Parent to Parent By Jodie Lynn
Moments for Mom By Elisabeth Corcoran
Ask A Twin Mommy By Cheryl Lage
Mothering By Heart By Cheri Fuller
Jelly Mom By Lisa Barker
Family Check-up By Sheila Wray Gregoire
Simplifying Motherhood By Trish Berg
Making the Most of Marriage By Paula Friedrichsen
How to Grow a Garden of Love
February, 2008
By Trish Berg
I have never had a green thumb. Most of my plants turn brown and die, and my flower beds are usually full of weeds.
I have not always grown good friendships, either.
I grew up as a people pleaser, probably because my parents always fought and I spent my time trying to make them get along.
My parents divorced when I was eight. My dad moved thousands of miles away to where there was sunshine and palm trees, boats and beaches. And my heart was broken.
My sister and I visited him once or twice a year, and he taught us to sail and ride a catamaran. But what we really needed was a dad to teach us about love and commitment, about sticking close to home and being there to raise your children.
Even as a child, I knew I couldnŐt fix my relationship with my dad. So instead, I spent years trying to fix every other relationship in my life.
People pleaser. Over-giver. ThatŐs what they call it. But donŐt think it was about being sweet and kind.
It was about being in control. I wanted to keep my friends in my life; I didnŐt want them to leave me, too. So I was nice and generous, and worked my tail off at being the good guy.
It was quite exhausting, actually. And in the end, many of my friendships were not worth the effort. And I lost more than I gained.
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But as I grew up, I began to learn that growing friendships was more about letting go than about being in control. That true friends would stick around just because they liked me for me, not because of anything I did for them.
Today, my friendships bloom in my life like a garden of flowers.
My tears are shared. Teri sat with me after my miscarriage on the couch as I cried. She rubbed my feet. She listened. She let me cry, and she cried with me.
My gardens bloom. CarlaŐs family drove over with a truck load of mulch for my flower beds, and weeded and spruced up my yard when I was stressed about it and couldnŐt find the time to get it done.
My cupboards are full. When we arrived home from vacation last month, we were surprised to discover that Nann filled our fridge with milk and orange juice, left some pizza for supper, and even a few boxes of breakfast cereal for the next morning.
My heart is open. Nancy and Kelly swap more than suppers with me. When life sours, they are always there to sweeten it up. To remind me of who I am, and that I will get through it, whatever it is.
My journey is shared. I swap baby sitting and friendship with Amy and Missy, and they are always there to listen to my troubles, and love me anyway.
I am still not sure I am the friend each of my friends deserves, since I feel that they give more to me than I deserve.
But my mom has always said, ŇÉgive to the givers, then let them give back to you.Ó
And thatŐs what I have done.
Though I still donŐt have a green thumb, I have been able to grow a garden of girlfriends that blooms in every season of my life, and blesses me with colors of love more vibrant than any flower.
© Trish Berg, 2006-
Trish Berg is author to The Great American Supper Swap, and Rattled - Surviving Your Baby's First Year without Losing Your Cool! She has been a guest ABC World News Tonight, Midday Connection, and The Harvest Show.
She is an internationally known speaker for ministries such as MOPS, Hearts at Home, and in Australia on Parenting Seminars Online. She has written for Today's Christian Woman, MOMSense, CBN.com and P31 WOMAN.
For more information, check out www.TrishBerg.com
Read Trish's Simplifying Motherhood column at C'Moms