Hi,
My dd is going to be 2 yo in April. Right now she is in the stage where she is saying no and seeing how far she can push us and to see what we will do next after we have asked her to do something and she does not seem to want to or feel like doing it at the moment (most of the time she listens but...). We try to give her lots of advance notice, use the 'when and then' action thing, be positive, 'it would make mommy happy if you...'. We were hand slapping (which we would rather not do anymore), and we don't want to spank, so how and when do we introduce time outs or how to go about discipline next....? We have been praying about this and also reading Dr.Sears books for reference but any other advice would be great. Thanks.

hey fellow canuck!
I would recommend Dobson's Dare to Discipline (new version). Although, I don't agree with all of his stuff- I think this book is a good one... maybe less on specific techniques more on global philosophy. My friend loves The baby whisperer toddler version. Tracey Hogg. I haven't read it- so I don't know.
hth
d:)

I taught my sons that God had put me in charge of them. and that God has told them they must be obedient to me. I also taught them that they had to obey: right away, all the way and in a happy way. They could all say this by the time they were 2. I would say to them as a reminder if they were not obeying: " How do we obey?" And they would reply with: " Wight away, all fu way, and in happy way." :)

I also explained to them, yes at this young age, that if they did not obey me then they stepped out of the circle of God's protection formed by obedience. I had to bring them back in the circle of protection. Disobedience brings pain. :( They could also finish THAT sentence by the age of 2 when I started it. I would say: "Obedience...?" They would reply: " Bwings pain."

We reserved spankings for persistence disobedience and down right disrespect. We would remove them from public view of any kind( even visitors and siblings in our home) and in private explain that they were not showing us respect or they were not obeying us. And that we were responsible to teach them to obey. God was watching ME as a mom I would tell them. I have to answer to God for how I train them up. And to help them remember to obey I was going to need to spank them. After the spanking I would hug them and tell them I loved them. I told them that the spanking was to help them remember to obey. :) Disobedience brings pain.

Throughout the day though I would remind them with my question: " How do we obey?" Only once! Never yelling again and again from another room to do this or that or stop this or that. After the one warning, I would physically go and make them obey. If at that point I got fighting or sassy talk or refusual to participate then they got a spanking. Over time they learned that if mommy says it, I had better do it. They got relatively very few spankings!

That's how we did it anyway! :D

This might sound old fashioned but I found that my dd has a major attitude adjustment when she is forced to stand with her nose in the corner. It took a few times of me standing with her but now if I tell her to "find a corner" she will go to the nearest corner and stand with her nose in it until she is told that she can come out. I leave her in there for no more then two minutes at a time. That is all that is necessary because of her attention level. When she is told that she can come out she is a completely different child.

Ds is about the same age; we haven't had too much defiance thus far, but what helps us is to make things into a "helping" task like asking him to "help mama" by (fill in the blank), which he loves and will do the task and say "howper" (helper) :lol: . Just realize that at this age they still have a vague idea of the boundaries are (and whether or not yesterday's bundaries are still today's boundaries) and will push to figure out what they can and can't get away with; if she's still pushing its probably because she's still figuring it out. If she resists just quietly go about your plans so she realizes that you are still going to do XYZ whether she throws a fit or not. As she is going through the 2's and 3's it also helps to show her that she has choices in her behavior; for example, it can be as simple as when its time to go to the store, she has the choice to cooperate and walk to the car or not...but if she chooses not to then you will carry her out to the car. Either way she is going to the store, but its her choice of how pleasant it is. The idea is to help her realize that she has a choice to obey or disobey, but if she chooses the latter there will be a consequence.

My favorite books are "The Ministry of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson, "Grace-Based Parenting" by Timmy Kimmel, and "Biblical Parenting" by Crystal Lutton.