pregnant and betrayed

[owens_mommy]

Hi Ladies. I am new to this message board. I am 32 weeks pregnant. DH and I are both 26 and have been married almost 3 years. This pregnancy was planned and was wanted by both of us. Recently, I discovered that he has been carrying on a relationship with a 21 year old that he works with. The relationship was not physical, but he talked with her at work, on the phone, and he was sending her emails and text messages from home, sometimes sneaking into the bathroom with his cell phone to do so. I know that she sent him photos of herself at his request and her messages to him said things like "think of me", "love ya" and "hugs n kisses". She also said she was sorry he had to come home to me...he talked to her about our problems. It started because she told him that her boyfriend was abusing her and had caused her to have several miscarriages...which I don't believe (who tells that kind of stuff to someone they barely know?)

I feel so betrayed, I don't know what to do. I am trying to forgive him, but it is very difficult. I don't trust him and I am very angry at him for doing this to me and his child. In our less than 3 years of marriage he has walked out on me twice, lied to me multiple times, and now this. I just don't know if it is worth trying to work it out with him or if I should just try to move on on my own. We are in counseling, but we have done that before and apparently it hasn't helped.
Being a christian, I do not believe in divorce, but how do I stay married to someone who isn't committed to me and our marriage?

Sorry for the book. I hope someone can offer some great advice.

Jenn
EDD 3/17/06
Expecting a Boy! :cry:

[mamallama]

Welcome to C'Moms, Jenn! You have come to the right place for prayers and support. I guess my first question to you is: You have explained your feelings about what is going on with your DH and this young lady, but what has he said? Is he sorry? Is he still talking to this lady? Does he want to try to make things right with you and your unborn child?

Forgiveness is a very hard thing to do - especially when it's your DH that has betrayed you. But you have to forgive him in order to move on...whether it is with him or not. Your baby needs your attention right now and I am sure that the stress you feel is hard on him. Do whatever you can to get through this and just focus on that precious life inside you. I really hope you can work things out with your DH. I have been married almost seven years (the 29th of this month) and I can honestly say the first four years were the hardest. It is a HUGE adjustment to live with someone and all the things that come with it. My DH and I did not always have the most perfect marriage. There were many, many obstacles to overcome. I will be praying for you and your family. [praying]

[Aalena]

Oh, Jenn, this is such a difficult time for you right now. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Definitely not something you wanted to be worrying about at this time in your life.

I think it's good that you're in counseling because it shows you would like to work things out, but as you mentioned, it hasn't worked in the past. Are you attending a Christian counselor? If not, maybe give that a try. Check out www.newlife.com. They can put you in contact with a Christian counselor. They have a radio talk program that is really helpful and a book on boundaries and such that would be good for you.

Even though it's not something that you really want to concentrate on and think about, divorce isn't always the way out, but your husband has been unfaithful to you. In Matthew 5:28 it says, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

I suggest seeing your pastor on your own to talk through this and possible with your husband also. I will be praying for you, I can imagine what a difficult time this is for you right now.

[owens_mommy]

Thanks for the welcome Becca. DH is sorry for what he did, but I think it is more that he is sorry he got caught. He did not come to me and confess this, I caught him because I saw a message that she sent to him...this affair went on for 2 months. He says what he did wasn't cheating, although I think it was. He says he knows it was wrong, but not as bad as I am making it out to be. He promises that he no longer talks to her, and I have found no evidence to prove otherwise. But he still works with her and is in contact with her on a regular basis, and he still has to communicate with her about work related stuff.

He wants to try to make things right, but so far he isn't really doing anything. Anytime I am upset or angry with him, he gets angry with me and threatens divorce, which just upsets me more and makes me more insecure in our marriage.

[mamallama]

I think forgiveness is key here. Forgive your DH. Tell him that you forgive him and do not hold bitterness in your heart. Also ask your heavenly Father to forgive you for being so angry.

Matthew 6 says this

[12] And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. [14] For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: [15] But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.


Try your very best to think on other things and focus on a fresh start. You said yourself that you do not believe in divorce. So do whatever it takes to start over and begin repairing your relationship with your DH. Even though he is the one that hurt you, it doesn't mean he has to be the one to start taking steps to renew your marriage. Let God work through you and give you guidance and strength. God will give you the wisdom and strength to get through this even when you feel you cannot. [hug]

[Aalena]

Oh, here is some things to read about building hedges around your marriage. The author is a Christian and had an affair. One is her website and the other is an interview with her. She talks about how affairs are started and how we need to protect our hearts. Your husband was definitely on the road to more and this would something helpful for him to read and look at.

http://www.nancycanderson.com/

http://www.momsoffaith.com/buildinghedges.html

[Threeredheads]

Oh I am so sorry this is happening to you, especially being pregnant. You have so much to think of.
I don't really know what to say. I also suggest talking with your pastor and def. continue counseling. Are you able to talk with your hubby without getting upset. Are you able to talk about what needs he feels are not getting met?
This trial could go one of two ways, it could be used to really strengthen your relationship and bring you to a new level in your relationship. OR, it could go the opposite way.
I can suggest several books that would be helpful...
"Every Mans Marriage" by Steve Arterburn and the women's book is "Every Woman's Battle. VERY GOOD BOOKS!! If you are willing to work on your marriage, this is a good place to start.
What he did was just as much an affair of the heart. There is a deeper issue here, are you willing to work through it?

[RhysMom]

I am so sorry about everything that is going on. I have been in a similar situation. When I was five months pregnant I found that my ex-husband was smoking pot. I found it again the day before I was to be induced. I was raised a Christian but wasn't living the kind of life that I should have been. When my daughter was born he wanted nothing to do with her. I made the decision to divorce him. Looking back on the situation now is very difficult. I have turned my life around and am now living for the Lord. There is no longer any love in my heart for my ex-husband and there is an amazing man in my life that I believe with my heart and soul was given to me by God.

The Lord is so good. He took my life and after I tried to control it and made a mess of things he turned it around and gave me an incredible blessing! I have found it very difficult to raise my child as a single parent. Financially it is a strain and emotionally I am exhausted because I have to play both mother and father. I have to be the financial provider and give my daughter all the emotional things she needs. That is very trying. Each day I work a full nine hours and then go home and take care of a two year old. It would definately be helpful to have a partner.

I guess what I am trying to say is that whether I made a mistake or not by divorcing my husband can be argued. What has been done is done and life has gone on. I would not suggest getting a divorce if at all possible. I have traveled a hard road and I know that I have more to come. God never intended for the family unit to be broken.

[JRBL]

If you weren't pregnant I would say, "Fast and Pray". The Lord hears our prayers, no doubt about that; your motives are pure for wanting your marriage to work. I would make prayer your number one priority right now; that is the most powerful tool/weapon you have right now. Every time you think about it, pray about it, fervently!!!

Even if you can't communicate with your husband because of the sin in his heart; you can pray for GOD to move your husband... mark my words... have faith and God will make it happen. I have seen remarkable things happen because of maintaining faith and prayer, flat out miracles; don't give up hope.

It does sound like your marriage has a lot of healing to go through but, the beginning happens in YOUR heart, by genuinely forgiving and forgetting what he has done; easier said than done, I know, but it *has* to happen. If you aren't willing to divorce (which I totally agree with 100%), then you need to be willing to do what is necessary to get past this, which is forgive, forget and move forward. God instructs us to forgive 70 times 7... I think this stands especially for our loved ones.

I would worry less about what he's doing and worry about your own heart. God is your husband's judge and yours; while it *is* our responsibility to gently and lovingly confront our Christian brother's and sister's when they are living in sin, so that they are held accountable, we cannot judge them; that's God's job. As long as you remain faithful in your walk with Jesus Christ, then you have done your job in this life.

I'll be praying for you! ::hugs::

[JRBL]

I guess what I am trying to say is that whether I made a mistake or not by divorcing my husband can be argued. What has been done is done and life has gone on. I would not suggest getting a divorce if at all possible. I have traveled a hard road and I know that I have more to come. God never intended for the family unit to be broken.

What a wonderful thing to say... Amen....

[owens_mommy]

Wow! I am really amazed and grateful for the support on this board. Thanks for all of the suggestions on books and websites. We have a book we are reading together right now called "I Promise" to build security in marriage, but I think it is designed for couples who have not had their security completely destroyed.

I am really dedicated to working this out most of the time, but some days I just feel like the situation is hopeless. My husband says he is sorry and wants to make things better, but his behavior says otherwise. I just don't feel motivated to make this work- he says he loves me, but I think based on his behavior he doesn't love me unconditionally. When times get tough he either walks out or turns to someone else. He doesn't talk to me about things that are bothering him or if his needs aren't being met.

Our counselor is a Christian based counselor- but not a preacher or anything. I have asked him to talk to our pastor because he is also a certified marriage counselor but he doesn't want to...he doesn't want anyone we know to see him as the "bad guy."

Threeredheads- I am able to talk to him sometimes without getting upset- but he gets angry when I bring up the situation. He thinks I should just let it go and not bring it up anymore. He doesn't understand that I need to talk about it. It just frustrates me even more that he acts that way.

I feel like he should be doing everything in his power to make this up to me and he isn't- and that is dissappointing to me.

[JeanineAnne]

Hi Jenn and welcome to c'moms :)

I feel like he should be doing everything in his power to make this up to me and he isn't- and that is dissappointing to me.
And it will always be disappointing. People will let us down all the time. That is why we need to find the strength to put our faith in Jesus.

