View Full Version : Need Advice...Horrible Mom
04-25-2006, 01:54 PM
Please give me your advice. I am feeling like such a bad mom. I have been stressed to the max lately. We are getting ready to move (long awaited.....problem filled move), I hate my job, money is tight....just nothing is good.....except my family. Well, I've caught myself being very harsh with my daughter lately. I don't like to yell, or get angry with her, but lately she has been getting into everything....as she should at her tender age of 1 year, and I've really been handling it poorly. Well, today I had an epiphany, and realized I have actually yelled at my baby lately. That is awful! She is so tiny and doesn't understand, and I have no right to yell at her. I feel horrilble, and have vowed from the moment I pick her up at the babysitter's today, til eternity, I will not be mean like that again. I will give her loving dicipline for her own good....but never again will I be the raging maniac I feel i have been the last couple of week. Has anybody else had to face this horrible realization of yourself? How did you cope?
04-25-2006, 02:23 PM
Sometimes I feel this exact same way! :evil: I love my children so much, yet sometimes, I can be so mean to them. I know this is so awful, but I have a friend who is really demeaning to her daughter. Back in the day, I would have never ever said a harsh word to my children. We got to the point that we hung out quiet a bit and I noticed myself yelling at my children and saying things like, "that's stupid". I know I could be doing a lot worse, but those are very hurtful words to children!! To think your mom thinks you are stupid has got to hurt pretty bad. So, I have asked the Lord to help me with this problem. I am not hanging out with the friend much at all anymore and I have noticed that my attitude toward my children is changing. I have to continually remind myself that they are children and they aren't supposed to think like I think and do things like I do them. I was really the one being stupid. :oops:
All I can recommend is prayer. The Lord has shown me in the past times that I have just been cruel to my kids with my words or by yelling at them. It happened gradually and I used the stresses of everyday life as an excuse. I am so much better about this now, but not because of my own doing. Like I said, I had to ask God to show me when I was being unreasonable. And I have done a lot of apologizing to them and asking for forgiveness. I don't want them to think back on their childhood and remember their mom always yelling and being stressed out and negative.
I will say a prayer for you too. Another thing, you are not a bad mother, you are human. No one is perfect. Just give it to God. He will help!
04-25-2006, 04:49 PM
At times I think all moms get snappy with their kids. I hate doing that and always feel so badly about it later. I remember as a child being told stuff like "I hate the day you were born" or "I wish I had never had you". I know now that my mom didn't mean it--she suffered from bouts of depressions and anxiety after my father died when I was 5, but it still hurt and actually still bothers me.
I pray for patience everyday and I know God helps me out with that. I am getting some better about it but there is still room for improvement with me.
04-25-2006, 10:11 PM
So sorry you are going through this! I have been there. Just pray and ask God to help you and also I tried to watch myself to try to keep from acting so mean to my dd. Things will get better!
Maybe you should also try to eliminate somethings in your life that are stressing you out? It might help.
04-26-2006, 12:34 AM
I don't have kids but I do know I can get pretty snappy at dh. I just pray that God would help me control my tounge, and help show me how to be the woman God wants me to be.
My friends and pastor all explain to their kids at the appropriate level for them, that mommy is sorry and that she needs forgiveness from dd/ds and from God that way it teaches them that you are not perfect and need forgivness and Jesus just like they do.
04-26-2006, 01:29 AM
I think this is something every mom experiences. I don't like yelling at my daughter and try my hardest not to because i grew up in a home where my dad was verbally abusive towards my mother and I and was always yelling. I have caught myself yelling at my daughter (especially at the end of my pregnancy) and when i do i stop myself and apologize to her for yelling. I'm not sure if she understands but i do it anyways. I give her a hug and kiss and tell her that i love her and that i just don't want her to do whatever it is that she was doing in a calm voice.
I've been there too. I think we all have in one way or another. Just take time out and breathe. Sometimes I have to count to 10 SLOWLY when my oldest ds gets on that last nerve and I can feel myself coming apart. My 1yr old ds gets pretty wild sometimes too. He has a horrible temper. Being that young and not knowing how to express their feelings has to be frustrating to them too. I know where you are coming from. They are so tiny and you feel horrible for losing it w/them.
Just take time out and pray. Ask God to give you the patience you need and also ask him for guidence in you job. For me, a change of employment made all the difference. If I'm not stressed at work, I have a better evening at home. Maybe pray over that also.
You will be in my prayers.
05-06-2006, 02:08 PM
I pray for help with my temper, too - I think it is really helping. I am stressed out all the time because I am working and going to school at nite because I want to be able tpbetter provide for my son, but then sometimes I am short with him because I am SO tired.
Sometimes my husband takes him so I can have a break or I will give my son some quiet time in his crib with toys or a book and take a little breather for myself, even if it is only for 10 minutes.
