1 in 3 Parents Say the Way They Discipline Their Children...

[imported_rachel]

...Doesn't Work

Inspired by:
http://www.webmd.com/content/article/131/118005.htm?ecd=wnl_prg_012707

Just for pollings sake-- not to start a debate.

[Cristina]

I chose "other"

When ds was younger we stuck to redirecting, but now that he is a full-blown toddler we use consequences (natural or logical, depending on the situation) and occassional redirection. In the near future we are also going to start a "comfort corner" which is a similar principal to a "time out" but is meant to be more of a cool-down than a punishment, and doesn't involve isolation. For our family this is working fabulous :D

[luvmy4sons]

Age level needs to be applied to that question. You obviously don't spank teenagers. The older they get the more creative parents need to get, I think. And if you have trained them right, the older they get the LESS you need to discipline them but instead instruct, guide, and teach.

At this point with a 17,15,12 and 11 year old we mostly instruct, guide, and teach. On a rare occasion I will take away privleges as needed, but that usually involves the 12 and 11 year old. We did spank when they were very young 1 1/2- 8 ) to teach them not to disobey or disrespect us. But that type of training has long since passed us by. :D

[PBJ]

I had to also put others. Now that my girls are older we don't spank. We use the method of taking something from them. Or we groud them. We don't have little ones now but, when we did we did spank them.

[Cheeseburger]

Well with an 8 month old we haven't started any of that. Usually the extent of any "discipline" is the fact she gets into something she shouldn't, and we simply say "NO, you can't have that." very firmly and take it away from her, or move her away from the object.

She doesn't really do anything else worthy of discipline. LOL. I wouldn't even call it discipline, just preventative measures to keep our stuff from getting chewed up. LOL

[breezykc2]

we use the same techniques as cristina stated above, redirection/consequences/cool down corner (time out never worked for us, but he seems to get it when he can just come back down in his own space!)

[Ren]

we spank for disobience and lying and other than that we give the opposite of what she wants to accomplish with the use of bad behaviour- So, far it all seems to be pretty much working out.

[Mommy37]

:) We spank on occassion, but taking away privileges seems to work the best for us.

[4Angelz]

I chose time-outs as the primary method. We used to do spankings, but I hated it and the kids would mimick behavior with each other. So I try to swicth it up for the most part. But time outs are used most. Only 2 yr old ds really gets them because of tantrums... he really likes the time to himself to calm down. He'll even tell us when he's truly calm and ready to rejoin us. :shock: 3 yr old daughter responds better to losing priviledges or toys. :wink:

[daycaremom]

First of all, Cheeseburger, that is the cutest avatar EVER! What a precious baby!!

Back to the question. I didn't vote, because i have a 10 yr old and a 2 yr old so obviously the dicipline is different. With my 10 yr old, first we teach and then we ground if the behaviour continues (or take away priviledges). With my 2 yr old, we mainly use time out.

This is an interesting topic. I am taking Early Childhood Education classes. Some of the new theories throw me for a loop. The last one I heard was that children should not be told 'no' or told what to do . This stifels (sp?) their creativity. :roll: Good grief. NO OFFENSE if you agree with that....Just my opinion! :lol:

[savedbygrace]

We do spank our dd who just turned 3. But we have a way of doing it.
1. Parent must not spank while upset. If i'm upset then my dh will do it or the other way around.
2.We explain to her what she did is wrong and why
3. We tell her we love her but she must do as we say
4. We pray together
5. spank
6. If her will is not broken and she is not sorry she will continue to get spanked. If that does not work I will leave her where she is until she is ready to say sorry.
7. After she apologizes, I apologize.
8. Tell her we love her
9. Pray again.

We've had our battle of the wills mostly when she was 1.5-2 but really she doesn't get into much trouble. She always says sorry and her heart is very tender. We still have our moments, but she is learning.

[Dani]

I have tried just about everything on the list and nothing has worked better than switching/spanking. However like savedbygrace said it has to be done with out anger or bad emotions. We do it like this(DS is 2.5 almost 3)

I will tell him once
If he continues to disobey I call him over and explain to him he did not listen and will now get a switch and I tell him I do this b/c I love him.
He stays there without a fight and then usually turns and tells me he is sorry.
I then tell him I love him


I have only been using this technique for the past 2 weeks or so after reading a book on parenting that gave scriptural backup for why they use it. And our relationship has been so much better.
I am not yelling like a mad lady and I feel our home has much more peace than before.

[savedbygrace]

I have tried just about everything on the list and nothing has worked better than switching/spanking. However like savedbygrace said it has to be done with out anger or bad emotions. We do it like this(DS is 2.5 almost 3)

I will tell him once
If he continues to disobey I call him over and explain to him he did not listen and will now get a switch and I tell him I do this b/c I love him.
He stays there without a fight and then usually turns and tells me he is sorry.
I then tell him I love him


I have only been using this technique for the past 2 weeks or so after reading a book on parenting that gave scriptural backup for why they use it. And our relationship has been so much better.
I am not yelling like a mad lady and I feel our home has much more peace than before.


It's so true. You never want to spank your child, if they don't understand what they did is wrong, never leave them angry.. If you don't break their will and you spank them, it won't do any good, they'll just get bitter. They have to be sorry, they have to understand. And we have to be Consistent! That's the hardest part. My dd hate's getting spanked but she hates disappointing us even more.

[daycaremom]

Wow... I am surprised that anyone would spank with a switch anymore. :shock: No offense, just surprised.

