long- not so relaxed mamma

[danou]

Hey girls...
I'm a planner and researcher and a teacher who had very firm ideas about child rearing... during my pregnancy I read lots of parenting books and thought I had things straight (dh in agreement etc). Many of my "firm child rearing ideas" relate more to toddlers and pre-schoolers. We've sailed through the first three months like a warm knife through butter- seriously my 4.5 mo son has been sleeping the night through since six weeks. He sleeps in his own room now. This is not the area causing me stress.
Now the wind seems to be out of my sails. My/our issue is two fold... as mentioned in another thread my ds seems to have some seperation anxiety. I feel confident that this will work it self out and I'm not so hung up on this now...
The issue du-jour is him getting to sleep. My son fights going to sleep like crazy. He really does best when in sling or my arms. He sleeps (day time) longest and goes to sleep most peacefully when being carried. This is not too much of an issue for me now... I just have visions of carrying around a 45 + lbs child into kindergarden. (Not to sound critical or sarcastic) I do realise that children who are worn have a greater security... There are so many benefits, I am just concerned about creating a "monster" ,so to speak, and having supreme difficulties when/if I need to go back to work.

Ladies... the house is not falling down, however I need some reassurance and "clairvoyance" to know what is best for my son & our family. Perhaps words encouragement or anecdotes of what your family has experienced- especially if you do the baby-wearing thing and other "attachement parenting". I read about one lady's frustration with in-laws' questioning/trying to understand. I am kinda in the same boat as in-laws- trying to figure stuff out all the while feeling a strong instinctual pull to bw/ap. Thanks in advance.

[RachelinLA]

I think you just have to do what works for you. I know that is so cliche' but it's so true. For me, I don't do well with holding my kids until they fall asleep - so around 4-5 months I start letting them cry it out. It doesn't bother me one bit. Seriously, they can cry for an hour and it does not bug me. Sometimes I would get in the shower so I couldn't hear them for fear it would start to bug me :) but intellectually I was fine with it. However, I have a friend who simply can't bear to hear her baby cry - so she will not let her son cry it out. Sleep issues are so complicated and people can get very emotional about them too - I've seen mom's in all out fights and debates over this issue! Each person thinking thier way is THE way. But when kids get older you can expect them to listen to you and go to bed on thier own, I'm sure of it. Not everything we do now has such an effect on them. The thing is if it's not an issue it won't matter. It would be different if you decide to let them cry it out and then keep going and picking them up. Then you are creating a habit that will be near impossible to break later on (but still is breakable). But if you decide it's not a battle you want to fight, then it's not a battle. And when the time is right (hopefully sometime before 45 lbs!!) you will say, "Junior, enough is enough, it's time to be a big kid and go to bed on your own" and off Junior will go because he knows you are serious and consistent in your discipline.

You will find what works for you!!

[breezykc2]

I had a little guy who NEVER wanted put down...we wore him all the time and held him until he fell asleep at nap and night each time....He was a real snuggler! He is very independent and is 2.5 years now and was never a clingy "mommy's boy"! LOL, he just loved the closeness when under 1 year! He still loves to snuggle and gives hugs, but he isn't clingy or upset being apart from us.

[gamommyto4girls]

Have to say that I agree that it very important to do what feels right for you and your family. I can honestly say that I agonized a lot over my mothering philosophy for many years, but have realized over time that each child is so unique and different. I started with the same basic sleep routine with all three of my children. I fed them on demand as infants but put them onto a scheduled bedtime and naps once they were sleeping through the night. Two slept in cribs and one co-slept out of necessity (several weeks of a sleep deprived mom). Although I followed the same blue print with each child their sleep habits are very different today. Two sleep well and one still doesnt'. I've found this holds through in other areas, such as their general level of independance. In other words- even when I do things in similiar ways my children each develop a bit differently. I'll admit this is a bit of an ego buster for me but I do think that we need to remember that at best we are only half of the puzzle. I have also found that my children are very sensitive to my comfort level with different aspects of parenting. When I feel anxious or unsettled about what I'm doing they really seem to pick up on this. Nervousness can be contagious. As pre-k teacher I've found that many children with "seperation issues" have parents who are not confident about their decision to leave their child. I think that it is most important to do what feels best and right to you week by week. It's okay to modify your strategy over time. I often find myself admitting okay, this just isn't working. Your child will pick up on your comfort and this will provide them the best opportunity to grow. Best wishes!
Beth

[ChamomileFriend]

My son is 2 and has been sleeping in his own bed for a while, but when he was an infant he never wanted to be left alone - he couldn't stand his crib, bassinette, the arm's reach co-sleeper we attached to our bed, nothing, didn't matter if we swaddled him or not. I talked to my pediatrician about it and she said that at such a young age, babies are much too little for "tough love" and that no baby should be left to CIO for more than 30 min (and even that was pushing it).
Babies don't really know anything about the world yet, but they do know that Mommy is a safe haven from all other worldy items that may or may not be dangerous - when in doubt about, they would always rather be with mommy. My son slept on me in a sling for months, then we transitioned him to being ok sleeping in a swing, then we got him to take naps in the crib, and then finally he was willing to sleep in the crib at night, too.
At first a baby trusts only you and then as they get older they learn that other people and things are ok, too, but for each baby that part takes a different amount of time. As long as you let your baby have the time he needs it will be fine (and don't worry, he won't need until kindergarten :lol: )

[Kensbev]

Every morning, I pray for the Lord to guide me through the day with my children. Sounds kinda cliche, but it seems like every day is different. Different situation, etc., and sometimes I just don't know what to do. I know what my instinct is, but sometimes, I doubt that going with my gut is really what needs to happen in a given situation.

For example, my dd is now a very squirmy lass. Diaper changes are really trying. My gut tells me to just tie her arms and legs to the changing table so she'll stop rolling over while I'm trying to attach the Snappi. Not going to go with my gut on that one. :lol: After several days of prayer about it, I finally decided to get her some AIO's.

Then, I check the price of AIO's. Not in the budget. AT ALL. So, I do some more praying, and I found a WAHM on eBay selling them for a little less than $9 a dipe! In yellow, my favorite color on my girl!

Just pray. You've got to trust God to guide you with everything--big and small. As long as you know that He's guiding you, you'll feel secure in the decisions you make as a mommy. Your IL's are just trying to help you in a situation where they see your lack of experience, and they think that they can help, because they know how to do it. Their way isn't going to be what you want your way to be, but they might not understand that. Listen to their suggestions. Who knows? It might help you? But, if they're being pains in your neck (and I hate to say this), you're going to have to grin and bear it. Unless you're comfortable enough with them to tell them to back off.

My daughter also fights sleep unless she's in my arms. For some reason, she will silently snuggle into bed for bedtime, even if she's wide awake, but she fights naptime like mad. I've found that it's easier on both of us if I just cuddle her to sleep and then put her down. (I only let her CIO if nothing else works, but I'm a wimp like that.) But, I've discovered that she doesn't need just me to fall asleep. She can 'make do' with her dad or a grandparent, etc. That's what works for us, and I feel like keeping in touch with God on a daily (sometimes hourly) basis is what it takes for us to find what works. Trust God to guide you.

[SupermansLady]

My DS was held almost constantly as an infant. Much to my anger and disgust at times too! For the first year of his life, I/we lived with my parents. The day we got home from the hospital, I have several snapshots of my dad sitting in the recliner holding him. The two have been inseparable ever since. 2 weeks later when I had to go back to work, my dad became my primary babysitter. He has a job that he works 4am-noon so, I would leave my son with my pastor's wife and then dad would pick him up on his way home. They would then spend the rest of the day together. In those first months, even though I asked him not to, my dad held my son almost constantly. If I came home and laid him in the playpen or bassinet he would be ok, but if he heard Poppy's voice, he would cry until someone picked him up, then he would start looking around the room for my dad. Talk about frustrating to a new mom! :?
His first word was even "pop". UGH!!!!

Anyway, after about 3 1/2 months of constant holding, I finally put my foot down. He was held less and actually thrived. Some crying ensued, but my dad calmed down soon enough :lol: . By 5 months, he was crawling all over the place and at just 7 months 2 weeks he was walking. So, give it a little more time and maybe it is just a stage that will be outgrown. Then, when they start walking early like mine did, you will be wishing that all they wanted was for you to hold them. Too much to get into! Baby proof early!!!!