View Full Version : For SAHM's
02-08-2007, 04:27 PM
I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom. My mother stayed home or worked from home with us most of my life. My husband loves me staying home too. He was raised by a single mom who was never home and wants me to be there for our kids. I really love being a stay at home mom. However, some days I feel like I am missing something by not contributing to the work world. Prior to having my son, I has several different careers (flight attendant, hotel industry, and dental assisting) that I really loved. Sometimes as a stay at home mom I feel like I am all I am good for is changing diapers, cooking meals, cleaning the house, and grocery shopping! I am involved with several moms groups and also very involved with my church and this helps some, but I can't help feeling at times (not all the time), that I am bored or whatever. I try to keep up on current events, politics, and other things like that to keep me feeling in the loop of the world. I don't know what is wrong with me!
02-08-2007, 04:39 PM
Awww... sweetie ((HUGS))! I'm a SAHM myself and at times know actually what you are referring to. You are doing so much more then you think for your family. Your kids will one day be so grateful for all that you did for them. You take care of them and keep them safe, their is no other like mommy. Futhermore, what you're doing is a ministry, you are keeping your family together; intact and that is worth so much more than any other job out there. The Lord will truly bless you for all that you are doing for our treasures are to be stored up in heaven and that is actually what you are doing, you may not be getting paid for what you are doing or at times not even be acknowledged or thanked for what you do but the Lord sees and knows. God bless you sweetie! [hug]
02-08-2007, 04:55 PM
BTW, The mission of motherhood: Touching you child's heart for eternity
by: Sally Clarkson is an AWESOME book! I totally recommend it all SAHM's totally changes your prospective of why it's so important to stay home with you kids. My bible study leader recommended it to me and i loved it! :D
Vanessa said everything I wanted to say! :lol: Last summer when I was pregnant and thinking about how I wouldn't be going back to school (I was a teacher for 13 years), I said one day to my DH, "I feel like I'm not making a difference."
DH replied, "You're making a difference to me and the baby."
The "workforce" doesn't need you. Your family needs you. No one can do for them what you can.
As Emjo said, nobody else can do for your family what you are doing. Sure, they could hire someone, but would that person put in the "extra" the way you do? I doubt it :)
I do know how you are feeling. I've been a sahm for just over 8 years now. One (of the many) thing my dh said to me that made me feel better is that I am contributing to the workforce in that he does a better job knowing that I'm here to take care of our boys and our home, than he would if I was working too, and he was worried about pick up times, groceries, who's gonna cook dinner, etc. Me being at home allows him to give 100% to his job while he's there, because he's not worried :)
02-08-2007, 10:09 PM
Thanks guys. I appreciate the words of encouragement. You are right Meg, Jake has told me many times it makes him less stressed not worrying about Wes while he is at work.
02-08-2007, 10:23 PM
Totally agree with Vanessa and Meg. I know it's hard being home all the time, but it's also such a blessing to watch our kids grow up and teach them ourselves! :D really I think being a mom is one of the toughest job there is, because it's 24/7. Theres no other job out there so constant. But theres nothing like seeing our kids grow up :D
02-08-2007, 11:17 PM
I love what all the other ladies have said!
What helps me as well is to try to remind myself to have an eternal perspective- it's so easy to get swept up in what this world tells you is important. Someday, in Heaven, everything that was important here- jobs, money, homes, titles, promotions- isn't going to count. Everything that we did for God that seemed undervalued at the time- being a godly wife and mother, wiping noses, telling Bible stories, doing those menial tasks- that's what will matter.....those are the relationships that will last for Eternity.
02-08-2007, 11:27 PM
I agree with the other ladies. I've been a SAHM since our son was born 5 years ago. Two things to remember:
1.) The "work world" will never miss you, but your family definately will.
2.) Our families are the only things we can take to heaven with us.
I remind myself of these whenever I am feeling unappreciated or thinking the grass is greener over there. There will never be a substitute for a wife and mommy.
02-09-2007, 10:04 AM
These slumps are totally normal, especially in a world where SAHMs have such little value :( .
02-09-2007, 12:44 PM
I am so glad you brought this up! I quit my fast paced real estate job when my son was born 8 months ago, and am struggling with this issue too. It seems like society puts so much pressure in getting an education and getting a good job, that being a stay at home mom makes me feel lazy sometimes (even though I work much harder now than I did before, it is just diapers and laundry instead of contracts and showing houses).
I have to remember how much more rewarding it is to stay home with this little man, and finallly be able to be around more for my 5yr old. I know that this is where God wants me to be now, and that I am doing the right thing. I feel so blessed that we are financially in a position that I don't have to work any more.
Anyway, thanks again for bringing this up, the words of encouragement have touched me as well!
02-09-2007, 01:30 PM
I hear ya...Home By Choice is an amazing book for good perspective!
02-09-2007, 01:36 PM
Everyone's already said it all, and it was great to read those replies. I think we all struggle with our worth as a mother. I work on weeekends because I have to, but I look forward to the day when I can be that SAHM full time.
I call my home my mission field. I'm trying to bring up these boys to be servants for the LORD.
Somedays are discouraging, and I wonder if I'm doing it all wrong, other days I see the rewards....Here's the email I got from My 3rd graders teacher today...
Ryan is a real crack up to me. He is almost as obsessed with Israel as I am! He mentions it all the time lately. His behavior in class this week has been very good, just so you know. He can be loud at times, but he is such a bright light in here. We can count on Ryan for a smile or a joke! He's a pleasure!
