Hi again ladies,

Ok here is my dilema. I am going to have Dh in the delivery room with me (duh!) and am allowed one other person. I know my mum would love to be there and would consider it an honour. I also think it's kinda what she expects to happen although we haven't actually talked about it. Now don't get me wrong - I totally love my mum and am quite close to her.

Problem is - she isn't a christian. This sounds a bit weird to just say that thats the problem but the thing is Dh and I want the birth experience to be centred around God with Him being our (my) strength and we want to be praying etc throughout. If you read my other post you will see I am praying for Supernatural childbirth (or as close as possible). I stupidly (forgetting that non-believers don't understand about God's amazing power) mentioned it to mum months ago when I was first pregnant and her and my sister who has just had her second baby thought I was nuts. They have been saying things ever since then such as:

"ohhhh you are not going to know what hit you!!"
"just you wait..."
"Man you are gonna have such a hard time with it!"
"it's going to be so long and hard for you as it's your first..."
"It's going to be so funny to see what you think afterwards!!"
also just look at me - look at each other and stifle a knowing smile...

ETC

Anyway - I just don't need this kind of talk around me KWIM? Yes I am not naive and know that most woman experience pain and I know that first births can be longer... But not always. Why does it have to be the worst case scenario for us? Who says we will have the longest hardest birth rather than be one of those who have it easy?

Ok so sorry this is just getting me annoyed at the moment as the time is getting close and they seem to be increasing their comments. Also sister just had her baby last week and did it "with only gas" and is considered a hero by the family now and there is a bit of joking going on that I will end up being knocked out I wont be able to stand the pain...

So what do I do about Mum being in the delivery room? She wants to be there I know that and expects it. I would love to have her there too. I just don't think it will be in any way helpful to have someone there who is thinking like this and being negative! I know she will be encouraging during the birth "come on you can do it" etc but just knowing what she's been saying up til now and what she is obviously thinking will I think damage my ability to keep my mind on God and not worry that she thinks I'm nuts...

What do you guys think? Sorry this was long...

It is so encouraging to see the way you are preparing mentally for the big day. Making deliberate choices before hand can dramatically change the potential outcomes of your birthing experience.
When clients (I'm a doula) ask about this I ask them straight up what are the issues between new parents (esp mom) and said person. I always say when planning for a non-medical (by that I mean not your typical hook me up to the iv, give me the epi in the parking lot) birth, it is of utmost importance to surround yourself with like-minded people. Circle the wagons and protect your mental and physical space.

As I'm sure you've been reading - a mom's physical space- comfortable and familiar, free of unnecessary distractions, strangers, bright lights etc is very important in mom's ability to allow herself to labour well/unhindered. People bring in attitudes and ideas that may be helpful or not so helpful. It might be invited guests (ie: mother dearest) or nurses or doctors. You always have the right to change your mind or ask them to leave. Yes you can ask for a new nurse for example.

Anyways all that to say- pray on it. But it sounds like you know the answer all ready. Maybe a compromise would be to allow her to come in within two-three hours of birth.??
d:)

PMed you, Allison, hun! :)

Maybe you could have her come just for the pushing part and she could encourage you there and still be part of the birth. Praying you feel peace in what you decide.

You know...it is TOTALLY up to you guys! Every person is different!....different births included!

I had BOTH my Mom and MIL in there with my DH...my choice, we are all very close though....1. You never know how YOU will react in labor until you get there your first time! I am a talker usually, so I NEVER would have expected it...but I was the type in the delivery room that had a goal/mission and couldn't stand to be talked to/touched/messed with at all from about 5 cm's through delivery! So having the support for each OTHER was good in MY case....they could hold each other's hands instead of mine! ;-) I just needed total focus and to do my 'work' without interruption or noise from myself or others, I even told the nurses to only speak if medically necessary, no 'encouraging' words! 2. Don't be afraid to change your mind at the moment...tell them up front, this is my goal, but I've never done this before, so if I change my mind and don't want people in there, please understand...it's nothing personal, I just don't know how I will feel until I am 'in' the situation..........and quite honestly, when you get to Hard Labor and are pushing, you could care less who is THERE, you just want that baby out! LOL...you may not even be totally aware of what's going on around you you'll be so focused....that is how it was for me, so having others there to 'relive' what happened at the birth, was kind of nice too...I was just too intent on the task at hand to take in everything else!

Don't worry about the 'impending doom' phrases...hey, my labor was longer at the beginning with my first....but totally tolerable without any pain meds/epidurals....then I went from a 6 to 10 and pushed three times and delivered in under 45 minutes! It can go fast too, first or not! Every person is different.....

If she makes you uncomfortable or feel negative, then it would probably be best to have her come up after the birth.

I personally couldn't stomach the thought of having anyone other than my husband and midwife or midwives at my birth. As wonderful as our mothers are, they come with their own hangups about birth, such as my mom saying, "I'm nervous about you having a homebirth, because I hemorrhaged after having you," and I just felt more comfortable laboring in privacy.

Of course, as Breezy said, it is very individual. But the bottom line is, you know what atmosphere you want to have at your birth and thus, you can make decisions on who to have there with that final goal in mind.

GL!

Funny thing, I just told Rachel the other day...I don't feel like I have to be in with you. If you'd like me to then I will but don't feel like your obligated to have me in the room. I'D LOVE TO BE THERE BUT IT'S HER MOMENT
Just explain to mom how you feel she'll be fine. If not then when she see the baby she'll forget about it :-D Praying for you

Alison, as the other girls have said, it's totally up to you and your dh. You, in particular, are the one who needs to feel comfortable, and have your needs met at the time of the birth - physical and emotional.

My mum and I are really, really close. Always have been. However, the only person I wanted with me (apart from the ob. and midwife), was dh. It was our moment. Our baby. The moment we became parents. For me, it was such a personal thing, and to be honest, I just didn't want to share it with anyone else except dh. He was so wonderful!

However, I've also had a couple of friends who had either their mum, or mil, or both with them. I've even had friends who had both mum and dad in there! All I can say is pray about it, talk to your dh about it, and go from there *hugs*

didn't read all the posts, but I was very against having anyone other than dh in the room. it was a VERY special time between us and such a wonderful moment. I would not have done it any other way. If you decide to say no to your Mom, it will only be the first of many time you'll have to explain why you and your dh have decided something for your child. ((hugs))