Argh!

My just turned 3 yr old is driving me crazy lately. I'm not sure what the deal is. Ideas?

Every day I have all kids take a 'quiet time'. Roughly the same time each day. I separate everyone.

Doodles usually is assigned to a couch out here in the living room. That way when she gets up for book #3 I am right there to tell her "no, time to lie down" She's been doing much better about that lately. She will take her one book, 'read' it, then place it on the floor and roll over to sleep.

Now, the problem...she will wake up crying. I mean w-a-i-l-i-n-g!! It doesn't matter if she napped for 20 minutes for 90. I don't 'rush' to any of my children when crying, that's just how it is around here, always has been. My response has been to talk to her from across the room, wherever I am. I will ask why she's crying. Tell her she needs to stop crying and talk to me if something is wrong. I can't hear or help until she settles down. I do this calmly, in a reassuring tone. To no avail. She keeps going. I have also gotten very frustrated with this continuance and have *not so calmly* told her she needs to stop. I have told her she needs to stop or she'll get a spanking. She has gotten said threatened spankins. All to no avail.

Sometimes she will go on crying like this for..oh..10 minutes ?? I've never actually looked at the clock during such times. And generally whenever she does decide to settle down and talk to me...she comes up with some lame excuse. You know, just whatever popped into her mind first once coming to her senses. It could be "I need to go to the bathroom" or it might be "I wanted to read a book" or even "My toe got stuck on the blanket" or whatever.

I just can't figure out *why* she's waking up crying like this. She does not wake up during the night. When she wakes in the mornings she wakes up fine, pleasant, no issues. It's just these nap times. Every.Stinking.Day!!

If she doesn't nap she's atrocious, to be kind. She and the 5 yr old are on MANDATORY quiet time, period! They each may make it a day w/o a nap without *too* many issues, but by day 2..ooo boy, they must nap, lest they not live to see morning ;)
But anywho...

We have wondered if perhaps she was having nightmares ?? That's the only thing we can think of.

What's your take?
Any ideas for remedies here?

Oh, just thought I'd also mention the scenario if/when she naps in her room since I did mention she sleeps on the couch during the day:
Most of the time she tries quiet time in there she ends up messing around and never sleeping. Just today I sent her to her room for quiet time because the eldest two were still doing school work, just figured it was better for her to go to the other room. Well, she woke up crying. So, apparently the location isn't so much the culprit.

Hmm was going to ask about her at night but you said she slept fine. With my children the only one that takes a nap is my almost 2 year old. The others have nothing remotely similiar to a quiet time, hmmm sounds like a wonderful idea though. But I will tell you a slightly similiar experience I had with my first born son.

He suffered from severe night terrors from age 2-3 or so. But only at night. But hey I thought I would toss it out there for you to ponder. He would wake up screaming/wailing and no matter what we did he would scream a horrible scream and wouldn't stop. I learned picking him up, taking him to a mirror with lights on, maybe some water on his face and would stir him fully awake he would stop the wailing. But it was almost every night for over a year. Nerve racking for me I was so scared sometimes thinking I maybe was missing something. But I held him, told him he was safe in mommy's arms to wake up and than he could go back to sleep. He adventually outgrew this, thank goodness.

Could she maybe be ill, ear infection. Just throwing ideas out there for ya Tara, keep me posted on what you find that helps her or what may be wrong.

Yeah, night terrors crossed my mind too...but during the day?? And then you say she is fine at night.. Could it be something she is eating during the day? I really have no clue. Sorry, I am no help.

you know, my 3 year old has been doing something similiar. i figured that she was having night terrors. then, just the other day she confirmed my reasoning. when we were having dinner at my parents house she said angrily to my mother, "you took my mommy away". we asked her what she was refering to and she told us in her sleep. :o explained everything for me. maybe you can get her to talk some and see if she's having bad dreams. good luck, hope i helped!

