View Full Version : Our sleeping arrangements are CRAZY
Here's the deal: My son had the flu at 2 yrs. old and we put him in our bed to monitor him and be sure he was alright. Guess what. He's now 5 and still in our bed; only I'm not! It got crowded and I just moved in the bed with our daughter who's almost 12. Now she has trouble sleeping without me and he absolutely will not sleep without his daddy.
The worst part isn't that her bed kills my back. the worst part is that my husband is perfectly content. He'd rather sleep with our son than with me. Any "time alone" we get is if we wake up during the night and get togehter on the den floor.
I know this is dysfunctional and I've told him a million times. He says that the kids will only be little once, I tell him that when they're grown, we'll be in our 50's!!
I suppose I'm looking for prayer more than anything because I'm convinced that only God can change this situation. I've talked about it til I'm blue in the face.
So, girls, please pray for this if you can and any suggestions will be appreciated too!
11-15-2006, 03:07 PM
:shock: Yikes girl! You have a situation for prayer for sure! Okay, now I realize that I tend to be "spirited" and "independent" a lot...but you could always try the ...no playtime in the den until DH shapes up and sees thing correctly...your way! LOL, true, probably not the most Biblical approach to the situation! :lol:
Good luck, I can't imagine...most times at night is our only time alone or to even talk in bed before sleep! [prayer]
11-15-2006, 03:14 PM
Praying for you sister... We have a similar situation. However 2 yr. old DS starts off in his own room, but about 4am he is snuggled up in our bed...does not work. I then end up in his room. I sympathize.... however I would have to draw the line on the "private" time. If I had to sneak into the den for "us" time... as sneeky & spontaneous as it may be.. I still think you need to draw the line... and bring back your marital bed!! JMO... and trust me I am on your side & praying for you... !!! Hugs!
Tam, you're right. This is dysfunctional. Even in families who practice "the family bed" concept, by the time a kid is 4 or 5 they are usually in their own bed. Your DS is not that "little" anymore. I taught Kindergarten for 9 years, and even the most immature students would have been capable of understanding the need for mommy and daddy to have their own bed.
And that your daughter is having trouble without you there? A problem as well. Although I could understand that if some situation at school or something is causing her to feel very insecure. ( :?: )
I'll sure pray. I would suggest family counseling, except that DH seems to think there's nothing wrong. :shock: Has he considered what DS is going to be like as a teenager if he continues to get his way in this? Besides the fact that your marriage is first priority in your family.
Yes! I agree; our marriage should have top priority, but it doesn't. That's why I say prayer is the only thing that will change this situation. DH is so wonderful in every other way, but it hurts me that he puts my desires and needs last.
I have been really thinking and I believe one thing I will do is just tuck dd in and then pile up with the boys. Eventually, he will get tired of being so crowded and maybe he'll encourage ds to move into his bed.
And, yes, I have told dh that this could end up being a real problem for our son. He may begin to feel "weird" about it as he matures.
As I said, prayer is the answer so pray, women, pray!!
I don't have any advice really. My mum and dad had the same issues with me wanting to sleep with them until I was 5. I just think there comes a time you have to draw the line. :lol: The times I have let Abby sleep with us have only made things worse for us. Eventually after too many headaches and sore backs I decided she had to learn to sleep in her own bed. So I just put her into bed, read her a story and left. She cried a good 30 minutes (she was 14 months old) and then she was asleep and we never had any problems again.
Since your little one is now 5 it's going to be harder to get him to sleep in his own bed. But you can do it!
They had this problem on one of the nanny shows, started out with the child on the floor in a sleeping bag, or blanket and pillow, and then moved him a lil closer to his room each night.......for your dd I'd suggest maybe books on tape, my mother in law, such a sweetie, read a whole bunch of books on tape to the kids (great christmas gifts, cheap too), they have them at the library too....good luck, will pray for you....dd
I just talked to my dd and explained that my back hurts and that I am gonna have to move back to my bed; much firmer mattress. She said she is fine with it. She wants to try getting into the habit of sleeping all night by herself. Now, husband man will be the one to gripe. But, you know what? He'll get over it. And I think with time, he'll urge ds to get back across the hall.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Yeah Tam, it does need prayer :shock:
It is so hard when there is a conflict of interests with DH and then there is the whole submission thing - uggg.
