Well Ladies... even Dh thought I should ask you about this...

Natalia is 15 mo and she's been a great girl most of the time... very happy, peaceful and content... but lately she's been more "snappy" (to call it something) and gets upset about everything... yesterday was the worst day she kept crying for things she wanted and even when she got them she WOULD SCREAM out of what seems to be anger, she tries to hit me and tries to hit everything, I thought I was going to lose it! then at night she went to bed (we have a very strict schedule, she goes to bed at 8 ) but she woke up at 12 she usually wakes up for a second and if she cries I just make sure she is fine and she goes right back to sleep but last night she kept just screaming and I could hear her hit the crib, kick and punch and pull and push! she was acting insane... I spoke softly to her, then louder, nothing seemed to calm her down, I tried letting her cry and see if she would fall asleep but she kept getting worse and worse and she was like that over an hour, so I went and grabbed her, took her to the living room, turned the lights on and talked to her, prayed with and for her, read the Bible, sang to her and let her play with the cat, she kept "talking" I mean... she doesn't say any words I can understand but she kept "telling me something" so I just told her "yes I know" to everything she said but I explained she should be peaceful and sleeping, when I saw she started yawning I took her back to her bed and she screamed and cried and kicked for a little bit but.... I mean... she was finally sleeping peacefully until 2:30 a.m. DH had to get up at 4:15 (so I woke up too) I thought Natalia was just bored 'cause she is always inside and always just with me... I knelt next to her crib and prayed and asked her to "forgive me" for giving her such a "boring" life... I mean... sometimes I just get out of things to do with her.... TV or computer are many times my escape to being bored myself... So today (NOW THAT I CAN FINALLY DRIVE YOOHOO!) I took her to the mall and showed her the Christmas decorations, I took her to the play area for toddlers and she LOVED IT... She played with other kids and was just ecstatic! I thought this would be reflected (in a good way) in her mood later in the day... but ... she's back to "insanity" and gets upset even when I feed her, I mean, she is hungry, so I feed her but she even gets the food out of her mouth with her hand and throws it away...

Do you ladies know what's happening to my sweet girl??? [flagsurrender][flagsurrender][flagsurrender][flagsurrender][flagsurrender]

[sadashamed]

Paloma.

Sounds like she is discovering free will, cause and affect and is getting really close to being a two-year-old.

Hate to say it, but this too shall pass. Eventually. When mine start in for no reason, I actually tell them to stop behaving like that. If it doesn't work, they have also been trained to sit in a chair and to fold their hands and to regain control of themselves (mine are 22 months and 3 yo.). If they are so far gone, I may hold them and whisper control to them, they know what that means. If that doesn't work, then they get deposited in their room on their bed (crib for the little one) and told that they can come out when they can behave appropriately. A lot of times, they are just doing this for the attention. Any kind of attention as long as they get it, it doesn't matter to them. If they don't have the audience, there is no fun in throwing the fit.

Your daughter is also at the age where if she doesn't already have them, molars may be trying to come in. That can make a kid miserable and scream for no apparent reason. You may wish to check. There are ways to help with that one.

I've also noticed that if mine see more videos and things like that, they behave more badly. We don't own a television ourselves, but they do get to see DVDs on the computer. On those days when I'm in a massive cleaning frenzy and pop more in for them than I should, I can tell. They behave way worse than normal.

Going out sounds like a good tactic, just do it before the tantrums start, and don't do it often until you can see exactly how it will affect your child. My eldest loves being in public (she has never had a public tantrum) and is very social. Her favorite activity when she was a baby was to go to the mall and wave at people and get cooed over. The youngest is a homebody. I can't count how many times she has fussed and cried in stores. She just doesn't like massive trips out. We went to two grocery stores today and I decided for her (and my) sanity to cut the third store until after my husband is off work tonight. I know that would have been way too much for her (couple that with a very cold car seat. She has discovered a great disliking for the cold.)

I have also learned that if our schedule is too strict, the girls get overwhelmed and that sets off bad behavior, and if it is a free for all, that too drives them nuts. We have a schedule, it isn't set in stone and we deviate when we feel like it. Not to say theydon't have a target bedtime, but there are nights when they are put to bed a bit earlier if needed, or a bit later. Depends on the reason.