My ex-husband wanted nothing more than to keep having affairs. Whether physical or emotional. When I refused to allow him to continue our marriage ended. He left when our daughter was 2 and a half and our son was 3 weeks old. It was a hard journey, but one I don't regret because he has no interest in changing his behavior. He is not satisified with just one partner. He needs more, at least according to him :? I tell you this, not because I support divorce, but to let you know I can understand somewhat how you are feeling.

You cannot change how he thinks or feels. You can change you. Regardless of what happens, forgiveness is certainly something you need to work on. Everytime you feel yourself hurting or not able to move on or to forgive, turn to God in prayer and confess it. Continue doing it everytime and I promise the need to confess will gradually decrease :) God is faithful and just at all times, and He will help you heal.

You won't ever get from your husband what you need because he sees nothing wrong in what he's done. Try to stop looking to him to feel those needs and emotions and try turning to God for them. Until God changes your husband's heart (or until your dh is willing to allow God to change his heart), you won't get what you need emotionally from him.

Remember nothing is impossible with Christ. God can and will see you through this. It won't be easy, but nothing worth saving ever is. Continue counseling and find joy in your dh not wanting your pastor to know. Even if he doesn't want to be labled a "bad guy", that indicates that he knows on some level that what he is doing is wrong. Continue to pray for him (which I'm sure is really hard right now...the best wife advice I ever received was it is when I feel the least like I want to be praying for my husband is the when I should be on my knees the most for him).

Glad God has brought you here to c'moms. I believe you will find a wonderful support group here, the ladies here are amazing. I will keep you and your husband and your baby in prayer. God Speed.

[justmeNmine]

Although I was never officially married to my two children's father, a lot of what was desrcibed sounds like our tumultuous relationship. We have been apart now since I was 8 weeks pregnant with my daughter (she turned one yesterday) In the end, it boiled down to feeling as though I either needed to follow him (down a self-destructive path) or to trying to find God's plan for the lives of myself and my children. I chose God over their earthly father and every day, I deal with that in a very real way. I know some people who won't even discuss the subject with me since he was never my official husband, but I know that God knows in my heart, that my intentions with him were to be a true family unit. I always thought that he would be won ove rby my inward beauty, but it proved impossible. I don't mean to be discouraging, I am just offering my experience as perspective as to what can happen when relationships between mother and father (husband and wife) cannot be salvaged. In our case, we were textbook "unequally yoked" but it doesn't change the fact that I am now raising fatherless children. Long story short, if your marriage is salvageable, by all means, save it. I second guess myself every day if I gave up too soon, and the only comfort is the consideration of what is said in the Bible about being unequally yoked and about infidelity...

[EmJo]

I can't add anything to the godly advice everyone's given, but I will pray for a miracle in your DH's heart and marriage. [hug] [prayer]

[pioneerchristianmomof3]

:cry: Dearest Jenn,

I am crying tears of love and shared pain with you. Two years ago my dh had an "emotional affair" with a woman at work. They were never physically involved, but they were very intimate emotionaly.(which to me hurt worse than if it had just been sex) She started coming to our home asking him to "talk"! She started calling late at night. If ever she had a problem, only my dh could "help"! Let me tell you I wanted to scratch her eyes out! [whatfurious]
I tried to talk to dh about it, but he didn't see a problem. He felt there was nothing wrong with being "friends" with her...he felt it was more of a big brother thing :roll: I told him that the intimacy he was sharing with her was for me only and that he was violating our marriage vows.
I spent many, many nights crying to God. My 13 year old actually could see that this woman had "eyes" for her dad!(honest-I didn't say anything to the kids) When my daughter expressed what she saw to her dad...then he finally had the blinders removed.
I too am not a believer in divorce...however I did finally say to him...her, or me, knowing it was a risk that he might choose her. Thankfully, dh asked for her to be transfered(she quit when she realized she lost him) and recommited to me and we got some councelling.
Things aren't perfect and some times I still have a hard time with trusting him. I have forgiven him and God is helping mr to forget and move on.
I will be praying for you. It might also help if you got councelling on your own too. ( I did and it was a huge help)
[prayer] [hug]

[Godzgirl]

I myself went through a similar experience of infidelty with my dh. I couldn't have said it any better then how Jeanine put it. Will be praying for you and your family. The Lord can do the impossible! PM if you need to talk.

[Cheeseburger]

If you weren't pregnant I would say, "Fast and Pray". The Lord hears our prayers, no doubt about that; your motives are pure for wanting your marriage to work. I would make prayer your number one priority right now; that is the most powerful tool/weapon you have right now. Every time you think about it, pray about it, fervently!!!



Hey I wanted to pipe in that it is OK to fast while you are pregnant.... just not completely from food. Fasting is about denying your flesh and afflicting your body/soul -- you can do this while pregnant. I don't mean not eating. But, you can cut out something that you would normally do, and afflict your soul/flesh before God. which is what fasting is about.


Here are some things you can "fast" from while you are pregnant:

TV/Movies
Desserts, chocolate, or other sweets (OK, I know it's hard when you are pregnant!! Nobody said fasting was easy LOL!!)
All drinks (soda, juice, etc) except water (make sure you eat a balanced diet and get enough calcium though, otherwise maybe just milk/water?)
Listening to music/radio
Reading any books other than the bible (if you are a bookworm ;) )
Video/computer Games
Your favorite (unnecessary) hobby (whether it's model trains, scrapbooking, painting, etc)
Shopping on EBay (ok, i admit I have a problem LOL)

[buttercup_97140]

Hi Jenn, again, welcome to CM!! The women here are awesome support!! Believe me, I have seen it first hand!!

I'm so sorry you are going through this hard time! Although it seems almost too much and "bad timing" the Lord is so sovereign and cries with us when we have hard times! He knows you can come out of this stronger and more wise, so please remember that he is always with you, even when you feel so alone!

One thing I wanted to ask...is your Dh a believer? For a very long time, I was not a believer, and my Dh was. We went through some pretty hard relationship things before and after we were married, mostly because of how I saw him as a Christian, but the Lord blessed me with salvation. Anyways, from that experience, I know that the Bible says that if you are married to a non-believer and if they walk away, you are to let them. Of course the Lord hates divorce, but there are justifyable reasons for divorce, and the Lord tells us to let a non-believer go...now if you are both believers, even with the justifyable reasons for divorce on your side, he wants us to try as hard as we can to mend things. it may be a long road for you being the only one who seems to be forgiving and trying hard to salvage things, but if you are obedient to the Lord and your husband, and keep praying for him, the Lord will bless you. Sometimes the answers he gives us are not what we wanted, or in the time we hoped, but he hears us and answers us!
Is it possible that your Dh is having a hard time with giving of himself to you and now a baby? That is in NO way an excuse that would hold water, but he is also sinful flesh like we all are, and maybe he is letting his flesh get the best of him. Maybe he truely feels like "giving" his friend up should be enough to make up for the sin, but of course it is not...but as much as you/we want to be able to do it, you cannot be the Holyspirit for him...you can only pray for conviction and a change of heart.
I really want to encourage you to pray hard and pray often. The Lord says that he wants us to bring our requests to him often...like the woman who went to the courts over and over and finally got what she was asking for! I do say, pray for him, but also pray for your heart to be softened towards him, and to be able to forgive him. Yes the wound is still new and it hurts, especially being pretty darn pregnant, but you are the only one you are hurting by not forgiving him. Right now, you seem to be finding ways to try and mend things and you are doing pretty much what you can...and the Lord can do the rest when he sees fit....KWIM?
I'm so sorry for this happening during the most important time of your life...just focus on that beautiful baby you are blessed with, and know he is a reward from the Lord for you!! Maybe he will be the key to your husband finally getting that knock on the head that makes you go...Oh yeah!!! :idea:

Please let us know how you are doing from time to time so we can pray with and for you! And remember to post a pic of that wonderful baby ASAP after birth...preferably a few mins after you deliver! :lol:

Blessings to all three of you!!
Amber

[owens_mommy]

Amber- your daughter is adorable! Yes, DH is a believer and was raised in a very strong Christian family- which is why this is pretty surprising to me. He was definitely not brought up to think this kind of thing was ok.

He went to counseling last night alone (I wasn't feeling well) and I think he came home with a new perspective. We talked last night after he returned about forgiveness and he has vowed to change his life and to start living for God. I hope and pray that he will be committed to that and is not just saying that to smooth things over. I guess I will see if I notice any changes. I have given up on trying to change him and I have decided just to turn it over to God and trust that He will lead us both down the right path.

Thanks so much to everyone for the advice and prayers...I appreciate it more than you know. It has been so encouraging to hear from all of you. Some of my family are not strong Christians and they have been making me feel like I am being stupid and am setting myself up for heartbreak by staying with him. I am thankful for the encouragement from you all to do what I know is right. I am so glad I found this message board.

[buttercup_97140]

Aww, thank you Jenn!

I am so happy for you that the Lord seems to have convicted him or softened his heart to his sin. I pray that he will continue to turn to the Lord for guidance and forgiveness.

I hope you do see some changes and I praise the Lord for this little bit of peace that you have been given!

We are glad you found us too....don't be a stranger!!

Amber

[JeanineAnne]

Some of my family are not strong Christians and they have been making me feel like I am being stupid and am setting myself up for heartbreak by staying with him.

It hard to understand when Christ isn't your stronghold. If you place your faith in temporary things, then you will live your life always on guard from those temporary things because they never last. When you put your faith in Jesus Christ, you live different. You live boldly because this physical life is just the beginning of the journey. May this alone be your testimony to them :)

[RhysMom]

You live boldly because this physical life is just the beginning of the journey.

Amen! Thank you for the wonderful reminder! Even in the worst of times God is there. I sometimes have to read Footprints daily. It is in our darkest hour that God is carrying us. Like Nati says, He is soooo AWESOME!

[JRBL]

If you weren't pregnant I would say, "Fast and Pray". The Lord hears our prayers, no doubt about that; your motives are pure for wanting your marriage to work. I would make prayer your number one priority right now; that is the most powerful tool/weapon you have right now. Every time you think about it, pray about it, fervently!!!



Hey I wanted to pipe in that it is OK to fast while you are pregnant.... just not completely from food. Fasting is about denying your flesh and afflicting your body/soul -- you can do this while pregnant. I don't mean not eating. But, you can cut out something that you would normally do, and afflict your soul/flesh before God. which is what fasting is about.


Here are some things you can "fast" from while you are pregnant:

TV/Movies
Desserts, chocolate, or other sweets (OK, I know it's hard when you are pregnant!! Nobody said fasting was easy LOL!!)
All drinks (soda, juice, etc) except water (make sure you eat a balanced diet and get enough calcium though, otherwise maybe just milk/water?)
Listening to music/radio
Reading any books other than the bible (if you are a bookworm ;) )
Video/computer Games
Your favorite (unnecessary) hobby (whether it's model trains, scrapbooking, painting, etc)
Shopping on EBay (ok, i admit I have a problem LOL)

You are so right!!!! I feel like slapping myself in the forehead!

[JRBL]

Amber- your daughter is adorable! Yes, DH is a believer and was raised in a very strong Christian family- which is why this is pretty surprising to me. He was definitely not brought up to think this kind of thing was ok.

He went to counseling last night alone (I wasn't feeling well) and I think he came home with a new perspective. We talked last night after he returned about forgiveness and he has vowed to change his life and to start living for God. I hope and pray that he will be committed to that and is not just saying that to smooth things over. I guess I will see if I notice any changes. I have given up on trying to change him and I have decided just to turn it over to God and trust that He will lead us both down the right path.

Thanks so much to everyone for the advice and prayers...I appreciate it more than you know. It has been so encouraging to hear from all of you. Some of my family are not strong Christians and they have been making me feel like I am being stupid and am setting myself up for heartbreak by staying with him. I am thankful for the encouragement from you all to do what I know is right. I am so glad I found this message board.

[prayer] Oh! I hope and pray that you see a drastic change in him, for the better! Hallelujah!!! I'll be praying for God's continual intervention!!!! [hug]

[ChamomileFriend]

I admit I am not good at knowing what to say in situations like this, so I apologize if this is short. I just wanted to let you know I will be praying for your marriage and that you will find a lot of support here.

[owens_mommy]

Well, things have been going pretty well for a little while. I could really see a difference in his behavior and he was really trying and things seemed to be improving...until yesterday. He didn't come home last night. He said he was at work all night- but he went to work yesterday at 8 am and still hasn't been home- he said he is working until lunch time today. I just find that really hard to believe. His office is installying new software on their computers and there is a company there assisting with that and he said that there were problems with the computers so it is taking a long time. He called me from his office last night around 7 and again at 6 this morning, but in betweeen he called me from his cell phone. He promises he was at work, but I don't know if I should believe him- after all he has been lying to me for a long time. I just find it hard to believe that he would be expected to work 30 hours without sleep or a shower. Any advice?

[justmeNmine]

I don't really have any advice to offer- keep praying and keep seeking God's purpose in all this; your DH's story doesn't sound remotely believeable, especially since he called from the cell phone... Is there anyone at his work you could ask for confirmation that he did indeed work this 24 hour shift; will you see the increase in his paycheck, was it "overtime?" Can you find out if the software installation company that is assisting typically works third shift? Have you outright told him you don't believe him- did he get angry, defensive or was he supportive and kind and understanding of the hard time you are having... I fully understand the wanting to believe him, but it doesn't sound right. Maybe I'm too much the "detective" that my children's father used to accuse me of, but I am the type that would rather know the truth than trust my feelings, kwim?

[owens_mommy]

yeah, I don't think it is believable either. He also said that they didn't eat dinner last night which makes it even more unbelievable. He is supposed to show me his time card- but that is something that can be easily altered. It should show up as overtime on his paycheck, but that won't be until next week and I am too impatient to wait that long. If he is still seeing her and being physical with her I don't want him anywhere near me and I am worried about the possiblity of diseases if he is sleeping with her- especially since I am pregnant. When I first found out about the situation I was tested and everything was fine, but I worry that it is still a possiblity if he is still seeing her.

There is a guy who is supposed to be there with him, but they are buddies and I'm sure he would cover for my husband. The company is out of California- we are in NC- so I don't know how I would find out if they work 3rd shift.

I tried at first calmly explaining to him that I didn't believe him- at first he tried to be understanding and reassure me. He told me to go to his office to check on him if I wanted- but he knows that I wouldn't go out in the middle of the night. Now he is being angry with me and telling me that I am being ridiculous and that I should believe him.

I also forgot to mention- as soon as this all came out into the open- I started getting anonymous phone calls saying that they were sleeping together, that the relationship was still continuing, etc. The person knew details about the situation that noone except for me, him and her knew- so obviously it was her or someone she had told or had put up to doing it. He called and confronted her about it and the calls stopped. Yesterday I got another call (I think from the same person) saying "its still not over." He had convinced me before that the person was just trying to get at us and the fact that he called her and confronted her about it made me feel better about it all. But now that it has happened again and he was gone all night I am starting to wonder if there is truth to it.

[justmeNmine]

Oh, dear, I know what you are going through, the calls, the taunting, the not wanting to give up or to be wrong, but good Lord, no wife should have to live like that... Maybe if you put your foot down, let him know that you REFUSE to be the subject of such nonsense. One of the last straws in my situation was the other woman he was involved with showing up at my house, in front of all my neighbors & children, using profanity and outright telling me about their "happenings." Again, I know how hard that is, but it is rare for a cheating husband to ever fully stop; when I was pregnant with my first, I had come across a statistic that only about 12% of men who cheat while their spouses are pregnant ever stop; it is comparable to most forms of abuse in that once the person has crossed that line, given themself permission, it is highly likely that it will happen again. My children's dad never stopped, never recovered and the behaviors of cheating and lying did eventually lead to violence and to a very bad situation for raising children... I am so sorry and have to ask if you have support from your family; My original post indicated that I am not trying to be discouraging of your marriage, but realistically, I think it is wise to consider other options and I don't mean go down today and file for divorce... It just sounds altogether too familiar to me, right down to the no dinner line (in my case, his not having had dinner led to him bringing home tupperware that wasn't mine a few days later) Lastly, you are NOT in any way being unreasonable given his history and I'd be letting him know that his defensiveness and anger is all the more indicative that HE is in the wrong; I wish I could remeber the website where I found a lot of information on the behaviors or cheating men; if nothing else, it had helped me to have some factual basis for my accusations and uncertainty, something besides that gnawing, aching pain in my chest to go on.

[JeanineAnne]

Not trying to scare you...but I've been through the whole phone calls and confrontation thing...it didn't stop their affair. She told me once, years later that at the time she found it funny to have the conversation with me but after having her own troubles with my ex, she didn't find it funny.

But on the other side, when close friends of ours went through an affair, after he called it quits and told his wife and they were working through things the other woman gave them quite a hard time. Calling and lying and what-not. It was really stressful until the other woman screwed up and claimed they had been together while this couple was together out of state.

Will continue praying for you. Keep standing firm, especially to him.

[owens_mommy]

Hi I just wanted to update everyone.

I found out for certain that he was at work the entire time that night, so that is a relief.

Things have been going a little better, we have our good days and our bad days. Some days I can tell he is really trying and others he seems not to care. All I can do is pray that it will continue to get better and that he will honor our marriage. I am really trying not to be angry at him and to focus on the positives and get past all of this.

Thanks for all of the support and please continue to pray for us and our baby.

[SupermansLady]

My prayers are with all 3 of you. May God bless your efforts to forgive and move forward.

[buttercup_97140]

What a blessing to know he was telling the truth....it's so hard when you have suspicions, but want to believe.....I praise the Lord for this bit of comforting news!

I pray all keeps going well for you two! Keep your eyes focused on the Lord, and he will reward you for your faith!

Blessings,
Amber

[ChamomileFriend]

Hi I just wanted to update everyone.

I found out for certain that he was at work the entire time that night, so that is a relief.

Things have been going a little better, we have our good days and our bad days. Some days I can tell he is really trying and others he seems not to care. All I can do is pray that it will continue to get better and that he will honor our marriage. I am really trying not to be angry at him and to focus on the positives and get past all of this.

Thanks for all of the support and please continue to pray for us and our baby.

I am so glad that he was being honest with you and that things seem to be getting better. I will keep praying for your family.

[Godzgirl]

Will continue to pray for you Jenn. The Lord never promised life would be easy but He did promise to never forsake you. Cling to that promise and know that He is faithful and will see you through.

[owens_mommy]

Things are continuing to get better...that girl got fired (for something unrelated) so now they have no interaction with each other- so that is a blessing! It makes me a little more comfortable about the whole situation now that he is no longer around her.

[SupermansLady]

PTL for giving you some added peace of mind. Still praying and will continue to do so. Thanks for updating us.

[JRBL]

Still praying, Ma-dear.

[owens_mommy]

Just thought I'd give everyone an update. I guess things have been about the same. We still have good days and bad days...until Friday. My husband got suspended from work for 3 days w/o pay, had his cell phone, pager and laptop taken from him becuase of the situation. Apparently this girl and her mom came to work trying to get her job back. When they weren't successful, they brought him down with her.

