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Ten Attractions for Mom to Avoid on the Family Vacation

By Cheryl Moeller

Okay, let's admit it. We've all been taken in by those hyped-up billboards on the Interstate promising hours of non-stop family fun and adventure. And what about those racks of exotic-looking brochures in the lobby that lure you to underground stalactite caves, bumper car heaven and a wax museum of Elvis' favorite cats? Yet, a seasoned Mom knows exactly which "Family Fun Attractions" to avoid at all costs while on vacation:

1. Any roadside diner advertising "Home Cooking" and a "Free Oil Change."

2. Any medieval jousting match asking for your blood type and name of your next of kin.

3. Any mule trip into the Grand Canyon that sells only one-way tickets.

4. Any tour of a nuclear power plant that promises, "You'll be the first on your block to glow in the dark."

5. Any Wild West rodeo cautioning, "Patrons absolutely forbidden from feeding bulls when they charge into the bleachers."

6. Any IMAX 3D theater showing The Fantastic Gall Bladder.

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7. Any water amusement park promising, "E. coli fun for everyone!"

8. Any helicopter ride that requires proof of a Last Will and Testament.

9. Any bungee-jump attraction that promises, "Full Money Back Guarantee if we don't Tie the Cord!"

10. Any flashing neon sign that reads, "We've Never Served the Same Customer Twice!"

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© Cheryl Moeller
Cheryl Moeller is an outrageous Mom who wants to help save your sanity as a young mother (she's still looking for hers). She's been married to Bob for 28 years (he too believes a mind is a terrible thing to lose). Their six children reluctantly admit Bob and Cheryl are their parents and range in age from 8 to 25 years. They use psuedonames for obvious reasons: Duke, Missy, Pooka, Skippy, Megs and Kenzie. Cheryl has co-authored two books (which some call genius, others mere words on a page). Read more of Cheryl's comedy at Or you can contact her at momlaughs@gmail to speak at your next event with clean comedy. She's now a syndicated humor columnist with four online Mom's magazines with more in the future.


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