a head strong 3 year old? Man she is stuborn, She really never does a thing that I tell her to. I guess it is a stage. I was just hoping that there was someone else going through some of the same things that I am.

Oooo 3 yr olds are stubborn little beings LOL

This is when you must really implement some discipline and stick to it! Demand obedience first time every time, decide on a consequence for disobedience, and use it...EVERY time. It won't work if you aren't consistent. They're discovering their will at this age. But have not yet fully figured out they can't just do what they want when they want. They have to learn boundaries and respect authority.

Gotta nip it ;)

I'm dealing with a little 'she-devil' right now too. It's tough! Takes work. But I know my hard work will pay off, as it has with my other children.

three? what about their nearly seven year old counterparts? I *could* hang that little boy by his ears and beat him sometimes.

but to stay on the toddler/preschool topic, Bri isn't anywhere near 3 yet, and I can only imagine what we're in for.

Have you read Dr. Dobson's The strong willed child? I've skimmed it, but haven't "read" it.

I've heard a lot about it, but yeah, you have to stand your ground, first time, every time.

Yeah I think I need to come up with a new punishment cause what we have tried before never works. Have you tried a time out chair? I was thinking of buying a little chair and sitting it in the corner and making her sit in it when she does not listen. I wonder if that might work?

No I have not read any of his books. Thanks for the tip though I might just have to check that out. I am excited we are about to start a parenting class at our church so I am hoping that I can pick up some pointers there as well.

Oh, my 3 year old is just like me! So, yes, stubborn, strong willed, whatever you want to call it, we are dealing with the same thing right now!
Unfortunately, my DS is well, (please, I'm not bragging, just speaking the truth) he is a genius. Has an unreal IQ. He started saying full sentences a little before he was 1 and has known his ABC's, colors and numbers since he was about 25-26 months. (I mean can recognize them not just say them) So, smart kid, means stubborn sometimes. He can truly talk his way out of stuff all the time. He can rationalize with the best of them.
Example:
Last Sunday, my sister and her husband come to visit, and bring a bunch of chocolate cupcakes with sprinkles (DS favorite). It's about 4:30 and I tell him he can't have one cause it's too close to dinner, he can have one afterwards for dessert. He looks at me and says, "But mommy, I am so tired cause I didn't take a nap. Wouldn't it be rude if I fell asleep while Auntie was here to play with me? I really think I need the sugar from a cupcake to help me have energy."
WHERE DOES A 3 YEAR OLD COME UP WITH THAT?!!!!!!! Needless to say, after that intelligent display, he got a cupcake!
Please, if you come up with a good way to discipline a child who is stubborn and smarter than you - SHARE! I need all the help I can get too!

I am right there with you ladies. Dd is 2 1/2 and so much like I am, Stubborn, Strong willed. She would not stay in a chair or in her room for timeout so we had to turn her doorknob to have the lock face the outside. I know it sounds cruel to "lock" her in her room, but it;s the only way we can get her to take a time out and it is only for 2-3 minutes.

The phase we are going through right now is the "I do it myself" phase. Although I do encourage her independence it gets frustrating when we are on a schedule or short for time. I love her to death but sometimes I get so frustrated. My heart and prayer go out to all that these phases pass quickly.

Yes!! I am having a real battle...daily. Within the last month it has been so difficult. My dd rarely does anything I ask of her. I can't get her do even simple things without threatening consequences or bribery. It really makes me feel like a bad mom most days...especially when sometimes they only way she will respond is if I raise my voice. I just feel like I've lost my touch with her. It used to be that she would listen to me and not so much daddy. I figured it was because daddy was away at work. But lately it seems she won't listen to either of us. I know that consistency is the key but what do you do when the method of punishment is not working anymore? I've had to change it numerous times just to get her to obey. We've even tried sitting down with her and talking about what God expects from us Biblically. We've sent her to time-out, we've taken away toys to the point where she has had no toys in her room - only a bed, dresser, vanity, we've taken away priveledges, we've even went so far as to spank (last straw) even though we really don't believe that is the right thing to do. I feel like nothing phases her. KWIM? I just feel horrible and am to the point of wanting to throw in the towel. I just wish for one day where everything is calm and happy around here. [[sigh]]

Well, it's no secret that we believe in spanking here. That works for us. Yes, we still battle this, but no so much in one day once there has been a spanking. I *do* see improvement in her behavior/attitude when I have consistently used spanking. Of course, lest anyone forget, spanking for us it not a drive by kind of thing. It's not whipping the child up by the arm and giving a few wild swats to the rear. It is a controlled session in which the offense is talked about, the behavior is talked about, spankings are delivered, there is repentance, forgiveness and love. So don't anyone try to come in and turn this into a spanking debate or argue with me in any way over my method. It works for us. My kids are not damaged! Thank you :)

Now...

Becca, where is she sent for time-outs? I would not send to her room. I don't know if that's what you're doing, I'm just saying...
It is best that they be 'out in the open' so they can see what they're missing. Play it up big too. You have another child, you can do this well ;) The one with behavior problems sits in a chair or on the floor, off to the side/corner, but can face out to see everyone else. Though, no one else pays any attention to them. You find something FUN to do with the other one. Play it up. Laugh and carry on. "Oh this is SO much fun isn't it? I wish X didn't have an attitude problem today so they could play with us. But, that was their choice. WE can still have fun!"
Also, next time Miss Attitude asks you to do something for her, tell her "no" Tell her you won't be doing such things for her because she has been very rude today. If she can change her attitude and not have any more issues for the rest of the day, you will gladly help her again tomorrow with such things. But as for now, no, she's on her own. AND, if she throws attitude about that, she can go to time-out AND be denied such help (or whatever) for ANOTHER day. And another day (or another privilege or whatever) lost for each time you have to tell her to stop. Then remind her of those things throughout the day.

My dd's big 'thing' to be taken away is being allowed to play in the basement. They have a big open area down there with blankets, bean bag, huge wooden blocks, the castle..all the really good stuff..and she's not allowed down there all the time since it's downstairs and the door must be shut because of the baby up here. So, it's rather a treat to go down there for her and to have that taken away...oh my goodness...she hates for that to happen.

Oh well I believe in spanking as well the only thing is it just dont work for my dd. It just doesnt phase her. I am fixing to try the time out thing! I have been at the point that all of you are at....I have even taken all of her toys out of her room!! LOL it is just really good to know that this is really a stage and not just my child. Oh by the way I have tried to figure it out but what does KWIM? stand for? I have not seen that one before.

KWIM = Know What I Mean? :)

Yes, this is just a phase...I think..LOL
Though harder to get through than my boys ever were. And the drama and whining...oh.my.goodness! I ask dh just about daily "are you sure we can't trade her in on another boy?" hehehe
I love my little girly, buy oh golly, she's *something* My boys were easier, by far!!

I don't think that buying a new chair for time-out would be a wise investment, how about just sitting on the floor; that is where my 3 yo does time out. However smart and cute and funny my child can be, if I say no, I stick to no, rewarding his displays of intelligence with something like "you are so smart" but never giving him what he wants because I believe I have been outsmarted. I am happy to say that my 3 yo (a boy) is generally pretty good; his teacher at preschool has commented several times on his behavior in comparison to his class of 3 & 4 year olds (he's been the 2nd youngest) and I think Tara hit it on the head - consistency, consistency, consistency. Also, having a schedule and clear expectations has helped. It's when I don't give him any direction that he gets out of control.