I am just thinking now that there must be more to it if they are taking that extreme. He says it is because he used company property for personal communication but if that were it then everyone at the company would be suspended because they all use email and phones for personal use. When I mentioned this to him, he said that it was because he was using it to talk to another employee and because he is in an authoritative role and the behavior was inappropriate. I talked to his boss, and he said that he couldn't really give me any details because of policy and he also said that as far as he knew, my husband had been truthful with me. I just don't know what to believe.

Now he has been trying to call his boss since Saturday, and he won't return his calls so I am starting to worry that he is actually going to lose his job. My baby is due in 4 1/2 weeks and we definitely can't afford for him to be out of work.

I am still unsure of if he is being and has been truthful with me. I still don't know if I completely believe him when he says it wasn't a physical relationship. I am really feeling alot of anger towards him for putting us in this situation and adding stress to me. I also feel alot of resentment towards him because I feel like he has taken away the joy I should have been able to experience about being pregnant for the first time. I am to the point that I just feel like giving up on our marriage. I am praying more than ever about this- I hate feeling this way- especially since my baby will be here soon.

He told me last night that he really wants to change as a person and he wants to be a better husband and the best father- but I'm scared to put any faith in what he says because he has let me down so many times before.

If you have any advice, I'd love to hear it. I'd also appreciate any prayers for me and my baby.

Sorry its so long.

[justmeNmine]

Prayers and hugs is about all I can offer, and understanding. I am sorry you have to deal with all this on top of being so close to your baby's arrival.

[JeanineAnne]

Jenn, thanks for the update.

It is so hard to deal with stress while pregnant. My first pregnancy was very stressfilled due to the nature of my relationships at the time. I pray that you feel the Lord's peace just wash over you everytime you feel yourself getting stressed.

You wrote:
but I'm scared to put any faith in what he says because he has let me down so many times before

Don't place your faith in him, place your faith (and all of it) in God. God is the only one thing that will never leave you, never forsake you, never turn His back on you, never break a promise. In Christ, all things are possible, including your husband's transformation. But it is only through Christ that the impossible becomes the possible. Keep your eyes focused on Him, it will help.

I am continuing to pray for you. Your story is so close to home for me....hugs to you. You are doing a wonderful job of working through this!! Stay the course and fix your eyes upon Jesus!

[owens_mommy]

[quote="JeanineAnne"]
Don't place your faith in him, place your faith (and all of it) in God. God is the only one thing that will never leave you, never forsake you, never turn His back on you, never break a promise.]

That is what I told him last night, that I can't put any faith or trust in him- that I can only put that faith in God. I told him that I am no longer going to worry about if he is cheating again or if he truly loves me or if he is attracted to me- I told him I just don't care anymore. I am tired of putting all my energy into trying to make him love me and to want me and only me. It really bothers me that it has come to that. I just think that I should be able to count on my husband to love and protect me- not hurt me. It just makes me want to give up on our marriage because I feel like I have nothing to look forward to by staying married to him. I am a very loving person- but now I don't want to open myself up to him and show him any love. I hate who I am when I am with him. I am sad and uptight and I don't want to be that way around my son. I know that staying together is the right thing to do- but I really don't want to be miserable by staying with him. I am so worried I am going to be a bad mother because I am unhappy all the time. He has already taken away my joy of my first pregnancy- I don't want to allow him to take away the joy of motherhood too. I feel like we are just strangers living in the same home- I barely interact with him because of all these feelings. At least I have my dogs to keep me company and to cheer me up.

[pioneerchristianmomof3]

Love and prayers for you sweetie! [loveflag] [prayer]

[ChamomileFriend]

owens_mommy, I am sorry to hear that you are feeling joyless [hug]. I am sending many prayers your way [prayer]. I wanted to type an excerpt from a Debi Pearl letter (from Created to be His Help Meet) where she responded to a women in a similar situation - it is kind of long and I hope it does not sound too harsh of me to post this, I just don't want you to give up on your marriage - please don't despair:

"Marriage is not fair. And most of all, the woman at work is not playing fair. And your husband is not playing by your rules. Obviously, he does not feel the shame that you do. He is motivated by baser instincts and desires.
Yes he is wrong, but your response, though justified, will certainly lead to the destruction of your marriage. You can rear up in rage and indignation; you can stand on your rights and stand on truth, but it won't save your marriage. When you have lost your husband and are alone, and the children are at a daycare or public school, and you are trying to pay rent on the dumpy duplex and keep food on the table, you can always know you stood on principle, you called him to repentance and you didn't allow him to humiliate you and play the hypocrite. You called his hand. There he will be, living in sin with that other woman, and you, the righteous one, will still be standing for your rights - but sleeping alone...

I am not suggesting that this is your fault, that you are the cause of your husband's sin. I am just warning you that if you really, honestly want to win your husband back to yourself, you must change your game plan....He will never willingly leave a smiling secretary to come home to a frowning wife...He is a lonely man seeking identity in a woman's approval and admiration..."court" your husband and win back his favor...Make yourself more attractive that the secretary. You can win if you are willing to lose your pride.
If you want to keep your man and the father of your children, you are going to have to forget your rights as a wife and forget his Christian obligation to his vows. You must act as if you and the secretary are engaged in open competition for this man. Your husband is going to love what is lovely to him You must be more lovely than she. You must beat her at her own game...
It is in your best interest to learn to use feminine wiles. A woman holds her man with the fragile threads of adoration, thankfulness, delight, and just plain fun. He needs to hear your gladness and appreciation in your voice when you speak to him, even when you are talking of everyday things. He needs this as much as, or perhaps more than, sexual release...The tool of your warfare is your loving, kind, delightful, radiant, adoring self....
Write love notes he will find when he gets to the office. Don't ride him with suspicion...Do call his work with a giggle in your voice and give him fair warning that you expect "some loving" when he gets home, then giggle and ask if he is blushing. Once or twice a month, show up at work during lunchtime for a brief unexpected visit. Make sure you are looking radiant and delightfully in love. Your very sweetness and thankfullness will make that cheap office hussy feel she is beneath your class...God is on your side. Fight and win"

[JRBL]

When I first started to read your response I was shocked but, I totally have to AGREE!!! I win my husband's love and adoration every single day by waiting on him, serving him, keeping him "happy" in all forms of the word; so much so that every man he meets says that they want to be married to me themselves! What better way is there to keep your man from cheating than being EVERYTHING to him?

Now, I know that there are exceptions to this rule, that some men just "fall prey" no matter what you do; but, I really believe in this kind of combat strategy. Sure, you're pregnant but, my husband has openly admitted to me that seeing me pregnant is a huge turn on to him, because of what it took to make me that way. ::giggles:: Anyways...

I think the game plan of making your husband's eyes only for you is a sure fire way to win him back. If *YOU* are a changed creature, he won't have need to look outside of that. Greeting him with a smile, make up on, purfume, nails done, a clean home, asking him how his day was, offer to give him a back rub, a foot rub, anything to make him go, "What's wrong with her?" And keep it up for longer than a week... it'll win him over. I still do ALL These things, on top of having four children, two of them infants... if *I* have time to do those things... anyone does!!!

You can win him back gal... just think if you two were just dating, and this woman was in the picture... waht would you do? Would you sit back and let him go, or would you FIGHT for him, the only way we women know how? By being beautiful, intelligent, witty and nurturing to him. :) Go get him, girl!

[Cheeseburger]

wow that is such awesome advice. It may be hard to do, but when our dh's hurt us, instead of withdrawing our love out of hurt/anger, we should just give even MORE love!! How can they resist? ;)

[JRBL]

I spoke to my husband about this in the car while we were doing our grocery shopping as a family, and I asked him, "So, do you still feel like a king honey?" I explained to him your situation (without names or anything personal like that) and told him the advice I gave you and he said that it was great advice... that the reason he doesn't "look" outside of me for pleasure is because he leads his life to please God firstly, but also because I strive so dilegntly to make him feel like I love him, trust him, need him, and long to pleasure him in every way, even the small ways.

He says, even if a man is doing "wrong", the last thing that man wants/needs is a wife who badgers or nags him (NOT to say that's what you're doing, he was just using it as an example)... he says that even in the Bible it says something like, "It is better to sit on the corner of the roof of your house, than to expose yourself to a nagging wife." Don't quote me but, it's ish-ish to that, I know, because I have read that very verse, can't think of it at the moment.

Anyways, GOD will bless you for maintaining your role as wife to him... I CAN promise you that... I know that you are hurting right now, believe me, I know... my relationship before my DH was horrible and had I been married to that man, we would have made things work... but... I digress...

I would *pray* for your husband, *pray* for your own peace and strength, and *pray* for your marriage to grow with GOD's mighty Hand leading it; when you turn your woes over to GOD, He does NOT turn His Back on you. You *are* responsible for your actions but, God wants us to lean on Him, not on ourselves. It's so easy to be angry right now, but I'll be praying for your strength to overcome your anger and that your love for your husband will sustain.

My mom is living proof that someone can forgive their adulterating husband and be happier than before... they are together now, after seven long years of being seperated because he was living in sin, and now they are happier than they ever were before things went haywire. My mom gave all of it over to God and just trusted that HE would work things out; she says she wishes she would have done it sooner, because she feels that my dad would have come home and to his senses sooner.

All my hugs, and prayers go out to you, hun. ::hugs::

[Godzgirl]

Still praying for you sweetie! Know that the Lord is faithful and will proivde. My dh didn't have a job for when i was pregnant with my second. Things were diffently tough but the Lord saw us through and made is stronger in faith, in knowing that He is good. I also know how tough the situation with your husband is as i mentioned in my PM to you. Know that the Lord will see you through in your marriage too. Just cling to the Lord, honey! Hugs and prayers!

[newchristianmomof4]

I am new too. I will be praying for you, your baby and your marriage.

[owens_mommy]

Hi ladies. Thanks for the prayers and advice. I know what you all are saying is right- its just hard to do. Last night I actually felt like I was starting to relax with him a little and open myself up to him and as soon as I did- he withdrew from me and started being cold and distant. Its like when I am trying to give love he takes his away and when I do not give love he does- so it makes showing him any love much more difficult. It just seems easier to shut down and not let him close to my heart so he can't hurt me anymore. He said that he wanted to be a better husband and a great father and that I deserved much better than he has given me- but then he doesn't do anything to show that. It is so frustrating and makes it seem as if he isn't being sincere in anything he says. I am continuing to pray for him and for our marriage- but I just don't want to get my hopes up and have him betray me again.

Thanks for everything and please continue to pray for us.

[justmeNmine]

When you have lost your husband and are alone, and the children are at a daycare or public school, and you are trying to pay rent on the dumpy duplex and keep food on the table, you can always know you stood on principle, you called him to repentance and you didn't allow him to humiliate you and play the hypocrite. You called his hand. There he will be, living in sin with that other woman, and you, the righteous one, will still be standing for your rights - but sleeping alone...

Granted I was never married but I think part of the letter this is disgustingly judgemental and frankly, ridiculous. I am that woman that stood up for not being cheated on, lied to, abused, and my children were far less provided for when we were with their dad, because of some issues he had. Another C-Mom posted about the success of her parents marriage after adultery and AFTER a long spearation. God can do all things and believe any marriage can be saved, but I don't think it's as easy as asking this particular mom in crisis to step it up a notch and do a better job, then again that's probably why I'm not married. :wink:

[SupermansLady]

I have been reading through all the posts on this thread again and want to let everyone know that I too have been encouraged by a lot of what I am seeing.
We as wives to our individual husbands have to deal with so many different issues. It may be infidelity, financial woes or simply a matter of when to have the step kids over. It's never going to be easy and no one answer is going to solve the problems we all have. They are all different. That is all part of God's plan in creating us each so differently, not so we would sin and make others unhappy, but so we would be able to teach each other new things sometimes.
I hate, hate, hate that some men go out and hurt their wives in this way. Whether it be physical or emotional infidelity, it hurts the same and the trust issues will always be there. But, I love, love, love the fact that we do all indeed serve a God of miracles! A God who loves us each unconditionally and is willing to forgive if only we ask. He is a God who works in us and through us and CAN change any one of us. Husband, wife, mother, father or child! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!
We never truly know what tomorrow holds, nor do we truly ever understand what those around us are dealing with and feeling. We have been given and opportunity to advice and pray for a sister in Christ who is going through something that some of us may have dealt with directly and some of us might not have ever experienced. I feel so blessed to know that I can come before the throne of grace and implore to Christ on her behalf and on behalf of her husband and unborn child.
I don't know really what I am trying to say...rambling more than anything...I just wanted to give thanks for true Christian sister hood and support and also to remind her that we are all trying to support her. Through prayer, advice and just being here when she needs to vent and cry.

[ChamomileFriend]

Granted I was never married but I think part of the letter this is disgustingly judgemental and frankly, ridiculous. I am that woman that stood up for not being cheated on, lied to, abused, and my children were far less provided for when we were with their dad, because of some issues he had. Another C-Mom posted about the success of her parents marriage after adultery and AFTER a long spearation. God can do all things and believe any marriage can be saved, but I don't think it's as easy as asking this particular mom in crisis to step it up a notch and do a better job, then again that's probably why I'm not married. :wink:

I didn't mean to offend anyone by posting that part of the letter (or any other part of the letter), which is part of the reason I mentioned that I hoped it did not sound too harsh.

I don't think that Debi Pearl was trying to judge single mothers in her letter, I think she was just trying to illustrate that it is usually much more difficult to be a single mother that most married women realize, especially if they are accustomed to staying home with their children, and that during a time of crisis in marriage, divorce might seem appealing but often the long-term consequences can be more emotionally and financially devestating than healing the marriage would be (although in the short term that can feel just as devestating).

Coming back from such an emotional issue could never be easy and is not really about suddenly turning into superwoman, but more about going out of your way to show your partner that you still love them in spite of their failure to be faithful and that you are willing to stick it out - I think that would have a more positive impact on the situation that a negative response to them would. It wouldn't be overnight, it might take months or longer to feel healing in the relationship, but it can happen.

Not every situation is the same and in some instances there might truly be a need to walk away, but I would still recommend trying to work things out over splitting up whenever possible.
My father came from a single parent household and so did dh, and although it is more than possible to raise wonderful children that way, niether of them wanted that kind of family set up for their own adult lives or for their children's lives.

You are a tough cookie, justmeNmine, I don't think I could do what you do [hug]

[justmeNmine]

Aww, thanks Chamomile; I didn't mean to take it so personally what was posted, but I guess I did :oops: I have realized since my first post in this thread that there is a fine line between being supportive of a woman who is struggling with issues such as these, and discouraging the healing of their marriage, and I will openly acknowledge the differences between her and my own expreience, but I just sympathize so much with the exhaustion of dealing with the issues at hand. At the same time, I do wonder if I could have tried harder, pushed harder for my kids' father's salvation, harder for marriage, but in the end, I do believe I made the right choice. I didn't ever close the door on him, still to this day, but he simply has not cared enough to hold up his end of the deal. If everytime you try to "step it up" show some more love, the man walks away, that leaves a crushing feeling in your chest (that I can still physically feel when I think about it) that when combined with pregnancy, financial insecurity, deception and lack of compassion could severly damage one's spirit. I like dth epost about preventing infedility by being all that an dmore, I can relate to that, but when the damage is already been done, I just don't think it's as easy as some high heeled shoes and makeup, and the rejection of the husband just walking away is more than most women could bear.

[4Angelz]

Last night I actually felt like I was starting to relax with him a little and open myself up to him and as soon as I did- he withdrew from me and started being cold and distant. Its like when I am trying to give love he takes his away and when I do not give love he does- so it makes showing him any love much more difficult.

Darling, what you need right now is grace. Pray that God strengthen you and fill your tank to be use grace with your husband. At this point you have to understand that you cannot do anything for him with the expectation of getting anything back. It's like the grace that God has for us. We are saved by the grace of God, not by our actions. No matter how much we mess up or disobey and betray the Lord... he forgives us and loves us... that is what grace is. It is one of the most difficult things for a human being to give. You will only find the strength to do so through the Lord's strength.

Putting you on my prayer list. :wink:

[owens_mommy]

Thank you for the continued prayers and support. Grace is something I ask for everyday, but like you said it is one of the most difficult things for a person to give.

My husband went back to work today after his suspension. I found out that part of the reason he was suspended was that she showed his boss a text message from him that said "Everyone already thinks we are screwing so we might as well." He says that he didn't send that message, that she must have done it somehow online. It was dated just a few weeks ago...after I caught him and this relationship was supposedly over. I want to believe him, but I'm not sure I should. It would just be so much easier to put all of this behind me and try to move on if I was sure I knew the entire truth and if it would stop coming up. I think that is the main thing that is making me hold back - that I'm not sure I believe everything he has told me. I just don't want to put in the effort to move on and have something else come about later that proves he was lying or that there was more to the relationship than he has told me. I would rather just know now and get it over with. I have explained this to him, but I know he keeps things from me to keep me from getting angry or upset...so I think its very likely that he is hiding something.

He continues to tell me that he really wants to make this up to me, but so far he hasn't done anything to show that to me. Although he did agree to go to the doctor to have a STD test. He says he didn't have any physical contact with her- but it will just put my mind at ease if he gets a clean bill of health. I keep having nightmares that my baby is born sick because of a disease.

Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

[pioneerchristianmomof3]

Sending you love and prayers, Jenn...I am praying that God gives you clear direction and a peace that He is with you! [hug] [loveflag] [prayer]

[ChamomileFriend]

Thinking of you owens_mommy, praying everything is alright.

[JRBL]

I've been wondering how you were too; drop us a note to update. ::hugs::

[owens_mommy]

Hi everyone, thanks for checking in. Things are going pretty good now. I think we are finally starting to make some progress in our relationship. We have less than 2 weeks until our due date- so I think we have put most of our focus on that for now. We did have a really good weekend with no arguing- so that is definitley a plus and I things have settled back down for him at work, so he has been in a better mood- I think the fear of losing his job was causing a lot of stress for him and putting him in a bad mood. He seems to be making an effort now- sometimes I still struggle with what he has done, but I think I am really starting to forgive him and move past this. I know that with time it will just continue to get better. I can really see God at work in our relationship and both our individual lives- I guess that is the one good thing that has come from this- it has brought both of us closer to Him and has made our marriage more focused on Him.

Thanks for your continued prayers and support.

[4Angelz]

Hi Jenn!

I was thinking of you too and wondering if maybe your baby was here. So glad to hear that things are looking up. Keeping you guys in my prayers. Keep your head up and your eyes on Him!

~Shannon :wink:

[Angela4]

I just now saw this (I've been away for a while) but I'm praying for you Jenn and your situation. {Hugs}

[Godzgirl]

Glad things are looking better. :D Praise the Lord for that! Will continue to pray for you and your dh.

