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You Know You're a Mom If...

By Trish Berg

Motherhood is a strange and wondrous adventure. One you can hardly prepare for even in the best of circumstances. Now that I have been a mom for almost sixteen years, I have seen many sides of motherhood. Some bring out the best in me, and some the worst. But one thing I know for sure, all moms are on this journey together.

You know you are a mom if you have UFO’s on your kitchen floor. Not the space alien kind, but the Unknown Food Object that has been petrified into a hard, crisp substance unidentifiable to the naked eye.

You know you are a mom if you know that iCarly lives with her big brother, Spencer, and that he is an artist (of the weirdest stuff) and has even designed a 20 foot tall cup of Starbucks coffee (which I can sort of respect).

You know you are a mom if you unplug your toilet at least once a day. ‘Nuff said.

You know you are a mom if you find yourself saying things like, “No you cannot pinch your brother when you are mad at him, and no pinching is not better than hitting.”

You know you are a mom if you find yourself wandering aimlessly through the grocery store wondering what to make for supper this week, debating between the healthy tossed salad and veggies your kids need and the chicken nuggets you know they will eat.

You know you are a mom if you buy the chicken nuggets.

You know you are a mom if you have to use the vacuum hose to sweep under your couch cushions weekly only to discover Nutri-Grain wrappers, used Q-Tips (Yuck) and half eaten potato chip bags.

You know you are a mom if you have been forced to grab (sorry guys) a bra out of the dirty clothes hamper, spritz it with Fabreze so it smells better, strapped it on and headed out the door. You do what you gotta do some days.

You know you are a mom if you are already dreading the back to school shopping trip for school supplies and its only July.

You know you are a mom if you have ever sucked on a pacifier just to clean it off, and never call a pacifier a “pacifier.” (Ours was a “nite-nite” for obvious reasons.)

You know you are a mom if you can never go to the bathroom alone and always have an audience of sorts with you.

Speaking of that, you know you are a mom if you know as soon as you go to the bathroom in the morning, the school bus will inevitably pull up and send you in a panic to get done and get your kids out the door.

You know you are a mom if you accept the hand-picked bouquet of dandelions with the grace and joy of a dozen red roses.

You know you are a mom if you value a good time out, know that bed time can be glorious and have a DVD collection that marvels a retirement investment in Disney and Pixar Studios.

Yes, motherhood is a strange and wondrous adventure, and I know I am not alone on this journey. One I am hardly prepared for and wondrously enjoying.

That is, when the toilet is actually unplugged.

Trish would love to hear from you at www.trishberg.com, or e-mail trishberg @ trishberg.com.

© Trish Berg, 2006-
Trish Berg is author to The Great American Supper Swap, and Rattled - Surviving Your Baby's First Year without Losing Your Cool! She has been a guest ABC World News Tonight, Midday Connection, and The Harvest Show.
She is an internationally known speaker for ministries such as MOPS, Hearts at Home, and in Australia on Parenting Seminars Online. She has written for Today's Christian Woman, MOMSense, CBN.com and P31 WOMAN.
For more information, check out www.TrishBerg.com

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You Know You're a Mom If...