View Full Version : Why are teenage/preteen girls so nasty?

01-13-2007, 06:47 PM
My daughter has told me stories of some of the things her female classmates say about each other and it is awful.

She was friends with this girl for a while and then, all of a sudden, she didn't call her or ask for her to come over. Of course, it took me a while to realize this, so I asked her why the other day. She said the girl was "mean" to other people so she has stopped hanging out with her. After further digging, I found out that this little girl pretty much belittles everyone that isn't just like she likes them to be.

I was a little leary of her when we first met just because of her family situation and the fact that her mom let her have boyfriends, etc. I TRY to keep my mouth shut and not pick my kid's friends to pieces (the way my mother did mine) but I caught Courtney in a not-so-pleasant phone conversation with this little girl. I also found some notes that they had been passing back and forth that were totally inappropriate. Most of them were in the other girl's handwriting, but still, Courtney saw them and had them in her room. (Some of you may remember me posting about this.) Anyway, all that came out fine. We had several major talks with Courtney and I pretty much stopped that friendship at that point. A few months later, the little girl wanted to go to church with us and had "changed" according to Courtney. I let them be friends again but I told Courtney I still didn't trust the girl.

Months later, Courtney made the cheerleading squad and the other girl didn't and it has been petty little crap ever since. So and so said this or that and she said that she said this and blah blah. Then, I got a call from the girl's mother. Apparently, one of the other cheerleaders was "threatening" her daughter but it was all Courtney's fault. According to the girl's mom, Courtney had told someone something about one of the other cheerleaders and blamed it all on the other girl. The mom then told me she was going to the principal with this because her daughter was scared to go to school. Of course, I am stressing because I was appauled that Courtney would involve herself in something like this. So, when Courtney got home from school, I spoke to her about it and she had NO IDEA what I was talking about. I'm not stupid and I know my children may not always be completely up front with me, but I KNEW in my heart that Courtney was oblivious to what was going on. Later that evening, the girl called and wanted to talk to Courtney. I asked her why and she proceeds to tell me that her MOM had it all wrong and that she never said Courtney did anything. She wanted to reassure us that her mom wasn't going to the principal because, in fact, the other cheerleader was NOT threatening her!! What made me mad was when the mother called me she was pretty much dogging out my child and what she had (supposedly) done!! I wanted an apology from her mother but I guess her mother didn't think that was warranted?! I was so confused and THAT is when I told Courtney that girl was up to no good and she needed to distance herself from her.

Well, I've not heard much about her lately until the past week or so. Courtney got a Vera Bradley purse and Sperry shoes for Christmas. Yes, these are expensive items, but that is what she asked for for Christmas and we budgeted that, etc. Anyway, another one of Courtney's friends told Courtney that this girl was going around saying she didn't know where Courtney got those items from because she is poor and her mom shops at the Goodwill! (By the way, I am not ashamed to do a little thrift store shopping so surely not saying anything is wrong with that!) I told Courtney just to let it go because her jealousy was starting to show. The fact is the little girl's family IS struggling. Her mom is one of those people that tell you all their business. I don't look down on less fortunate people by any means, but this little girl is not one to call someone else poor. That is what I don't get. Well, I do get it. She is jealous. So, Courtney started telling me all this other stuff the girl says about her and other people and I had a jawdropping stare for most of the conversation! She is downright nasty!!

This stuff is so petty and so teenagerish, but it still bugs me nonetheless. It's hard to stay nice around some people, KWIM? Especially when they are hurting your child's feelings. I have told Courtney if I ever hear her making fun of someone else or talking about someone else in the way that this girl has been doing, I will seriously punish her. Honestly though, this girl's mother is the same way. Very condescending and critical of others. I guess that is where the girl gets it from and why her mother sees nothing wrong with it.

Thanks for listening to me talk about teenage girl stuff!! I'm sure it won't be the last time!


01-13-2007, 07:35 PM
Honestly though, this girl's mother is the same way. Very condescending and critical of others. I guess that is where the girl gets it from and why her mother sees nothing wrong with it.


Honestly... you hit the nail on the head here... HER Mother is the same way... there ya go. I sincerely think we Mother's are responsible for our children's actions/habits/personalities. Now, don't get me wrong, every child goes through a rebellion or a "finding" period where they do their own thing and experiment, rebel... whatever you want to call it; I sure did, but, I came *back* to what I knew to be right, good and true. (GOD)

You are so right!! It is sad to see that so many teenagers are so crul. I have two and I try to tell them to be a nice as they can. Always, try to do the right thing!

01-13-2007, 08:43 PM
I am such a doofus! How did I end up posting this in the Toddlers Forum when I meant to put it in the teenagers forum???? Can it be moved? DUH Lori!

01-13-2007, 09:42 PM
I just figured you had the wrong area, JRBL sorry your having an off day today too! I hope it gets better for the both of you!!!!

01-13-2007, 09:54 PM
I didn't even notice, I work with middle schoolers, so sure, I would have clicked on it, LOL.

They really are mean and nasty. I think some great things have already been said but I will just add that pre-teens/teens have a lot of self-doubt and low self-worth feelings, so they lash out to make themselves feel better. If you want the "book" answer, you need only build up their own self esteem and self-worth to curb that. As Christians, isn't that one of our goals anyway? ;)

Sad thing is, some people never get out of that. I had friends that I ahve distanced myself from because that's what we did. It was awful, and it was contagious So i went away.