Work at Home Success By Jill Hart
Mom Laughs By Cheryl Moeller
Simplifying Motherhood By Trish Berg
Ask A Twin Mommy By Cheryl Lage
Mothering By Heart By Cheri Fuller
Jelly Mom By Lisa Barker
Family Check-up By Sheila Wray Gregoire
Parent to Parent By Jodie Lynn
Moments for Mom By Elisabeth Corcoran
Making the Most of Marriage By Paula Friedrichsen
Staying at Home With Twins
September, 2005
By Cheryl Lage
QUESTION:
Well I have made it 36 weeks, 2 more weeks to go. I just watched Dr. Phil. His topic today was "Protecting your Child Even from Caretakers". It was quite scary.
I really do not want to hand my twins off to some stranger when they are 12 weeks old, but I am having a difficult time trying to figure out how to I bring in a second income and stay home. Any suggestions?
ANSWER:
Hey There-
You are AMAZING! Way to go on making it to 36 weeks! No doubt all the sacrifices you have made personally have contributed largely to the lengthy duration of your twin pregnancy.
Rarely do I get a chance to watch Dr. Phil, but I did catch that very, very scary episode that you caught. Horrifying, absolutely horrifying.
But to your question: We made the decision for me to stay home with the twins once they were born. Our reasons were many for doing so. Equally numerous are the reasons many twin moms return to the workplace.
Interestingly enough, the "financial reasons" can become an easy scapegoat for validating to others (and sometimes to ourselves) whatever decision parents make.
For moms that make the decision to stay home with their twins (for whatever reasons), you often hear the apologetic-sounding excuse, "Well, child care for two was just too expensive."
For moms that make the decision to go back to work (for whatever reasons) you often hear the apologetic excuse, "We couldn't make ends meet without my income."
For some families, those statements may indeed be the valid catalyst for the choice made. However, many, many families have been able to "make things work" financially for whichever occupational decision they've made...and BOTH staying home and returning to work have unexpected expenses, and savings. It is VERY important to discuss at length your finances so a fiscally-responsible, as well as emotionally-responsible, decision for your family can be made. Please remember that you have a right to make the choices, whatever those choices are, that are the best for your family.don't be fearful of the perceptions of others..extended family included, and whatever you do, don't be ashamed of doing what you feel is your conviction. Mother (and Father) knows best.
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Prior to our twins' birth, I brought in close to 50% of our household income, so I can completely empathize with your legitimate concerns regarding "making ends meet" if you do elect to stay home with your twosome. Once the twins were sleeping through the night (at about 3 ½ months) I embarked on a few "from-home" income-generating gigs (some telecommuting using my skills and contacts from previous career, as well as freelance writing)..the total $$ from which doesn't even come even close to ½ of my former salary (and don't be deluded, I wasn't "raking it in" by a far shot!).
However, all the expense of my "working" disappeared (clothes, cocktail parties, trade memberships, commuting $, etc.); and the daunting costs of daycare for two (costs beyond the mere financial) did not have to be addressed. My husband and IAfter our twins' birth, our "social expenses" reduced significantly.and in truth, as a DINK couple, a LOT of our $$ went for activities which either lost their allure, or became foolhardy endeavors once the twins arrived.
Do you remember that Talking Heads song "Stay Up Late", the lyrics of which talked about how entertaining it is to sit and watch a baby? Imagine if David Byrne had TWINS! Cheap, cheap entertainment galore!
Anyway, I am going to e-mail you two chapters (Prenatal Agreements & Financial Finagling) from Twinspiration, as well as my husband's "Double Daddy's Perspective" on the financial issues for your entertainment/perusal/couple discussion starting.
Whatever you decide, I am CONFIDENT you are going to be a phenomenal Mama. Your thoughtfulness in addressing impacting choices ahead of time will serve you well in the sleep-deprived, but joyful, days ahead.
Please, please keep in touch, and I will be remembering you in thoughts and prayers in the days ahead.
Cheryl
www.Twinsights.com
Feel free to contact me with your experiences in twin potty-training, or with any twin parenting dilemnas you may have at http://www.twinsights.com. I hope to hear from you!
© Cheryl Lage, 2004-
Author of "Twinspiration: Real-Life Advice From Pregnancy Through the First Year" from Taylor Trade Publishing (2006), Cheryl is a fully-mobile, full-time mom to four-year-old fraternal twins, Darren and Sarah. Cheryl's unabashed honesty, vigilantly supportive style, and willingness to share "what works" have made her a requested speaker on a broad range of topics, twin-related, and otherwise. Check out her website @ twinsights.com.