Temper tantrums when they hurt themselves

[mamallama]

Have you dealt with a child that will throw his head down while throwing a fit and repeatedly hurts him/herself yet will not stop?

I am wondering how to get my ds to stop doing this after the stunt he pulled where a knot appeared on his forehead. :shock: I've tried ignoring, time-out (in the playpen), swatting on the bottom...

Any suggestions? TIA!

[paulab]

Mine aren't like that (well, not yet) but I know I WAS! I used to pull my hair out and bang my head on the floor. My mom said she would do her best to ignore me with the hair pulling and kept me in my crib so I wouldn't hurt myself.

It sounds like the playpen would be the safest place for him unless you hold him in your lap as a time out. That was a suggestion from our ped on the baby.

[~Tara~]

I've not dealt with this personally, but my MIL had a foster child who had issues and would do this. Severely! When he'd get in one of his moods she had to strap a helmet on him. As there was no restraining him at that point. At first, they would try holding him. Firmly, yet in a loving way. Speaking calmly to him. Encouraging him to use his words. (this boy had plenty of words, he was 5 or so ??) Sometimes they could 'catch it' early enough and this approach would work. But like I said, he had "issues", he was a foster child from a very difficult situation. So, sometimes things went to the next level and he would bolt from their arms (MIL or her then 18 yr old, not small by any means son). They'd run after him and capture him just long enough to put the helmet on. All the while, reminding him they needed to put the helmet on so he didn't get hurt. They all knew this to be a 'condition' of his and not just a fit throwing episode. So he was talked to in such a manner. "Johnny, we know you're upset, but if you won't sit with us and let us help you find your words to express this, you need to get the helmet on so you don't get hurt. We all know you get upset and hurt yourself. We don't want you getting hurt. Let's put your helmet on until you settle down again"

But anywho...I kind of rambled...you're not dealing with a child with 'issues' like that.

If I had a child who threw himself on the floor in a fit of anger I would promptly pick him up, spank his rear and sit him down in front of me. Eye to eye until he settled down. Holding onto his arms so he could not get up, run away or whatever else. If he tried to flail about I would hold him tighter and sternly tell him "NO! you will NOT act like this"
And if the child were beyond all of that...I'd just let him go and hurt himself. Seriously. Call me mean, but I just don't care. I would walk away, ignore him and just let him hurt himself. He'll get over it. Maybe he'll even learn.

My baby 'threw' himself around for a bit. He was my first ever to do this...and this was before or right at 1 yr. So, it wasn't like I could really *talk* to him. But I would give him a swat to the rear and say "No, no! No fits!" He would then usually throw himself the rest of the way on the floor, face to the carpet and would even kick...like the whole airplane maneuver when learning to crawl ?? but kicking out .. I would just leave the room. He tried following me before. That was greeted with the same action. He then came crawling to me nicely. Still crying, but no fits and wailing and throwing himself about. I responded to that by getting down on his level (ok, not completely, but I would squat down so I could lift his chin in my hands to make eye contact) and tell him that was better, but he still needed to settle down. Often would say "are you done now?" He'd sniffle and I would then pick him up..."Thank you for settling down, that is MUCH better :) " And remind him that mommy won't listen if he's being ugly.

For the age of yours...I'd go for the stern reprimand, swat and sit down face to face (mom has on a face of steel). Keep talking to him. Sternly, yet calmly and lovingly. "No, you can't throw fits. If you're mad you need to TELL me. I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong. Use your words." And talk about the situation as you know it...why he is mad ie, he didn't get cheerios for breakfast, he didn't get the blue cup, he wanted to read "that" book..Ask him questions and help give him answers. Even if he's not talking much right now, he can learn that words help solve problems. And there's certainly something he can do that will be more efficient than throwing himself on the floor and banging his head. If he throws himself then, pick him up, "NO!" another swat and sit down again. I think consistency in that would get him out of it. But if he's really completely unruly, you cannot get him to sit, then by all means, put him in the playpen. Just so he's confined. And you give him the usual lecture and walk away. Not to return until he has stopped.



Sorry, I got windy. Hope it was at least sorta helpful :?

