I am a single mother who works outside the home. As such, my daughter spends her days at an in-home daycare. Monday nights I have school and there is a thirteen year old girl who stays with my dd. Wednesday nights we have Church and she plays in the nursery after dinner with the other children. What I have found is that my daughter is a perfectly content child until I enter the room and then something happens and the "terrible twos" come out.

Someone made the comment to me that maybe it is because I am not spending enough time with her. I spend as much time as I possibly can with Rhyanne but due to work and class on Monday nights I have to have childcare. On Wednesday nights we eat dinner together at the Church and then the separate ages break up do their own thing. I guess my question is do you think that my child is acting out as a means of getting my attention or is it just the age that she is in. She is well behaved for everyone but me most of the time. If it is her way of getting attention what can I do as my time is very limited due to work.

Thanks!
Sara

Oh sweetie I have no idea! (((hugs))) but I'll be praying that God gives you wisdom in this tough situation, and that your little girl will be better behaved for you.

I've heard that *sometimes* children act that way only with their parents because that's who they're most comfortable with. They feel more able to express what they're feeling. Maybe she's not quite getting enough mommy time all to herself. Maybe the way that you react to her acting up is why she keeps doing it. She throws a fit, mommy pays attention...she doesn't throw a fit, she's not feeling like she's getting enough of it?? Maybe something like that. I'm NOT in any way saying that you're not doing a good job, I understand that you're doing what you can...maybe she just needs you a little more often.

I am not a single mom, but I do work outside of the home go to school and I had noticed that sometimes ds would "act up" around me when I got home from work; at first I was not sure what to do, but then a combination of things worked - I had to be much more firm with him about acceptable/unaccepatble behaviors - ignorning tantrums, more consistent "time-outs" and swats on the hand or pamper if necessary. I also praise him much more frequently than before every time he does something good, and more loudly, too.

He needed more special mommy-and-me time, too - not having much time for this, I just made our bedtime ritual together much longer, brushing our teeth together, a longer storytime, and then I let him spend 30-60 min in bed with me where we talk/snuggle/tickle before he has to go to his big boy bed for the rest of the nite. Sometimes I get less sleep bec of this, but his behavior has improved immensely - both at home and when we are out in public.

Praying you find something that works for you! I know it is so hard when you are running around 3/4 of the time and totally exhausted the rest of the time.

The previous post have had great advice... I would just like to add one comment.

I did in home day care for a few years and one thing I noticed, almost every child, regardless of age and home situation would change the moment mommy walked in the door. The sweetest child in the world would turn winey and difficult as soon as they heard mommys voice, sometimes even when they knew it was almost time for her it would start. When I worked I saw the same thing with my son, but soon after we left daycare in the evening he would be back to normal. I think that sometimes, to an extent, this is just their way of transititioning from one envirnment to another.

Thank you ladies for your wonderful advise. I really like the idea of extending Rhyanne's bedtime rituals. I love the idea of allowing her to spend special time in my bed snuggling with me or watching VeggieTales or reading books.

I did in home day care for a few years and one thing I noticed, almost every child, regardless of age and home situation would change the moment mommy walked in the door. The sweetest child in the world would turn winey and difficult as soon as they heard mommys voice, sometimes even when they knew it was almost time for her it would start. When I worked I saw the same thing with my son, but soon after we left daycare in the evening he would be back to normal. I think that sometimes, to an extent, this is just their way of transititioning from one envirnment to another.

I was just going to say the same thing...I used to work in childcare and I saw the same thing all the time. Parents would ask me how do you get them to behave and I would always say Im not Mommie.
Also she's "terrible two" shes testing her boundaries. I used to work with twos[whatcrazy]cute but they will test every ounce of God giving patience.

I was a single mom for the first 4 years of Mattie's life. I can relate to working full time and doing the best I could as a single mom. I am sorry that it is tough now, but I can say that it got better with Mattie.

She was tough around the 2 y/o stage, but we got rid of the television when she turned 3 (we still watch movies) and I would not watch anything until after she was in bed. I found myself spending more time with her and paying attention to what she needed and less time staring at the TV. We'd color together or she'd help me cook dinner or bake cookies or whatever. She became happier and more confident/less whiny and cranky.

I don't know if this helps, but I will be praying for you and your little family!

Kendra

My daughter does the same thing, and Im a SAHM. To tell you the truth...we get along, and have such a better time and relationship with each other after we spend some time apart.

I have been in the Early Education field for 8 years now and agree with whoever said that kids act differently around their parents. I notice it with my own son too. It's the "parent curse", I call it. It just happens. The minute the parents walk in the door, something happens and they go crazy.

However, I do also agree and have seen many times that children act out for negative attention if they feel they need extra one on one time with mom/dad or if the only attention they get is negative. It is very important to make sure she is getting enough quality time with you, esp. since she only has you. She might feel bounced around so maybe think of things you do that can be put on hold or things that you can take a break from. Make sure you praise her when she is listening or doing something positive as well. It will get better. You must be doing something right if she is really good for other people. That's always a good thing.

I think it is the quality of the time together. Because you are gone a lot the time you do spend with her needs to make up for that. Dress up together, color together, paint or make cards, garden together, you could even clean together... But whatever you do make it fun and make her feel like this is the funnest thing ever. Talk and Listen to her. I think you'll see a change. :wink: