Not totally sure what to do...*UPDATE*

[myjoyoverflows]

For a couple weeks now, almost every time I put Maddy down, she gets really upset and almost starts to like, throw herself down. She's well taken care of..it's just that she doesn't want for me to stop holding her. I just get concerned seeing her like that. Am I just supposed to let her cry and kinda throw herself around, or am I supposed to pick her up each time? Seems when I do pick her up, I can't get ANYTHING done because EVERY time I set her down it's that way. I'm making sure that she's not going to hit into anything that would hurt her, but I'm still concerned. Thoughts?

[justmeNmine]

I know Maddy is a little younger than my DD (13 mos.) but the behavior sounds familiar. Mine turns it on extra full force if there is a baby gate involved. I think it is about not wanting to be out down, but I advocate independent play and self-entertainment at times. When my DD is screaming at the gate, or thrashing around opn the floor, I go in briefly, tell her "no,no... you play wit htoys, set her up with something interesting and go back to making supper (or whatever). The key with this "strategy" isa that I don't pick her up in a consoling manner, but in an effort to redirect her :wink:

[myjoyoverflows]

Yeah, Madison is 7 months old right now...I've tried to redirect her, as you have said, and she just reaches for me. I put her in her playpen...I put her on the floor...I try not to put her on the floor when she's being that way because I don't want for her to really hurt herself. So, am I to try to redirect her, put soft things in her playpen for her to play with, and then walk away and leave her crying? That's hard because in our small apartment, not matter where I go, she can see me...and whenever she does, she cries and starts the whole thing all over. But is that what I should do?

[Cheeseburger]

Yeah, Madison is 7 months old right now...I've tried to redirect her, as you have said, and she just reaches for me. I put her in her playpen...I put her on the floor...I try not to put her on the floor when she's being that way because I don't want for her to really hurt herself. So, am I to try to redirect her, put soft things in her playpen for her to play with, and then walk away and leave her crying? That's hard because in our small apartment, not matter where I go, she can see me...and whenever she does, she cries and starts the whole thing all over. But is that what I should do?

Maybe put her in the playpen and sit right outside of it and just talk to her w/o touching her and see if she calms down after a few times of that? So she doesn't instantly feel abandoned etc. Maybe that is what is scaring her she knows you will walk away so maybe just sit beside her for awhile??

If katherine is upset I usually try to distract her with a noisy toy that makes music or something. It's really annoying, but it makes her happy, she loves toys that she can press big buttons on and they light up and make noise etc. Once she gets going she could play by herself for HOURS if I let her LOL

[myjoyoverflows]

Yeah, Madison is 7 months old right now...I've tried to redirect her, as you have said, and she just reaches for me. I put her in her playpen...I put her on the floor...I try not to put her on the floor when she's being that way because I don't want for her to really hurt herself. So, am I to try to redirect her, put soft things in her playpen for her to play with, and then walk away and leave her crying? That's hard because in our small apartment, not matter where I go, she can see me...and whenever she does, she cries and starts the whole thing all over. But is that what I should do?

Maybe put her in the playpen and sit right outside of it and just talk to her w/o touching her and see if she calms down after a few times of that? So she doesn't instantly feel abandoned etc. Maybe that is what is scaring her she knows you will walk away so maybe just sit beside her for awhile??

If katherine is upset I usually try to distract her with a noisy toy that makes music or something. It's really annoying, but it makes her happy, she loves toys that she can press big buttons on and they light up and make noise etc. Once she gets going she could play by herself for HOURS if I let her LOL

lately, I've been trying EVERYTHING! I put her in and I talk with her and all she does it reach for me and cry louder and harder. I hate it. I feel like a horrible mom if I don't pick her up, but I don't get anything done because I'm holding her 95% of the day...

I'm just not sure what else to do other than kinda deal with it. I tend to give in often to when she's like that...I don't really let her cry longer than 5 minutes or so before I pick her back up...is that wrong? Should I just let her cry until she stops? 'Cause she doesn't usually stop, even if I am right next to her.

[breezykc2]

can you snugli her while you work some? That's what I did. I personally would not leave her to cry, just how we do things in our family. We always respond to every cry...even though it's time consuming and hard to go through while the phases pass, well worth it in our book! Good luck! Maybe a bouncy seat in the same room with you and you could sing and talk to her while you work? The playpen in the room is a good idea too. Just keep her as close as possible.

[myjoyoverflows]

can you snugli her while you work some? That's what I did. I personally would not leave her to cry, just how we do things in our family. We always respond to every cry...even though it's time consuming and hard to go through while the phases pass, well worth it in our book! Good luck! Maybe a bouncy seat in the same room with you and you could sing and talk to her while you work? The playpen in the room is a good idea too. Just keep her as close as possible.

Thank you...I do my best to have her near me all the time, talking and singing...she's always with me while I'm online and stuff, just, I can't snuggle while doing the dishes and taking care of laundry. But thank you for your suggestions!!

[Crissyanna]

Have you thought about getting a sling? There are tons of different kinds and colors. I tried a snugli one from wal-mart, but my torso is too short and I kept hitting Dainyah in the head with my chin when she was only 2 months old with it, so it got returned (and yes, I tried adjusting it several times, and my torso is just too short to get it to fit me and her). Right now, I think I am going to get a Maya wrap sling. If you want, I have a ton of websites bookmarked I can pm you that has slings, most are pretty reasonably priced.

Dainyah is like that a lot. If I am in the kitchen, she has to be in the bouncy seat looking in at me. If I leave her in the swing she starts to cry. Even if she is asleep. I could swear that kid has a mommy radar (same thing if Peter and I are wanting time alone together after she is asleep, I don't know how she does it).

I have been assured that this stage too shall pass. If we keep our sanity through it is another question altogether :?

[myjoyoverflows]

Have you thought about getting a sling? There are tons of different kinds and colors. I tried a snugli one from wal-mart, but my torso is too short and I kept hitting Dainyah in the head with my chin when she was only 2 months old with it, so it got returned (and yes, I tried adjusting it several times, and my torso is just too short to get it to fit me and her). Right now, I think I am going to get a Maya wrap sling. If you want, I have a ton of websites bookmarked I can pm you that has slings, most are pretty reasonably priced.

Dainyah is like that a lot. If I am in the kitchen, she has to be in the bouncy seat looking in at me. If I leave her in the swing she starts to cry. Even if she is asleep. I could swear that kid has a mommy radar (same thing if Peter and I are wanting time alone together after she is asleep, I don't know how she does it).

I have been assured that this stage too shall pass. If we keep our sanity through it is another question altogether :?

I've tried to "wear" her before and she didn't like it... :roll: Seems like she's really, really happy when she has Mommy's full attention...and gets really upset when she doesn't...this is a fairly new developement...I'm hoping that it's just a stage, 'cause it's already getting old...and in a hurry.

She's usually fairly content to sit on the floor as I go about doing things...but she has her moments where there's no way that I'm putting her down. And when she's on the floor, I have to be within sight, or she screams like she's in agony or something. I can't keep putting everything else off. I can't keep letting the dishes pile up, and the laundry, and things like that...because our apartment is a mess and it's effecting my relationship with my husband.

Some days are better than others...but it's just getting worse. The ONLY time she naps during the day now, is while I'm holding her, right after she has nursed. I try to put her down...it doesn't work. I don't know what to do. She won't nap, so it's not like I can do stuff around the apartment while she napping, 'cause she doesn't. It's not like we don't do active things, because we do, I just don't get why she's not napping...and always needing me...ALWAYS...sometimes she doesn't even want to see Bill. I'll pass her to him and she freaks out...I'm going nuts over here! HELP!!!

[Cheeseburger]

Has she been teething? That could be on reason she is clingy. Katherine is clingier when she is teething.

Does she like TV? you could put on a kid's video maybe? I know katherine loves her veggietales and pays more attention to that than to me when it's on :roll: so I use it as a last resort if I have to get something done LOL!!! I know i'm a bad mom, using TV as a babysitter. But it works.

[myjoyoverflows]

Has she been teething? That could be on reason she is clingy. Katherine is clingier when she is teething.

Does she like TV? you could put on a kid's video maybe? I know katherine loves her veggietales and pays more attention to that than to me when it's on :roll: so I use it as a last resort if I have to get something done LOL!!! I know i'm a bad mom, using TV as a babysitter. But it works.

She has 2 teeth that are about halfway in....I don't think that she's getting any more right now. She does like to watch the TV...but the issue is...ONLY will she watch it while I'm right there. The only TV we have is in our bedroom....and the dishes can't be done from there. I don't think that you're a bad mom for doing that, especially if you're putting her in front of something like veggietales...I'm finding out that sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do.

Bill's mom lives in the same apartment building...but she smokes in her house and I don't want Maddy around that...that, and she always acts like she's put off to take her so that I can get something done, so I don't bother asking her. :roll: I feel horrible saying that I need help..but if you all could see this apartment, you'd understand what I'm going through! Once everything is in order, then it won't be an issue keeping up with things...it's just now...getting to that point.

So, I've been debating about sometimes this week having Bill's mom watch her (she doesn't smoke in the house when Maddy's up there, but she smokes so often when she's not that you walk into her house and even I find it hard to take)...but I don't really want to do that. When Bill's home, he isn't much help. I try to get things done but he's constantly asking me to take Maddy 'cause he wants to "play"...or do whatever...*sigh* I'm just tired...and I feel like a horrible wife and mom because I'm having a hard time doing it all.... :cry:

[Crissyanna]

I so know what that is like. My house is a sty, driving me nuts, the baby wants held all day long, I don't have the sling ordered yet and can't until after we move, Peter working two jobs, the list goes on and on.

No, we can not do it all. Otherwise, our name would me Mary Poppins Super Woman or something of the sort.

Any chance you could move the tv? At leat maybe during the day so you can have Maddy in sight while things get done? You can steal my trick, Dainyah loves to play with silver wrapping paper. However, you do have to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't try to eat it :roll:

We do survive this stage, at least that's what I'm told. If you figure out the secret, let me know, will you? I'll do the same for you.

[myjoyoverflows]

I so know what that is like. My house is a sty, driving me nuts, the baby wants held all day long, I don't have the sling ordered yet and can't until after we move, Peter working two jobs, the list goes on and on.

No, we can not do it all. Otherwise, our name would me Mary Poppins Super Woman or something of the sort.

Any chance you could move the tv? At leat maybe during the day so you can have Maddy in sight while things get done? You can steal my trick, Dainyah loves to play with silver wrapping paper. However, you do have to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't try to eat it :roll:

We do survive this stage, at least that's what I'm told. If you figure out the secret, let me know, will you? I'll do the same for you.

It's not a huge TV, but it's too big to move each day...and yes, if I figure out the secret, I'll let you know....I REALLY hope that I'm able to tell you soon! :wink:

[Kensbev]

I feel your pain. I go through it with my Tory almost daily. She's not happy unless I've got her in my lap, period. But I can't do that. She has an older sister who needs me as much as she does. Plus I have a house that has to be cleaned. I've started (in the past couple of days) leaving her with a few toys to choose from in front of her and going about what needs to be done. She cries for a few minutes, but after that, she starts to distract herself. I know, letting her cry feels horrible, but I feel like it's very important to teach them they're not the center of the universe. Even if, sometimes, you feel like they are, lol! :wink:

I'm hoping that she'll get used to this and get over herself, lol. I'll let you know how it goes. (BTW, Tory just turned 9 months old.)

[KansasMom]

I have to agree with Kensbev about letting her cry. If you always respond to her cries when you know nothing is wrong then you are teaching her that if she cries you pick her up. So what happens when she is in kindergarten and the teacher leaves her desk to go to another child's desk...will she just start screaming because she doesn't want the teacher to leave? Isn't that the basis of what you are teaching her.

I am a strong advocate for teaching a child self discipline at the early ages. If this was occuring in my house (and it does with my ds) I would put her in the playpen with a few toys that are safe and do what I needed to do whether she could see me or not. I would not give attention to the cries but if she stops and is playing nicely I may praise for that. Mind you there will be a transistional phase since she has already established the pattern of cry and get mommy's attention, but the more you just put her down safely and do what you need to do, the less she will cry about it.

Personally I don't see this as being a bad mommy because I am make sure that my child is safe, and I am teaching my child that he/she does not get everything they want AND I am teaching my child self calming techniques which will be valuable as my child continues to grow so personally my belief is teach them young and struggle less when they get older...you think having a 7 month old cry when you put them down, try having a 2 1/2 year old that climbs out of playpen and over baby gates and you have no way of restraining them and they want your attention and since you taught them early on that they get their way all the time they hang on your leg and WAIL...try cleaning the house that way!

I hope I didn't offend anyone, this is just my personal experience and beliefs based on what I have seen and learned!

Melanie

[myjoyoverflows]

It's not like I hear a wimper and I rush over and pick her up. I set her down after she's been fed, changed, cuddled, played with....and I let her cry for a little while. If she does let up, I pick her up and try again later. I don't view it as she's being taught that as long as she cries she gets her way, I feel that she's learning that she can count on me.

There have been times where I've given in too easily, and I'm going to work on that, but I refuse to let her cry for 30+ minutes.

[~Tara~]

She's 'throwing herself around' so to speak?
That would count as some attitude for me. She's learning how to get her way.
And at that age anyway, mine would just go to their bed. I have too much to do in a day. I will snuggle a newborn much of the day, but after a couple of months...no. By 5 - 6 months? Oh forget it! The child learns that I can't hold him all day, learns to play by my feet or something...or he goes to bed. Plain and simple. Mine have never cried long over that. If they do cry 'long' it's a *mad* cry. A "I am so ticked at you, I didn't get my way" kind of cry. (and I'm still not talking more than 10 minutes here) There's a difference between that and an "I need...." cry.
Mine may throw their little fit for about 5-10 minutes, then I hear that they've settled down, then fall asleep. And if I am able to finish what I needed to do during that time, and am then able to hold them, once they've settled down, I will go get them. But I try not to get them if they're still throwing a fit. Gotta pay attention there though, they may only stop for a couple seconds LOL But I try to jump in and praise them for settling down.

Just do what ya gotta do Chels. Don't sweat it ;)

[mhall]

Oh, I wish I know!!!!!!!! My 5 month old has learned that trick as well. I have to just make myself let him cry sometimes, but I hate to do it.

What the other ladies have said all sounds pretty good to me. I just need some advice now on how to get my Samuel to sleep through the night!

GL and God Bless!

[myjoyoverflows]

She's 'throwing herself around' so to speak?
That would count as some attitude for me. She's learning how to get her way.
And at that age anyway, mine would just go to their bed. I have too much to do in a day. I will snuggle a newborn much of the day, but after a couple of months...no. By 5 - 6 months? Oh forget it! The child learns that I can't hold him all day, learns to play by my feet or something...or he goes to bed. Plain and simple. Mine have never cried long over that. If they do cry 'long' it's a *mad* cry. A "I am so ticked at you, I didn't get my way" kind of cry. (and I'm still not talking more than 10 minutes here) There's a difference between that and an "I need...." cry.
Mine may throw their little fit for about 5-10 minutes, then I hear that they've settled down, then fall asleep. And if I am able to finish what I needed to do during that time, and am then able to hold them, once they've settled down, I will go get them. But I try not to get them if they're still throwing a fit. Gotta pay attention there though, they may only stop for a couple seconds LOL But I try to jump in and praise them for settling down.

Just do what ya gotta do Chels. Don't sweat it ;)

I can tell the difference when it's an "I need" cry and when it's not, and her cries lately have seemed not angry, but more like, a "don't leave me" kind of a cry. I let her cry for 5-10 minutes...then I try again...checking everything. She's fine while she's being held, but the second that she even thinks that I'm going to put her down, she has a meltdown. Could it be that she's maybe experiencing like, that whole seperation "anxiety"? I don't know...it's just getting hard. I get really stressed out when after 10 minutes she's still wailing. I've been trying to put her down more often as I need to do more...but she's down for 10 minutes and still crying just as hard, I can't handle just leaving her there. I take her, nurse her, try again....just seems like nothing's working.

And with nap time, heh, Bill can put her down so easily, but lately, she's not napping for me. She's 7 months old...she NEEDS to nap!!!!

Thanks for what you said Tara...I'm trying.

[myjoyoverflows]

Separation anxiety coincides with a new intellectual skill called object permanence -- the ability to remember objects and specific people that are not present. Your baby can now call up mental pictures of you when you are not there.

Babies learn about people leaving before they learn about people returning. Your son can tell from your actions and from the environment that you are getting ready to leave, and his anxiety starts to build. Coming back, though, is different. Each day he doesn't know when or if you will come back. As kids learn about returns, separation anxiety decreases. So, once children have learned about leaving, you want them to learn about returning. Separation/return games and short practice separations are quite helpful. The classic separation/return games are peekaboo and "Where's the baby?" Also, transitional objects such as blankets or stuffed animals are a healthy way to minimize separation anxiety.

I know that separation anxiety can make parents feels awful, but know that separation anxiety is a normal stage of development for healthy, secure babies.

[mhall]

And with nap time, heh, Bill can put her down so easily, but lately, she's not napping for me. She's 7 months old...she NEEDS to nap!!!!


You poor thing...I really feel for you. Sounds like she is getting really attached to Mommy.

[~Tara~]

Maybe just keep working with her in those small increments. I've never had one with the separation anxiety thing, nothing I could really notice anyway. I mean, if I tried to pass them off to someone else, sure, but not just with us at home, putting the kid in bed. Anyway...

Maybe if you just kept working with her like that. Doing what you can to soothe her, then tell her 'ok, it's time to lie down for a bit' or 'it's naptime' whatever..then if she starts to fuss, just say 'no, no fussing, it's time to nap, mommy will be back soon' Then leave the room for X amount of time. Go back and get her in about 10 minutes. If she was still fussing, just talk 'lively' to her..'you silly girl, why were you fussing? mommy was just in the other room. you need to nap, not fuss' Then cuddle a while. Later, repeat. Working up to longer increments of her being left alone. And if you're doing this not so much expecting her to nap, but just to get used to the idea..for those 'training sessions', as soon as she is quiet, the first little happy noise you hear, go in and praise her. "Wow, what a good job Maddy, you settled down all by yourself! See...you CAN do it without me"

Just a thought :)

Tryin' to help ya work through this girly

[myjoyoverflows]

Maybe just keep working with her in those small increments. I've never had one with the separation anxiety thing, nothing I could really notice anyway. I mean, if I tried to pass them off to someone else, sure, but not just with us at home, putting the kid in bed. Anyway...

Maybe if you just kept working with her like that. Doing what you can to soothe her, then tell her 'ok, it's time to lie down for a bit' or 'it's naptime' whatever..then if she starts to fuss, just say 'no, no fussing, it's time to nap, mommy will be back soon' Then leave the room for X amount of time. Go back and get her in about 10 minutes. If she was still fussing, just talk 'lively' to her..'you silly girl, why were you fussing? mommy was just in the other room. you need to nap, not fuss' Then cuddle a while. Later, repeat. Working up to longer increments of her being left alone. And if you're doing this not so much expecting her to nap, but just to get used to the idea..for those 'training sessions', as soon as she is quiet, the first little happy noise you hear, go in and praise her. "Wow, what a good job Maddy, you settled down all by yourself! See...you CAN do it without me"

Just a thought :)

Tryin' to help ya work through this girly

Thank you Tara...I'm going to try doing that a little bit more, see, the problem is, when I go in to praise her for being good and not fussing, she starts in again because she sees me. It's just this endless cycle...but I will work more on what you just said. I really appreciate it Tara!

[~Tara~]

LOL Yeah, I hear ya there...
Mine have done that too.

I just open the door and 'waaaah' and I'm thinking, geesh, and here I was coming to praise you, now you went and ruined it. I still go ahead with the praise..just be quick, as SOON as you open the door "Hi baby! :) " "What a good job!" Speaking over the new wailing if need be LOL

It'll just take some time. It *will* get easier. Meaning, she will get through this hehe



I just need some advice now on how to get my Samuel to sleep through the night!
What age? Mine just fall into it. Sometime around a year when they don't always need to nurse at night, they'll sleep all night. Any time before that, I don't expect it...at all.

[mary]

Hi Chelsea,
You sound like a very wise and loving mom. As mothers we all hear so much advice. We have to pick and choose what feels right in our hearts and spirits. I will share what I have done. I do watch the Supernanny show and I agree with a lot of her methods. I really agree that children need to know we aren't going to abandon them, but they also need to learn how to play independently or comfort themselves. It seems like you will have to go through a battle of the wills a little. I know it feels insensitive and maybe cruel to let her cry. But it isn't. Check on her and talk to her while you're doing the dishes. Keep an objective tone of voice and body language. Don't pick her up, but show her you're in the room and talk to her soothingly, seemingly like you don't know she's whining. Stay calm and undaunted. Acknowledge HER, not her tears. Pretty soon she will know that her temper tantrums aren't going to work with you, and will settle down. (although it'll take a few tantrums and a strong backbone to get you through it)
And read BabyWise. It's a great book that deals w/ scheduling feeding and sleep times. It got my kids both sleeping through the night, and helped me to actually LIVE my life without being interrupted every five seconds. :)

[Timmys mom]

I went through that exact same thing with Timmy! It's so hard. Putting him in the swing helped a little it would help him nap sometimes (don't know if you have a swing or know anyone with one) Also a baby sling or snuggly might help? Babies are so needy! lol

[myjoyoverflows]

Hi Chelsea,
You sound like a very wise and loving mom. As mothers we all hear so much advice. We have to pick and choose what feels right in our hearts and spirits. I will share what I have done. I do watch the Supernanny show and I agree with a lot of her methods. I really agree that children need to know we aren't going to abandon them, but they also need to learn how to play independently or comfort themselves. It seems like you will have to go through a battle of the wills a little. I know it feels insensitive and maybe cruel to let her cry. But it isn't. Check on her and talk to her while you're doing the dishes. Keep an objective tone of voice and body language. Don't pick her up, but show her you're in the room and talk to her soothingly, seemingly like you don't know she's whining. Stay calm and undaunted. Acknowledge HER, not her tears. Pretty soon she will know that her temper tantrums aren't going to work with you, and will settle down. (although it'll take a few tantrums and a strong backbone to get you through it)
And read BabyWise. It's a great book that deals w/ scheduling feeding and sleep times. It got my kids both sleeping through the night, and helped me to actually LIVE my life without being interrupted every five seconds. :)

Thank you so much for your words...I really appreciate them!!!

Chrissy, she's pretty well outgrown her swing...and I tried wearing her and she didn't want any part of it...but thank you!

[myjoyoverflows]

Madison is doing TONS better! I wanted to thank you all for the advice. We've gotten to the point where she'll cry a little as I'm putting her down, but more times than not, it STOPS there! THANK YOU GOD! :D So, things have been a little bit better concerning that...heh, she's completely crawling now...so that's my new challenge. But, it's all good! I just wanted to let you all know that things are better...I guess I just needed to build up my will power a little bit...

[Godzgirl]

So glad things are working out :D