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Counseling or Divorce? After Cheating

By Jodie Lynn
www.ParentToParent.com



QUESTION:

My wife and I have been married for almost 13 years. We have a ten-year-old son. She has cheated on me many times and I do not trust her. However, I want to live as a family for the sake of our son. I do things with my son but not with my wife. So far, we have not had any really big arguments in front of him. Basically, I have sucked it up for his sake so that he can have both parents around. She loves him also, but now, I am becoming more bitter about our failing marriage. Should we continue to do our own separate thing, get a divorce or go to counseling? I'd like to work things out but I wonder if it would ever even be close to what we once had?

ANSWER FROM READER:

I took my wife back twice after she cheated on me. I changed my ways and even stopped working so many hours. After she did it for a third time, I divorced her. That's not to say that your wife may not be able to actually change. She might. Either way, have eyes in the back of your head. - L.J. In Dayton, OH

FROM JODIE:

Once a spouse has cheated, it is very hard to forgive and move on. There are many possible reasons running amuck between the two people along with high emotions and constant suspicion. As odd as it sounds, the one who didn't cheat will often blame themselves. However, if cheating has taken place multiple times, the things most important in a marriage like honesty, respect, loyalty, sympathy, support and love pretty much dwindle down to almost nothing. Instead, there's a wide range of animosities, which make for a very unhealthy relationship and environment which affects everyone in the family. While I understand that you would like to live together as a family for the sake of your son, don't even think for a minute that he doesn't know and feel things between you and your wife are not right, especially if the two of you had a good marriage beforehand. In fact, you may have seen changes in him that are not his normal behavior. Kids can be quite acutely aware of their immediate surroundings, particularly at home. There's nothing wrong with going to a counselor by yourself to talk about things; it may help you immensely on a personal level. Using a nonjudgmental third party as a sounding board can often help individuals make life changing revelations. Once you do this, you can decide how the best way may be to handle your current situation to get the healthiest results for you and your family.

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Christian Mommies Editor's Note

We recommend a qualified Christian counselor; making note in case that doesn't go without saying!

To share parenting tips or submit questions, write to: Parent to Parent, 2464 Taylor Road, Suite 131, Wildwood, MO 63040. Email direct2contact @parenttoparent.com, or go to www.parenttoparent.com which provides a secure and easy way to submit tips or questions. All tips must have city, state and first and last name or initials to be included in the column.

© Jodie Lynn
Jodie Lynn is an award-winning internationally syndicated family/health columnist and radio personality. Her syndicated column Parent to Parent has been successful for over 10 years and appears in newspapers, magazines, newsletters and throughout the Internet. She is a regular contributor to several sites including eDiets.com, KeepKidsHealthy.com, ClubMom.com, BabyUniverse.com, CatholicMom.com, MainStreetMom.com and MommiesMagazine.com. Lynn has written four books and contributed to three others, one of which was on Oprah and has appeared on NBC in a three month parenting segment. Her latest books are "Mom CEO (Chief Everything Officer) - Having, Doing and Surviving It All!" (June 2006) and "Syndication Secrets - What No One Will Tell You!" (March 2006).
Please visit www.ParentToParent.com for details on her new radio talk show, Inside Parenting Success.

 

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