My ds has a rather aggressive streak and there are times when I am at a loss as to what to do about it...

For example, yesterday, while we were at our homeschool playgroup, he was obviously playing with a set of toys but briefly walked away from them. Another child, same age but almost twice his size went over to play with them, not knowing that Josh was playing with them. Josh rushed over to the poor lad and threw him to the ground!! The kid didnt know what hit him! I was shocked and I grabbed my son took him outside and sternly told him that that behaviour was unacceptable. That he is NOT to behave that way. I listened to why he was so upset and told him that even tho I understood the way he acted was very very naughty. I could see that he understood, was sorry. I told him he must apologise to the child, who looks forward to playing with him. He acted the same way two weeks ago at the last meeting, but the entire meeting he was very loud and upset and aggressive towards another child. It is completely unacceptable. Im not sure what to do. He's always been rather aggressive like that. Id like to understand what's going on in his head but he's six and lacks the vocabulary. How do you deal with someone who is so angry. Today, we were at the park and he was VERY angry when we were playing football because I got a goal and was happy about it. He was screaming at his sister for a similar reason. I said to him directly 'You cannot control me with your anger'. He's six so Im not entirely sure he understood but I think this is whats happening. Any advice? Could it be family dynamics, he doesnt act that way when dad is around (all kids seem to act differently when dad isnt around!). His dad can be an aggressive sort of guy. I just want to understand why he is this way and what I can do about it.

I will be praying for your DS.. I suffer from anger problems and tend to express it in an unbecoming manner. Hence my DS picks up on all of it.. so it is possible that if DH suffers from aggression your DS is just working out what he sees. I wish I could give you some super perfect advice.. but I need some myself :lol:

Praying that he would be able to relay to you his anger issues & would communicate more effectively!!

Hugs!!!

Alright, 25 people have looked at this and only one has any thing to say on the subject? nice. cheers.

My dd sometimes has anger issues, although she is 2. Is is possible that he has different frustrations that he doesn't know how to release correctly? I would suggest if he is in a playgroup and behaves in an aggressive manner he be removed from the group for the day. Also, if he is for example, playing with you and behaves aggressively toward you he be removed and isolated. It might be that the aggression is his way of trying to get attention and if he is isolated for this behavior it would help? Wish I had more ideas. Sorry.

I was so frustrated, sorry for being nasty up there. Im stressed out, man. lol.

Ok, Gen, I'm afraid I need to be blunt. [hug] I don't really see things as "anger issues". Anger is something to be put off like bitterness and wrath. It's a work of the flesh, even in a child. Of course, you could counter that your son is only six, but somehow he has figured out that anger is successful in some kind of way. What we resort to in times of stress, apart from the Lord, is of the flesh. For example, if the other boy had taken a toy away from your daughter, she may have pouted which is really the same root. Your son needs to be learning some self control and new responses when he's crossed (because he will be crossed all of his life in one way or another). When kids are very little they can be taught that their bad attitude won't fly. I would say that you need to be giving your son some kind of consequence when he allows his anger to get the better of him. I also think it needs to be something other than verbal admonishment.

One other thing, you have to let him be a boy. He will naturally be more boisterous and aggressive than your girls, but that still doesn't mean he should be allowed to change the atmosphere of your home with his anger.

Madre, I pm-ed you. :)

Sorry Gen, I don't have any advice either bcuz my dd is only 1. But I'm like Nici, I need the advice myself bcuz I've always been prone to anger but I do realise that it is my flesh and I just need to pray instead of taking out my anger on someone else. Sorry, totally rambled there but I will be praying for you and your ds.

You said that your dh is aggressive...it could be learned behaviour...boys will naturally copy the example of the men in their life.

I'm struggling with this a little with Timmy to (he's only three, and thank God he doesn't act like that with other kids, he's actually more likely to shy away rather then be aggressive with other kids) but lately he's been hitting or screaming at me when he doesn't like something. (Usually when he's really tired) and I get after him (give him time out or sometimes spankings) but it's really frustrating me. Because sometimes he'll actually laugh at my time outs or spankings or pretend like they're fun! Errrr! I don't really have any advice it could be learned or even "inherited" behavior. (Sometimes people are prone to be more angry) I don't know. At any rate I feel your pain. And it's not fun pain (like my spankings apparently are! lol)

Oh and by the way I wasn't one of those 25 people..don't come after me Gen! Hehehehe [rotfl]

Oh and by the way I wasn't one of those 25 people..don't come after me Gen! Hehehehe

Im a pratt sometimes, lol.

Oh Gen I love you! I was in a totally annoyed mood last night too, so I can completely understand.

I am sorry that it is a hard time, but keep hope that this will pass too. I hope for you that it is a stage that he is going through, and that he will (with your help) learn that there are better ways to express himself.

