a child refusing to go to a program you have paid for? Fiona is 5. She has been in dance for two years, just starting her 3rd. She *loves* her dance class. She practices what she learns all the time at home. But I took her to dance tonight and she refused to go. She happily got ready, got dressed, drove there, walked into the studio and then.... she just wigged out. Refused. She could not give me a reason why. She has NEVER done this. Ever. I'm not sure what to think. However, we live in the country now and drive just over 30 minutes one way to get to her class. I'm not going to drive into the city every week only to have her refuse to go in. Any suggestions?

well you have a couple of options.

1. leave her there and see if once you leave she either joins in or sits outside watching

2. go in with her and see if you watching and letting her know you're there will comfort her.

3. sit and talk with her and see if you can't get to the bottom of all of it. She may have been tired. is she not feeling well? is she scared about something?

4. spank her until she gives in and doesn't act like that again.

Personally, I think 3 is the best option. you don't want her to think that she can just pitch a fit and get out of doing something. But if there is a good reason than you don't want to ignore that either. So if next class comes up and she is starting to act out. sit and talk with her. see what the problem might be, if she doesn't stop then I'd look at the other options and see which fits the best. or you could just not go anymore :(

Thanks for your reply, Esther. I couldn't just leave her and hope she participated because I she would not physically go into the classroom. And her teacher is young and was not helpful at all in encouraging her to join in. (Which I'm sure didn't help.) Anyway, there was no way for me to stay to watch as the room is barely big enough for the girls to dance in as it is and I had the two littles with me.

I spoke with her when we got home and all she could say is she was tired. Which I believe. But that's never stopped her before, so I don't know. We talked about the fact that we are paying for her class and that it is a long drive to get there so if she is too tired (or whatever) to go she needs to talk to us about it *before* we leave. She can't wait until we get to the door and then refuse. I told her that I *will not* drive all that way again to have her say she won't go in. I'm happy to drive her, but not if she is going to refuse to go to her class.

We're addressing the tired issue and sending her for a nap this week on afternoons she is not in school. She is our kid that could sleep and sleep and sleep... and that is when there are not extra things going on. (We went to a wedding on Saturday so she was up a bit late then.) So hopefully that will help and next week won't be a repeat.

It was really strange. Like I said, she has never done this before. She was fine all day, excited to get ready to go, excited to show Callum and Alanna where she dances (usually they stay home with dad but he was working tonight). Happy all the way into the building. Until we got to the door and I was sending her in.

excited to show Callum and Alanna where she dances (usually they stay home with dad but he was working tonight). Happy all the way into the building. Until we got to the door and I was sending her in.

Performance anxiety maybe? I did this sort of thing often when I was little, but for me it was because I wanted to be great at it immediately (like those Olympians on TV, ha) and I would give up and beg to quit. :| They would grant me that wish. At least once I begged to restart (around 6-7 yo), and then I begged to quit again. I believe I got an ultimatum that time, if I quit again there would be no signing up a 3rd time. So there's the ultimatum route. I think that was a good move on my parents part. She may jump right in next time if it was some random worry about not showing her siblings her best (or some other fleeting feeling), and spare a battle over it.

I wouldn't have thought it was performance anxiety because none of us can actually watch the class. There are not even windows into the room. :shrug:

She may jump right in next time if it was some random worry about not showing her siblings her best (or some other fleeting feeling), and spare a battle over it.

This is what we're hoping. :)

i definitely see sleep deprivation as a reason to act out. my joey and ellie act out and decide they don't want to go to SS in morning. sometimes its because they don't feel well. or they're just tired. I think your dd will be okay the next time!

i definitely see sleep deprivation as a reason to act out. my joey and ellie act out and decide they don't want to go to SS in morning. sometimes its because they don't feel well. or they're just tired. I think your dd will be okay the next time!

I hope so! :)

Kim, is your daughter usually pretty open when something is bothering her? I know she's very young, but I would really try to get her to talk to you if you can. Perhaps there's an issue with the teacher or another student?

Madre, yes she is. I did talk to her about those kinds of things and she continues to insist she was just tired. The only thing she said is that she 'hasn't made any friends yet' in the class. Which I think is more because of how the class is structured than because anything 'happened'. She is used to learning centered around play for dance classes and we put her in Highland Dance this year which is a lot more skill focused. So I think that could be contributing as well. We'll keep an eye on things though. I think how the next class goes will be telling. :)