I just have a suggestion - try talking with her when she is calm (not right after nap time - maybe an hour or so later) and asking her why she is waking up like that. Did she have a bad dream? forget where she was at first?? See if you can find out from her what is causing this but do it when she is calm and not right after the crying.

Janell

Oh, Tara, I know just what you're going through. My heart started beating hard when I was reading what you wrote. I agree with the others... night terrors. I hate that name, by the way...

Anyway, I went through the exact same thing with Carissa at that age! :shock: Didn't matter if it was night or day. It happens during non- REM stage, and it's much like walking or talking in your sleep. They don't even have to have a nightmare. They feel like something is wrong and they can't quite wake up fully to tell you what they're feeling... BUT... Carisssa never, I mean never acted asleep. The Lord had to show me what was happening.

I went through all the frustration you did and felt I had tried everything. The worst thing was not understanding what the problem was and she couldn't tell us anything while this was happening. She was caught in the middle of awake and asleep, but you couldn't tell by looking at her.

When the Lord showed me what was happening, He showed me I needed to be very calm and comforting with Carissa. Not too much talking because it was confusing and scary for her in that place. I would hold her and rock her until she would slowly wake up completely. I had to put no expectation on her while she was like that because it freaked her out even more.

I started noticing signs in Carissa, that would let me know she was sleeping weird and would probably wake up later, screaming. For her, it happened when she was over tired and over stimulated, when she would fall asleep fast and hard, and if I tried to kiss her or tuck her in while she was in REM sleep she would thrash around a little and look at me like she didn't know me. I got to know exactly when her sleep was 'off', so to speak. It was on those nights that she would wake up an hour or so later screaming her head off. The only way to keep that from happening, was if I woke her up completely during REM sleep and had a short talk with her and tucked her in while she was still awake. Then she would sleep all night. But if she gave me the look like I was an alien and I just stepped out of the room... look out!! She woke up every time, about an hour or two later, screaming hysterically.

The sooner I'd just turn the light on low and quietly hold her til she was calm, the faster she would calm down and wake up fully on her own and naturally, which meant that I could get on with my life (or sleep).

If you think about how troubling this is to a young subconscious, you'll see that that is exactly what the answer would be for bringing about security and calmness. Her subconscious will eventually start telling her in that in between place, that she's been here before and it's going to be okay.

Like the others who went through this with their little ones, Carissa pretty much stopped after a year or two. She still has the tendency to sleep weird sometimes though, especially when she's overstimulated. But the crying stopped by about age five.

I'll say a prayer for you and your little girl, Tara. Not to worry. This is very common and is easy to deal with when you understand what's happening with your baby. [hug]

[lovingsmiley]

Joy [welcomewave]

My oldest did the same thing when he was about 4....in the night, if I could get him to drink a glass of water, he was fine and went back to sleep...sounds odd, but worked....didn't last long for him, few months probably....good luck...

I don't have nearly as much experience as you or the other mamas on this board. My only thought is that perhaps she's waking up prematurely? If ds gets a full nap, he wakes up in a good mood. If he doesn't (even if he wakes up all by himself--no noise or anything, but is still tired), he's inconsolable for a long time. He just sobs, sometimes for 30 min. Sometimes he just needs more sleep because he's gotten more stimulation or maybe his body is growing or fighting a low grade infection. At times, he takes a long nap, but I can still tell that he's not rested when he wakes up.

I don't really think it's night 'terrors'. Bad dream, perhaps, but not the 'terrors' My eldest suffered those for a while. Frightening!! But this isn't like that. She's not that disoriented and spacey.
I mean, not saying positively that isn't it. I'm just saying, my 'gut' isn't saying that's what it is, kwim?

