Any courtship parents

[JeanineAnne]

out here that has already walked through this?

Something has come up this past weekend that might bring us to our first courtship request and was hoping for some insight. Praise God the boy involved comes from a family similar to ours and has the same belief system.

Anywho, anyone out there that has already been down this road? I'm not sure there is, but thought I'd ask. You can pm me if ya don't mind me asking some questions :) thanks!!

[Reneemomto5]

Awww praying Jeanine. Our family is getting there rather quickly, oldest soon to be yikes 17. Not sure if I'm allowed to say *"I'm afraid* we are getting there rather quickly" or not lol. I'm just thinking its one of those times we (me, hubs and child) will just have to deal with it on the fly so to speak, is there really any preparing for that??? A lot of talking and communication on all parts/aspects between all parties involved. Just another wonderful season in the life of us parents that with the first I'm sure we will remember the most vividly maybe. But most definitely learn the most from.

hugs and prayers my friend this news just really touched me. hugs and prayers

[JeanineAnne]

But most definitely learn the most from

Amen for that Renee!

[gamommyto4girls]

We're not there yet either, but have begun to lay a foundation with our older girls (13 and almost 12). Many of their friends have gotten entangled in pre-mature romantic relationships already and blessedly they've seen the drama that has created in their friends lives. We've been reading and talking about it, but it's so wonderful to be harvesting a bit of fruit. They are now sharing books like "Before You Meet Prince Charming" with their friends.

I'll be praying for you Jeanine, please do keep us posted.

[JRBL]

I know loosely about this concept... but would love to learn/hear more! I love the idea of our children knowing at a young age that dating isn't for "fun". Can ya lay it out for me? :)

[PianoMama]

I gotta say, whatever you decide on, start talking about it YOUNG. This concept was forced upon me around age 17 or so. No discussion, no involvement, nothing. "Here. Read this book. This is what we're doing." The book was I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Josh Harris.

Of course this was right before I left for college...12 hours away. Not good. I through the courtship stuff out the window.

As you may be able to tell, this was the hardest period of my life. I strongly believed that God would bring the right guy along and that He would reveal to me who it was. I didn't see how my parents needed to be involved in my decision to marry. They wouldn't talk to the guys I dated, etc, etc. It was horrible.

If you have questions, I'll answer them plainly, how I saw it. I still wrestle with what we'll do with our kids. I can say that I will make our house available and open to all my kids friends. It will be welcoming at any time. It will be a place where they feel safe and where their friends want to hang out.

Somehow, I want to trust my kids too. I know that can differ with young man and young ladies. Do you trust your daughter to go out bowling with a group of her friends? What if she's never given you reason not to trust her? Lots could happen between leaving your house to go bowling and coming home. But, there has to be some level of trust. My parents never trusted me. Never. Still hurts.

Anyway, sorry for the book. Just hit a nerve. Not against courtship I don't think. Just be very intentional and thoughtful on how you approach it. :-)

[JeanineAnne]

Kate, not to be offensive or anything but courtship has nothing to do with not trusting.

Our family has prayed about our children's spouses since they knew how to talk. We, as a family unit, believe that the sole purpose of dating is to find a mate. During our daughter's purity weekend, she had to make a list (after lots of prayer) of what she felt her and God agreed upon in a guy. If the guy doesn't make the list, it is a non-issue. So far, up until last weekend, no guy has come close to the list. This doesn't mean he is "the one" by any stretch of the imagination.

Our daughter goes on lots of group outings, with boys present, without us at times. The thing with courtship, is once a young gentlemen as come to us and expressed an interest in getting to know our daughter, their relationship is monitored. Never alone, limit the amount of "private" conversations. Then if both families and both children believe that this relationship has a marriage possiblity, this involves prayer on all sides-then they move their relationship into a more boyfriend/girlfriend situation. Now, they move from only being together with family, to being allowed group dates. Never alone.

I will say, courtship only works today with probably both families practicing. Our daughter's view is actually a bit stronger then ours on this. She takes her list and her dreams and desires very seriously. But we did start young. She looks at her friends who talk about a different guy each week and is disgusted.

There are much better authors than Josh Harris, not that he isn't good. Purity is something to strive for. When our daughter's friends try to give her grief about courtship her statement is quite simple: "Courtship isn't restricting, it is freeing. It allows me to be myself all the time and not be so consumed with who might like me this week. I don't have to put on a show."

Truthfully, or at least in my opinion, courtship makes dating a family affair. Everyone is involved. It helps develop healthy relationships and hinders devestating behaviors. It needs to be done as a joint effort between parents & child. It must be embraced by all. Courtship is not a restriction.

Anywho, that is the jist of it. There is more or less depending on how your family decides to handle it. The most important thing is to make those decisions BEFORE they are a reality. Our daughter made her list before she ever once was interested in a boy, so when she met this guy this past weekend, her first instinct was to check her list (which, he did the same....lol....so we will see what happens, his mother called to see if we could all meet at our church potluck this weekend). Now, we will see what happens after having lunch with our families. He should, if he is interested, ask us permission to spend time with Raegan with our families present so we can all get to know one another. If he isn't, they become just friends and there is no more wondering and questioning.

I know I have made this sound pretty cut and dry. It isn't. The key is open communication and a good, healthy relationship with your child. For us, courtship helps foster that in just another aspect of our children's lives.

[momof3now]

We are very interested in courtship for our children. Thank you for walking through the process as I had NO clue!! LOL