I am full of shame and embarassment. I am frustrated and angry and feel myself in a downward spiral.
I have a toddler (almost 3) son who doesn't listen, receives repeated numerous time-outs or spankings and there is no change in behaviour. He doesn't obey requests and I am ashamed to say only listens when I yell (and often saying things I shouldn't say). I hate this because I see hurt in his little eyes and I know I'm not modelling appropriate self-control. He runs away from me in the store. Sleeping the night in his bed is a distant memory (a bad habit I created- another long story) falling asleep on his own more frequently happens.

Before I had kids I was on the firm to hard-arse section of the parenting continuum. Spanking when needed, make it (desired behaviour or absence of behaviour) happen through consistency and force if need be. (I agonised over creating "good sleep habits" with my baby and was blessed with an easy going good sleeper. I've sinced relaxed on baby sleep methods but haven't transistioned well from baby to toddler hood.) I've never been comfortable on the "spank for every offence" camp yet never completely comfortable with the attachment-type camp who say "let's talk about why you need to listen to mommy or not bite your sister." I guess I fall in the middle somewhere and in the past months have fallen into bad habits of inconsistency and over-permissiveness.

I want to be the firm and fair yet fun parent. Just like I was as a teacher- short reigns early on, well known and clear boundaries eventually allowing everybody to relax and enjoy each other in safety and security. I know strong effective leadership makes for happy followers.

I notice when is tired (he's napping on and off) he becomes deaf- literally can not hear my voice. For example today, I wanted him to nap because he was showing signs of tiredness (ear pulling, tired eyes, zone out). I prepped him for nap- diaper change, pep talk- ok when we have a nap we stay in bed, close our eyes, relax and let the sleep come... read a quick story had a quick snuggle and left the room. Like I said he's not napping consistently- but looked like a nap was coming. Well he got out of bed and farted around- I redirected and put him back in bed, reminded him to stay in bed or read. He quietly "played" in his room for 45min. (If it were quiet time, this wouldn't be a problem- but I was certain he needed a nap) I finally let him out after him not even going to sleep in my bed (1.5 hours in total between the two) Now he hasn't napped- only had quiet time. I have to do shopping and chiro appointment starting at 3. It's going to be pandemonium by 4- 4:30. Let's not even talk about what supper will be like.

I'm pulling my hair out here girls. I don't know what to do... what I am doing is not working. Words of advice, critique or encouragement greatly appreciated.
d:)

Go back to your roots. You said you had it before, you've just strayed. Well, get back to it.

He only responds when you yell because he has been retrained to wait for that. Remember...give 'em an inch, they take a mile. He's been taking that mile and then some lately, thus increasing your screaming. Now you're seeing it and it's getting on your nerves..but you can't just snap your fingers and get it back. You are going to have to retrain him. Retrain yourself. Yep, that means Get Off Your Butt ;) (I say again, not my coined term, but I like it)

I've been there too girl, I know how you're feeling. I really do. And I also know it is HARD to get it back. But it CAN be done. Be committed, be consistent, be deliberate, be persistent.

I know what you mean about waffling between hard-arsed and overly permissive. I spend a lot of time there myself. Well, not so much 'overly' permissive, but, compared to my previous parenting standards, yes. Anywho, I too, struggle to find that balance. I hit it once in a while then I let down my guard or something goes awry and, well, here we go again. KWIM?

I can't offer much help for today, only encouragement for tomorrow. You CAN get things back in line D. Just put forth the effort, don't take any flack. You gotta think hard-arse for a bit, rein things back in.

You said he's napping on and off. He may need a better sleep schedule. How much is he sleeping at night? Is he getting consistent hours of sleep within a 24 hour period? Does he sleep in in the mornings (this may account for not always napping?)

Is he not napping because of any diet issues? Is he getting too much sugar or caffeine that may be keeping him up?

I don't give my kids other options other than nap because they will take advantage of them. Katherine is 3 and still sleeps in a crib LOL! They sleep when it's naptime. They get either a small cup of milk or water, tucked in and it's lights out, no toys no books, because if they do have something then they won't sleep and life is horrible later. They aren't old enough to make an appropriate decision about whether they can deal with staying up and reading or not, so I make the decision for them. I think 2 years old is pretty young to be giving the option of reading, etc. Katherine can make herself stay up from a nap, it's happened before, but then she falls apart by dinner time. Once she fell asleep with her face in her food because she hadn't napped. That's what happens when I give her options. Not that I never let her make choices, she's just not old enough to make responsible choices about sleeping yet.

Parenting is easier all around when the kids have gotten appropriate sleep. If we get off track I make sleeping schedules priority #1 to get back on or there won't be any sanity left for the rest of parenting. lol

Go back to your roots. You said you had it before, you've just strayed. Well, get back to it.

He only responds when you yell because he has been retrained to wait for that. Remember...give 'em an inch, they take a mile. He's been taking that mile and then some lately, thus increasing your screaming. Now you're seeing it and it's getting on your nerves..but you can't just snap your fingers and get it back. You are going to have to retrain him. Retrain yourself. Yep, that means Get Off Your Butt ;) (I say again, not my coined term, but I like it)

I've been there too girl, I know how you're feeling. I really do. And I also know it is HARD to get it back. But it CAN be done. Be committed, be consistent, be deliberate, be persistent.

I know what you mean about waffling between hard-arsed and overly permissive. I spend a lot of time there myself. Well, not so much 'overly' permissive, but, compared to my previous parenting standards, yes. Anywho, I too, struggle to find that balance. I hit it once in a while then I let down my guard or something goes awry and, well, here we go again. KWIM?

I can't offer much help for today, only encouragement for tomorrow. You CAN get things back in line D. Just put forth the effort, don't take any flack. You gotta think hard-arse for a bit, rein things back in.

OKay... just wanted to totally ditto everything she just said there. Yup. Every word. *I've been there* and can totally relate, too. Big hugs gal~

I don't know if your problems are the same as mine, but if so, I'll just share what is working with me.

I found that my daughter was acting out to get my attention--because I was distracted and computer addicted. When I shut the computer off and spent time with her, her behavior became tons better. She acts at least 10 times worse when I don't pay attention to her. She needs a mama--not a computer addict. Doing things with her like playing on the swings, playing with her dollhouse, etc. is IMO, an important part of discipline. I have to get after her a lot less when I'm investing in her and spending time with her.

Just wanted to give you a hug! No advice here! Praying you will know God's peace, strength and wisdom!

Dittoing what Tara said too. I have 4 kids, 7,5,3,and 3 mo. One more thing, at that age it is important , I think, to give direct commands. For example, at nap time, take him to bed, put him in bed, say "
It is time to sleep. You stay in bed and lay down." Make sure you have eye contact and have him repeat back what he is supposed to do. That way if he doesn't do it, you KNOW it isn't because he didn't hear you, it's because he is disobeying. If he gets up, put him back in bad with a direct warning, "Mommy said to stay in bed and lay down." If it happens again then a spanking, on the leg, not the diaper(if he still wears diapers:-D) and back in bed. It can be exhausting and may take several entire afternoons, doing nothing but disciplining him, but he will get it and you will have a more peaceful life. I try to avoid saying "we", "please", or "okay?" when I'm telling the kids to do something. For instance, if I say, "we need to stay in bed and go to sleep", than my kiddo sees me up and walking around, he thinks "mommy's not sleeping so I don't have to either" but if you tell him "YOU are going to sleep" he'll get it. :-D
I also agree with what Ruth said about making sure he's getting positive attention, not just negative. Kids will do anything to get attention, even if it's punishment. Try to make sure he's getting some special one on one time with you every day, where you are paying attention just to him.
Wow, this got longer than I intended.:mrgreen: You are definately not alone! Somedays are absolute chaos around here, but when I'm honest, it's usually becuse I'm letting things slip. 2 1/2 -3 is definately a testing age, but hang in there, and remember YOU ARE THE MOM!!!!![clapping]

I'm reading a good book now: Don't Make Me Count To Three. Maybe you would find it helpful? It's about disciplining Biblically, but with the heart.

I don't have any more advice to add other than a couple of books that I recently read that have really helped me. One is "When you feel like Screaming" by Pat Holt and Dr Grace Ketterman and the other is "Getting the best out of your kids before they get the best out of you" by Dr Kevin Leman.