I am scheduled for a c/s tomorrow morning (Mon), and where I should be happy and excited that i am going to meet our son, i feel just so upset. i so badly wanted to try normal birth, but since i have had 2 c/s previously, dr does not want to "risk" it.

My poor DH doing his best to support me. but my mood is putting a damper on everything - and for him too. I am just miserable, miserable miserable.

Through the entire pregnacy, i prayed and placed my trust in the Lord that this WILL happen. now... well, i guess i have less than 24hour left before i am sliced open... my faith is diminishing fast. - which makes me even more miserable.

It is suppose to be a happy event. yet, I am just so down. and I do want this child - don't get me wrong... We have waited for this moment for a LONG time...

I am also worried how it will effect the baby, and how "will" i be afterwards.

Did anyone else also feel like this? am I normal? how do i snap out of it - CAN i snap out of it?

:cry:

ps. i guess i should mention that my last c/s was worse than the worse nightmare. i picked up some fatal virus just before my dd was to be born, hence the emergency c/s, but it was too late for her, and i almost did not make it either... and that was the last time i was in hospital or went to theater... hence... loads of fear to add to it all...

Awww. I am so sorry. I think that after your traumatic experience having another C-section is understandably a very fearful and trepidatious event for you! It is almost like PTSD( Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)! Really! :shock:

Plus wanting to have your baby naturally is a normal desire! I know you have prayed...but God gives us what is good for us. You have no idea what He might be protecting you from. Maybe your uterus would have ruptured in labor. You don't know. Accepting the Lord's will when it seems to go against what you consider a good request is VERY hard. You are not alone. Many want what seems to be GOOD and wonderful requests of Him, yet their prayers seemingly go unheeded. But His ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts. As far as the heavens are above the earth so far are His thoughts above our thoughts. And all prayers ARE heard. He knows what we ask BEFORE we ask him. Before we speak His answer was on the way. The Word tells us this.

What is wrong with you? I would say NOTHING! You seem perfectly normal to me! It is a trying, scary, emotionally wrought time in your life. Remember Peter...walking on the water toward Jesus? He was flying high walking on the water. :) He was looking straight into Jesus eyes and life was good. He took his eyes off Jesus for a second to glance at his circumstances, the wild waves crashing all around him, and he began to sink. :?

Keep your eyes on Jesus. He sees you. He loves you. He has plans for you. Plans that are good, acceptable, and perfect. They may not be your plans. But just like we don't give our children everything they want, like candy before dinner etc..., God doesn't always give us what we want. But we can trust that it is GOOD. It is ACCEPTABLE. It is PERFECT. God is with you. :) I will be praying for you. And I think when you see your beautiful baby...none of this will matter any more. I AM so sorry that you didn't get to experience a natural birth. I would try not to focus on that particular crashing wave though, and focus on the joy of the life within you. Love and hugs. [heartbeat] [hug]

Please know this sister has you embraced tightly. Your thoughts, fears, and emotions are yours and are quite ok. You are getting ready to go through a lot in the next 24 hours and I find your feelings normal. I'm glad you reached out here so others can know and pray over this for you. Thanks for sharing as I'll be praying for you dear sister.

Leslie put it beautifully, it brought tears of comfort to my eyes.

Please know you are being prayed for and I wish I could whisk away all your fears.

God will be standing with you holding your hand each step of the way.

So many prayers...we won't stop praying you and your new little one through tomorrow until we hear from you...consider yourself surrounded by prayer warriors tomorrow petitioning to God for the life and safety and fears you have brought to us all!!

Oh Mab, hugs and prayers. You have gone through so much of course what you are feeling is normal. The loss of your daughter, I'm so sorry. That has to be one of the hardest if not the hardest experience in a moms/families life.

As always Leslie's reply is perfect. Keep your eyes on Jesus. Know we are all here for you and are anxiously awaiting the wonderful news on the birth of your baby boy. With pics of course when you feel up to it.

Again Hugs and prayers, especially tomorrow. Soon to look into your babies eyes for the first time you will surely see and dwell in that miracle and gift God has given. Prayers all your fears will melt away as you breathe in your baby's breath and rejoice in the birth of you son.

Praying for you. I agree with the other ladies here have said. It is so understandable for you to be feeling these feelings especially with how your last delivery went. I think it is only normal for these feelings you have. To borrow from Lesile...once you hear that little baby cry and get to look into his eyes, this "wave" you are feeling right now will then become just a "ripple". What you are going through and your feelings are valid and God knows your heart. He has decided that a c/s is what is best...not your doctor..they are just His means. I am praying for peace for you. I can't even imagine your anxiety you are having right now. You are being lifted up my sister...take rest in that but more importantly in Him.

I'm going to echo what everyone else is saying. There is nothing wrong with you. You wish you could have a normal, vaginal birth, and I truly believe if God thought that was best for you, He would have made it possible. As a two time c-section mom, I can understand the desire to have a 'normal' delivery.

I planned my 2nd cesarean on both the advice of my doctor (who was concerned about uterine rupture) and my desire to avoid labor. And it was a truly wonderful experience. (I did, however, pray to go into labor if God wanted things any other way.) I went into labor just a couple of hours before I checked into the hospital, so I know my baby was born on God's timetable. And everything I was fretting about with the planned cesarean (ie, would she be ready?) turned out not to be anything to worry about. I had a beautiful, healthy little girl, and it was a great experience. I pray that you have the same kind of experience!

I truly believe that God has spared you from something.... we may never know what... but God doesn't NOT answer prayers for NO reason... He has answered it... just not with the answer you wanted... that doesn't mean it wasn't the right answer. :)

I have trouble with accepting the answer I am given, so I can truly identify! But, don't give up your faith simply because a prayer wasn't answered the way you wanted... that seems hard but, in the end, you'll be glad you remained strong.

I'll pray for you, sister, for your peace of mind and heart... I hope that everything goes well and you have that wonderful peace when you hold your baby!!! All my hugs!!!

I truly believe that God has spared you from something.... we may never know what... but God doesn't NOT answer prayers for NO reason... He has answered it... just not with the answer you wanted... that doesn't mean it wasn't the right answer. :)

I have trouble with accepting the answer I am given, so I can truly identify!

I agree with this and I am praying that everything goes well for you and baby today!

Mab,
You are in my thoughts and prayers today! I understand completely your desire to have a VBAC since I'm in the same boat. I agree with everything that the others have said, docs can be so frustrating and I don't like hearing "no" from anyone- even the Lord in answer to a prayer. It's hard to remember that He works all things for our good, I agree that there is a reason for all of this hurt. I feel your fear so personally- as I share it myself. C-sec #2 was a terrifying experience for me and as my date draws closer I become more consumed by that fear. It is a daily struggle for me to give this fear to the Lord. Thanks so much for sharing- you've been such a blessing to me personally. I can't wait to hear how you and your child are doing. I keep trying to focus on the joy of bringing my own child home. I hope this ends so joyfully for you!!!
Blessings,
Beth