Ok, what would you think/feel...if this happened in your home?
You hire a babysitter to watch your three children. Your youngest, who is 2.5 years old is biting. He bites his older sister several times and bites the babysitter too. The babysitter unsure what to do, bites your child back, twice.

Do you view this as wrong?



Personally I think it is crossing the boundary of a babysitter. This happened to a friend of mine and she is not totally phased by it. What do you think?

Hi
well, some people do believe that you must "bite" back so the child can know how it feels - and in that way, stops doing so.

I don't believe that myself. When my child was at the biting age (around 2 1/2 years old too - come to think of it) We would talk firmly to her about it - explain that it is not nice, and so forth.
I would tell her that children don't bite, and we don't bite people (just our food)
Sometimes I may "joke" about it - and say - where you that hungry - and here is an apple to eat - or something like that.
When Nemo came out - we used that "Bruis saying " fish are friends not food" - we would say "People are friends not food" or something like that.
She never thought it was funny, but after a few times of that, she never bit anyone again.
It is a phase children go through though, their way of expressing themselves - and some dissatisfation. I guess - teaching the child a better way to express themselves would be the ulitmate solution (unfortunatley, i was not THAT wise with my first child) but we some how did manage to get past it.

All the best!

Wow. I used to babysit quite a bit, and I would NEVER have done something like that.

How old is the babysitter? If the babysitter was young they may have just been overwhelmed because they've never dealt with something like that before, and did it without thinking.

If the babysitter doesn't know what else to do, perhaps they should have separated the children (to prevent more bites) and called the parents for input. I would be mad if a babysitter even spanked my kids without calling me and explaining the situation and getting my permission first.

I dunno, I just think there are a lot of other ways to deal with it... "biting them back" wouldn't be the first thing on my list, especially if it isn't even my kid!!

Usually the first thing on my list as a babysitter was time-out, or for older kids, appropriate cleaning action (such as wiping down baseboards). If things really got out of hand I would call their parents and ask what to do.

I think it was really out of line, anyhow.

yah - not OK. It'd be like the babysitter spanking my kid. I can do that but not someone else. A little scary that that was the reaction- seems to me that a mature person would have had a store house of ideas on how to handle that rather than a reactionary response. I would think that this person wasn't ready to be left alone with and in charge of kids.

How sever did the baby sitter bite back? was it just "feel my mouth" or did it give leave a mark?
When I leave my child with a baby-sitter / creche teacher etc - i expect them to take action if my child misbehaves - else the child will think they can do what ever they like - but i will like a full explaination on it - and it must be reasonable!
that way - when my child tells me she got a wack on the bottom (not too hard obviously) from so-en-so -> i can question her view (with knowing what really happened) and lead my child to understand why she got what was due - how to behave next time to avoid it. but then, that does not work with a 2 year old.
Remember, a person 'in charge' must be able to take "action" if order is to be kept, else the child won't care to behave properly.
But in the end - you are there, you know your children - and the baby sitter -> do what YOU feel is appropiate! (every circumstance is different, and there is "disipline" and there is "abuse" - only the parents involved can be the judge

I just think there are certain things a babysitter CANNOT do, this is definitly one of them!

The babysitter is in her 30's and told me that she did this without a second thought, until I said "I don't think you should have bit the kid back". She said the first time was not hard, the second time it made the kid cry. I thought it was wrong too, so did my DH. Then again, I have been known to over-react. I would never allow a sitter to spank my children. I would rather come home from where ever I am if my kids are acting up that much to need a spanking.
Thanks for the advice. I did let the sitter know, she is never allowed to bit my kids!!

I just think there are certain things a babysitter CANNOT do, this is definitly one of them!

ditto

I agree that you should NEVER harm another person's child like that. On that note, my daycare provider who I trust a lot is allowed to spank my child on the hand for reaching for something that could harm her or to give her a quick swat with two fingers on the mouth for backtalking. Those are things that I feel should be dealt with in a quick manner. If she were ever to bite my child I would have some serious concerns!

Sara

I agree that is just a no-no. :?

Hard enough to make the child cry??????? For a 2 1/2 year old that had to be pretty hard. I think that was WAY out of line. A woman in her 30s should have had many other sensible ideas. Also I think she should have asked the parents if there were ant problems she might have to deal with while they were gone and what their manner of discipline was. If anyone did that to one of my kids I would be SO MAD!! And I am strict with my kids. :evil:

This would be a major no-no in my book...as a mom and as a social service professional. There are many other options available, especially for that age of a child who is probably going through a phase where they're testing out the "teethe thing".....