Hope that helps somewhat for you. This too shall pass. I'm sorry it has hit so early for you.

Thanks for your wonderful response Criss... I guess it's just normal stuff that I need to learn how to deal with... I pray for more patience and love for her 'cause there are moments I just want to yell at her.... but I know I have to control my emotions specially if I want to teach her how "we behave" :) ....

Her molars are here already, and she's been really good with that, so I guess that's not the issue right now... Dh thinks she is starting to "develop her own emotions and getting to know them" I am just worried sometimes thinking she is probably sick or something....

She is very sociable and she loves being outside, so I am happy I took her to the mall today but I've noticed (probably because she is always been just with me) that when she plays she is kind of "on her own" even when there are other kids around... I mean, she loves being around kids and loves kissing and hugging but I can also tell she is very ... independent (??? If that's the right word to describe it) 'cause she likes doing everything by herself and even if there are toys I can see that she kind of "disengages" from everyone else... I don't know... this is all new stuff for me... and I just look at her and try to do my best... Sometimes I worry I might be spoiling her .... but I honestly think I don't .... I just want her to be happy, smiley and comfortable, oh well... I probably shouldn't worry so much....

Thanks again!

Paloma.

I have noticed Shaelyn being very moody (if you want to call it that!) too...Trevor never went through this! ugh. When Shaelyn screams for no reason, I put her on the steps, get down on her level and look her in the eye and say "It's not ok for you to scream (or hit or throw or whatever). You need to sit here because you didn't obey." I leave and then about 30-45 seconds later I call for her to come to me. I tell her what she did wrong and tell her she needs to apologize (yes I use big words with my young ones and they understand!) and she signs 'I'm sorry'. Then we have a kiss/hug and I tell her I love her.

Sometimes if it's a small thing, I don't go through all that. I just have her pick up her toy she threw or whatever and put it away. We use the phrase, "That's not ok." a LOT instead of saying NO, NO, NO all the time.

Not sure if this will help or not, but maybe! :-)

hugs, Mama!
You're doing a great job!
-kate-

Thanks Kate, of course it helps! I should speak more to her like that... I find myself saying "NO" all the time! (and I do not like it)....

I just called my mom and asked her about it and she said "Wow, I don't know! You guys never did anything like that" ... DH says he used to throw tantrums all the time so I guess now we can blame it all on him (LOL!!!) ...

Anyway.... she is sleeping right now and I'll just enjoy the break! Any more suggestions, advice or prayer are welcome!!!

Paloma.

About her not playing with other kids yet, that won't come for another year. It is called paralell play and most kids will just sit side by side and play independently until going on three or a bit after. Unless of course someone next to them has a toy they want, then it becomes a war or toddlers.

I think she is mainly experimenting with how to behave and such at this point. The world is still very new to her, and so are her emotions, responses and stuff. Give it time, enforce the boundaries and she will adapt.

You and your husband will have to come up with a game plan on how to deal with these episodes so you aren't doing different things. That consistency will help.

It does get better, I promise! Though, I have learned to not pray for patience in regards to my kids. Every time I do, I get a great chance to try and practice more of it. Like the situation was sent especially for me. Happened every time I asked when I was teaching too...I think God has a sense of humor.

People say that getting married refines you and teaches you to live more Christ-like. I have found that having kids does it more so.

Maybe you could check and see if your public library has a story time for her age. Might be something fun, structured, and get you both out. Ours does, and the girls like it (though, they are in different groups for story times due to their ages, and they frown on siblings coming at ours so we hit the family story time instead).

Thanks again Criss! I was just thinking about that (in regards to praying for patience) when you ask for itGod sends you the "opportunities" to practice it :) ....

Thanks thanks thanks! you have no idea how much hope this gives me... to know that it's a "temporary thing" oh! and what you mentioned about your kids "being worse" after video games and stuff like that... I've noticed it too with her with tv.... yup! it definitely affects the way she acts...

