I got baptized 7 years ago in March. I admit it was for reasons other than my beliefs. I had been re-baptized with in a year or two of the first time. For the right reasons.

I have been living a mediocre Christlike life. I haven't even read the entire bible before. MAYBE 25% of the bible I have read. I've never read an entire chapter.

The past 6 months I have really had a change in heart and I'm reading my bible every day. When my husband lost his job last October...I started doing what I've wanted to do for a LONG time. Make bags of toiletries and snacks to keep in the van to give out when needed. The first day I made them...I was able to hand them out to 10 people! It got expensive and I can't keep up with it now.

I want to get God's word out there. I want to LIVE for Christ. I don't feel like i have the time right now to volunteer outside the home, but I still want to do something.

When do I feel like I'm not fumbling through life trying to grab hold of God?

All of that is good (studying the Bible and doing good deeds), but for the last line there, maybe it's partly when we focus on His hold instead. I am working on this myself, as the last few years I've felt like meat through a grinder over and over again. Where I was stronger at 20 I suddenly feel weaker. :| I feel like my faith, ability to "let go, let God", and that child-like trust I had before have been put under extreme stress. So, in some ways, I've been feeling like I'm back to square 1. I do believe it will be for the better.

I like this analogy:

http://www.prevailmagazine.org/gods-diamond-in-the-rough/ (disclaimer: no idea about that site or denomination so this is not an endorsement;))

Noting that a master jeweler needs to stop the refining at just the right time or the diamond will be ruined. So his eye has to be on it... US... the whole time;). He's the consistent, Perfect one, in the equation. You'll come a ways over time and there will likely be times you feel it's two steps back one step forward...

Also, being a loving Christian friend is a bigger "good work" than people know. It's taken for granted. You may be very surprised in the end to find some of the smaller words and lowest-cost deeds made some of the biggest differences in the lives you effect. Being that hungry for a calling though, I am excited for you. A willingness like that, God can do great things through.... [lovesign]

Yeah, 2 years have been rough. My husband was in and out of the hospital several times in 2010 and even more times in 2011 because of kidney and blood infection issues. also in 2011, each of my children had an ER visit (eli with a high fever and charlie when she bit her tongue pretty much in half). then dh lost his job in october and didn't get a job until this year.

On top of that, i have been dealing with my own issues...ADD and IED.

But I have to remind myself about the faith that Job had...and all that he went through is 100x harder than what I've been going through.

My philosophy has really changed...I wish dh was on the same page though.

I want to get God's word out there. I want to LIVE for Christ. I don't feel like i have the time right now to volunteer outside the home, but I still want to do something.

When do I feel like I'm not fumbling through life trying to grab hold of God?

I still feel like this, so new in Christ. The past 2 yrs have been hard for us, 2011 especially. Not health-wise but poverty-wise. PTL for family and others who helped us thru last year so we did not lose our home and always had food to eat. I do feel like right now I am meant to concentrate the most on my children, to make sure they grow up with their eyes on God. Sometimes my growth in Christ is not as fast as I would like (when will I be a super Christian with an almost perfect-home, model homeschooler and all kinds of outreach besides?) BUT I know it will be in God's time, not mine.

Maybe right now God wants you to work on your family life before you add on other ministries? The way we want to show God we love him is not always the way he wants us to do so. Sometimes he picks projects for us we are trying to avoid. This is what I usually find is true for me - if I want to work on something outside the home, like getting a PT job or educational projects, God is always trying to turn me back around saying, "But what about this? Shouldn't you take care of this first?" And it is usually something I do not want to look at that really does need working on.

Ill bet we all feel like this throughout the various 'seasons' of our lifetime walk with God. There are times when we are on top of things, then there will be times when we feel like we are just clinging on. I think a change occurred in me, when I KNEW I could trust God and that I feel I became unshakable in my faith at that moment. From then I would notice the attacks of the enemy but I recognise them for what they are and rebuked them, turned my eyes to the Lord and carry on walking in His Spirit. I did a bible search about who I am in Christ and that helped me SO much! I am redeemed. I am loved. I am forgiven. I am saved. I have the mind of Christ. I dont have to walk in the flesh, I can walk in newness of life every single day!

For me, definately a changed occurred when a veil was lifted and I realised and believed God was indeed good. I had doubted that for a LONG time without even realising it! Trusting God was also a big issue. How could I keep giving myself over to God if I didnt even trust him? I first of all didnt want to fumble about anymore. I knew there was something more than this and I began to want it more than anything else.

Ill bet we all feel like this throughout the various 'seasons' of our lifetime walk with God. There are times when we are on top of things, then there will be times when we feel like we are just clinging on. I think a change occurred in me, when I KNEW I could trust God and that I feel I became unshakable in my faith at that moment. From then I would notice the attacks of the enemy but I recognise them for what they are and rebuked them, turned my eyes to the Lord and carry on walking in His Spirit. I did a bible search about who I am in Christ and that helped me SO much! I am redeemed. I am loved. I am forgiven. I am saved. I have the mind of Christ. I dont have to walk in the flesh, I can walk in newness of life every single day!

For me, definately a changed occurred when a veil was lifted and I realised and believed God was indeed good. I had doubted that for a LONG time without even realising it! Trusting God was also a big issue. How could I keep giving myself over to God if I didnt even trust him? I first of all didnt want to fumble about anymore. I knew there was something more than this and I began to want it more than anything else.

Gen, I love you so much and I am encouraged by this. I am on "the other side" with doubt and not trusting in God's character. I have just started to search the Bible for these things and I can feel myself already trusting God in areas I have had a hard time trusting Him in. I am thankful for your hope[claphigh] Liz, I agree with what everyone has said. Everyone has these seasons where we feel like God is so present in our lives and we are growing so fast and then other times where we ask "where are you God, why don't I feel you" During those times I have to remind myself "am I seeing fruit" "Am I a different person than I was a month ago/a year ago/ 5 years ago" looking back, and seeing how much I have changed I am reminded that God will continue to change me, even if it's not at the pace I would want. As for ministry, I have such a heart for the home. I think as women we look and see so much that needs to be done in the world we can neglect our families. The order should be God, Husband, Children, community. If we try to "fix" and minister to the community while neglecting our role as mom and wife, I feel God will not honor our ministry as he would if we would have our priorities in line with His. The proverbs 31 woman, has her husband taken care of to the point that he is respected in the community and calls her blessed. Her children are clothed in beautiful clothes and also call her bless, then she is able to take care of the servants, plant a field and start a business. I don't think God would have honored her life as much as he did (after all she did make it into the Bible) if her husband hated her because she was a "dripping faucet" or her kids we not taken care of and unwise. So as a mom of young kids and a wife, I would put my priority of ministry into my family. After all your are raising up kids who hopefully will serve the Lord. If you want to have things to hand out, pb&js are always welcome to the homeless community. or even just speaking to them kindly and lovingly. Another thing, is ask your husband where your ministry should lay, if he also feels strongly towards the homeless and he is leading you to that, then I'm sure God will bless it, and then everything will fall into place.