Thanks. Amy

For my youngest ds, if he couldn't stop whining then I would dip my finger in cider vinegar and put that on his tongue. That worked great! He didn't like the taste. I've heard it doesn't bother some kids - they like it :?

Hope you find something that works.

Janell

I think this may be a trial and error process. I've used different techniques with my own kids and preschool students that have worked. Often a combo. of ignoring requests made in a whining voice and lots of praise and immediate attention for "nice voice" requests works. I haven't tried vinegar- but don't think it would hurt. Also, myself and others have had success with reward type charts- stickers for am and pm's without wining. Then stickers are traded for small reward (like extra book read at bedtime) or small toy item. Then make the rewards harder and harder to earn. I've also heard of checking in with a favorite family member througout the day by phone (like grandparent, DH at work, Aunt, etc) with whining updates. For an older 3 or 4 this sometimes work. This technique is always a behavior booster for my youngest. She LOVES it when I check in with Dad or grandma and say she's having a great day and does not like it at all if I report something negative. I think it's an ego thing.
Best of luck- let us know how things go!
Beth

One thought: make sure she knows that her whining will never prove productive i.e. don't give her what she whines for.

I have this same problem with Timmy. And I make him ask nicely before he gets what he wants. If he starts whining more and more I put him in time out.

One thought: make sure she knows that her whining will never prove productive i.e. don't give her what she whines for.

This is very good advice, Madre. When my kidlets were trying on that stage, I wouldn't allow them to whine at all. If their sentence began in a whiny voice, I'd immediately hold up my hand and stop them. Then I'd gently say, "Okay, let's try that again in your nice voice like mommy is doing." If they began again the same way, I'd do it again and maybe even help them out with their words and tone. I found that if I didn't become frustrated, neither would they. But I did often lead them in effective communication. I tried to make it easy for them so they didn't fall apart in frustration before they got their point across. Now, crying was different. Mine didn't usually start out crying unless something was wrong or they were really tired. In these rare cases, if I couldn't calm them down I'd walk them to their rooms, help them onto their beds, and let them know they weren't in trouble, but they needed to take a little break until they felt calm enough to talk.

Kids are amazing. They can become out of control when they sense you're feeling out of control. They can become frustrated when they sense you're becoming frustrated. Often, they'll continue to act up until they're sure you know where your boundary is. I think they just want to know what's acceptable and whether they're going to have to stick to your rules. When they can predict with accuracy and certainty where your boundaries are, they tend to obey them better.

[lovingsmiley]

Joy [welcomewave]

Even when they get older they still whine :(

Mine pretty much kicked the habit right away. They're all older now (7, 10, 12, and 14). However, hormones did come into the picture pretty early, and now we deal with them just needing to talk (often said with tears in their eyes [crwy] ). The good news is, give em ten minutes and they're back on top of the world again. :lol:

[lovesign]

Joy [welcomewave]

Thanks all. It gives me hope that I am not the only one in this right now. My 6 year old has never whined. So this has really been throwing me for a loop. I am hoping the vinegar will work. We have tried time outs and that seems to send her into an out of control tailspin. In the end it becomes stressful for everyone, even the baby so we stopped that. I realize too, that consistance is VERY important but how do you all deal with it in public?(not that we go out much in fear that a screaming whining fit will happen) I almost feel sorry for her brothers, they are both really quiet. Is this just a 'girl' thing? I don't remember being like this when I was little. Thanks! Amy

My youngest ds really whined around 2-3 yrs. old, he is almost 5 now and he still remembers what vinegar was used for and that he doesn't like it. If he whined and we told him to stop and he didn't then we'd dip our finger in cider vinegar and put it in his mouth. Usually doing it just the once was enough. Once he learned that we would give him vinegar and that he didn't like it, we could just ask him if he wanted vinegar and he would say no and stop whining. Sometimes just leaving the vinagar bottle out on the counter worked very well - he saw it and knew he didn't want any of it.

Janell

Wow, I've never heard of using vinegar. My DD is almost 3, and she gives us the hardest time 24/7...She is relentless. It's been so hard b/c I stay home with her all day, and all day it's just a battle. She puts up a fight, usually playful, but sometimes bossy, about EVERYTHING. Even when were outside riding her trike...I say left she says right....and throws a FIT if I say we HAVE to go LEFT, NOW or no more outside. It feels hopeless, b/c nothing seems to be working with her. I don't know why someone would want to be so unpleasent :( The thing is, shes an absolute angel with anyone else. Like at the church nursery they just love her...and if anyone watches her, they say she's very timid, mild, and well behaved. So I dunno what to do but keep praying and stay consistent. I know it will pass, but I want to ENJOY every year and stage with her! Even just tyring to put on pajamas shes like bouncing off the walls...running away from me...cracking up at every bad thing she does...
And like this post says "stop the whinning".. She whines about EVERYTHING! and crys too.. I know part of it is b/c she only gave up her paci about 6 months ago, so she learned to develop her speach around the paci or just cry for what she wanted. I just wish she would talk more..I try to coach her through everytihng but still, when were out in public its a tantrum for everything sometimes.

Madre said it simply...and well.
Don't let her ever get what she wants when whining.

