Discipline

[justmeNmine]

I just have question for you ladies regarding when spanking is called for... Generally speaking, my son (almost 3) is pretty well-behaved. When he acts innappropriately, I have a spot for him to sit in for 2 minutes and so on and so forth. It usually does the trick. There are times, however, that he refuses the punishment by jumping up from the spot, screaming, throwing things, etc. I try to calmly put him back, but I usually end up losing my cool and spanking him and screaming myself. I feel it is okay to spank at times, but I end up feeling guilty, wondering if I spanked him because of his behavior or because of how I felt. I realize I'm rambling and will try to narrow it down: How do you discern between spanking to discipline and spanking out of anger and frustration?

[jwright]

My boys are 7 and almost 4. When my 7 yr. old was younger he got more spankings than he gets now (rare for him to get them now). I found what worked best for me was if I got upset/mad that I would just send them to their room. They would have to be in their room and I would take that time to calm myself down and decide on punishment. If it was spanking then I was able to go in their room, talk with them about why they were going to be spanked and then do it in a calm manner (not when I was upset). We usually reserve spanking for serious misbehaviors. Losing a privilege works best for my 7 yr. old but my 4 yr. old doesn't understand that yet.

I've seen Supper Nanny do the time out spot and it will sometimes take an hour or longer with the parent continually taking the child back to the time out spot.

Janell

[JoyLynn]

I completely agree with Janell about sending kids to their rooms when you're angry until you're calm, and then talking with them before the spanking. We spanked for the more serious issues and for disrespect when the kids were little. That looked like one quick swat on the behind when they said something disrespectful and that was done immediately, on the spot. But I totally agree that the parent has the responsibility to stay calm and to use self control whenever disciplining and to remind them before and after why they're being disciplined and that you love them. I was spanked when I was little and I remember feeling confident that my parents loved me and that I had crossed the line one too many times. I never felt afraid or unloved. Communication and love are key. Good luck to you. Those early years of discipline can be very trying.

Joy [welcomewave]

[stephwhiz]

Our discpline takes many different forms. Right now the worse way to punish my children is to take priviledges and things away. It kills DS to have the phone and 4-wheeler taken away. It kills DD to not allow her to visit the neighbors. Sometimes we spank, but not real frequently. We also send them to their rooms sometimes or give them extra chores. They always get a good "sermon" too. DH makes DS write sentences too. Now the other day DS smarted off at me twice and I popped his jaws (not real hard) but enough to get his attention and then sent him to his room. I told him the next time he smarts off I will pop him harder. He acted shocked that I actually did it but I will not allow him to back talk us.

Anyway different things work differently with different kids and in different situations. Do whatever works best for you.

Stephanie

I don't really like the idea of Timeout. Just because I don't think a parent should have to pick up and put a child back into the spot ten or so times before they sit still. It's not teaching them that if they misbehave they will get punished IMO But I could be wrong. :wink:
I just don't think I could handle it... I would put them on the spot once and that's it. If they don't sit still I would most probably lose my cool.

I don't have a problem with spanking. If they have misbehaved then by all means. But not when they are just being annoying KWIM? I once saw a father smack his kid in the face for not coming to him as soon as he called him or something minor like that. And I completely disagree with smacking in the face anyway... but I'm sure we all do! I just didn't think it was needed.
I rarely smack Abby. If I do it is for something like touching something I've told her ten times to leave alone. She is still pretty young and doesn't really understand. I admit I sometimes smack her on the hand if she is really rough and kicks me in the tummy or something. Even though I know she doesn't understand. I automatically go into protective mode (because of the pregnancy) and tell her off and give her a smack. Which is probably something I should try to stop now. :oops:

What I will probably do when Abby is like 3 years old, is to smack her on the hand and then tell her to sit down in the spot for 3 minutes and think about what she did. That way if she doesn't sit still she has at least had some kind of punishment.
I probably wouldn't send her to her room because she would just play with her toys. :wink:

[justmeNmine]

Thanks for all the feedback... I used to put my son in his room to "cool down" when he was acting out of control, but lately he has been having a hard time sleeping all night in there, and I've read to not use his room for discipline. I think the advice about giving him a reason for the spanking (besides, that he's making me angry) has helped the most. I tell myself if I can't give him a specific reason for a spanking, I don't need to apsnk him at all. Once again, thanks a lot.

Yeah ITA about not using the bedroom. Plus they can just play in there so it's not really a Time Out is it? HAHA

[stephwhiz]

Just remember that if you don't get a hold on your child when they are young, they will be out of control when they get older. As soon as they can get into stuff, get onto them for getting into things they are not supposed to be into--pop their hands and I don't mean to wait until they are 3 or so, do it while they are young. It will teach them to leave things alone. Always tell them why you are getting onto them.

I have to admit that my kids are well behaved most of the time but they know what is allowed of them and what is not. Kids understand very young what is right and what is wrong so breaking those habits need to start as soon as the habits start. I don't agree with smacking a child across the face but a little "pop" on the mouth will not hurt them - I'm not talking about hurting him, just getting their attention. A little pop on the rear won't either.

Also, my 4 year old daughter takes dance classes. The dance instructor has a terrible time with two little girls that sit in there and talk all through the class. The parents just laugh about it. I have the same two little girls in m Sunday School class and they try to act the same way. I think if the parents would have addressed this problem earlier then we wouldn't have a problem. I make the two sit apart and don't allow them to "sneak to the bathroom" together either. Anyway take it from a SS teacher and a substitute teacher, children need to be taught early to mind.

I have a friend who has a 15 year old son and she never spanked him or even displined him now she has no control over her and he gets in her face and yells at her.

Stephanie

[mommyb]

Yeah ITA about not using the bedroom. Plus they can just play in there so it's not really a Time Out is it? HAHA

That's what my sis and I used to do! :lol:

[kymommy]

Spanking was a very successful discipline tool for us. I followed Dr. James Dobson's guidelines. I started spanking my daughter when she was about 2 1/2. I would spank if she was doing something that was harmful to herself or others, or was blatently disrespectful. It was a quick swat on the backside. I hugged her afterward and told I loved her and why I spanked her, then we went on with our day. The secret was to be consistant. I never warned my daughter that she was going to get a spanking, then not follow through. By the time my daughter was 4, when she would misbehave I would warn her only one time to stop or she would get spanked. She knew I was not joking and she stopped the behavior. Once she was school age I no longer had to spank. She is 9 now and I think too old to spank. If have discipline issues now (and we rarely do) I take away a privilege such as computer time, time with friends etc.
I only shared with a few people in our lives that we spanked my daughter. It is so frowned on these days and almost considered abuse. I think it's abusive to not discipline children and allow them to harm themselves and their families by getting out of control. [preach]
kymommy

[mommyb]

I spank my dd and I have to say that there's a BIG difference in the way my dd behaves and the way my cousin's kids act (who don't usually get spankings). My dd is much more well behaved and doesn't get spanked very often.

Oh yeah I can totally agree with that. It's the same with Abby and my cousins. They are so naughty. They get away with almost everything.
I don't even like to go to my grandparents house for Easter and Christmas because they are there and they run wild.
It's good knowing that I will be able to tell Abby no and she will listen!
No good in threatening punishment and not carrying through with it KWIM?

[JoyLynn]

I agree with all you girls! :) You are soooo right! Gotta teach those precious angels while they're young. As long as they know they're loved and we don't sin in our anger, boundaries are a wonderful gift that actually leads to true freedom. Adults that don't know boudaries are very unsatisfied and end up having relationship problems everywhere they go. Not to mention that they seldom ever experience real success in life.

Joy [welcomewave]