Sooooo... I'm realizing how much we, as parents, go into this whole thing totally and completely clueless! And as you go, you learn and change and figure things out.

And with that I've been feeling... I don't know... regrets, I think, for how I have parented Grace so far. I've only just allowed myself to accept and embrace more of the natural parenting ways. I've always *wanted* to do these things, but just didn't have the means or support or experience or whatever to do it all. Plus, there's only so much you can do anyway, right? (meaning, babywearing, cosleeping, skin on skin, and things like that)

I've just been feeling bad recently. Different things have brought it to my attention. And I just wonder how first born kids aren't all messed up! LOL! Joking, kind of... :???:

Most recently, I was looking through pics of when Grace was born. I just don't like the way it all happened in the end. Little skin to skin, hands covered, and passed around to others A LOT. Even after she was born I had regrets right away. I made sure a lot of things were different with Charlie. And I'm sure #3 will be even more different (considering homebirth actually... that'll really rock my extended family! LOL!).

And now that she's a toddler, we're figuring things out here as we go. I don't know. Maybe I just need to pray more? Trust that God has entrusted us with her as our first?

Any thoughts, similar stories/feelings, or ... ??

Yes, Michelle - I think we've all had some regrets with first time parenting. That's why we learn as we go - the Lord is gracious to help us correct our mistakes. I do believe He does indeed give us our 1st born to BE the 1st born so they can handle being the guinea pigs, so to speak. :-D Sorry, if that's a bad analogy - not so good with words sometimes. [whatwacko]
We do alot of prayer. If we look back, that's what makes us learn for the other successive children He gives us. I know every child has a different personality that's why we're constantly learning and that's part of the fun together. We can't worry all the time (I'm famous already for worrying in the family) otherwise it'll drive you nuts. The Lord is good and pray for guidance. It brings much relief. Hope this helps a little bit. Thanks for letting me chat. :-D

Yeah, I think we all have our regrets Michelle. I *know* I do! And I wish I could say after 5 kids that I've learned all there is to learn and won't make any more mistakes BUT I know that's not the case. There is so much I haven't experienced.. like teenhood! :o The thought that I will eventually have a group of teens ages 19, 17, 16, 14, 13, and a preteen scares me bigtime! I'm sure I will make a LOT more mistakes along the way. If I can get one thing right though.. I hope it will be that they all love the Lord. In the big picture I think that's the only one thing that really will matter. I think of all the mistakes my mom made raising my brothers and I and we are all far from perfect.. but who *is* perfect? And when I look at myself and my brothers the only big difference between us is Christ. My brothers have all kinds of issues in their lives but it all boils down to not having a relationship with the Lord. :( Anyway.. with that in mind at least it gives us a place to focus our attention. :mrgreen:

First of all she's only 2 there is no way you ruined her just keep doing your best following the Lord pray and commit your self and you children to Him and leave the results up to Him. Second everyone has regrets I have found the key is not to dwell on what I could have or would have said or done differently because the fact of the matter is I can't go back and un/redo what has happened. All my births were amazing to me not because the event it's self went perfectly but because they were the moments I received three of the most amazing precious gifts I have ever been given (outside of salvation). I learned a lot with each birth how to make the memories more precious and except that if I am blessed with more children those births will be just as amazing as my first three. I have also learned lessons along the way raising my kiddos (this far) and mainly raising kids involves a lot more being willing to grow, change, fail, and say I am sorry (your children and God will forgive you). Than it is about being prefect and doing things right the first time all the time> [loveyou] God loves you, DH loves you, and your babies love you. You are doing an awesome job with the great gifts God has given you just keep moving forward yesterday is done, tomorrow is unknown. Matthew 6:34 (http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+6:34&version=31).

SIGH!

Thank you ladies for the perspective and reality check!! You all hit some things that really touched my heart and made me feel better. Thank you!!

First, Grace is God's gift to us and I know she is meant to be our first born. She's a strong and resilient little girl! She is loved and knows that she is loved. She's healthy and doing just fine. :)

Also, Erin, you're right. She's only 2! And I personally think she's a pretty great 2 year old. :) Yeah, she has her share of tantrums but she's doing exactly what 2 year olds do, and sometimes that means getting frustrated. I haven't ruined her!

And I know I haven't been praying enough recently. That's when worry seeps in the most. Grrr! That's the biggest problem there... I need to pray more. He's our Daddy and He will teach us how to parent each child as they need.

It's easy to get caught up in the little things... how they were born, how much I did this or that, what they ate then, blah blah blah... But the biggest thing is to lead them to love Christ and be His disciples. That's not easy! LOL! But it sure beats worrying about all these little things!!

Seriously... THANK YOU! I can't even tell you the peace that swept over me and all these thing I knew at one point/on one level, and just got hear and realize again. God is good!