[Dani]

No offense taken, they actually work well. It is small and stings but no marks.

[Beccaj]

Saved by Grace, you said that when your daughter has apologised, then you do. May I ask what you apologise for?

I didn't vote becasue, as mentioned earlier by another writer, my children are a t very different place. Though they are close together in age they are so different. My eight year old has Asperger's but is very good at taking resposibility for her actions, so most of the time, giving her time to think it over and get past her initial repsonse is enough for her to think it through and genuinely learn from it. My 7 year old I smack only very occasionally, but he has a gentler temperament. If I do have to smack him, it has great impact, and he changes the behaviour on a heart level. My six year old seems somewhat out of control, and nothing seems to be working at all :(

[JRBL]

We're right there with Esther; but it's a broad question, because spanking isn't always necessary... it is used in our home for blatant disobedience, not every little thing they do wrong. It really depends on the child, what they did wrong, the attitude behind it and such... it isn't really a set thing of, you did *this* so *this* happens. I can't even remember the last time one of our children GOT a spanking, so I guess really that is NOT our main form?? Or we just have ridiculously well behaved children?? :D

[meg]

Our boys are now 9 and nearly 7. We use teaching/talking to, then, if that does not work, loss of privileges. The privilege lost depends on the offense. Our boys got the odd smack on the bottom (through clothes) when they were younger, but it was only for something very serious, and we never felt it really worked for us or our kids. Time outs seemed to work much more effectively when they were younger. We very, very rarely need to go past verbally pulling them up now, thank goodness! However, I do realise that that is subject to change without notice, lol.

Also, laws are different in Australia. Parents are only legally allowed to smack with an open hand for discipline, never with anything else eg. switch, wooden spoon, etc.

[justmeNmine]

Hi, well I had to be honest here and say 'yelling' because although it is not the most effective form of discipline, I ifn myself resorting to it more often than I'd like to admit. I have done my fair shar eof spanking too, but have recently become more interested in the gentle, firm approach. My kids (even my 2yo) seem to have tuned out my loud voice, adopted equally loud behavior and spanking simply doesn't phase them. When I started working at their school a few weeks ago (in a different class) I realized how very differently I speak to the children there, how effective gentle guidance is, and have really been making an effort to tell them more often what to do, rather than what not to do. To yell and spank for misbehavior and then tell my 4yo that he must speak nicely and show his sister what to do, offer a toy when she is trying to take his, etc., is just counter-productive. We are working on a list of house rules as my son's frequent excuse is that he "forgot;" the rules we are coming up with apply to all household members and guests (especially children who tend to wreak havoc on what I try so hard to maintain). So far they are:

Use a calm voice
Quiet feet (aka no running, no jumping)
Respect our belongings (toys, books, etc.)
Be calm with our hands and bodies

As for actual discipline, I have been doing time-outs more often and also taking away toys and/or privileges...
Anyhow, the munchkins are up from quiet time and we must get crackin'

[gen]

You know what... We've gotten to a stage now where all I have to do is give them that look. I am very firm with them and they get away with nothing, absolutely nothing. I have considered spanking again from time to time and my ds has gotten a spank, maybe once in the last year. I had to give up spanking because of me and how I used the 'method'. Over this break Ive realised there are things about their peronality that annoy me but arent worth getting in trouble over. Thing I figure they will learn from suffering the natural concequences, ie losing friends etc and with guidance from me and dad. So Im learning to let some things go. About 6 months ago I prayed that the Lord would show me things in each of their personalities that needs to be nipped in the bud and what traits I can encourage. There are things about them, like Sophie's over emotional tendancies that need nipping in the bud but not with a spank or by taking away priveleges. The other day she was almost distraught because she cant get to sleep at bedtime. Sometimes we let them play but when it gets too late its simply lights out... go to sleep. She got very upset and I just said reassuringly 'Sophie, you will get to sleep, dont worry'. She wouldnt be comforted, just adamant in her 'tantrum'. I left the room with her crying and went to bed. She got herself together, went to the toilet and said 'Im sorry' to me. I talk about it in detail because this is how I seek guidance in disciplining or shaping or discipling them. If we are to make disciples of the nations, my guess is that we learn from discipling our children first. PTL!!
gen

[Rach]

We mostly use natural consequences but that wasn't on there, after that, I'd have to say time out and yelling for Willie, yelling and grounding for Aiden, and for Bobert, it's time outs.

[Beth]

I thought about it and we do a lot of the methods depending on what is going on, but I picked yell, because after thinking hard about it I do feel that I yell or just plain raise my voice too much at DS. I guess I feel that if I raise my voice he will stop what he is doing. He is getting older now and I guess I feel that he should be listening to me.

I have been working on not yelling so much though and would like to stop it entirely and only use it in an emergency situation. I would like him to freeze when I yell for him to stop if he is doing something dangerous though.

We also do time out (which does not seem to phase him), we also have spanked a little (like one good swat on the hinnie - which is only upsetting to him if my husband does it) and we have taken away privileges (this doesn't seem to work well - I think we need to be more forcefull with this one).

[stephwhiz]

At the ages that my children are now, taking privledges away helps more than anything. We do spank as needed as well. Time out doesn't work on a 10 and 6 year old any more.

[moviebuff]

All of the above, and chores added. Spanking less/rarely now that they are older and they are effected by taking things away and extra chores.
And it depends on were we are, home, someones home, at a store.....