When you do get around to getting them out of your beds and back into each others, it will probably only be a few nights of carrying on from the kids so brace yourself LOL
I guess you have told DH that the bed is effecting your health?
Perhaps do some researching in the scriptures about the sanctity of marriage and explain you feel this is interfearing with your marriage from a scriptual context? Or let me guess, you have already done that????
He understands that we need to get back right with our sleeping arrangements, but he just doesn't want to take the initive to do anything about it. You know how it's sometimes easier to allow things to keep going wrong rather than to change it.
But when he came home, I announced that I will be joining he and the little fella tonight and this weekend, little fella might just have to tough it out across the hall.
I think that once dh sees the "benefits" of changing things back, he will be glad that we finally changed things. Sometimes we wives have the upper hand and just don't realize it!! :D
11-15-2006, 10:59 PM
Hope all works out!
I slept in my bed last night!!!!!! Husband wasn't thrilled; it was crowded, but I stood (or laid) my ground and toughed it out. My back is better this morning. I can't believe the difference a change in bed can make.
Next step: Move the boy back across the hall to his bed.
Thanks for all of your prayer, encouragement and support! I realize in times like this; if this is the worst problem I've got, I am blessed beyond measure!!
11-16-2006, 07:56 AM
I slept in my bed last night!!!!!! Husband wasn't thrilled;
Hmm....something is amiss here. What can you do to make your dh THRILLED that you are in his bed? New nighties? Be playful...set up an evening of a nice adult frolick for your bedroom time. Send him an invitation in the day hinting at what awaits him that night. Be a seductress and delight him and surprise him. I bet that he will be kicking out ds right soon! As well he should be! The marriage bed is a sacred place!
I agree the marriage bed is a sacred place - hoping things begin to improve for you there Tam.
Have you tried what leslie suggested :wink:
You couldn't allow the kids to stay at a grandparents for one night to set the mood a little more?
Sad to say, but I fall behind the kids on dh's priority list. Something I've got to pray about. There is no emotional sex in our house; it is an act. I'm just being honest here. I am submissive and have learned to live without affection. Plain and simple, I am a machine in that area.
So, not being in the same bed isn't a problem for dh. No need for romantic before time. Even if I wear sexy gowns, there is no foreplay or affection. We've been married for 20 years and it has always been this way.
I know, I know, we need counseling, but dh is perfectly happy, so he sees no reason for my being unhappy. If I mention talking about the stiuation, he gets real defensive so it's easier to just go with the flow.
11-16-2006, 08:52 AM
You are in my prayers hun... [hug]
11-16-2006, 09:41 AM
new here, but I am wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this with you dh. I pray that things will get better!
11-16-2006, 03:40 PM
I will be praying for you sweet dear sister. God can transfrom any relationship. [hug] [prayer]
Keep in the word as much as possible to build yourself up and pray for DH. Pray for the Lord to heal the areas of disappointment :cry:
Ask the Lord to fill the emotional areas you feel lack in and also to strengthen you in your inner woman (well the Bible says Man but KWIM LOL).
Thinking of you
11-20-2006, 04:03 PM
Hi Tam! I'm glad you got to sleep in your own bed now. :D Will be praying for you and hubby's relationship. I know how hard it can be when intimacy is an issue. We went throught the same thing in the begining of our marriage that you have been going through. Were sex is just sex. Prayer for widsom is what got us through. Their were some inner issues involved and got them resolved and things got a lot better between us and even with him and the kids. Will be praying for you. May the Lord grant you wisdom as you seek Him daily.