I got some input from another board who mentioned giving a small treat..a few chocolate chips, raisins, smarties candies..immediately upon waking. Tell them they can have these 5 (or however many you decide) small 'treats' to eat, but they have to stop crying by the time they're finished. This gives them that wee little bit of a 'sugar high' to finish waking them up, reorient themselves. Several said they have tried such a thing (maybe with a cup of juice even) and it did the trick. It didn't seem to matter at what stage they woke up in..if they had a sufficient nap or not..it was just that 'waking up' part that was slow to come. And of course, anyone who's half asleep, is not cognitant enough to tell you what's wrong in the midst of that.

So, I'm going to keep an eye on her, of course. Watching for other signs of night terrors. But I'll also give this other thing a try, I'll let you know how it goes.

Once I read those suggestions, it really made sense. I mean, when I have taken a nap during the day, I often wake up feeling worse than when I went down. There's a rough transition period there at first. Sure, after 30 minutes or so I would feel refreshed from my nap, but often, not immediately. I would be very irritable and fowl.

Coffee drinkers..think of it this way..how well do you function before that first cup? ;) Same kind of thing.

So, while I'm not generally one to reward/bribe with treats and such, I do think this is worth a try. What will 3 smarties hurt?

I'll do a little 'experiment' of sorts. Try a few days using this tactic, then I won't give them one day and instead, try talking to her as before. (and as I will be doing along *with* the snack), just to see.

Anywho...
Thanks for the input ladies, I appreciate it.
My boys have never had this kind of thing. Certainly not at nap time. My 5 yr old at times seems a bit 'goofy' as we call it, after a nap. But nothing like this.
The only other sleep issue we've had was my eldest's night terrors which he had around 7 yrs old. :shudder: Those were soooooooo scary! Those were more likely when he was overtired, as mentioned. But happened otherwise as well. Nothing we could do about those but be there for him, keep him safe as he walked around the house aimlessly. I still remember him asking for his daddy..he's right there honey, it's ok...NO! Where's my daddy?! I WANT my daddy!..and just look right through him. The next minute he went running into daddy's arms, crying, and just as quickly, whipped his head back around to see his face and jumped up and ran away.
We were nearly convinced the child was demon possessed :?

Rambling :roll:

This has turned into a very interesting and informative thread for me! Tara, would you mind letting us know how your experiment goes?

Well, I didn't have the chance to try my plan yesterday. Dh was home earlier than usual. Doodles woke up and he was the first to respond. By telling her to stop. I said 'honey, that doesn't work' He's seen this himself many times, he knows. He says it again. I again respond, still gently, but more 'urgently', 'honey, that *doesn't* work' He tells me to just let him deal with it.
Meanwhile, her crying level has increased.
He then tells her to get up. She wails at him. He repeats and adds go get a drink. Half out of it, she gets off the couch, manages to get a drink from her cup at the table and has stopped crying. Just 'sniffling' still.

So, I guess she managed ok. *shrug* Just being given something specific to do to get her functioning in the land of the living again.

I'll keep you up to date though, whenever I *do* try things my way.

I'm just now reading this, but with Timmy, the most comforting thing for him (he's three too) is a juice cup. The sucking action still comforts him, even though he hasn't nursed for a long time. Plus he can't cry when he's drinking. I'm wondering if maybe you could just hold her and give her a juicecup to drink and that would help her feel secure and by the time the juice is gone she'd be awake?

Tara.. my DS is doing THE EXACT SAME THING... I was reading my thoughts word for word. It is frustrating, but doesn't happen every time. I sometimes think it is a manipulation deal. He will do it in the morning & in the afternoon, but not at night.

Praying for you sweetie... I think I will try the sweet treat also. I am not one to give in, DH will at times & that just makes me feel like I am banging my head!

I have yet to try the 'sweet treat' idea. She has woken up a few times since then with the crying, a couple of those while in her room for quiet time. She seems to be doing a better job at at least ATTEMPTING to calm herself. I just call to her and say she needs to settle down, come talk to me if she needs something. That being whether she's on the couch near me or down the hall in her room. She generally gets up and 'staggers' over to me, gets a hug then goes to sit down and continue to wake up.

So, we'll see.