Wow, I almost missed this one. My son is 10 and he is suddenly starting to grow up. I thought it hit me out of nowhere when my girls started growing up but this... this hit me just this morning and I was most definately NOT prepared for that revelation! He is my baby and I dont know how Im gonna cope! I had my kids TOO close together, man, and now its all happening so fast, them growing up!

Ill just talk a little bit about things that have happened but I just didnt think to ask for advice about till now.

Ok, my girls think boys are gross, and at their age they are. 12 yo boys do stink and are horrible. I thought Id have problems with them in this area so I started kinda young when it came to teaching about relationships, boyfriends (which they arent really 'allowed' and were never interested in) and such. My son, a few months ago, came out of youth club telling me that a girl wanted to 'go out with him'. Now to my girls I just had to tell them they should focus on having friends, doing well in school and not to get involved with having boyfriends after boyfriend etc. With Josh it was different. He asked me why he couldnt have a girlfriend and it was harder to tell him the same things for some reason. His friends are different from the girls friends, Josh is different from my girls. Not just bc he's a boy but personality-wise. All his friends have a new girlfriend every day and he's the kind of personality that doesnt like to stand out from the crowd (alot like his dad). He doesnt like to seem wierd or the odd one out.

How do I talk to him about the fact that having a girlfriend at the age of 10 isnt something I encourage. We've always actively discouraged it in our home. I dont want to pretend like its cute for kids to have 'girl/boyfriends' then suddenly discourage it when they are in their teens. Im just trying to teach them something different about relationships than what the world teaches and Im finding it more challenging with my son then I did with my girls. Fwiw, dh lets me handle this sort of thing. He agrees with me and backs me up in stuff like this, but this is definately my domain and I feel like Im out of my depth with my son. Atleast with my girls I had my own experience to draw upon, not so with my son.

What are 10 year olds doing with girlfriends? Do they kiss and stuff? Or do they just say "we're boyfriend/girlfriend"?

All his friends have a new girlfriend every day.

maybe explain to him that girls are not disposable and he will be a chick magnet when he grows up if he shows them he has genuine respect for them? I'd be very concerned that his friends treat it so casually, to have a new one all the time, it shows very little concern for the girl's feelings at all, I realize at 10 maybe the emotions are not very intense and it's extremely carefree and careless on both the boy and the girl's parts, but in that case dating is not necessary at all, because that is not what dating is for, and if they treat it that casually now what will happen when they are 13 or 15 and still treat it like it is nothing?


Or explain that dating is to find a wife, and at 10 he is not really in a position to start thinking about marriage? just throwing ideas out here. I would try to frame it in such a way so that he sees the advantages for himself of waiting. maybe ask him if he even thinks dating is worth doing just because all his friends are, because chicks can be high maintenance, and what if he makes her cry, what's his plan then? and explain that it costs money to take girls on dates. is that really what he wants to spend his money on right now (if he has any?), just because his friends are doing it? If they even "go" on dates.... i really don't know what the 10 year old dating scene is like, lol. But i'm emphasize that relationships come with a lot of responsibility and cost. he may decide for himself he is not ready for that responsibility.

i really have no idea, just thinking outloud here, i haven't been in that position myself.

Nicole, for some reason I was just at a loss for words when it came up with my son. The thing is I felt and thought all of what you said....everything you said is exactly what I *wanted* to say. I just didnt know how to word it, lol. In fact thats how I put it for the girls and Josh was in the room when we had this conversation a few years ago but when it came up for him, idk but it was different. He seemed SO keen and kept asking 'Why cant I have a girlfriend again?' Then he came out of the school disco saying 'Me and this girl are just friends. Thats ok isnt it?' Lol. He's an adorable lad, he's going to be a chick magnet when he's older, seriously, so I *MUST* teach him about respecting girls and stuff like that. Telling him that having girlfriends is all about finding a wife is going to be the best thing to tell him, it'll be what sticks with him, I think.

You've given me a springboard, thanks.


[rotfl][rofl] @

If they even "go" on dates.... i really don't know what the 10 year old dating scene is like, lol.

eta a pic of my josh

http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y107/genifer/DSCF3115.jpg

Good way of thinking about it, Nichole - hope your discussions go well, Gen!

Fwiw, dh lets me handle this sort of thing. He agrees with me and backs me up in stuff like this, but this is definately my domain and I feel like Im out of my depth with my son. Atleast with my girls I had my own experience to draw upon, not so with my son.

Gen, I realize that you might have a closer walk with the Lord than your husband might at this time, but is he willing to be involved here? Since you're both on the same page with how you view this, it would be really good for him to have input with your son. A dad is important here. (I'm not saying that you wouldn't do a good job, though.) [heart]

Ill try and talk to him about it. Its as if I put it better than he does and so he leaves it to me. I think as time goes by it will get better but as much as he wants to get involved and sees that he should be he just doesnt. I think Im just sort of taking this all in for now, Ill have a chat with dh about it in time and by the time Josh starts this school year we may have had that chat, Ill try to get dh to actually have a chat about it. I agree it would be good for him to 'do this'.