Help! My daughter is failing 6th grade!

[DianaLynn]

I am at a complete loss for how to handle this situation. She has been struggling off and on for years now with math. The past two summers she has had tutoring and excelled with it, but once she gets back in school she struggles again. Now this year she is failing reading and language arts, her strongest subjects. She has never had lower than a B in these classes. The reason she is failing is complete refusal to do the work. In reading it is only a matter of filling out 3 comments a day on a reading log, Monday thru Friday. She is doing the reading, but not the log. There was a period of about 3 weeks where she did it and then she quit again. I dont know why she is failing language arts. Other than goofing off and not getting her work done. Her science grade went down to a D from a B and she has a second math class that is designed to give her extra help with a smaller class and she has a D in this also.

I have tried taking privledges away from her until her grades improve, she could care less. I have tried praising her when she does well. I have told her where her life could lead if she fails school and where it could lead if she passes. She flat out said she doesnt care if she works at a gas station for a living. I was floored! As I type this I realize it is a total heart issue. I dont know how to change her heart, if it is even possible. I have also tried standing over her every move to make sure she gets all homework done and she stays after school 2 days a week to get extra one on one help. She either lies and says she has no homework or she does it half heartedly just to get it done. I have 5 children, she is the oldest and I cannot stand over her every move. I feel like she should be held responsible for her actions, yet feel it is my fault for not doing more.

I am feeling very defeated. Does anyone have any words of insight?

[photomomma6]

I have a couple questions.
1. Does she have chores around the house that she gets paid for?
2. Have you instilled a work ethic that includes the vs. that says "Whatever you do in word or deed do it as unto the Lord"?
My kids KNOW that it's important to work hard and do all they can to improve their performance, whether it be in school or out. Yes, they do complain at times, but I always tell them another verse "do everything without complaining or arguing." It's so important to instill in them a good work ethic right from the start. If it doesn't get into their heart that Christ is pleased with a good effort, then they'll have no reason to work hard. I'm just wondering where she is spiritually? Is she having a daily quiet time to see what the Lord wants from her? Could you start a devotional time WITH her, and guide her in it to see what God wants in her life, and how to act? There are just so many questions that I can't put them all here. But you need to also look at what model she's seen for her behavior. I'd talk to a pastor or pastor's wife, maybe someone she looks up to, and explain what's going on, and if they could help. maybe some counseling? Hope this helps, and it's not meant to discourage!
God bless

[Donna B.]

My heart goes out to you. I know the defeating feeling that you are experiencing. Perservere, and Pray! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!

I have a 6th grader too. I also have 4 kids, and don't have time to hover over him to make sure things are done. My DS had a time this trimester where he had 4 outstanding assignments that were late. ONce I found out about them...via the internet we can log in to see what their grades, and assignments are....I ground him from his most prized privelage...Electronics. Since this was over Thanksgiving Break...this was torture...for both of us. This was motivation for him to complete his work, and to stay on top of his other assignments. So I wonder what would motivate your daughter? What is it that she would rather do?
I have motivation problems with my 3rd grader too....where he wouldn't bring home his homework, saying that he did it at school, or he forgot it. I think his theory was that if he didn't bring any home he could just play more....So I made him do homework anyway. WE printed off practice math sheets from online, we practiced writing...I required that he do 30minutes of homework a day regardless- and I called the teacher, and we set up a plan that all math homework, and journals needed a parent signature on them or he couldn't turn them in. So then he HAD to bring them home. That was really helpful. Then I also went to the school, and stood by while he organzied his desk, and set up a system where he could remember what homework to bring home. He has a take home folder that all his work goes into that needs to be brought home. Perhaps evaluate her organziation and help her develop a system that works for her if she doesn't have one in place.


Those are just some of the ideas we've been working with here... I'll pray for you.

[davidsmommy]

[crossheld] Hold on to Jesus.

[prayer]

[pioneerchristianmomof3]

I have tried taking privledges away from her until her grades improve, she could care less. I have tried praising her when she does well. I have told her where her life could lead if she fails school and where it could lead if she passes. She flat out said she doesnt care if she works at a gas station for a living.

My first question would be is this a pattern in all areas? For example, has she stopped doing things she loves? Has she stopped talking to her friends?

These could be signs of another problem. She may be having trouble with a bully. My dd was having severe problems with bullies in 4th grade which caused her to withdraw and she went from staight A's to failing. Have you talked to the teachers to get their take on the situation?
Loss of interest in things, failing grades and withdrawl can also be symptoms of medical problems.(I know from my own experiances with my dd)

I will pray that the Lord gives you clarity and direction in what is happening with your dd!

[DianaLynn]

Wow! You all gave me great advice and I take it all to heart. I appreciate your prayers and advice greatly! Thanks!

[Dede]

Some thing we do is natural consequences, like the others were saying,

This is an A lifestyle.....$$, privileges, friends, special outings, things like that....

This is a B lifestyle....so on......Be very specific

Then as the grades come up so do the privleges.

It also helps to relize it not high school and this is the perfect time to learn, I have heard from alot of friends middle school age is the hardest, and its a great time for them to make mistakes, because theirs plenty of time for them to correct them....before it matters for college....also at that age the future is soooooo far off they could care less, so that usually doesn't matter to them....and for kids making any money-is more than they get now and doesn't seem so bad....and you also don't want them to judge people by what they do for a living, like they aren't as good, it could be that's what they enjoy and are great people (I know that's not what you meant, but kids don't always know what we mean, just what we say)......anyway.....good luck, I know how hard it is, been there, try to focus on the big picture.....will be praying for you....dd

[stephwhiz]

Praying that things will improve! Stephanie :D

[Donna B.]

It also helps to relize it not high school and this is the perfect time to learn, I have heard from alot of friends middle school age is the hardest, and its a great time for them to make mistakes, because theirs plenty of time for them to correct them....before it matters for college

Dede, I TOTALLY agree with this sentence, and it has helped me to keep prespective, it has also helped me not to run homework left at home to school to save his little behind [whatnaughty] ...Oh! but it absolutely KILLS me to see an assignment lay on the table all day when I know that it will be considered "late"..which wil result in an automatic "C" no matter how good the work was. I have to keep telling myself "he has to learn the consequences now before high school"

[DianaLynn]

It also helps to relize it not high school and this is the perfect time to learn, I have heard from alot of friends middle school age is the hardest, and its a great time for them to make mistakes, because theirs plenty of time for them to correct them....before it matters for college

Wow that is a great revelation! I guess I can consider this a training ground. Not that it isnt important, but like you said it isnt high school. I hope she at least ends up passing 6th grade! Thanks ladies!