Oh how stressed am I getting! James is still not taking the breast after nearly 6 weeks! He did get the hang of it when we were in hospital after lots and lots of trouble and breastfed for about 3 days after we left hospital but then just started to refuse it and chomp really hard! So hard that I bled and started to get almost holes in my nipple! OUCH!

So I have been expressing for 5 weeks straight now and feeding him via small tube in a bottle with the other end of tube running down my finger into his mouth so that he will learn to suck. He sucks perfectly and with tounge underneath (no tounge tie). I have seen a lactation consultant and have been told that I am doing everything perfectly (offering breast perfectly, tickling mouth, no flat nipple, correct technique...) but it just doesn't seem to be working. He just fusses as soon as I get the breast in and then bites down hard. Sometimes he takes the breast but just bites it and doesn't get anything and then start fussing again.

I am really at my wits end now. I somehow have been managing to remain quite calm when trying to nurse him (as I know our mood/body language can rub off on them) but am getting so stressed out that I am crying right now just writing about it. I am almost ready to give up and just express full time. I really really don't want to do this. I want to have that amazing experience and loving relationship of nursing. I want my baby to be comforted by me. I want to be able to calm him down when he is upset by placing him on the breast. He doesn't even clam down to my voice. I am worried about our bonding. Gee no-one ever tells you it can be this hard. I read what all of you have been saying about the bonding and beautiful relationships you have with your children via BFing about how they are comforted etc by being close to mum. I so want that so badly.

Thankfully I have amazing support in my husband. I don't think I am getting post-natal depression or anything. Most of the time I am happy but this feeding thing is really just starting to take it's toll on me and I don't know if I can keep it up much longer (trying to BF that is).

Please please ladies I really need your prayers here. From all the lactation consultants have said I just have to keep trying and MAYBE one day he will just take it. MAYBE. I really feel like it is going to have to be a God miracle for it to happen.

My first was really hard, Allison. I cracked, bled and was so sore the first three months... and every time she would get near my breast she didn't want to suck because of the condition of my breast. Ugh. It was so trying. So horrible. I wasn't about to formula feed as I was living with my mom and dad and mom told me right from the get-go, "I'm not buying you formula... it's breast or nothing." Little tough love... but with no option, I stuck it out and it was really worth it. Those three months dragggeeeed by and I'd say it was another month before she *REALLY* fully accepted me. I didn't ever pump and supplement her, I just let her be hungry and she would SURE ENOUGH take me when she got hungry enough. I'm not talking LONG waits like a full day.... but maybe *a* feeding. It was hard, really hard... and like you, we lacked a bond... but once we got through that... our bond grew VERY quickly.

Try keeping him close to you constantly. Do you have a moby wrap? Some kind of close carrier? You can wear him skin to skin and stimulate his want to nurse. Co-sleeping is very important, in my humble opinion, for breast feeding. Everything I have read says that babies need that skin-to-skin to stimulate the need to nurse, and help you form a bond. If you are giving him another option other than YOU, he will want that because it's easier... the flow starts sooner, he doesn't have to "work" for it. The breast has to be stimulated and "let down", whereas bottles are "ready and waiting".

I sure feel for ya gal. I know right now you feel like giving up, throwing in the towel and just not doing this. If breastfeeding is what you *really* want to do, then don't give up... stick with it just a little longer. I wish I could give you a big hug, gal~ I'm sure the other BFing moms will have much better advice than me~ ::hugs-hugs and more hugs::

Aww, what a cutie. I am sorry you are having such a hard time with Bf. I sure will pray for you and hope you will be able to. Please do not worry about your bonding, you will be able to bond and comfort your baby with or without Bf and babies cry and are sometimes inconsolable even when you can nurse. That is totally normal. Can you pump all your milk first and run the tube against you instead of your finger? Maybe he could get used to you then? And it might be good to pump a little and let your milk come in before you try to nurse. Sometimes the force of your milk coming in is really strong. We met with a feeding specialist at the children's hospital I forget what they are called, but she was very helpful. She said to make sure he is laying on his side so that any extra milk can run out the corner of his mouth. Wait a little bit so that he is hungry. Sorry I am not much help. I have been there with the pumping and unable to nurse a little one it was disappointing, but I learned to snuggle her and calm her other ways and you adapt. [heart] Hugs he is beautiful!

I had the same exact problem with Payton, the lactation consultant could find nothing wrong with what I was doing, he just wouldn't do it, flat out refused. I ended up expressing and feeding him via bottle for 3 months then it just got to be to much and I switched to formula full time. I was a lot less stressed and a lot happier, I have no regrets about doing that, it was best for me and for him. I also want to say we are perfectly bonded, I know in my heart that I didn't miss out on any special bonding. I am also the first person he wants when he is hurt or sick and I can provide comfort for him even without the breast. I'm not saying to just give up but don't be to hard on yourself if it doesn't work out, you will not miss out on any bonding nor are you a bad or any less of a mother for not being able to breastfeed.

Hang in there, sending up prayers for you! [praying]

Praying for you, Allison.
Take heart that it took me AT LEAST 6 weeks of agony before BF started to show any signs of success for me. I was in SO much pain (cracked, raw, bleeding nipples) and even pumped a bunch of blood once! It was awful and so stressful.

But, if you have your heart set on BF, I would keep trying for a few more weeks. Have you tried some of the soothing pads and lansinol (sp?) for in between feedings? I had to use those things for months in between feedings. After a few more weeks, if there is no sign of improvement you can still bond with James. Many mamas are so close with their little ones even after formula feeding from birth.