[owens_mommy]

Well, just when I thought things were getting better...

this girl forwarded me an email that my husband had sent her. I pasted it below.
Ok this is the deal....I have a lot more on the line than you do....with me
> being married and etc.....so I need to be extra careful. I'll do anything
> you want to do. I am just surprised you would even talk to me or let me
> grab your ass without getting a law suit on my hands. Lets set some ground
> rules...when I am not at work be careful texting me because my free time is
> limited and Jennifer is always with me....my wife has me on lock down so bad
> it isn't even funny. I'll try to be careful here at work with you...if I
> can resist you......**** you are smoking. Whatever we talk about or do
> stays between us only deal? I guess I need to get you to train me some more
> on telecommunicating so I can sit in there with you. Call you soon. aw


The problem I have with this (other than the obvious) is that 1st it came from a secret email address that he set up. When this came out- I asked him if he had another email- he said no. Also, to me it implies he was willing to have sex if that is what she wanted- which he denied to me. And apparently he grabbed her rear- but he swore to me he never touched her.

When I confronted him with this yesterday- he admitted still stuck by his story that it was never physical- only a friendship. He swore that he had told me the truth about everything. Then later (after I kept questioning him) he told me that the night after all of this originally came out (he was staying with his parents) that he met her and they went out to dinner. He said it was to end everything and he swore nothing happened- but I don't believe him. He has told me all along that the night I caught him was when it ended between them and he didn't talk to her anymore- but now I find out that is a lie.

He swears he is a changed man and wants to start living his life for the Lord- putting God first and being a terrific husband and father- and he has shown me that lately- but now I don't know what to do with all this new information. Do I believe him and give him another chance or do I walk away?

Any advice?

[SupermansLady]

Honey, I just don't know what to say. I am praying/feeling for you so much right now. I know (from past experience) how bad it is to feel lied to and especially when you were just starting to get past something for it to come back up again.
Have you tried counseling together with a pastor or Christian yet? I don't remember from your past posts. But I feel that this is VERY important for both of you to talk this through with someone else as a mediator. Especially since you are so close to your due date and need no more undue stress on you.
Maybe, just maybe, this woman set up the email address herself and sent it to herself to get to you with? I have seen things like this happen before. Woman can be very vindictive when someone tries to let them go. My husbands ex tried all kinds of stuff to break us up and they had been apart for a long time before we got together. He may truly have cut ties to her but she isn't willing to let go and leave well enough alone. Don't panic yet, but do be careful.
I'll be praying for you want to remind you that all of us here love you and will support you no matter what happens. Many of us have been hurt in the past and had to make tough decisions to stay or leave. You are never alone when you come to us. We understand and will support you.

[RhysMom]

I am so sorry for everything that you are going through. [sorry] **HUGS** I cannot imagine being as far along as you are and having to deal with everything that you are. [pregnantside] The main thing that I can suggest is to pray pray pray! [amen] [amen] [amen] . I do think that you and your DH need to sit down and have a long talk. [chat] Have you considered marital counseling with your pastor or something?

I am not quite sure about my feelings toward the other woman in this situation. I do not agree with her allowing your DH to grab her rear. :twisted: She knows that he is married and off limits. On the other hand she is coming to you with this which means she knows that it is wrong. I know that your DH has broken your trust and that is a very hard thing to get back. You are in my prayers!

Sara

[owens_mommy]

The email was definitely his- he admitted to that. We have gone to a counselor- but now our insurance doesn't cover that same person- so we need to find a new one. I suggested talking to our pastor- but my husband doesn't really want to talk to him because he is ashamed. He also doesn't really want to talk about everything right now because I get extremely upset and my blood pressure sky rockets- and of course that isn't good for the baby. He wants us to go back to counseling after the baby is born.

This other woman isn't coming to me with this to be helpful- she is doing it for spite. She got fired from her job with him (for unrelated reasons) and has been stirring up trouble since trying to get him fired and threatening a lawsuit. She also was calling (or having someone else call) and harrassing me for a while after this all came out.

[JRBL]

Man... my heart sure aches for you, Ma-dear. All my prayers and hugs to you! Keep praying! ::hugs::

[RhysMom]

Oh Jenn I am so sorry. I thought she finally decided that her behavior was less then appropriate and wanted to try to change. I am going to ask a very point blank question. Do you love your husband? I truely believe that love conquors all. God is able to fix anything!!! PTL! Obviously the devil is at work in your marriage but with lots of prayer anything can be corrected! I am going to PM you.

[SupermansLady]

I suspected that she was being spiteful. PM me and I'll tell you a little more of what happened with my DH ex and the spite thing.

He is right not to want to get you more upset right now, but I don't think putting it off is going to help matters much. I get the feeling that the talks you've had in which your BP got high things got a bit nasty/confrontational? The best thing would be to talk things through and make him understand that he has to stop denying and start being honest if he wants to protect your health.

I'll be praying for you even more now. Not sure what you should do, but know getting on your knees (or as close as you can while pregnant) is the BEST thing for you, your baby and your husband right now.

[owens_mommy]

I do love my husband...very much. I just don't know if that is enough anymore. I also think he must not love me very much if he has done these thing to me. When this first came out and I made the decision to stay with him, my sister asked me "do you really love him that much, or do you just love yourself that little?" That is a question I have been battling with since then. I used to think that love could conquer all, now I am just not sure anymore.

Katie- our discussions about this haven't really been confrontational...I am just a very emotional person and that gets my BP up. I have told him in every way I can that he just needs to be honest- which is why he finally confessed to their "date" last night, but I am really starting to believe he is just a compulsive liar. He will lie to cover himself and to avoid hurting me- so I don't know if he has been completely truthful or not. He has done that several times over the course of our marriage and he always promises it won't happen again...but it always does. I just wish I could believe that it really is different this time

[RhysMom]

I do not believe that staying with your husband means that you have a very little amount of love for yourself. I believe that God can conquor anything and that His love is the most powerful love there is. I know that you are going through a ton right now. I really suggest not making a major decision until after the birth of your son. The timing on this is so bad although I do not think there is a good time to find out what you have. I hate to ask this question but is this the only woman or are there others? My concern is that for some men, especially when their wives are expecting they see some of their friends still living the bachelor life and they kind of miss it. Is it possible that he is acting out because he is scared of the live changing even that will happen in a week or so? A child is a major responsibility and I know that when I was PG my ex-husband spent a lot of time out with friends drinking and partying.

I have to be honest, I did make the decision to leave my husband because of his behavior when I was expecting. In NO way am I saying that I made the right decision. I do not believe in divorce but I also was afraid for my child because of my ex-husbands use of "recreational drugs." I can tell you from personal experience that being a single parent is extremely difficult and I could not imagine doing it with a newborn. Pray pray pray!!!! God has the perfect answer.

Sara

[pioneerchristianmomof3]

Awww Jenn, I'm so sorry you are facing this.[hug] I am praying for you.[prayer]

[owens_mommy]

to my knowledge, this is the only girl since we have been married. He has admitted to flirting and hugging women he works with- which also played a part in his being suspended for a few days recently. He swears that all of that is over too- that he doesn't even speak to women unless work related. I know his boss is watching him pretty closely now too- so I believe that.

I really know if this is related to the changes to come or not- but it doesn't have anything to do with his friends. All of his friends are married and faithful. We are actually the last of the group to start having children. It may be fear of the responsiblities to come- his brother actually did something similar right after their daughter was born and his dad cheated on his mom when she was pg with his older brother- maybe its genetic. But that still doesn't make it any easier.

[RhysMom]

I know it doesn't make it any easier. I am just trying to come up with different ideas as to his behavior.

[breezykc2]

I am not in your shoes....but I would walk away in a heartbeat for the sake of myself and my child. Some believe that you should work at it...you have. My personal view is that you are hurting your child's chances of a good solid view of marriage if your husband would continue to treat you as he does now with this...seeing your mother treated with a complete lack of respect in the future with his actions and you putting up with it, is not healthy in my opinion. (my view only, good luck in whatever you decide to do...)
I don't mean to push buttons throwing this out there...but he had the affair and a history of lying to you....this gives you the upper hand for the whole custody issue if you're worried about that.....
(Truly not trying to offend you with my comments)

[owens_mommy]

I am definitely not offended by your opinions- I have thought the same things myself...I am just having trouble making a decision about what to do. If things really are going to be different this time- I want to stay and I want my son to have a family...but if this is going to happen again- I don't want my son to be a part of that kind of life and go through a divorce later on when it will be harder on him. The problem is- I don't know what the future holds.

[breezykc2]

Ah, yes...for those "I can see the future" glasses to be invented! Your heart and hands are full for sure! I will be praying for wisdon, guidance, a clear peace in your heart about what you should do.....

[4Angelz]

Oh Jenn :cry: I hate to hear this latest. But I must say something that is on my heart. You know my situation and I can say that one thing that God clearly spoke to me in my trial is that love (Christlike love) is all about self-lessness. Fear of being repeatedly hurt, of how people look at a woman who stays with an adulterer, of the unknown, that contributes a lot to you wanting to turn tail and run. I'm not knocking anyone who does so, but truly search your heart and seek the Lord on this. One thing that we must remember is that God has made man and wife one. It's a hard pill to swallow, but we are not to put our children before our husband. It's God, dh, and then the child. I'm not saying that the Lord wants us to stay in a physically harmful place or keep our kids in such an environment. [whatthink] Hmmm... not sure I'm getting my point across. PM me if you want to talk more.

I'm just saying to be careful letting secular views and ideals influence your decision. About your dh not wanting to counsel with the pastor... I went to seek the pastor's counsel on my own and prayed for my dh. Also, do you have a means of obtaining a listing of Christian counselors in your area? He may want to use one of those. Pray that he not let guilt and shame paralyze him... he needs to feel the guilt, truly repent and grow past it in the Lord. Don't tell him this... just pray it. Saying it won't get you very far. Maybe a seperation is needed, but seek the Lord's will for your life and don't make any snap decisions because of how shamed you are. I know that even though it's the most irrational thing in the world... women cheated on feel shame. Pray for a clean heart... :cry: This is so hard. So sorry that you're going through this.