He's going to school talking about Isreal? Who knew. We've been reading Exodus. I'm just thrilled that he's sharing God , and shining his light into his world. It's days like this that I feel like I'm doing my job right.
Now, for those who don't know me well... the comment the teacher made about him being loud....he does NOT get that from his mother :wink:
My advice: Keep your eye on the goal: To raise your children to be Lights in this world, and to live for Christ. Only YOU can teach them that! And that will make a difference for Eternity!
02-09-2007, 03:06 PM
I'm not a SAHM, but I appluad all of you and want you all to know that I think it's terrific that you've chosen this for your families. What a blessing to your children and husband's. They should be proud of the women you are.
My dh will be a SAHD due to circumstances and I wrestle with the opposite feelings. That I won't be doing enough for my son or husband by not being at home. I think we all have moments where we have these feelings of weakness, but don't let satan bring these thoughts into your minds. You're all wonderful women and doing God's work in a wonderful way.
Also, remember how you'll be able to show your child God's love and raise them in a Christian environment when they otherwise wouldn't be.
02-09-2007, 06:26 PM
What a great thread. So glad to know everyone else feels the same way. I also feel the same at times also, that I am not contributing to society and yes, there are sacrifices to be made but I like being at home and having the control over how my child is taken care of, discipline, etc. and I like to keep my house running well too as far as groceries, cleaning, etc. I take a lot of pride in that.
I recently joined a wonderful Moms Bible Study where there are other SAHM's too, and it has been very encouraging for me.
In the summers I work full time seasonally for about 5 months so I get to see both sides of the coin but I feel guilty for dropping off my dd with thankfully private home child care but I get frustrated also that I cannot keep up to the housework the way I want or that I am missing out on part of my dd's life during the day.
I enjoy being a SAHM for the fact that if I want to stay in my pj's until 10 am I can and also just the special moments I get to share with my dd. Nothing can ever take that back!
One of the other things I try to do to alleviate boredom is to make sure every week I take an evening out for myself, and also to do another interest, e.g. I teach part time, scrapbook, etc. This helps me to feel that I am doing other things apart from being a mom all the time.
02-09-2007, 08:42 PM
I had been a SAHM for the last year and a hald, basically since I got pregnant with my daughter. At first, I ran an in-home childcare, then just took some tim eto be with just my kids. I have recently started working again, but I work in the evening (4-8 or 9) three times/week. I'm not sure if that would be an option for you, but I still feel like a SAHM in many ways, I am with my children all day every day and often I get home before my oldest is asleep. Of course, time with your hubby is a consideration that I don't face, but I thought I'd contribute what I do :)
02-10-2007, 03:09 PM
Thanks guys. I know that this is my calling. I do love it, most of the time. I just have my moments when I feel worthless. But, that is Satan trying to make me feel tthat way.
02-10-2007, 10:32 PM
Julie, I agree with all that the others have said. I just wanted to tell you that I am there with you sometimes. I used to be the "bread-winner" in my family. My life story is: Married, working mom, supported husband#1 through school, started college, husband abandoned me with two small children when he left with another woman, quit college, single mom, remarried #2, started back to college and working, graduated college, worked as a dental assistant, divorced #2, single mom again, FINALLY found a Christian man, remarried #3, worked while husband finished college, he went to work, I had baby, now SAHM. HAPPILY EVER AFTER!! But, the point of all this was to say that I often feel like I don't contribute enough, that he has to work too hard (3 jobs) just so that I can stay home with baby. But, he says what I do is a FT job and that he wants Samuel to be raised by US not strangers in a daycare. He appreciates me. I know this. He and I feel that it was God's original intent that the mother take care of the children in the home, and if it's at all possible, that is what people should do. That is not to say that someone is wrong if they can't do this, just that it is our preference and belief. I still feel like a slacker at times.
02-13-2007, 07:06 AM
I found myself getting depressed after ds was born. I loved being a mom and loved staying home, but was so dissatisfied with my everyday life. I'm decidedly introverted so it wasn't feelings of isolation or anything. Over time I realized that I needed a creative outlet. I was spending my time changing diapers, feeding, cooking, cleaning, and then had to do it all over again the next day and the next. I felt like I worked all day and didn't really accomplish anything. That's when I started making soap as a hobby. It really is a creative outlet for me. When I find myself feeling down in the dumps and lacking enthusiasm, I whip up a batch, and find that my mood completely changes. I get to see immediate results for my efforts and it doesn't have to be done all over again tomorrow.
02-14-2007, 11:23 AM
Can I suggest Robin McGraw's new book "Inside my Heart?" I was feeling much like you and then I picked up that book - and it's not even all about being a SAHM but the conviction with how she loves her kids just bubbles out of that book in every way. It made me really realize that what I am doing here COUNTS. I think maybe that is all you need to keep reminding yourself of. You're forming a mind, a heart, someone's future spouse... you're changing the world right NOW. I know it's all very mundane but I have come to find that God is in the mundane ;).
Hang in there!
02-14-2007, 01:42 PM
It was so great to read my thoughts written by so many others... I never had a "career" as I got married at 18, but lately I've had this unfulfilled feeling like I wasn't making my life count for anything. Changing diapers and wiping noses all day makes you feel like your brain must be turning to mush. I felt like if I could at least do some big mission work for God, it would make such a difference... But I had an experience recently where God showed me that I was ignoring my biggest mission field: my kids. Everything I teach them now will stay with them through life, and suddenly it feels like I do have the opportunity to make a difference in the world... by raising godly children...