[jen1981]

Amen, Tara. That works very well. When they were about that age I would spank them while they were on the floor and tell them they MUST get up right away. It shocked them that they got spanked while they were still on the floor and didn't get picked up. He is old enough to control himself and tell you what the problem is. :)

[mamallama]

I've actually tried all of those things. He is isn't as bad as he was...I think when he got a lump on the head over the weekend it taught him something! LOL I will just continue to do what I've been doing. I give him a swat on the behind and tell him no fits. If he continues...usually followed by loud yelling (he can't really talk that much so it comes out "AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!") then I will put him in the playpen. I wish he could talk more then he could actually use his words to explain what wrong. I think that is part of the reason why he gets so frustrated.

[hondachic]

I totally agree with Tara. I just posted a message about my foster/adopted son who was having tantrums. Spanking has worked for us with my 18-month old son's tantrums. He definitely "cries" more now than just screaming and kicking and head-banging. A couple of times, we did what Tara suggested, just let him throw himself back. After banging his head a couple of times on the wood floor, you should see how c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y he "eases" himself to the floor to cry. It's kinda funny. But that was before we started spanking him EVERY TIME he started to have a fit. And we'd say the words, "No tantrums or Mommy/Daddy spank with spoon." Now we just have to threaten with those same words, and he settles himself right down. He would also do the same thing, hit himself, and we always say sternly, "No hitting." That usually puts an end to it.

Good luck.
Colleen

[~Tara~]

Just be consistent Becca...you already know that ;) But I'm saying it anyway *grins*
And yes, the not having words thing IS frustrating for them and you. That's why it can help for you to talk to/with them. If you know why he is mad..just say/ask it. "Are you upset because you couldn't have a snack right now?" Then go on to explain why you said no. And that mommy's the boss, what she says goes. But maybe if he had asked nicely, mommy would be willing to listen. But mom can't help and mom won't change her mind if he doesn't act nicely. Mom is there to help him find his words, but he has to listen and help her too.

I've also heard of people making cards with emotion faces on them. Happy, sad, angry, etc. They can point to the card if they understand that connection but just don't have the words. I've not used this myself so I'm not sure of all the little details, but, I think you could figure out how to work it. It's a technique often used for autistic kids. (my MIL has been in o/t work so I catch this kind of thing from time to time ;) ) But I've heard of others using it for kids without any delays or issues or problems. They just aren't of talking age yet.

Just hang in there. If he's not as bad as he once was with it, then you're doing something right. Keep with it. The consistency will help more than anything.

*hugs* I'm sure it's frustrating

[hondachic]

Today my son just signed for the first time!!! I have been doing it just for the fun of it. But this morning when he was whining for the book, I said, "no whining," and I made the sign of the book, and he did it too!!!! I was so happy! I've heard this has helped other moms with the frustrating stages of toddlers knowing what they want but not using their words. He's a little behind developmentally, so he doesn't know that many words yet...so it's mainly whining!!! (Ugh.)

[~Tara~]

Woohoo!
I'm never consistent with the signing. We get "no" "water" "cup" "more" "eat" "yes" I think that's it.

My 14 month old will nod his head yes and sign "more" frequently now. He understands "no" because I can just sign it now and he will stop what he's doing and shake his head 'no' And he has signed something resembling 'water' a few times.
Oh and he's signed "Jesus" as well as we were singing "Jesus loves me"

Signing is a GREAT tool! I just don't know how beneficial it would be at Becca's son's age to just begin with it..I almost mentioned it myself then thought, well, if he's not been taught it to this point, I don't know how much it will help.

But anywho...rambly...I just had a coke LOL Way cool that your ds signed!!!

[Madre]

I've also heard of people making cards with emotion faces on them. Happy, sad, angry, etc. They can point to the card if they understand that connection but just don't have the words. I've not used this myself so I'm not sure of all the little details, but, I think you could figure out how to work it. It's a technique often used for autistic kids. (my MIL has been in o/t work so I catch this kind of thing from time to time ) But I've heard of others using it for kids without any delays or issues or problems. They just aren't of talking age yet.

I think it's also used in children't hospitals to help young children communicate the level of pain they're experiencing.

[mamallama]

I actually did a little sign language with him when he was younger but not enough for him to really pick it up. I couldn't get him to tell me he wanted more the other day...been working on that one for weeks. I wanted him to say the word "more". Then I finally thought "Okay, I'll just review 'more' in sign language." The next time he actually said the word so go figure! LOL :lol: