At what age did you let your little one cry it out(CIO)?

[amybeth]

Audrey is starting to not want to go to sleep at night, so I'm just wondering when you all let your babies cry.

[cjropher]

I did from the beginning. Don't think I'm mean, but after I have fully fed baby, cuddled with baby, changed baby, and rocked baby, if he isn't happy, then I've done all I can. I made myself a slave to my first for the first 5 months, picking him up every time he cried, and it stressed me so bad. After a chat with a friend and then from the get go with my second, I would love on my babies, but if I knew that everything was okay, and I had stuff to do, I would put them down and let them cry. I found it very freeing to know that it's okay for my baby to cry and that I wasn't being a mean mom... despite the opinion of others who observed it LOL... Both my boys were fine with it and usually rarely cried for very long ONCE I STARTED letting them CIO. When I didn't let my oldest CIO, he was clingy and made it hard for me to be there for my dh. He was cranky a lot and I really had a hard time. Once I started letting him CIO, he was happy. Go figure! LOL I regularly commented to dh during the first few months of my second's life that he was so happy. Dh laughed and said, but look at what you are doing different. I didn't want any after my first because that first half a year was so tough. Now I am expecting #3 and don't think that will be all!

Now it's funny, because I hear a crying baby and I don't really hear it because a) it's not mine (for now) and b) the sound doesn't bother me. I was visiting a mom who feels the same way and her baby was crying. Suddenly she stops and looks up, "does it bother anyone that I let my baby cry?" she asked. I then realized that her baby was crying! LOL

[LadyLavender]

Please know that this is all just my opinion-

I never have. My oldest is almost 4, and my twins are 1. I try my best to understand that some moms find that CIO works for them, but it just doesn't work for me. I've done a LOT of reading about the pros and cons. I just feel that it breaks trust with your baby- they have no way of communicating with you other than to cry, and you are their whole world- they are depending on you to respond to them. It just doesn't feel right to me. I've probably spent more time than some rocking my kids or walking the halls with them, but before you know it, that time is over, and they're older and sleeping through the night. I'm not saying my babies never fuss- they do- but I don't let them scream themselves to sleep.

I hope you can find a system that works for you! I have lots of ideas about helping get a baby to sleep if I can be of any help to you.

:D

[breezykc2]

Please know that this is all just my opinion-

I never have. My oldest is almost 4, and my twins are 1. I try my best to understand that some moms find that CIO works for them, but it just doesn't work for me. I've done a LOT of reading about the pros and cons. I just feel that it breaks trust with your baby- they have no way of communicating with you other than to cry, and you are their whole world- they are depending on you to respond to them. It just doesn't feel right to me. I've probably spent more time than some rocking my kids or walking the halls with them, but before you know it, that time is over, and they're older and sleeping through the night. I'm not saying my babies never fuss- they do- but I don't let them scream themselves to sleep.

I hope you can find a system that works for you! I have lots of ideas about helping get a baby to sleep if I can be of any help to you.

:D


i whole-heartedly agree. I've done a lot of scientific research on the subject too with my educational background...and there is proof that children left to CIO for periods longer than 5 minutes can have permanet brain damage and detachment issues later in life (before a year old)....NOT trying to start a war, this just happens to be something I feel VERY passionate about, but many of my friends do the CIO thing and I understand there take too.....I just don't reccomend it from an emotional or scientific angle. (not tryiing to anger those of you who do, but we choose not to do so and not to take any chances...) Most doctors I've spoken to, do all agree that you should never leave a child to cry it out before the age of 6 months!

[amybeth]

I understand that there is disagreement on this issue, so I guess I'll just ask for input from moms who use CIO as a method of teaching their children to go to sleep on their own. Debating this issue can go in a different post. If you don't do CIO, please just don't respond.

[LadyLavender]

I apologize, Amy, for misunderstanding what you were asking for in this thread.

I have friends who use CIO- most of them started around 6 months of age.

[amybeth]

I apologize, Amy, for misunderstanding what you were asking for in this thread.

I have friends who use CIO- most of them started around 6 months of age.

No problem.

[Godzgirl]

What i did is I would test the waters so to speak by letting them cry for like 10 minutes and then increase every night for like a minute. And see if they would fall asleep. If they would continue to cry for a long period of time then i knew they weren't ready. You will just know when they are ready. And it worked for both my kids and they had NO detachment issues at all or any brain damage so i guess there is also proof that it doesn't always happen either. So don't worry about it do what is best for you.

[rowansmom]

they had NO detachment issues at all or any brain damage so i guess there is proof that that doesn't happen either. So don't worry about it do what is best for you.

the brain damage that can happen is not going to be a visable what we deem as brain damage, but there can be damage done. and detachment factors go beyond just CIO. and yes you should do what is best for your family and what your instincts tell you

[Godzgirl]

they had NO detachment issues at all or any brain damage so i guess there is proof that that doesn't happen either. So don't worry about it do what is best for you.

the brain damage that can happen is not going to be a visable what we deem as brain damage, but there can be damage done. and detachment factors go beyond just CIO. and yes you should do what is best for your family and what your instincts tell you

I was just sharing with Amy my personal experience w/ CIO :D I didn't mean for it to sound like brain damage can't happen. I was just letting her know that although some babies may have gotten brain damage some babies have not. It's like everything else in life, there is always a chance in everything.

P.S. I edited my first post to make it sound more like what i was trying to imply the first time. :wink:

[kymommy]

I let mine CIO at about 7 months old. I can tell the difference between a little whimper fussy cry and the "something hurts" cry. I would not let her cry more than 5 to 10 minutes. I would go in, pat her back, tell her "night, night time" then I would leave so she would learn to go to sleep on her own. This worked well for us, only took a few nights before she was sleeping through the night. Both my girls go to bed, in their own bed, and fall asleep with no problems. I'm very thankful :D We try to keep a bedtime routine (drink of water, two books, and two songs then lights out) Now that they are older (7 & 10) They are reading on their own, or listening to songs on their MP3 before going to sleep "sigh" :cry: They are growing up. It's funny, when they are little you can't get them to go to bed, but as the get older, it's hard to get them out of bed :)

[myjoyoverflows]

When it comes to putting Maddy down for the night...she "fusses" but doesn't really cry a whole lot...I've let her fuss now when going to bed from about 6 months...always having fed, changed, and cuddled first.

[justmeNmine]

Yeah, I would agree from about 6 months is when I let mine CIO. I think that is the age most often recommended because at that age, they don't usually need anything and are seeking attention. The only time we have a hard time is when my mom comes over; it's like my daughter (who is now 1) knows she is here and will wake up cryinging 3-4 times/night. I have had to be rather firm with my mom, asking her to not run to her crib to "pat, pat" her back to sleep everytime she wakes up.

[cjropher]

I can tell the difference between a little whimper fussy cry and the "something hurts" cryI think that's the key. I said I would let them CIO, but I heard my own (just not others LOL) babies cry and I knew if it lasted longer than usual or if it was a different cry that did need attention. I never left my children screaming in bed because I wanted them to just CIO, usually it was a fussy whimpering or a minute long cry but that was it.

How old is your little one?[/quote]

[kanaclark]

for ours, if they're Full, Dry, Clean, and have been loved, they are ready for bed and can cry if they need to. Bri is 16 months and screams to the top of his lungs and bangs his head on the floor no matter what when he's sleepy. It's best for our sanity and his head that he bed sitting in his crib.
Gabe is 6 years, and he still cries some at nights. mostly when he comes home from grandparents or his dad's house. either way, he's six, he can sleep on his own.
Patrick is 4.5 months. If the meets the earlier stated requirements, he is usually allowed to cio. if he is still crying after about 20 minutes, he'll be gotten back up, entertained and we start all over.
But he is starting to either go to sleep or play with his feet, LOL.

[EvaS]

I think Abby was 6 months when we let her cry it out. She did wonderfully with it. Now is a different story. About a week and a half ago she had a really bad fever and was up quite alot thru the night (she has always slept thru the night since 5 weeks old), but I was worried about leaving her on her own that night so we took her in our bed with us. So ever since the fever everytime you put her to bed, whether it be nap time or night time (not so much at night time but she's done it once or twice) she will scream the place down. I mean really scream. I've never heard her be like that before, and I'm a bit lost about what to do. If I go in and cuddle her and comfort her that makes it worse, she just wants me. She is a very strong-willed baby and I know that it's an angry scream of not getting her way. But it breaks my heart and most times I just take her through to my bed but when I do that she just starts playing around. Hmmm....it's a dilemma indeed. Anyone got any advice on that? Don't mean to hijack the thread. Just losing it here....she's always been good at going to sleep but now :roll:

[mhall]

How do I get started on this with my 5 month-old???????

[mamallama]

Can I just ask an honest question? I am not wanting to debate as I am pretty sure I have down something similar or at least tried it, but...

When you all say that you are using CIO to get your little ones to sleep, is that so they can learn to go to sleep on their own? As in you don't have to rock them, cuddle them or do otherwise? Meaning you put them into their bed while still awake?

I was just wondering why this would be necessary. I mean unless you have a fairly unpredictable routine, wouldn't you put your child to bed the same way every night and they just become accustomed to falling asleep on their own after being fed, changed, bathed, etc.?

::shrugs:: Maybe I've just been lucky with mine. I always just make sure they are fed, changed, clean, etc. and then I cuddle with them (rock them) for about five minutes or so. This makes them sleepy and "wind down" but most often they are still alert when they are put into bed. As mine got older, the cuddle time changed. It became shorter and then books were introduced and you just customize it for your child.

I guess what I am really asking is: Is this CIO period after you have spent your "quiet time" with them or instead of that time?

[4Angelz]

With all of them... usually around 9/10 mths I began the process. I always gave a 5 minute rule though. If they were crying for 5 minutes... I'd go in and comfort them with a hug, kiss, and tell them I was right in the next room and everything was going to be just fine. Then I'd lay them back down and leave them again. Eventually they cry themselves to sleep within a 5 min interval. Dh is the one to cave in... he can't stand them to cry... LOL! :wink:

[justmeNmine]

Can I just ask an honest question? I am not wanting to debate as I am pretty sure I have down something similar or at least tried it, but...

When you all say that you are using CIO to get your little ones to sleep, is that so they can learn to go to sleep on their own? As in you don't have to rock them, cuddle them or do otherwise? Meaning you put them into their bed while still awake?

I was just wondering why this would be necessary. I mean unless you have a fairly unpredictable routine, wouldn't you put your child to bed the same way every night and they just become accustomed to falling asleep on their own after being fed, changed, bathed, etc.?

::shrugs:: Maybe I've just been lucky with mine. I always just make sure they are fed, changed, clean, etc. and then I cuddle with them (rock them) for about five minutes or so. This makes them sleepy and "wind down" but most often they are still alert when they are put into bed. As mine got older, the cuddle time changed. It became shorter and then books were introduced and you just customize it for your child.

I guess what I am really asking is: Is this CIO period after you have spent your "quiet time" with them or instead of that time?

Usually, my two haven't cried when they are put to bed, after bath, books, cuddles, etc. My 13 mo usually say "ni, ni" as I put her in her crib, so it's not like I'm plunking her in there kicking and screaming, and figuring oh well she'll CIO. For me, letting them CIO is more about the times in the middle of the night, when they wake up and at that point, yes, it is about them learning to self soothe and go back to sleep on their own. I have to admit I do also let my baby have milk in the crib at bed time (I know, bad mommy, lol) but not during the night. Might have to do a spinoff on that :)

[mamallama]

I am a firm believer in letting them go back to sleep on their own in the middle of the night. I totally understand!! With me, it was turn minimal lights on (tv for light - no sound), a pat on the back, reposition, find pacy, whatever - then lights out and they learned to comfort themselves and go back to sleep on their own.

[kymommy]

Well, I let my first one CIO because she was waking up in the middle of the night wanting attention. She was fed, changed, and cuddled, then I layed her down. I only let her cry for 5 minutes, I would go back and check on her, rub her back, and tell her night-night. This was usually about 2 am. We only had to do this about 4 nights, then she learned how to get herself to sleep.
My second one whimpered at about 1 1/2 to 2. We had a snack, she got two stories, two songs, then it was time to go to sleep. She would whimper and cry, want to get up, keep playing, and just plain fight sleep. Again, after several nights of a good predictable routine she was able to settle down and go to sleep.
We still had lots of time for rocking, cuddling, during the day. And of course if my girls were sick, scared, insecure I was and still am there for them.
I babysat several children when I was a teen and they all had these elaborate rocking ,swaddling, bouncing, driving in the car, etc. etc. etc. routines to get their children to sleep. It took tons of time and just seemed silly to me.
I guess CIO sounds mean, but in disciplining, I still have to let my 7 & 10 yo cry things out. When my 7 yo wants a third cup of juice, I tell her "no" she may whine and cry for more, but I ignore her. I may explain why she can't have more juice but sometimes I just have to let her cry until she is over it. I can reason a lot more with my 10 yo, but sometimes she still sheds tears that I just have to ignore. I know this is different from letting a baby cry, but the key is that children learn that mommy and daddy make the rules. When they say it's time to sleep, it's time to sleep.