We have had ours speak in their nice voice or 'big boy/girl voice'. "I can't hear you like that, use your big voice please. I won't listen to the whining. You are whining. You sound like this... *imitate child*..I can't understand that. I will not *try* to understand that. Use your big voice to takl to me then I will listen and can help." Do that every time. I will turn my head away from them if I must...to *show* that I am not listening. If a fit ensues from that, they would get a spanking. Plain and simple. "No, now you've gone beyond whining, now you have a bad attitude and deserve a spanking"

And *I* do tend to think it's more of a girl thing. I had 3 boys and never had anything like this. Sure, we had a little whining here and there. Little bits. I'd simply "I'm not listening until you speak in a big voice" and they'd settle down and speak nicely. But then came the girl and oh.my.goodness! She's a different breed altogether LOL EVERYTHING is worthy of a whine with her. And you try to correct her and she falls apart. ANd she wails and she screams and she whines and she fusses some more. We would do the 'I'm not listening' thing and she'd wail even louder. We would sit down with her, facing her, telling her she had to stop the whining/fit. She'd huff and puff forever. (and snort and spit and snot ;) )We tried spankings..it was iffy at first. But then we finally had a breakthrough.

As for stopping your life (ie, not going out for fear of her behaviors) that's just not right. If this happens when you're out, you promptly take the child to your vehicle and deal with it. You give the warning "Use your big voice to speak to me." If it goes to that next level of 'fit' then you say "No, not acceptable. You stop the fit now or you get a spanking (or whatever else you may choose if you're not a spanker). This is your only warning. You need to settle down now or we go to the car." Then follow through. If the fit stops...praise!! Positive reinforcement. "Thank you, that was much better. Now I can understand you. That's a better attitude." etc. If it continues, leave. Just go to the vehicle, deal with it, then come BACK. I am not one who thinks you should leave entirely when an issue arises. Leave to take care of it, then return to the situation. All they learn by simply leaving is..."I can throw a fit and get my way" (or at least get out of a situation) But I think they need to go back and 'face it'. Repeat as often as necessary. Now, if you have to retreat to the vehicle 3 or more times...that would be my cut off..I would go no more than 3 times. At the third time I would just pack up and go home. Then the child would get a stern lecture ... all the way home and at home.

From then on, warn them upon leaving the house. What is expected of them and what the consequences are for not abiding by those rules.
But never, never give in to the fits. Never.

I am SOO with Gracie and Tara. That is EXACTLY it. I am completely at my wits end by 6pm.

My son. Oh my I don't even think I have the words. He does not say any words except Ma Da and That. He walks around all day with this noise. Just a EWWWWW. High pitched.

I have tried tapping his lips and saying no whining. I have tried spanking him. Trying to get him to say what he wants like up or down.

I don't know what to do. Is this normal? I am about to lose it.

Also all you spanking mothers... is he too young to spank? I don't feel like he is understanding why we are hitting him.
We are not angry when we do it and we do not use our hand. But he just looks at us like what the heck?

HELP ME PLEASE

KellyB...
how old is your son?
yes, a whining stage is normal
yes, some have a harder time grasping the 'use your words' thing than others
and no it's probably NOT too early to start spanking ;)

just continue to tell him to use his words, tell him what the words are. encourage him as much as possible to use those words. praise every attempt. don't give in.
and yes, they're going to look at you like 'what the heck' when they receive a swat haha
just make sure it's not a 'fly-by' you said it's not in anger, but, it could still be a kind of fly-by spanking. be sure to explain the offense each and every time and say the consequence here is a spanking "no, no whining. use your words. if you whine at me again you get a spanking." insert child whining "no, no whining. mommy said if you whine again you get a spanking. come here, time for a spanking. two swats, bend over." apply the two swats. give him a moment to 'recover' standing there with you. "Ok, now, no more whining. each time you whine you will get two more spankings. if you need something, use your words. tell mommy. show mommy. I can help you when you talk to me or show me, ok? just use a big voice, *no* whining."

and just hang in there mom...I know it's a hard stage..but it WILL pass. Just be consistent (and patient...the hardest). If nothing else....lock YOURSELF in the bedroom when he whines until you can better handle things ;) hehe

I really like this thread. It's been so encouraging for me these past few days....my DH had some time off, and we just really worked on DD's behavior together. I also took a book out about Child Training that one of my pastors had given us when we had DD's baby dedication. When I first started reading it when she was a baby, none of it made sense and I really wasn't interested. Now reading through it, it is so helpful.

Tara, you are so strong and that it so encouraging! Thank you for your advice and encouragement!!

Thank you for the encouragement. My son Aden is 18 months old. And he does not have any words to say, but I am still going to try your advice. Thank you and God bless your family.

When Abby was 2 she would try this little stunt with me and it did not work. Whining is my biggest pet peave! If she would start to whine I would interupt her and say" excuse me but I don't know what you are trying to say, so talk like a big girl" I would say it sternly, if she wouldn't stop I would ignore her until she would talk right. As for in public if she throws a fit, I will leave my cart and take her to the bathroom or to the car. I will explain why she is going to get a spanking and every time she throws a fit I will bring her back out her and spank her. She caught on real fast! The only thing I would do before spanking is see if she may be tired or hungry. Usually I won't spank her for misbehaving if it's because of one of these two things. I'm her mom and I need to make sure I feed her and make her take a nap. Besides I get grumpy if i'm hungry or tired too, so I can't blame her! :) (dd is now 3 and never whines or throw fits in public)