So, the challenge is here... get on my knees more. :)

I know exactly how you feel! I have a lot of regrets with how we started parenting Blake... especially how quick we were to spank! But the good thing is, it's never too late to change how you do things. No, you can't redo the birth and I know if I COULD, I would tell the Dr to let me try one more time before we did a c-section, and I would've said no to the epidural. But really that doesn't need to cloud my parenting now. What happened back there, just simply happened. Mostly because it was my first kid and I was quite simply naive and uninformed.

Blake is very sensitive and emotional and I'm learning he requires some special handling and some quiet time with me sometimes... lots of hugs and prayers... and I know that I'm doing my job and he CAN turn out even though he was born via c/s and I didn't breastfeed...

I'm worried that my first child will turn out undisciplined because we don't know what we're doing, my middle children will be overly disciplined because we're trying too hard, and my last will be undisciplined because we don't want to waste what precious time we have left with constant yelling and lecturing!
I pray every day for wisdom and that, in spite of my constant parental screw-ups, my children will grow up to be strong disciples of Christ!
And I make sure I tell them I love them and smother them with hugs and kisses at least once a day so they don't just have memories of "Monster Mommy" !

Oh Michelle, I can so relate! [hug] More than you even know! My first born has been a huge challenge and I have made SO many discipline mistakes!

I so want to be a godly mom and raise my kids right and I am learning so much, but boy have we had a few tough years.

My DD didn't fully potty train until 3 1/2 and her room required carpet replacement by the time she did--not because she didn't know what to do, but because she would retaliate against time outs by making deliberate potty messes! :shock:

I have had so much stress and frustration in dealing with her, but you know what? Even through everything, she doesn't seem to be too damaged by all those frustrating power struggles and having a clueless mom.

She is actually blossoming into a fine little lady. She is very articulate and smart, loving, and sweet. She sits virtually perfectly in church and Sabbath school, and loves to learn about Jesus and learn verses and songs.

She gives me lots of hugs and kisses and is a real snuggler. [heart]

So through it all, I think that God honors our commitment to doing what's right for our kids. Even if we botch things up, if we repent for our mistakes and continue striving to do what's best for our children, the Lord sees our heart and blesses our efforts long term. Sure, we might feel like we're going crazy [whatwacko] or don't know what to do in the moment, or are messing up everything, but if we continue to get up and try again, while praying for wisdom, the Lord will help us.

The Bible says that "a righteous man falls seven times and rises again." So being righteous doesn't mean that we never make parental mistakes, but that when we do, we get back up again, with the Lord's help.

I think that's neat that you are considering a homebirth for future kids! I have loved my homebirths and Lord willing, will be having another one in about 6 months.

Melissa, thanks for sharing!! I love the way you said it - first, middle, and last. I think it's part of the whole birth order syndrome! I totally believe it plays a huge part in who we are as adults and how we parent! I had *NO* idea it was going to be so hard! Thank God for prayer and forgiveness!!! :)

Ruth, thanks for sharing your experience with your DD. I think Grace is similar - just very strong willed at times. It's a great trait to have though and I am so excited to see her stand strong in Christ. I pray for that to be her heart's desire and the one thing she is the most stubborn about! LOL! But I pray I can have patience and wisdom in raising her. THanks so much for that scripture and for encouraging me too. :) Again, so thankful for forgiveness - I certainly need it! And even more thankful for the Lord's help. I am soooo not alone in this - I have Brock and the Lord.

As for home birthing, I still very much feel intimidated by it. Not fully into the idea yet - which is just fine! Not pregnant and don't think I will be any time soon! :) But we plan to be in this area for awhile and I already gave our hospital here a shot and if I have say in it, I do NOT want to deliver there again. They just thought I was nutso! I want support - not crazy looks. Plus, I really want to have my baby with me and not in the bassinet. I vividly remember the nurse putting Charlie in the bassinet and telling me we were leaving to the PP room. Well, we didn't leave for a few minutes but she kept saying we were leaving. I was so tired but I really should have picked my baby up! UGH! Anyway...... :P My number 1 preference would be a birth center at this point. But the closest one is over an hour away. I labor so quickly, not sure I'd make it. And I don't really want to spend that much time laboring in the car! No thanks! :) I'm praying a center will open up down in our area before we get pregnant again. But if not, then I'll be considering all options, but leaning toward home birth. :) The Lord will lead us!


So thankful for you ladies. And so thankful to have more time to get on again. :)

I too believe that God gives lots of grace to first borns because of the guinea pig-ness! I'm finding that I'm planning to do things much differently even from 2nd to 3rd! You're a good mama, doing your best! Keep going! :)

I wish I didn't yell as much when Abby was younger. Even through homeschooling I would yell out of frustration "get your work done! Do your work! Quit wasting time and work!" There were a lot of spankings but I do think she needed them lol Abby is strong willed, she is stubborn and she tries to bargain with you on everything and it drives me crazy. But overall, she is brilliant. She is well mannered and considerate of others. She is loving and kind.

I see my error when I see how she gets impatient with her siblings, or easily frustrated. She raises her voice when her siblings are pestering her. This is where I say "oh my, i've rubbed off on her" and now i'm back tracking. [flagsurrender] it definately isn't an easy job.