Thanks for letting me know about the "parallel play" I had no idea! I feel relieved it's normal! :)

Hugs! Hugs! Hugs!

Paloma.

yep I agree with everything being normal. Also, I don't know if this applies, but J started having night terrors around this age. He will scream for an hour at night It is similar to sleep walking, where hhe is still asleep. Just a thought since you said she screamed for over an hour. Sometimes they can seem awake.

Josh just hit me and told me I was bad when I took my cell phone away from him just a bit ago...so I would say totally normal. Just keep with it we will make it through this! ((hugs))

Paloma,

Thanks for posting this topic! Rebekah (14 months) and I have been deaing with many of the same issues. DH and I figured it was just her trying out her newly discovered free-will.

Rebekah, too, seems to do better when we're out and about. Storytime has been wonderful! I've been taking her since she was 3 months old. We, too, go to the mall. I try and use it as a learning experience (recently, we've been incorporating more signs and have been successful).

She also enjoys visiting with people while we're out, especially kids. If we go to the play area in our mall, though, she watches the other kids but doesn't have any interest in actually playing with them. I'm glad to see it's normal.

Unlike Natalia, when Rebekah wakes at night, she's usually crying but NOT awake. She's all balled up in her sleeping position with her eyes closed crying (sometimes screaming). The other night, she cried for about an hour. I couldn't do anything to calm her down. Finally, though, it passed. This sounds like the night terrors Becky mentioned. Again, I'm glad to hear it's not too abnormal.

I'll be praying for you and your DH as you start down the "discipline road". It's the exact same place my DH and I are too. Kate, I really like your approach with Shaelyn. Thanks for sharing. I'll be trying it out.

Paloma, thanks again for starting this thread. I'll be watching it for sure. You're not alone!

Hugs,
Megan

03/06/98 - Married DH
10/10/08 - Welcomed Rebekah Faith

I haven't read everyones replies so forgive me if I'm repeating. I'm kinda in a hurry this morning. My kids have all "tried" the tantrum thing but it has never lasted long at all. The reason I believe this has been the case is because 1: they never got attention for it, negative attention is also attention btw, and 2: it NEVER got them what they wanted. I always just ignored the behaviour and walked away. Once they settled down I would go back to them and deal with the issue. That being said.. taking this approach right from the start made the tantrums very short because it did not work the way they were hoping. If you've already tried calming her or scolding her during a tantrum she may keep it going for longer even if your ignoring it because she will be holding out for you to come to her and pay attention to her. It might be a hard few days but I think eventually they will get shorter and shorter when she see's it's not getting her anywhere. ((hugs)) Paloma!

Thanks Becky! I appreciate you shared about the night terrors... I read that before here in the forums (I think you posted something about it, I am not sure) but I don't think that's it (hopefully) but I don't know, I don't discard it either... so I'll keep an eye on that...

Last night she slept very peacefully... I kept the TV off most of the time and that's the way is going to be... I already made lunch so we'll be heading to the mall in 15 mins. and that way when we come back everything will be ready so I don't have to worry about that and I'll be able to stay a few more minutes at the mall...

Megan.... seems We are definitely on the same boat and I'll be praying for you, your dh and Bekah too! :) .... We can probably share our "progress" and struggles if you want... :) just pm me if you want my e-mail address or even if you want to talk over the phone just let me know and I can call you .... :) ... I know I need to vent sometimes :???:

Ashlee Thanks a lot for posting even when you didn't have much time, I appreciate it! It makes perfect sense... I also try the "ignoring" when she does not behave, I do think too that kids want any type of attention... even if it's negative... but this time it caught me out of guard as I had never seen her act that bad.... so... it made me wonder if I had to do something, as I worried something could be wrong with her... and I probably just "reinforced" her bad behavior... but now that I see is a "normal" thing she is going through I'll make sure I do not "give her much attention" when she does something bad.... just discipline when it's time to do so.... I don't even like saying "she is a bad girl" or speaking about how "bad she behaves" in front of her....

Thanks ladies... You've lifted a great weight off my shoulders...

Ok we are leaving... pray for a good day here and for Megan too!

Paloma.