Maybe next time he does it, you could help him to change the behavior right then and there. For example "that is not how we act, please appologize." Then tell him something like "It would be nicer if you said, I was playing with those toys, but would you like to play with me...?" I don't know maybe he just needs to know that there is a nicer way to handle that, kwim?

Good luck, and remember that God is here and can help you through this. Try to say a quick prayer before you take him out to dicipline him that God will give you the words to help him to understand. I say this prayer A LOT!!!

Kendra

Thank you all....

Kendra... I do this aaall the time!! The Lord is definately helping me thru this

Good luck, and remember that God is here and can help you through this. Try to say a quick prayer before you take him out to dicipline him that God will give you the words to help him to understand. I say this prayer A LOT!!!

Someone suggested that I try role play with him and give him the vocabulary to communicate how he is feeling, giving him more opportunities to talk things thru. If he does it again he will definately have some serious consequences to face. Thanks again. :D

Gen, I know how frustrating this can be. Our youngest son (who is 6, like yours) was quite an angry little guy for a while, and it drove me to distraction. People tried to tell me "oh, it's a boy thing", which frustrated me, as our eldest son has never been agressive, angry, etc. He's one of the most placid, eager to please children, which made dealing with our younger son slightly harder, because I hadn't experienced it, and so therefore didn't expect it, with our younger son. And, as Madre said, they still shouldn't be able to change the atmosphere of your home with their anger, even allowing for boyish engergy etc.

Anyway, what I did (and still do on the odd occasion that he appears to be heading for a blow up), was learn to stay very, very calm myself. I found that the more upset I got, the worse he got. For every octave he raised his voice, I lowered mine.

I get down eye level, and tell him in a low but firm voice "Stop shouting. Don't talk, just listen. Do you understand? Just listen, don't say anything." And I make sure I maintain eye contact with him while I say that. Then, depending on the exact situation, I then tell him he's not behaving in an acceptable way, he's upsetting himself for no reason, and he needs to calm down. I also try to hold him gently but firmly while telling him this.

Honestly Gen, in the past year, he has changed so, so, so much. He isn't showing nearly as much anger as he used to, and when he does he comes to me and apologises for it. He's happier and calmer. It didn't happen overnight, it took a while. But it worked for us.

And, of course, there were times when talking alone didn't work, and quite a few toys went bye-bye for a week or two :lol:

My two sense would be to add intentional prayer to your situation. It sounds too easy, and somewhat "pat," I know.... but I do believe that praying "for" your ds while you're alone and talking to God, and also praying "over" your ds while he can hear you talking to God, and maybe even having friends pray for the situation (ie: a small group?), that God hears our prayers and knows our hearts and works in mysterious ways. Praying "over" your son, having him hear you say the words that you desire he knows God more fully, and works out the fruit of the spirit in his young life.... it can definitely have an impact on his heart!

Also, my oldest son used to have a bit of a mean streak in him. He would intentionally act in ways that I was "forever" admonishing him to "do unto others....." It really weighed me/us down for a (long) while. He is now 12, and is just maturing so nicely I'm thrilled! Though "time" isn't what you want to hear.... I must say that time, coupled with consistency (using all the advice others have given already!) does bear fruit.

Thanks again. Meg... My son has had this problem in the past. When he was a toddler and our lives were very unsettled, he just couldnt cope and was screaming and running around in circles, screaming off his frustration. NOTHING I would do would help him except to sit in a room with him so he couldnt hurt himself until he ran it off, I waited for him with arms open when he finished. The poor lad had seen so much and could not communicate his frustration in any other way. On top of our family situation we later found that he had hearing problems which compouded his frustrations. Then when things settled down, we found a new home, he settled there but soon had to start school. Again he just didnt handle the change. this is when we found out about his hearing problems and took steps to sort it out (he needed tubes to drain his ear drums). The change was amazing. I can see that now, since we took him out of school, little frustrations have built up over time. He takes it all in his stride until something very little overwhelms him. I think he's in a different place and I am looking at ways of equipping him, working with him to find ways to handle situations like that. I think sometimes the only way to realize there is a problem is to go thru things like this and address them. I feel like it is a stage he is going thru but its an opportunity for us to learn thru! I pray over him all the time. Ive not prayed with him or over him so that he hears that. I dont think he's prepared for that mentally yet. Im going to talk about praying for each other in situations like these. Thanks again. I know with out a doubt the Lord is walking us thru these times. I know this because the stress Ive been under in the last few months would have sunk me with out Him!!! So I sing his praises everyday!! God is so amazing!! Im overwhelmed by His love for us!! How he loves me and my son and every memeber of my family. I sometimes feel very alone raising our kids. But its times like these, the hard hard times that I realize that He is with me every step of the way and I know His presence more when things are difficult!! He is so amazing!!