preteen/teen survival thread

[gen]

[welcomesign]

Im starting this thread for those times when you find being a mom of teen/preteen/s a little bit challenging. Its not a place to rail on about how terrible our children are bc I dont think they are. Its just the I struggle, just like they do, with responding to the changing attitudes and all the challenging stuff that comes with raging hormones, and a child who isnt really a child anymore but really isnt an adult yet.

I must admit that I find myself biting and retorting, almost just as snarkily, snitty as the attitude Im trying to rebuke!! This has been my biggest challenge lately. Tbh, it reveals more about me then it does about them, imho, and I am sorely challenged in my OWN attitudes towards my kids.

Im looking forward to hearing what other mums have to say, how they handle the challenges. I look forward to be challenged myself! I NEED to be! But how do I maintain my authority as mum, and humbly challenge them and teach them about their attitude, their vision, how they see things, appreciate things?

I think part of this is simply going to be a learning curve to me. Its hit me like a freight train tho. I must admit.

[gen]

We've had some long chats the last few days. I find that at the moment I have to keep re-establishing boundaries, authority and such. I explained that me and dad are both quite relaxed. Be both like to have fun and be silly and we like it that way, it makes our home a fun place to be. On the other hand there are naturally times when we will equally need to be industrious, busy and get things done. There is no room for back chat or arguing when those times come round. Im not a structured sort of person. For us, life doesnt allow for us to be as structured as we'd all like things to be, so we all have to have an attitude that is just as cheerful about doing the chores, and such, as it is about having fun and sweets and chill out time. I also had to explain, reexplain, that I am not the kind of mom a child can push around, manipulate and when I say something must be done, there's no way they can wiggle their way out of it. So there is one in particular who has often, from an early age, been a challenge in the wingy, whiny 'I dont want to do anything I dont want to do' department. Its this one I find I have to be more stern with. I find that being stern and not ever giving in has been helpful. I also go out of my way to explain things to her, the 'why' I need things to be this way. She seems to respond to that, where the other two respond to a deep voice and a 'look'.

Funny thing, this morning my almost 9yo son asked for a fruit. Of coarse I said yes. Went over to where he was peeling his orange and he was hiding something. He did this 'cute' (or so he thought) thing where he pretended it was just silly that he snuck a sweet from the sweet box. I might have said he could have a sweet if he'd have just asked and not snuck it, but he sneeked it. So he thought it was cute and funny and I took it off him and he tried to laugh it off, and I watched his countenance change from that 'cheeky chappy' face to one that slowly went to the 'I now understand Ive done something I shouldnt have done' (with half an orange in his mouth) while I stared him down with that look that says 'I dont find it funny at all, what are YOU laughing at'. I held back the giggle pretty well until he left and I turned around to smile at his uncomfortable, squirmy face.

After our 'chat' and my Absolute Sterness yesterday, we could do our housework this morning without any complaining whatsoever. The one who gives me the hardest time, did the BEST job! She's my girl.

[JRBL]

Great idea Gen. I'm not *quite* there yet... but my eight year old is *quickly* coming up on puberty (I was 10 when I started to go through the changes of puberty) and that blows my mind~ I'll enjoy coming here to see what stories you ladies have to share! :)

[gen]

At the moment we're doing great. We have moments where I do want to pull my hair out but I got to keep in mind that they are still young, still learning the ropes and cant be expected to know it all now.

One thing that drives me nuts [whatwacko] is that one of my preteens is kind of absent minded and easily distracted. Like for example. It was her night to do the dishes, which ALWAYS takes a LONG time. Well, tonight she had to go upstairs to put some socks on before she started. She went upstairs with perfectly clean hands. She came back down with mismatched socks, a new pair of pants on and .... black fingers. She was up there for absolutely ages as well. I did shout her down but she either didnt hear me, most likely, or she ignored me, not likely at all for her. So, she starts washing her hands over the sink of clean water for the dishes... with the wash cloth she intends to use to was the dishes with. I say 'Julie, what is that on your hands?'

She says: 'uuuummmm... uuuhh, I ..think, iiiits mmmm'

'JULIE! What is it?'

*think.think.think*

I know exactly what it is: 'Its ink isnt it? you were upstairs that whole time faffing with a marker werent you...'

Yes she was! She did manage to get the dishes done in record time... for her. I havent checked yet mind you.

Thats my Julie. She's a hard worker, she loves to be helpful. When we were all ill this weekend, I wasnt ill but the kids were, I was snuffly but she was helping out, getting tissue for everyone and just bouncing around.

They bicker and argue a LOT. There are constant squabbles. It drives me [whatwacko] NUTS! And I dont know what to do about it. I stress loving each other, saying sorry, forgiving. I also stress that I expect them to work together. Sometimes punishment will be to do a chore together... without arguing... then without talking at all... It becomes fun actually.

I was having problems with getting them to do chores, but a few months of [whatfurious][whatfurious][whatfurious][rules][rules][rules][soapbox][soapbox][soapbox]

everything is going swimmingly [cheerful]

























for now...:twisted:

[gen]

I wanted to say something in this thread but forgot what it was now...


I should say Im getting better. I dont want to pull my hair out even remotely nearly as often as I did... back in march of last year. Its been a learning curve. We've been doing well.

Im still like this [whatscratchinghead] sometimes when they do something really silly, but my girls are growing up...

I think its just as hard on the mums as it is on the kids. I have wrestled with not wanting to let them grow up too fast: ie peer/media influenced vs letting them naturally 'grow' into young women. They are growing physically in some ways, but still like to play with little girl things like polly pockets and baby dolls, dress up... Im beginning to wonder what could they possibly get 'into' when they grow out of that! The possibilities are [whateww]... scary.

See, I was encouraged to have boyfriends from the age of five :???:. And that is something Im trying to take a different track with my girls. They are 10 and will be in secondary school next year and we often discuss what is expected of them as far as boyfriends is concerned. I talk to them about courting, and what it is, and about how they wont need to commit themselves to a boyfriend even tho their friends/classmates will very likely be 'into' ALL that sort of thing and more....

you want to hear about a conversation I was eavesdropping on the other day?

Well, Ill tell ya... I was walking, on my way to pick my kids from school and there were a group of three girls. They were having a strange, giggly discussion, looked about 12/13 yrs old. They were talking about the sizes of some kids' bert. You know what a bert is dont you? A willie, wiener... penis. One girl held up two fingers with a space and said 'He's like only 12 and he's that big'. They saw someone was coming up behind them, giggled and walked faster. I just prayed for my girls... and my son for that matter, he's 9.

I have no doubt my girls wouldnt entertain such friends, but they will be exposed to it and they may be taunted or bullied for not taking part in such conversation. Ive not sugar coated anything, Im pretty blunt with them about what the world is like out there, I dont want them to be surprised, but hearing from me and then experiencing it may still be a shock to the system...

[flagsurrender]

I know the Lord will guide us thru. I just want my kids to walk thru adolescence with their faith in tact, strengthened! We read the word together every day before bed and talk about God all the time. Ive seen their faith grow actually.

anyway... there's that.

[SupermansLady]

You know...I haven't reached this full swing with any of our kids yet. Cody, Tanner & Megan were already in the midst when I came along and their respective mothers have had to deal with this stuff head on.

BUT...I know personality that I have, my background, just circumstances in MY life...if I had girls...well...they'd all be in convents or behind locked rooms never to be out in public until they were oh...um...75 or so. Lol.

Boys and Girls have the same pressures in lots of ways...but really...the fear of the emotional stuff I've been through happening to my kids...oh boy!!!

Praying for you Gen...and for you other mothers too! It's tough!