I really want to hear from Mothers who have older children around or over 4 on this.

As you all know I have near 4 y/o twins and of late DD has become quite independent being capable of pouring herself drinks (well basically, she has done that of her own accord when I am feeding the baby and I can't get up and pour drinks and request that she waits) and is also able to make herself a easy sandwhich (such as vegemite etc).

It's quite a common fact that boys develop slower - and so I have only just realised that DS has become hurt by comments like " Paris get Jackson a drink" (as he spills the drink everywhere if he is allowed)
Or when I can't get up to help him, I usually ask Paris if she can give him a hand.

I mean it's like this, he appears to have that male trait of not being able to "see" things - such as he can't find his shoes, or can't find the right buttons on the DVD player, where as Paris can do these things immediately.

So generally, it has been "Paris help Jackson find his shoes" when I can't etc.

Anyway, this morning - they had the jar of vegemite and Paris said to him
"NO, you are still a baby, I will do it"

and DS came over to me and said "Mummy, I am yucky"
I said "No you are not, who told you that? Tell me why you are saying that"
And he said "Because I am still a baby"

It all stemms from Paris being more capable than he is (and it is the truth at the moment, we are not under estimating him at all).

I asked Paris to apologise for calling him a baby and explained that he's not etc etc.

I don't think DS is underdeveloped, or has any problems - just simply it's a stated fact boys tend to develop at least a few months behind girls (even a paediatrician and teachers have told me so).

The only way I can think to help the situation is to no longer allow DD to pour drinks and make sandwhiches???

Any mothers of preschoolers, and especially twins who can relate to this?

Should I re-take control of everything, or just assist DS with doing things? or just let him pour his drink and clean up the mess.



Thanks Aussie Mum

Hmmm, I don't have twins, but I do have a 5 and 7 yr old, both boys. My eldest has always been very quick and capable, however, my youngest wasn't for what felt like ages, and I fell into the trap of always asking my eldest to do things for the youngest if I was busy.

It turned out that my youngest was in fact capable, but it was easier on him to just let his brother do it for him :roll:. However, once the eldest started complaining, or telling the youngest he *couldn't* do it, that's when the youngest really lifted his game, and decided to show us he could actually do things :lol:

I wouldn't necessarily stop Paris from getting drinks and sandwiches, maybe just spend a bit of extra time with Jackson helping him gain these skills too. It's like most things, some people pick it up quickly, others need more time and help.

And hey, when they're in the car at 18, and Paris is turning the street directory upside down to work out which way to go, and Jackson is just rolling his eyes at her, it'll be a different story then :lol: :lol:

I have twins. They are almost four. They are both boys, but one is more capable than the other in certain things. They also have an older brother. Usually, the older brother helps with things like drinks, seatbelts, etc..

I usually don't have one of the twins do something for the other, because of what you said. I do not want one of them to become the "dominate" twin and the other to feel less competent. I just help them. I also have a younger one, she is now 20 months old, but when she was a baby I would just help them when I could or they had to wait. They are slowly getting better at things, and if they can do it for themselves, I let them. (Connor can put on shoes and socks, but can't do his seatbelt and Aaron can do his seatbelt but not his shoes) I don't think that makes them feel less competent than if I let one do it for the other.

I hope that helps. Like I said, they are two boys, so the dynamics are a little different.

mmmm well I found out later in the piece that a comment was made to Jackson by someone in the family that shouldn't have been said about him being a "baby" and Paris was merely repeating what someone had said in front of both of them.

DH and I spoke about it on the phone and we agreed of an action plan to make sure Jackson gets built up more.

I also spent time highlighting what special ways Jackson was clever in to him.

I do realise that we can't protect them from everything and sometimes unwise words can be said but IMO it is better to try our darndest to sow POSITIVE seeds in our children that give them confidence.

The reason why Paris has been doing the stuff like I said (or did I neglect to say that LOL) I have a 7 week old baby and sometimes my hands are simply tied.

Anyway, I can only pray a negative seed will not take root here. At least we have realised there is an "issue" and nipped it in the bud KWIM?