Oh yeah! When did he send her this email? Before or after she was fired? [pray] Praying so hard for you guys. :oops: Hope I didn't offend anyone with my strong convictions.

[breezykc2]

I must say this (not trying to offend anyone either) putting your husband before your child speaks of their wishes/decisions/desires...NOT their well-being.
Everyone keeps talking of selflessness and supporting your husband...I too hold to these truths...but it also commands a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church and that is what makes our commandment to support our husbands an acceptable task.....There submission and self-lessness and blind love...and then there is just getting your emotions and well-being tromped on.
I'm not looking to argue, just felt that I needed to say those couple of things....especially about the child's well-being landing behind your husband's...that just struck me wrong (and maybe I misunderstood what was being said exactly! Not trying to attack in anyway! Promise! We all have our own views and all support Owen's Mom no matter her ultimate choice!)

[owens_mommy]

3 Angelz-
The email was sent before she was fired- actually at the beginning of their relationship.
You are so right about the fear- that is the main thing holding me back. The fear of this happening again and that he is still lying to me. I am trying to give this all to God, so that I no longer have those fears. I am trying to trust that by putting him at the center of my life and my marriage that everything will work out.

breezykc2- I also agree with you- that you shouldn't put your husband before your child's well-being. But I think that a whole and happy home is the best for the child- I guess that is why I am struggling with my decision- because I truly want to believe that my husband is sincere when he says he is a changed man- and that is what we will be able to provide our son- a whole and happy home. Maybe I am being nieve and foolish to think that he really is a changed man and that he wants to do better...I just think that if I walk away, I will always wonder if it would have worked out if we had stayed together.

On a positive note, he has agreed to talk to our pastor and I think we are going to meet with him tonight. Also, yesterday and this morning I can already see a difference in him- so hopefully that change is permanent and things will continue to improve.

Thanks to everyone for the advice, prayers, encouragement and support. I am so blessed to have found this group of Christian moms to talk to- there aren't many people in my life who I can talk to without feeling judged or pressured by.

[breezykc2]

I'm so happy that he has agreed to talk to Godly counsel....now that he's willing to do that, it is worth working on and at least giving it a trial run for a few months! His unwillingness to do so before was a large factor in my view of it not being workable......many prayers!

[SupermansLady]

I too am glad to see that you may get to speak together with your pastor. I am praying for you and remember we are ALL here for you whenever you need us. No matter what happens.

[4Angelz]

[pray] Will keep praying for you guys! I know it's really hard when past happenings come to the light. Be encouraged! :wink:

[ChamomileFriend]

I will keep praying for you! I hope that the meeting with your pastor goes well.

[justmeNmine]

You know you are in my prayers and thoughts, despite the things I struggle with personally, I truly do hope the best for you.

[Mab]

May God touch your husband in a supernatural way. May He gentle touch his heart - and help him to change.
May God bless you with the husband you deserve, and give your son the father that he deserves.
May He bind your family with cords that cannot be broken, with His cords of Love.
May nothing separate you & your husband from the Love of God.

God is victorious. He can do ANYTHING. Speak blessing over your husband & marriage.
Place your trust in the Lord - for He is good.
He wants to see families together, and in love.
Take the gifts He offers you, and don't let the enemy steal from you or your son!

[pioneerchristianmomof3]

May God touch your husband in a supernatural way. May He gentle touch his heart - and help him to change.
May God bless you with the husband you deserve, and give your son the father that he deserves.
May He bind your family with cords that cannot be broken, with His cords of Love.
May nothing separate you & your husband from the Love of God.

God is victorious. He can do ANYTHING. Speak blessing over your husband & marriage.
Place your trust in the Lord - for He is good.
He wants to see families together, and in love.
Take the gifts He offers you, and don't let the enemy steal from you or your son!



[amenamen]

[owens_mommy]

Well, we met with our pastor last night and I think it went really well. My husband seemed really open to his suggestions and was not as defensive as he was when we were seeing a regular counselor. I think that talking to him really helped my husband see the things that he has done and my feelings in a new way...at least I hope so. The pastor suggested an accountability partner for my husband, and he agreed to find one...so that is reassuring.
I am still having a difficult time, of course. I had bad dreams all night about him and her, so that makes for a bad day...I have been pretty upset this morning. These thoughts about what has happened and what may have happened keep creeping into my mind...our pastor said that would happen...that satan is whispering these things in my ear...but to me it seems as if he is screaming, not whispering. Does anyone have any suggestions on redirecting thoughts? I try praying whenever this happens or thinking of scripture- but does anyone else have any other ideas?

[pioneerchristianmomof3]

Some good ideas that were given on another thread were...

To picture yourself handing dh to Jesus, and saying I can't deal with this so here you go...you do it.

And...

Put all your hurts into a bag and nail them to the cross.

Praying for you sweetie.[hug]

[SupermansLady]

I'm glad things went well for you. I'll continue to pray, especially that Satan leaves you alone.

Frankly, when DH and I are having a rough time, I just speak to Jesus and ask him to bind Satan from our presence. He has more power than Satan ever could...so I know in my heart that Jesus can protect both of us from Satan and his influences. This has really seemed to help us a lot lately.

Another thing that I haven't done but know someone who has is annointing your doorposts with oil in the name of Jesus. Some might thing it's a bit in the extreme, but I think that anything that you do in Jesus name with true faith of his protection, will keep Satan and his forces away from you.

Remember we wage a war against Satan and his demonic powers, not just flesh and blood. So, use the power Jesus gives us as believers and cast him from your presence.

[owens_mommy]

Opinions please...

Do you ladies think that I should do what I can to find out more info about this situtation and investigate to see if I can find out if my husband has been hiding or lying about anything else...or should I just leave it alone?

He is upset with me because I have been trying to "dig up" information by talking to people and looking online, etc.... I say if there is nothing to hide, it shouldn't bother him...he says I am just stirring things up and making things worse.

What do you think?

[Cheeseburger]

Opinions please...

Do you ladies think that I should do what I can to find out more info about this situtation and investigate to see if I can find out if my husband has been hiding or lying about anything else...or should I just leave it alone?

He is upset with me because I have been trying to "dig up" information by talking to people and looking online, etc.... I say if there is nothing to hide, it shouldn't bother him...he says I am just stirring things up and making things worse.

What do you think?

I would just leave it alone and concentrate on being a godly wife, submissive & with a quiet spirit. I know that isn't easy when you are in your situation.

I don't want to offend you but this is what I am thinking -

The only thing finding out more would do is cause confrontation and arguments, especially because you are snooping. THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU WANT, unless you are looking for reasons to divorce him for his adultery. If you really wage the war in the spiritual plane and get on your knees, eventually your godly behavior will heap coals of ashes on his head and if anything is happening, he will break down and confess and beg your (and God's) forgiveness. That is the goal, right? It might take awhile though.

But I really can't see how snooping is going to 1) come across as submissive, or 2) do anything but cause arguments.

Try to ask God to help you treat your husband as absolutely trustworthy even if he is not. You could pray God puts it in your DH's heart to be trustworthy, as well. Praying for you!

[JRBL]

I agree with letting it go... handing this (your DH and problems over to God is leaving it alone and acting as if it didn't happen... or at least trying your best to leave it alone. It's hard but, it's the only way your relationship will heal.

Also, I read from a PP that we are waging a war against satan... and actually, we have already won, our victory is already insured... thus we have the ability to actually REBUKE satan from our presence, then it's our own fault when he comes whispering back to us, this happens by us entertaining thoughts we shouldn't.

I think you should try verbally REBUKING satan, "I rebuke you satan in the name of my Lord Jesus Christ!" My eyes water just thinking of this... I have had cause to do this many a time over the last four years and let me just say that God wasn't lying when He said that we have the ability to rebuke satan.

It's up to YOU to rebuke him, and turn away from those thoughts and feelings. IF you truly forgive your husband, then you need to leave those situations behind you, as easy as that is for me to say and as hard as it is for you to actually DO, you have to try. Just imagine putting the shoes on your feet... think from his perspective... if he is actually turning over a new leaf and really trying, then bringing it up and looking for evidence or reasons of his past actions would only renew the sin and the guilt he may feel.

The Bible says we are to forgive 70 times 7; I would think especially of those we love. I struggle with this myself, (forgiving those I love), so I am preaching at myself here as much as I am you. I think everyone is guilty of holding a grudge or not forgiving when they should; everyone, not just you and me.

I think about you and your situation so much. I hope and pray that God will help you and your husband have a renewed relationship and love for one another, as ONLY GOD can do!!! Praying for you, my dear sister in Christ!

[owens_mommy]

Ladies, thanks for your honest opinions and for pointing out to me that snooping is not being productive and working toward restoring our marriage. I have been trying to justify to myself that it is ok, but I know that it isn't. You are right- it will only lead to more arguments. I just pray that if there are anymore lies or secrets that God will make them known to me. I am praying for courage for my husband to tell me the truth.

I am also really struggling with my attitude towards my husband, so please pray for me that I will have a more postive, loving attitude towards him even though it is very difficult at the moment.

[4Angelz]

[pray]

[ChamomileFriend]

[prayer]

[gamommyto4girls]

Just wanted to send hugs your way. I will be praying for your family. I feel badly that you have so much to deal with at such an important time in your life. Unfortunately I am in a similiar situation. I've been posting on the "off topic" board (see marital boundaries thread if interested). I feel your pain. As the mother of 3 (almost 4) I can say that the love that you will feel towards your child... believe this is your first.... will touch you in a powerful way. I hope that whatever the outcome of your marital situation that the Lord will richly bless your motherhood and your child.