05-20-2006, 10:15 PM
I too have come here often seeking advice on discipline- check out the other topics on her (you probably already have) they are full of good advice. Your daughter sounds os much like my son and your next door neighbor like basically all of my neices and friends' kids. One piece of advice in dealing with the little girl next door... I find myself telling my neices/neighbors/friends/ kids to stop certain behaviors because I don't want my son to learn them. It may be difficult because she isn't a relative but kids seem to understand. Where we used to live, my back door some how ended up the catch-all for many kids, some of them whose parents I never even laid eyes on and I would say things like you have to share because I'm working on teaching Kobey to share, or please don't use that language around Kobey- I don't want him to learn those words. With my friends I am able to be very direct with their kids- you need to respect your mother because I don't need Kobey learning how to disrespect me, etc... Some of the kids have tested me on this type of thing but overall they seem to appreciate my being direct with them, especially those who lack guidance at home.
Oh, and I just thought of somethig else in regards to your oldest hurting the little one- this is one thing we have been able to avoid and I think it's because my son feels that his sister is "his" baby- even at her very young age, I talk to her about her brother in a positive way and him about her (oh, look at your sister looking at you; she loves you so much or do you see how big your brother is helping mommy- you're too little to help me but someday you can, etc.) and I sing little made up songs all the time about him being my big love and her my little love and how we are a family and so on. I keep him very involved with her, holding her and "letting" her sit in her bouncy seat and watch him play, read, etc.
05-25-2006, 09:09 PM
I SOOOOO know how you feel. I have felt the same way....today specifically. And like you, I feel so awful because, though the toddlers get into things, it's their nature and for me, I have a 26 mo. old son and twin boys who are 5 mo. old and teething. So, today has been especially hard. I prayed and prayed and had a good cry to let some frustration out and felt better. I also stumbled upon this site and joined. [praywhensad]
At the toughest times, I remind myself that this is a blessing and that the Lord CHOSE ME (ME!!!!!) to be my babies mommy. [heartbeat]
I try to pray for patience and peace in the moment, but often I am just so spooled up by my 7 year old it's hard to remember!
Go lock yourself in the bathroom for a minute. Take a deep breath, and just ask the Holy Spirit to bring your peace and patience, and to make you the best mother you can be in the next few minutes. Remind yourself that children are supposed to test you, but it is your responsibility to train them to be a good Christian. God gave you that child for a reason! Discipline them gently if they need it, or redirect them.
06-01-2006, 03:03 PM
I used to feel terrible about that also, until my mother-in-law and my husband's aunt pointed out that she knew exactly what she was doing and that I should yell at her and spank her when I've repeatedly told her 'No' about something and she continuelly does it. But since I'm kind of weak towards her I'm gentle, but firm with her when I tell her not to do it. If she doesn't listen, I put her in the naughty chair, and she DOES NOT like the naughty chair. So Praise God I've found a remedy!
07-16-2012, 09:55 PM
every Moms has battles. I will cheer you! haha!! you will overcome it... Pray! an PRAY!!
07-20-2012, 06:52 PM
By me dealing with a child that has very bad aggressive behavior and trying to keep in control of him from hurting the other children I have been deemed as having anger management problem and aggressive behavior. I am stressed over the situation that has occured with my kids being taken from me by their dad and being used to control me and what I can do. I keep asking "Why did this happen" it hurts so bad not having them with me and now not being able to see them! Tomorrow will be the first day since Mother's day that I have seen my children.
07-21-2012, 06:05 PM
I hope you are enjoying your kids right now and are never separated from them for so long ever again. I hope you all can work something out, both in court and out. Praying for you and the kids.
09-24-2012, 01:07 PM
I find that when there's something else going on inside of me with other things going on in life, I start to act out with my kids (I have a 6 year old, 4 year old and 3 year old). I find that I really really lose my patience quickly and I've honestly felt like something comes over me and I turn into some kind of monster.
I have had many many many moments (especially lately) that I've had to literally lock myself in my room or the bathroom to refocus and pray that God would give me the strength and patience and grace.... and then I try to very humbly (often crying) ask my kids to forgive me... and I'm completely honest with them saying that my reaction to them like that, isn't because of them... it's because I'm having a sad day.... or frustrated day... or angry day...
Kids are so full of grace and I think that as long as your recognizing in yourself when this happens, and you can go back and ask for forgiveness... I hope and pray that God will see that and protect my kids from their spirits to be hurt from my stupid reactions.
We are not perfect people... and I think it's ok for our kids to see it. Obviously if it becomes a bad pattern where it's happening all the time and you're just going back to ask for forgiveness, that's not good.... but God can work in those mistakes and teach US and our kids so much.