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Great Expectations

By Cheri Fuller

Kids who succeed and overcome obstacles in school and life usually have one thing in common: They have at least one person in their life who had high expectations for them and provided support and structure for their dreams. Like Shavar, a little boy labeled "at risk" at school because of his unstable home and failing grades. He was shuttled among family members but when he was eleven his mother was murdered and he and his sister went to live with their grandma. She began working nights to pay for he and his sister to attend a private school because they lived in a bad area. She had high expectations for his behavior and insisted on homework and reading, all the while believing he could achieve.

Shavar didn't disappoint her. An A student, he attended college, graduated from Duke University with honors and became a lawyer. He had the inner drive but it was fueled by his grandma's belief in him and her guidance.

As the school year begins, one of the strongest influences on your child's achievement is your expectations. Studies show that kids remain loyal to parental expectations. If kids hear positive expectations—that they'll do well or they can meet the daily challenges—then they do much better in the classroom.

Here are some ways to express positive expectations:

Purpose to focus on improvement and avoid making suggestions that emphasize your children's errors. Instead, encourage them for small successes. A successful and caring Little League coach once told me, "These kids just beam when I point out a little improvement they have made. I always try to reinforce based on improvement, not focus on mistakes. Especially the boys who aren't the strongest players or are struggling to keep up with the others need our encouragement. If we point out any little improvement, it gives the child the confidence he needs to try harder."

Avoid the negative approach . Most kids are exposed to far too much negativism (especially those who have any kind of learning difficulty or problem in school). One study showed that, by the time he graduates from high school, most kids will have heard over fifteen thousand negative words, phrases or expressions such as no, don't, can't, and shut up. Children hear what they do wrong much more than what they do right. They need positive feedback to counteract the effect of the negatives and to develop and maintain a healthy view of themselves.

Try replacing words like can't, won't, and that's incorrect with more encouraging expressions such as: you're improving, you can figure it out, let's look at the problem this way, you can do it: I'll help, let me show you how, and that's better—and you'll find your child becoming more motivated and confident.

© Cheri Fuller, 2003-
Cheri Fuller is an international speaker and award-winning author of forty two books including her newest, Mother-Daughter Duet: Getting to the Relationship You Want With Your Adult Daughter, The One Year Women’s Friendship Devotional. She has also authored a number of books for moms like: The Mom You’re Meant to Be, The One Year Women’s Friendship Devotional, the bestselling When Mothers Pray, A Busy Woman’s Guide to Prayer, Connect With Your Grandkids, as well as The One Year Book of Praying Through the Bible. Her books have been translated into many languages and her magazine articles and speaking ministry provide encouragement to moms throughout the U.S. and overseas.

A former Oklahoma Mother of the Year, Cheri has been a frequent guest on “Focus on the Family” and other national radio and TV programs. Her articles on prayer, family, marriage, and children have appeared in Focus on the Family, Family Circle, ParentLife, Guideposts, Today’s Christian Woman, Better Homes & Gardens, and other publications.

Cheri’s passion is encouraging women, mentoring moms, building families, and inspiring and equipping people to connect with God in their busy life so they can impact their kids and their world through prayer. Her ministry and course called “Parenting From Behind Bars” and gives hope and purpose to mothers in prison. She and her husband Holmes have three grown children, six lively grandchildren and live in Edmond, Oklahoma.
Her website, www.cherifuller.com includes a blog, articles, free Bible studies, encouragement, and more.
Search Amazon.com for more books by Cheri Fuller

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Great Expectations