Blessings,
Beth

[owens_mommy]

PLEASE HELP

Well today I found out more lies. I found out that their relationship was continuing as recently as December when she was fired- not to the extreme it was before but they were still talking. Also, when he was suspended from work- he told me part of the reason was because of a text message that said "let's make the rumours true, lets go ahead and f*&%." He told me that she faked the text message and showed it to his boss to get him fired- he confessed today that he really sent it. This was in December- the affair was supposedly over at the end of October.

I also found out that he has had a relationship with another woman at work- she is also married. Their relationship has not gone as far- but they have emailed back and forth things like "I will miss you" and "Love you baby" and his emails also talk about going to get a hug from her. This was also part of his reason for suspension and she was written up for it too.

Well, we really had it out over this. Sunday night, we talked and he swore to me on our baby's life that he was being 100% honest and that everything was out in the open and that he was not going to tell anymore lies, and then today I found out that he has still been lying. I told him that I want a divorce and that I want him to leave. At first he refused and begged me for another chance and then he got angry, threw his chap stick across the room at me and left. That is where I am now. I don't know where he is, I am just dreading his return. Please help.

[SupermansLady]

I am praying for you now. I know this is a hard decision for you, no matter what happens later. I pray that God gives you the strength you need to endure whatever happens, whether you welcome him back and try to move on or if you chose to let him go and move on just you and your son.

I think that it would be wise of you to call your pastor or someone who can give you Godly counsel right now to pray with you. If you can be with someone supportive of you right now, be it family or church, I think that is what is best. I'm not talking supportive in that they encourage you one way or another, but supportive in that they will pray and hold you while you cry.

I'll be working until 5 central time, but will have my screen up with C-moms until I leave, so feel free to pm anytime. I can drop my work to chat or whatever you need. we love you and want you to know that Jesus is your Deliverer and he will be the Lover of your soul right now as you need him.

[ChamomileFriend]

Oh honey, I wish I knew the perfect thing to say right now. I am so sorry you found out he was lying again.:cry: Did he come to you and confess the new info or did you find out another way?

Is the pastor you went to for the counselling session with available now? Maybe you can talk to him or someone else you are close to, I don't think you should be alone IRL if you don't have to be, the stress is not good for you or the baby. We are here for you [hug]

I just received this article in a newsletter, maybe it will offer some hope - it is about a husband who reconciled with his wife after she had an affair and left home - http://www.crosswalk.com/marriage/11530496/page1/

[pioneerchristianmomof3]

I'm so sorry sweetie! :cry: No advice, just love and prayers. I wish I could physically give you a hug...but via cyber space will have to do. Do you have anyone who could be with you for support right now? [hug][loveflag][prayer]

[breezykc2]

If you're worried about his anger, make sure that you and your baby are safe first off! I stand behind you and IMO I think you did the right thing....the lying doesn't seem to end. Praying for your resolve, strength, safety, and smooth transition--stand your ground and cling to God, he'll give you the strength to face each day and the wisdom to make necessary decisions.

[owens_mommy]

I found out the truth another way and then he confirmed it.

He has come back home now and is out walking the dogs right now...but I don't know what to do. I want so badly to believe that he is being completely truthful and that this time really will be different- but I don't know what to believe. Please just continue to pray for me and my baby. Thanks for all the love and prayers.

[JRBL]

I just don't even know what to say, but I'm praying.......

[4Angelz]

[pray]

[owens_mommy]

Hi everyone- I just wanted to give an update. I called and confronted the 2nd woman yesterday. She said that her and my husband are just friends and that she is happily married. I told her I didn't appreciate the communication that they had been having and that if she had any respect for me and my marriage she would steer clear of my husband. Then her husband called me because she was upset and crying to him about it- when I explained the things said in the email between his wife and my husband, he was not very happy (apparently he was in the dark too) and he confronted my husband and his wife's boss about the situation. My husband got called to go into work early this morning for a talk- we thought he was going to be fired...thankfully he was not- just written up again- he has 1 more chance. Since we both work for county government, his boss is going to talk to my boss about the situation. Luckily she has been very understanding about this and I have already told her what has been going on. I haven't dealt with any of this stuff while at work (except for emails between me and my husband) so she told me not to worry about it- still it is just embarassing.

I still don't know what to do...I am seriously considering ending our marriage. I am so worried that if I stay that this kind of thing will just continue. Also, last night he came at me as if he was going to put his hands around my neck. He never did- but it scared me to see him so angry and for him to lash out at me like that. But if I do end it, I am very worried about the finances, especially since I will not be working soon because of the baby.

Please continue to pray for me and my decisions and for my baby's protection and health.

[SupermansLady]

You know I'm praying. I'm here anytime.

[breezykc2]

IMO only...if you're worried about him possibly losing it and hurting you...you need to worry about him hurting your child, especially a newborn that can stress any new parent......be very careful!

[4Angelz]

[pray] I think about you guys everyday. I just prayed for you again and for baby and dh too. I'm praying your protection too and that the Lord allow you to see His Will for you clearly and give you the courage to follow through.

[RhysMom]

I am praying for you and for this situation. [amen] All I ask is to please be careful because you have a Little Angel [angelwithlittleangelbanner] that you must take care of. The amount of stress that you are under cannot be good for the child. Is there someone that you could stay with for a while? A parent or sibling? Maybe just getting out of the house and a cooling down period would be good. I understand that you are mad and hurt and to be frank feeling a lot of emotions all at once. It was the same way for me when I went through my divorce. While I am not advocating one I do know where you are coming from. I was so exhausted at the end of the day from fighting with my ex-husband that it was difficult to properly take care of my daughter because I didn't have the patience and understanding to deal with such a small child. I made it through but only with God's help. I know that He is here for you and will take care of you and your dear child! PM me if you need anything!

Sara

[ChamomileFriend]

I am praying for you and for this situation. [amen] All I ask is to please be careful because you have a Little Angel [angelwithlittleangelbanner] that you must take care of. The amount of stress that you are under cannot be good for the child. Is there someone that you could stay with for a while? A parent or sibling? Maybe just getting out of the house and a cooling down period would be good. I understand that you are mad and hurt and to be frank feeling a lot of emotions all at once.

I agree with this, you do not have to decide what to do about your marriage right this very second, especially while there are so many feelings going thru both you and dh. Maybe some time apart would help you to feel safer and let you both calm down a bit as the stress at work plus the stress at home (even if he brought it on himself) seems to be taking a toll on your dh and is not good for you if he cannot control it. If dh is willing, you should still go to the pastor together for counseling and maybe have "dates" during the week to remind each other what made you want to be married in the beginning, or if/how you can rebuild.

[Timmys mom]

Praying that God gives you wisdom about what to do.

[RhysMom]

How are you doing? I know that you are really close to being due so I am wondering if you have had your amazing gift from God yet? Keep us posted. We want to see pics!

[4Angelz]

Hey Jenn! We are all thinking of you. You're probably enjoying your new baby now :D [baby] Let us know how things are going! Praying for you.

[ChamomileFriend]

Praying you and Owen are doing well!

[owens_mommy]

Hi Everyone. Owen has arrived. He was born on March 1st at 11:34 pm. He was 6 lbs 9 oz and 19 1/2 inches. He is the most beautiful boy I have ever seen. The delivery was not too bad. We had a little scare about his health and had to stay a few extra days in the hospital. After many, many tests they have determined that he is ok...he just has a low resting heart rate and a little bit of reflux...PTL.

My husband and I are doing ok...we have been so occupied with the baby that we haven't really had time to deal with our situation, but we are getting along ok for now. He seems to be really changed. I know this baby has made a difference for him and I know that he blamed himself for the possible health problems. He has really been trying to make things up to me and to the baby. I am not ready to let things go yet...but hopefully I will get there.

I know that the stress I was under caused me to go into labor (up until that day I was not effaced or dialated yet and they were planning induction) but I guess God knew that we needed a bundle of joy at that moment to help our situation. I think this new life is really making a difference in both of us.

I will keep you guys posted.

[SupermansLady]

Thank you so much for letting us know you and Owen are okay! I'm so happy for you! I know he is just precious!

I'll continue praying for all of you, but for now, don't worry, just focus on that precious little boy!

Lots of love and congratulations!

[4HisGlory]

So glad you and Owen are ok. Will continue to pray for your family.

[breezykc2]

Continued prayers! Congratulations on your little bundle! Just take one moment at a time and don't let the other stressers steal your joy of every magical moment with your first born son! Soak up your joy in his happy little face and know that whatever comes your way in the future journey, you are holding the only that thing that truly matters in your arms!
Congrats!
Bree

[pioneerchristianmomof3]

Hi Jenn, So glad to hear Owen has arrived safely. I will continue to pray that things keep improving! [hug]

[mlm4ncsu]

Congratulations on your baby boy! God's timing IS perfect. I have just recently read about all you've been going through....my prayers are with you.

[ChamomileFriend]

I am so glad to hear Owen is ok and that things between you and dh are improving. I will keep praying!

Congratulations!!!!

[Reneemomto5]

Congratulations on the birth of Owen!!! Prayers for you and your new growing family.

[4Angelz]

[balloons] [baby] Congrats!!! I'm so happy to hear Owen and you are healthy! Concentrate on the blessings for now! Hey, my dd had the exact same stats as Owen... coinkydink. Anywho... you get some rest and take care of that precious little boy :D

[love2bmom]

Congrats sweetie... !!!

[mama bronc]

Congratulations on your little man! Enjoy every minute of this time, it goes SOOOO fast.

[JRBL]

Congrats, Momma!!! Hugs and prayers going out to you!

[Godzgirl]

Congrats!!!