Well, I had a talking to with the babysitter and told her that really was innappropriate. She really feels horrible now. She didn't even think it through really. The three kids she was watching (not mine), are real handfuls and the youngest one, 2.5 is really a brat, IMO...but regardless, I too think it was wrong for her to bite.
She said she felt she didn't know what to do, since he didn't listen to her and he kept biting his siblings. Anyway, she realizes it was wrong and actually told me she has cried for two days over it!!
Thanks for all your advice, help...I do feel bad for her now, since I think I came down on her a hard.

poor lady- maybe sitting just isn't where she belongs- it's not that she aweful just maybe not in the right place in her life to be responsible for other people's children.

:shock: :shock: :shock: :shock: WOW! I would have been upset and wondered if she had done anything else she hadn't told me about.

If I had given her prior permission to do so then that would have been one thing and yes my ds went through a biting phase and the only way we finally broke him was when MIL bite him back (she babysat him) but I knew she wouldn't do it so bad that he would cry, just bad enough to get his attention. I don't think I would want someone else doing that to my child.

I would pray for God's will in this situation. Maybe God will lead a new sitter to you.

Stephanie :D

Yeah, definitely seems a little off, though I don't use the "bite them back" technique. When I do watch other people's children, relatives or not, I do let the parents know that I plan to discipline their child the same as I do my own. For biting, a light tap on the little mouth seems to work for me... When I have anyone watch my children, I tell them how I handle different challenging behaviors and ask that they use the same methods. I also find out what teh abbysitter or daycare center does for discipline ahead of time.

I ran a dayhome for 13 years...and I can say that I feel that what the sitter did was WRONG. If a person chooses to take care of children, they must conduct themselves in a proffesional manner. I would NEVER bite a child back...even if the mom told me to. I found with children this age, removing them is best. I would tell the child something like...if you can't be nice to your siblings, you can't play with them. Children this age are very social, and not being able to play with the other kids will be a good motivator. If the child is removed everytime he bites...he should stop. :D

I think it's okay if prior permission was given. "This is how we are dealing with the biting issue." That didn't happen as I understand it, so was possibly uncalled for. It's an interesting issue though because growing up, my mom always gave our babysitters blanket permission to spank us if needed. We hated that LOL. But anyway, now with two kids, I've never told any of their sitters that, but at the same time, it's never been needed. Were my brother and I that much worse than my boys are? LOL I think that telling our sitters how they are expected to discipline is key.

WOW, yeah, that's crossing a line for me! However, the sad thing is that she learned it from somewhere!! I wonder what her parents are like?

Our current sitter - I have her over to the house once a week or so and she watches the children while I am there so I can catch up with my WAHM stuff. I found this to be very helpful in training her. When situations came up, at first I modeled what I wanted to be done, then the next time I let her handle it, but monitored her (from adjacent room), and corrected her right away if she did something. I never told her she was wrong. I simply said such and such is how we do it in our home/family. I also made sure she knew the rules and limits, so the kids weren't getting away with too much. I feel very comfortable leaving her here with them.

Like any job, I believe in training and communication of rules and expectations, sometimes I get a little overboard, but in this case, I'd rather be safe than sorry.

I definitely agree that communication is key here. This is also why we haven't had a babysitter as yet; we just don't trust ANYONE to watch our kids, with the exception of our parents, and even then... I dunno... it depends... :oops:

I guess we just have this gut feeling that while they are little like this, and can't communicate what happens to them, it's our responsibility alone to watch them; this is mostly my feeling here. My husband is okay with leaving them with family as much as we can get away with but, I am just NOT comfortable with that. [whatblah]

I am one of those mom's who would rather not have a life outside of my kids, [whistle] and know that *I* am the one watching, caring and nurturing them. I am very obsessive compulsive about this. Not that I think hiring a sitter is wrong... it's just wrong for me... [OKOK]

So, to sum up :roll: ; what she did was wrong, but I think it was because there was lack of communication... a sitter needs to know their boundaries, no matter what that person's age. They need to know what's expected of *them*; every person is different, and ever family has different rules, and expectations of discipline. Poor lady, I'm sure she feels horrible now but, maybe it will cause her to think harder before "reacting"? [crwy]

Great subject, this is an important issue! [OKOK] [OK]

I agree with what so many here have said, it does cross the line! I wouldn't want anyone to bite my child back!! She would be a sitter that I would never use again. I would also let my friends know what she did so they would at least be aware of it.