Your doing great! Your still at it after 6 weeks of pain!

((hugs)) i know how hard it can be , really praying for you xx

Keep pressing on! I really really feel for ya but you're doing such an awesome thing by being so motivated to keep breast feeding. You have such a great attitude considering how stressful a baby not nursing well can be.
I would maybe talk to another lactation consultant to see if they can offer any different advice. Also, do you have any really close friends or family members that you'd feel comfortable asking to help you? I know there was one of my mom's really close friends that came over and literally spent hours with me just looking at the baby and looking at me and patiently helping me. It was such a blessing.

I'm praying for you big time!

Will be praying about this. S and I had a hard time getting the right latch and ultimately it wasn't until he grew a bit that it became less painful - he latched well enough to get milk from me, but he had a little bit of an underbite so his bottom jaw always left me purple and so raw. When his mouth grew (well he grew all over, really) then he could latch on better and it finally didn't hurt anymore.
Do you put your finger in his mouth with your nipple so he can't gum your breasts as badly? Feeling the finger, which he is used to already, might also remind him he is supposed to be sucking, not chomping. If you can get in touch with a different lactation consultant, I would try to, it sounds like the ones you have spoken to so far were not that helpful.

Something I did was put the little feeding tube on my clothing so ohe was close to my breast .my memory escapes me as to how to do it exactly but it helped a lot and your Lactation consultant can help you with that I am sure. I think we deal with so much guilt over not breastfeeding but you are doing a great job! Don't see it as a failure on your part if you do decide to give him formula! Different things work for different people!
I pray though it will click soon for you both~

I had a terrible time with my first ds. He "looked" like he was doing a good job, but he chewed all the time. I think part of it was that I was really engorged at first and he just quit trying. A couple things REALLY helped.

1.) Put lanolin on your nursing pads so it stays against you all the time. I love the Johnson and Johnson brand. They are really soft and the have a little sticky spot so they don't slide around in your bra. WalMart sells them.

2.) Target sells a silicone nipple shield that was WONDERFUL!!! It is a thin flexible shield that is shaped like your nipple only larger and longer. It just sticks right to your skin and it makes it much easier for them to latch on. It goes farther back in their mouth so they are more likely to suck instead of chew. I used it with all my kids until their mouths got bigger and they had an easier time.

My ds was very impatient and if the milk didn't let down immediately he would bite. It helped to sit down with him, then massage my breast until the mil let down, then latch him on. He was too busy eating to bite then. Hope this helps. You aren't alone, and you aren't doing anything wrong. BF can be a major job and if you decide to go to formula don't feel bad. Your child is going to love you anyway! He is really little still and hasn't had much time to adjust to this big new world. It won't be long until he will really start connecting with you. Hang in there, you're doing a great job!

One more thing, I know if I hold my dd closer to me she is less likely to bite, but if I'm not holding her up against me pretty tightly she will jerk her head around and bite. She's 4 1/2 mo.

My first also had SUCH a hard time bf. it took around 4 months for us to actually get it. Do whatever you need to do, there is no shame in formula or bottles. you need your sanity also. I agree with what was said, have you tried the SNS system where the tube is ran down your breast so he is on your breast with the milk coming in from the tube and you? We did the "finger feedings" for a over a month as well and I remember this point where I just couldn't do it anymore for my own sanity. We still worked at the breast but did both breast and bottles. Have you tried a nipple shield? It will feel more like a finger while he is transitioning plus it protects your nipple a bit. If it is worth it to you stick it out, if not don't feel shame. Also bonding will come, one day somthing will happen and you will be fully bonded. I can't remember what it was with my first but I can still remember the feeling of looking down at my ds and feeling completly bonded. Also have hope! My ds was SO much work to bf, and my dd has been a dream with only the first week of sore boobs! I think it is easier the 2nd time around.

I had a hard time too. It is hard to believe that something that is supposed to be sooooooo natural can be so hard, but it can be. I would try the skin to skin contact, snuggle before and after and even try to squirt some of the milk in his mouth and on his lips and see if that encourages him. It is true, bf takes more work on their part too and if they think there is an easier way, they will try to hold out. It happended with us when I had to bottle feed when I got sick. My dh looked at me and said why don't you just give up and give him the bottle, and I said no he just wants the easy way. Plus he drank way to much on the bottle and would scream for more when it was empty.

Good Luck!

I have no advice for you about the actual BF and you've gotten some really good advice from others it sounds. Just wanted to agree, though, with others' comments about the bonding concerns you have. As I was reading through this thread, my almost 3 year old son came and sat between me and the computer so he could give me kisses. HOW does this relate? Well, he is adopted so we did not get to experience breastfeeding. Not having anything to compare our bond to, I do believe we have a very good, very strong bond. He has been home for over a year and a half now, and we did many other things to facilitate attachment and bonding.

I really admire the women here who will stick out BF for so long when it doesn't go well in the beginning! I am not sure I could!! :oops: I guess we will see if we have a biological child...

But I have read some of others' experiences with BF and it seems that some babies just do not want to BF maybe? I'm not AT ALL saying that your baby is one of these. No way, of course, that I could know that... just saying that if it was me, I am not sure at what point I would feel this was the case and go ahead and switch to a bottle. It sounds like you do really want to try to stick it out at least for a little while longer, and I hope that the suggestions others have offered are helpful for you.

hang in there be strong i know it's frustrating cause i did give up with my 1st baby. but the difficulties of finding the right formula was just as frustrating. BIG HUGS TO YOU