Hey all--OK, I am starting to feel pretty naive/fairy-tale minded--my 6 year old just told me she has a boyfriend, who gave her a necklace today! As I am typing this, I am recalling a boy in kindergarten who asked me to marry him and I went home crying to my mom...so I realize it probably IS somewhat normal. But I am a bit paranoid of how early all "this" seems to be staring these days!
I asked my daughter what "boyfriend" meant (and said it's fine to have friends-who-are-boys), and she said it means they are "really close", closer than her girl friends...and that he asked her to be his GF...and they like to always be together and just talk about how much they like eachother.
oh I am just not ready for all this!
My husband said we need to be careful not to make her feel bad/shame...but then added on that maybe we should start homeschooling!

Ok, ready for some advice/reality check, etc...thanks!:???:

haven't been there except when I was in K I had a boy I used to kiss (who hated it) that being said, I also in 1st grade used to show my "boobs" under the table to the boys who sat at it also. (I had some issues) I think maybe just telling her what you expect of her with a "boyfriend" Are you going to let her date young? If you start out letting her have a boyfriend when you weren't planing on her dating until, lets say 16, when are you gong to nip it in the bud if it isn't at the first time she says she has one? I don't know, I mean on one hand it is harmless, but at what point are you going to let her know your expectations? I agree that boyfriend/girlfriends/ sex ect. all start really young, so why not start telling her your expectations now before it is too late.

Excellent point! Reminds me...I was never into having her wear a bikini when she was 2-5, only to say "no" to them when she was 9-13 (no judgement here--my sister I dearly love puts her kids in them, just a personal preference!). So that helps a lot--I think I need to define for her BF/GF, and when that will be appropriate...and then pray like crazy for God's protection over her!

and then pray like crazy for God's protection over her!

Amen!!!!!!!!!

Madyson who is 7 has a "boyfriend" at school...they are in 1st grade. I nor dh is crazy about the idea of them saying bf or gf....but Mady has reassured us there is no hugging or kissing at school...lol. They basically chase each other on the playground and say hi at lunch....lol. It is kind of cute but we dont encourage it ya know what i mean.....

I think it is fairly normal for kids this age - I think for the most part they are mimicking the mommy-daddy relationships they have seen, just like girls pretend to have babies w/ dolls or boys pretend to be like daddy with their toy tool boxes. As long as she knows what your physical boundaries for her are (does she kiss friends on the cheek or not at all? Are hugs ok or not ok?). You could also talk to her teacher about it and ask her to give you a heads-up if they are going too far with their "playing house".

Am I the only one that thought "breastfeeding" at the title of this thread??.... rofl...

Am I the only one that thought "breastfeeding" at the title of this thread??.... rofl...


nope! Me too!!!

Sorry--my fault. I never breastfed (both kids were adopted) so I never thought about it. I'll try to change that.
khaki

Khaki, I think you may have misunderstood what a couple of the girls were giggling about. They weren't talking about whether or not you breastfed your kidlets, but rather that BF can be an acronym for Breast Feeding. That changes the meaning of the title if one misunderstands. hehe! :lol:

Sorry for the confusion, girlfriend! [hug]

[lovesign]

Joy [welcomewave]

Thanks--I appreciate that. I'm not usually hyper-sensitive, but that one topic is one that ever now and then pulls me down that path! It was also just the day--but I understand no one meant anything hurtful. Thanks & Blessings!

Sorry--my fault. I never breastfed (both kids were adopted) so I never thought about it. I'll try to change that.
khaki


Don't worry bout changing it girl!! We are just silly geese!!!

(((HUGS))) No clue how to handle the boyfriend situation...wasn't around at that age with my daughter and now...ugh...teenage years...

Other ladies gave great advice though!

We haven't dealt with the boyfriend thing yet but my 5 year old is very interested in the concept of marriage. She keeps telling me that when she gets older she wants to marry Ethan (her brother) or she says that she is going to marry Daddy. I hate to think of what she will come up with next!

Sara

Khaki, personally, I would discourage the use of the terms "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", especially at such a young age. I agree with your hub that you don't want to make your daughter feel bad or guilty, but you may want to encourage her to not be exclusive in her friendships (again at such a young age). [hug]

We have a doughter who turned 6 in Dec. and we homeschool, but we've had this come up at church. Our boundaries are like this.....
1.) It's ok to have friends who are boys, but also have girls for friends.
2.) We don't say boyfriend/girlfriend since that is for people who are thinking about getting married, just say "I have a friend who is a boy".
3.) No physical touch, holding hands, hugging, kissing with boys, not a habit we want her to get started with, casual contact with the opposite sex.
4.) No going off where no one can see them.

These all apply to our son too. We want them to see boyfriend/girlfriend as a relationship leading up to marriage, not just an experiment or joke. Relationships are so trivialized by our culture that we want to start a good foundation from the time they are born.

Khaki, personally, I would discourage the use of the terms "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", especially at such a young age. I agree with your hub that you don't want to make your daughter feel bad or guilty, but you may want to encourage her to not be exclusive in her friendships (again at such a young age). [hug]

I agree with Madre here... What is that saying? What we tolerate when our kids are young, is what they will embrace when they're older?

This all sounds perfect--really helpful to have the "rules" set out. My daughter is typically a rule-follower, she just said she didn't know it was wrong. I told her we just didn't know it would come up SO early so we hadn't discussed it yet!
I need to go over the physical touch part--that was a helpful reminder of those boundaries.
It's just a bit frightening to think how young everything seems to begin these days!
The more we talked about it, my daughter said it WAS different to be "just friends' or be BF/GF, because BF/GF means you are really close, closer than friends. That really got us! We don't watch Disney, TV, etc... (she does have sevreal princess items, just not the movie), but she watches nothing except Christian videos--not being judgemental at all, just stating where we are coming from. So all of this was a big shock!

Thanks for the wisdom all,
khaki

Khaki, could I just add, maybe encourage your little girl that she wasn't "wrong", but that as believers this is how you look at it in your home. There will be other believers that you know that may not see things the way you do, but in your home you can establish your own guidelines. I think when kids are little, you don't need to necessarily give long explanations (later you will). :-D

Ditto what Madre said, too. She was introduced to BF/GF the first day of kindergarten. [whatwacko] You would be amazed at what even that age talks about.:neutral: Just explain that you aren't upset at her and that if other kids are having boyfriends and girlfriends that she doesn't need to say anything to them, but that this is how "we're doing things in our family, because this is what we think the Lord Jesus would want." She wasn't being bad, just didn't know any better since that is the norm in kindergarten. Follow up with her to make sure that the boy isn't being pushy or innappropriate with her (yes, sadly, even in kindergarten) trying to kiss her, grabbing her, etc. You're her safe place that she needs to be able to come to with anything knowing that you'll help her and not get upset about it. Great job!!!!:-D

Thanks all--we had another really good talk with her last night, just to clarify it all. we have always talked about our goal IS to be different, holy, set-apart...and sometimes that will feel hard. And that it may be OK for her friends to do certain things, but that Mommy & Daddy pray and ask God what is OK for OUR family, and we have to listen to what He tells us. She's a rule-follower (when she knows what they are!) by nature, so I think it helped her to have clear guidelines...no BF/GF, no touching, etc...and it was all incorporated well into God's design for marriage and His desire for her to be kept pure, etc...we went further into that than I had planned, but she's one of those kids who is far older than she seems in certain ways. So, thank you ALL for the wealth of wisdom. It's amazing how many places talked about it being sweet, silly, innocent...but somewhere in my gut it didn't feel OK for US, and that's the key.
And I'd rather set these guidelines now, while it's mostly just a word (BF) than have to back track later when there is a ton more emotion involved!
Blessings,
Khaki

[claphigh] That's great, Khaki! The Lord continue to give you and your husband wisdom.

thanks for posting!

When would you all say the no hand-holding part for young kids!? My son will be 5 in April and on occassion (rare), he will hold hands with a girl who is his same age. They are good friends. We homeschool and it seems like most of the families we know have girls his age. He's pretty good at playing with kids lots of ages, but still...

just curious!

:-D

tia...

Honestly, we gently discouraged it from the time they were born. It was easier than letting it go, then suddenly having to explain why there wasn't any hand-holding, I'm talking about walking around holding hands, sitting beside each other holding hands, that kind of stuff. Not a grabbing them by the hand "come, I want to show you something" scenario.:mrgreen:

When my daughter was 5 (and previous to that even) she always had "friends who were boys"...we even had a playdate at a boy neighbor's house a few months ago. I never felt concerned about it then. When the term boyfriend/girlfriend came into play however, these past few weeks, is when I realized this was a new phase.
That said, I think there was a difference, at least for us, in her occassional hand-holding at 5, verses what may have been coming up for us in kindergarten. Sorry if that's not a clear answer. I just know what I saw my daughter doing at 5 felt different, and even my 3 yr old boy has occassionally kissed a little 3 yr old at Sunday School on the cheek, and it doesn't hugely concern me, yet!

I wanted to also add some great advice I got from my sister throughout all this discussion we've had on this stuff. She has 4 kids, all teens now who are incredibly godly examples. She taught them at a very young age that if you are ever doing something for the very first time, ask mom or dad about it first.
It covers a lot of bases! Hope that helps some!
Blessings,
Khaki